Re: OT:Friday Humor - Need a Raise?

[Warren Baltimore]

D'OH (rimshot heard in the background)!

On Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 5:33 PM, Phil Bautista wrote:

> **
>
> A: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
>
> B: Sure, come on in.   What can I do for you?
>
> A: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious
> firm for over ten years.
>
> B: Yes.
>
> A: I won't beat around the bush.   Sir, I would like a raise. I
> currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you
> first.
>
> B: A raise?   I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not
> the right time.
>
> A: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic
> down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into
> consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company
> for over a decade.
>
> B: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to
> start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an
> extra five days of vacation time.  How does that sound?
>
> A: Great!   It's a deal!   Thank you, sir!
>
> B: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after
> you?
>
> A: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the
> Mortgage Company! *
>
> *
>
>
>
> Phil Bautista, WWRUG10 Advisory Board
>
> 512-731-0304
>
> http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista
>
> http://www.wwrug.org/wwrug10/contact_phil.html
>
>
> _attend WWRUG10 www.wwrug.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"_




-- 
Warren R. Baltimore II
Remedy Developer
410-533-5367

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
attend wwrug10 www.wwrug.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor - Need a Raise?

[Phil Bautista]

A: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

B: Sure, come on in.   What can I do for you?

A: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious
firm for over ten years.

B: Yes.

A: I won't beat around the bush.   Sir, I would like a raise. I
currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you
first.

B: A raise?   I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the
right time.

A: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down
turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into
consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for
over a decade.

B: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to
start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an
extra five days of vacation time.  How does that sound?

A: Great!   It's a deal!   Thank you, sir!

B: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

A: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage
Company! 



 

Phil Bautista, WWRUG10 Advisory Board

512-731-0304

http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista

http://www.wwrug.org/wwrug10/contact_phil.html

 


___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
attend wwrug10 www.wwrug.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Meyer, Jennifer L]

I can't laugh.  A family member posted my home phone number on the internet 
Wednesday and got huffy when I explained why that was a bad idea.

Jennifer Meyer

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor:rmisoluti...@verizon.net ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America Account)]

Subject: FW: The Future for Laid off Employees

After a company gets rid of all its bloated staff, this is what they will have 
to choose from at their new Wal-Mart pay scales.

ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an 
order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets (Unbelievable but sadly true...)

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady 
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.. I picked up one of those 
'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things 
so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', 
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and 
pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the 
Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the 
ATM 'thingy.'
(keep shuddering!!)

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need 
some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door 
unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant 
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. 
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you 
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was 
typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. 
What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. 
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on 
the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the way!!

SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her 
kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to 
give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave 
him some ant killer..'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!'



Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.




___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor:rmisoluti...@verizon.net ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
<>

OT:Friday Humor

[Subash Biswas]

Three guys die and go to heaven. St. Peter says "Listen - we're having
a really busy century, so we need to manage admissions tightly. Right
now we can only admit people who have died in horrible fashions, and
those who have died in a more mundane way will have to wait in limbo,
and it could take a decade or two to work you in."

So St. Peter takes aside the first man, and asks him how he died.
"Well, I'd been suspicious of my wife having an affair for some time
now, so today I came home from work early. I just knew the guy was in
my apartment, but I couldn't find him. I looked everywhere and was
just about to give up, when I went out on the balcony of my 23rd story
apartment and there he was hanging over the edge! He was just barely
hanging on, there was no way he could climb back onto the balcony. It
was a really stupid place to try to hide. I was livid, so I started
punching him and clawing at his fingers, but he held on. Finally I
went to get a hammer and started pounding on his fingers, and he fell
down. But what really angered me was that he landed in some bushes and
fell to the ground dazed, but basically OK! I was so mad I grabbed the
refrigerator, threw it off the balcony and it landed on him.
Unfortunately I was so riled up by the incident I had a heart attack
and died."

St. Peter was taken aback, and said "While you did die in a dramatic
fashion, I think we need to look at that whole second degree murder
before we let you in - off to limbo with you." He then approached the
second man and asked him how he had died.

"I was riding my exercise bike on the balcony of my 24th story
apartment, when the thing broke and threw me over the railing! I
grabbed furiously at the railing and slipped, but managed to catch on
the balcony below mine. I tried to climb up but it just wasn't
possible. I thought I was going to fall but then someone came out on
the balcony. I thought he would help me, until he started hitting me!
I held on as best I could, but when he got a hammer and started
hitting me I finally couldn't hold on anymore and fell. Somehow,
though, I fell in some bushes and fell to the ground dazed, but
basically OK! Just as I'm coming around, I look up and BAM this
refrigerator lands on me. So here I am."

St. Peter immediately admitted this second man to heaven, and pulled
aside the third man and asked him for his story.

"Picture this: I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator..."

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor:rmisoluti...@verizon.net ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Shyman, Jonathan]

Blaise Pascal

:)

-- J.T. 



From: Dwayne Martin
Sent: Fri 10/31/2008 3:15 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor


Brilliant!  I wonder who first discovered it.

Dwayne Martin
James Madison University

 Original message 
>Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:18:41 -0700
>From: Kevin Gallagher <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>  
>Subject: OT:Friday Humor  
>To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>
>Q: Why do programmers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?
>A: Because Oct(31) == Dec(25)
>
>K. R. Gallagher 
>Mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>http://www.krgallagher.com
>
>
>  
>
>___
>UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
>Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Dwayne Martin]

Brilliant!  I wonder who first discovered it.

Dwayne Martin
James Madison University

 Original message 
>Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:18:41 -0700
>From: Kevin Gallagher <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>  
>Subject: OT:Friday Humor  
>To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>
>Q: Why do programmers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?
>A: Because Oct(31) == Dec(25)
>
>K. R. Gallagher 
>Mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>http://www.krgallagher.com
>
>
>  
>
>___
>UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
>Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher J]

I can't believe no one posted one yet. So here is mine.
 
Know Your State's Motto:

Alabama - Heck Yes, We Have Electricity.

Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona - But It's A Dry Heat.

Arkansas - Literacy Ain't Everything.

California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut - Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet.

Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida - Ask Us About Our Grandkids, and Home Of The Early Bird Special

Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave
Your Money)

Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois - Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana - 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas - First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana - We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism
Campaign.

Maine - We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi - Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and
Very Little Else.

Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada - Prostitutes and Poker!

New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right
here!

New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To An
Attorney...

North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon - Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal

Rhode Island - We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually
Surrender Yet

South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee - The Edyoocashun State

Texas - Se Hablo Ingles

Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont - Ay, Yep

Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington - We Have More Rain Than You Do

West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin - Come Cut The Cheese!

Wyoming - Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared

Christopher Pruitt
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.


___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Kevin Gallagher]

Q: Why do programmers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?
A: Because Oct(31) == Dec(25)

K. R. Gallagher 
Mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
http://www.krgallagher.com


  

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Mac McMillan]

So, how do I get tobacco stains off the side my truck?

2008/10/6 Daniel Bloom <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>

> **
>
> Personally, if you can't laugh at your politicians you have no sense of
> humour.
>
> (and I do take politics seriously, but they are all scrutinized that any of
> them will
>
> Do something ludicrous)..
>
>
>
> That being said, Friday humour is just that, FRIDAY HUMOUR.
>
>
>
> IF we allow Gidd to post obnoxious jokes about blonds, we can allow
> politics.
>
>
>
> ON FRIDAY.
>
>
>
> Enough said. Today is not Friday (as much as I wish it were…..)
>
>
>
> … Daniel
>
>
>  --
>
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> [EMAIL PROTECTED] *On Behalf Of *Joe DeSouza
> *Sent:* October 6, 2008 4:25 PM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: OT:Friday Humor
>
>
>
> Does this mean that McCain probably wrecks more cars than his wife does so
> needs more of them handy than she does? :P
>
> Joe
>
>
>
> - Original Message 
> From: "Pierson, Shawn" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> Sent: Friday, October 3, 2008 12:19:18 PM
> Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor
>
> **
>
> It's hard to tie this in with politics though.
>
>
>
> Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn't listed here.
>
>
>
> McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a 2001 Honda
> sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler, a 2000
> Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.
>
>
>
> So I'm not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities.
>
>
>
>
>  __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___ __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers
> Are" html___

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Daniel Bloom]

Personally, if you can't laugh at your politicians you have no sense of
humour.

(and I do take politics seriously, but they are all scrutinized that any of
them will

Do something ludicrous)..

 

That being said, Friday humour is just that, FRIDAY HUMOUR.

 

IF we allow Gidd to post obnoxious jokes about blonds, we can allow
politics.

 

ON FRIDAY.

 

Enough said. Today is not Friday (as much as I wish it were...)

 

. Daniel

 

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Joe DeSouza
Sent: October 6, 2008 4:25 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

 

Does this mean that McCain probably wrecks more cars than his wife does so
needs more of them handy than she does? :P

Joe

 

- Original Message 
From: "Pierson, Shawn" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Sent: Friday, October 3, 2008 12:19:18 PM
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

** 

It?s hard to tie this in with politics though.  

 

Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn?t listed here.  

 

McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a 2001 Honda
sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler, a 2000
Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.

 

So I?m not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities.

 

 

__Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
html___

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Joe DeSouza]

Does this mean that McCain probably wrecks more cars than his wife does so 
needs more of them handy than she does? :P

Joe


- Original Message 
From: "Pierson, Shawn" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Sent: Friday, October 3, 2008 12:19:18 PM
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

**  
It’s hard to tie this in with politics though.  
 
Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn’t listed
here.  
 
McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a
2001 Honda sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler,
a 2000 Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.
 
So I’m not sure what their choice of cars says about their
personalities.
 
From:Action Request
System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:01 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT:Friday Humor
 
** 
What your car says about you:
 
Acura
NSXI’m
an impotent dentist
Acura
TLI’m
too bland for German cars. I like sporty Buicks
Buick
Park AvenueI’m older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac
Eldorado  I
was a Mary Kay representative
Cadillac
Escalade   I
have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Cadillac
Seville  I’m
a pimp
Chevrolet
Camaro  I’m
out on parole
Chevrolet
CorvetteLadies! 
I'm divorced and available.
Dodge
DartI
teach third grade and I voted for Eisenhower
Ford
Crown Victoria I enjoy looking
like a traffic cop, I get people to slow down
Ford
MustangI
slow down to 80mph in school zones
Ford
TaurusI
like driving rental/company cars
Honda
Civic   I’m
in the 11th grade
Honda
Accord (old)  I’m in
the 12th grade
Honda
Accord (new) I have no
originality
InfinitiI’m
a physician with too many malpractice suits pending against me to afford a
Mercedes
Jaguar
XJ6 I’m
so rich I don’t give a damn what JD Powers says
Kia
Sephia  I
learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
Lincoln
Town Car  I
live for bingo
Mercedes
500SLDon’t
even think of asking me for an autograph
Mazda
Miata  I
have no fear of being decapitated by an 18-wheeler
Olds
Cutlass   I
just stole this car
Plymouth
Neon  Hey,
at least it was cheap.
Pontiac
Trans Am  I
have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche
911My
divorce is almost final
Porsche
Boxster My
divorce is final and I'm stuck with the house payments
Saturn
Ion  Look,
my dad bought me a sports car
Subaru
Forester  I
went to college where the girls didn't shave their armpits
Toyota
CamryI
am still in the closet
Volkswagen
Cabriolet   I am out of the closet
Volkswagen
BusI
am tripping right now
  Volvo Wagon
I’m afraid of my wife

What
They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums
The typical
post goes something like this...
Mercedes
forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do
I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a
record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH
Miata
forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from
1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia.  Want to get in and
out fast.

Porsche forums
- Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- Roman candle landed on my fender. 

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Pierson, Shawn]

Not a general lack, just a local lack of social grace.

Actually, I posted it because of the big controversy the other week when 
someone emailed the list a political humor topic.  My post was meant as sort of 
picking at a scab in a humorous way.

Shawn

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 5:26 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

**
Shawn,

OMG

Apparently you are afflicted with a general lack of social grace but on the 
other hand
great exercise of your 1st Amendment right to free speech.

ROFLMAO !

Have a great weekend ... and don't forget to vote



Regards...Gidd


From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Pierson, Shawn
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:19 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor
**
It's hard to tie this in with politics though.

Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn't listed here.

McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a 2001 Honda 
sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler, a 2000 
Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.

So I'm not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities.

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:01 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT:Friday Humor

**
What your car says about you:

Acura NSXI'm an impotent dentist
Acura TLI'm too bland for German cars. I like 
sporty Buicks
Buick Park AvenueI'm older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado  I was a Mary Kay representative
Cadillac Escalade   I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Cadillac Seville  I'm a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro  I'm out on parole
Chevrolet CorvetteLadies!  I'm divorced and available.
Dodge DartI teach third grade and I voted for Eisenhower
Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get people to 
slow down
Ford MustangI slow down to 80mph in school zones
Ford TaurusI like driving rental/company cars
Honda Civic   I'm in the 11th grade
Honda Accord (old)  I'm in the 12th grade
Honda Accord (new) I have no originality
InfinitiI'm a physician with too many 
malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes
Jaguar XJ6 I'm so rich I don't give a damn what JD 
Powers says
Kia Sephia  I learned nothing from the failure of 
Daihatsu
Lincoln Town Car  I live for bingo
Mercedes 500SLDon't even think of asking me for an autograph
Mazda Miata  I have no fear of being decapitated by an 
18-wheeler
Olds Cutlass   I just stole this car
Plymouth Neon  Hey, at least it was cheap.
Pontiac Trans Am  I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911My divorce is almost final
Porsche Boxster My divorce is final and I'm stuck with the 
house payments
Saturn Ion  Look, my dad bought me a sports car
Subaru Forester  I went to college where the girls didn't shave 
their armpits
Toyota CamryI am still in the closet
Volkswagen Cabriolet   I am out of the closet
Volkswagen BusI am tripping right now
  Volvo Wagon I'm afraid of my wife


What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums

The typical post goes something like this...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do 
I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a 
record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to ge

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Juan Ingles]

Gidd,
I drive a car!  How dare you insult me like that!


(Sorry, I just couldn't resist.)



Juan Ingles
[EMAIL PROTECTED]

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Will Du Chene]

 
 Nahh... It's actually quite easy really. I'm just not certain that we want to 
go there.

 

"...So I m not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities..."

 

If I were to venture a guess, it would be that *one* of these fellas realizes 
that size does matter, and therefore has more fun. :-) 

 

 
-Original message-
From: Pierson, Shawn <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Fri 03-10-2008 15:16
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG; 
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor


It s hard to tie this in with politics though.  

 

Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn t listed here.  

 

McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a 2001 Honda 
sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler, a 2000 
Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.

 

So I m not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities.

 

From:Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:01 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT:Friday Humor


 

**

What your car says about you:


 


Acura NSX    I m an impotent dentist

Acura TL    I m too bland for German cars. I like 
sporty Buicks

Buick Park Avenue    I m older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado  I was a Mary Kay representative

Cadillac Escalade   I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Cadillac Seville  I m a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro  I m out on parole

Chevrolet Corvette    Ladies!  I'm divorced and available.

Dodge Dart    I teach third grade and I voted for Eisenhower

Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get people to 
slow down

Ford Mustang    I slow down to 80mph in school zones

Ford Taurus    I like driving rental/company cars

Honda Civic   I m in the 11 th grade

Honda Accord (old)  I m in the 12 th grade

Honda Accord (new) I have no originality

Infiniti    I m a physician with too many 
malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes

Jaguar XJ6 I m so rich I don t give a damn what JD 
Powers says

Kia Sephia  I learned nothing from the failure of 
Daihatsu

Lincoln Town Car  I live for bingo

Mercedes 500SL    Don t even think of asking me for an autograph

Mazda Miata  I have no fear of being decapitated by an 
18-wheeler

Olds Cutlass   I just stole this car

Plymouth Neon  Hey, at least it was cheap.

Pontiac Trans Am  I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911    My divorce is almost final

Porsche Boxster My divorce is final and I'm stuck with the 
house payments

Saturn Ion  Look, my dad bought me a sports car

Subaru Forester  I went to college where the girls didn't shave 
their armpits

Toyota Camry    I am still in the closet

Volkswagen Cabriolet   I am out of the closet

Volkswagen Bus    I am tripping right now

  Volvo Wagon     I m afraid of my wife





What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums

The typical post goes something like this...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do 
I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a 
record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 
1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use A

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

Shawn,
 
OMG
 
Apparently you are afflicted with a general lack of social grace but on the
other hand
great exercise of your 1st Amendment right to free speech.
 
ROFLMAO ! 
 
Have a great weekend ... and don't forget to vote
 
 
 
Regards...Gidd

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Pierson, Shawn
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:19 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor


** 

It's hard to tie this in with politics though.  

 

Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn't listed here.  

 

McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a 2001 Honda
sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler, a 2000
Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.

 

So I'm not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities.

 

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:01 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT:Friday Humor

 

** 

What your car says about you:

 

Acura NSXI'm an impotent dentist

Acura TLI'm too bland for German cars. I like
sporty Buicks

Buick Park AvenueI'm older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado  I was a Mary Kay representative

Cadillac Escalade   I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Cadillac Seville  I'm a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro  I'm out on parole

Chevrolet CorvetteLadies!  I'm divorced and available.

Dodge DartI teach third grade and I voted for
Eisenhower

Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get people
to slow down

Ford MustangI slow down to 80mph in school zones

Ford TaurusI like driving rental/company cars

Honda Civic   I'm in the 11th grade

Honda Accord (old)  I'm in the 12th grade

Honda Accord (new) I have no originality

InfinitiI'm a physician with too many
malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes

Jaguar XJ6 I'm so rich I don't give a damn what JD
Powers says

Kia Sephia  I learned nothing from the failure of
Daihatsu

Lincoln Town Car  I live for bingo

Mercedes 500SLDon't even think of asking me for an autograph

Mazda Miata  I have no fear of being decapitated by an
18-wheeler

Olds Cutlass   I just stole this car

Plymouth Neon  Hey, at least it was cheap.

Pontiac Trans Am  I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911My divorce is almost final

Porsche Boxster My divorce is final and I'm stuck with the
house payments

Saturn Ion  Look, my dad bought me a sports car

Subaru Forester  I went to college where the girls didn't
shave their armpits

Toyota CamryI am still in the closet

Volkswagen Cabriolet   I am out of the closet

Volkswagen BusI am tripping right now

  Volvo Wagon I'm afraid of my wife



What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums

The typical post goes something like this...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How
do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have
a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm
from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Ec

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Pierson, Shawn]

It's hard to tie this in with politics though.

Obama drives a Ford Escape Hybrid, which isn't listed here.

McCain drives a Cadillac CTS, a 2005 Volkswagen convertible, a 2001 Honda 
sedan, a 2007 Ford pickup, a 1960 Willis Jeep, a 2008 Jeep Wrangler, a 2000 
Lincoln, a 2001 GMC SUV, and his wife drives a Lexus.

So I'm not sure what their choice of cars says about their personalities.

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:01 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT:Friday Humor

**
What your car says about you:

Acura NSXI'm an impotent dentist
Acura TLI'm too bland for German cars. I like 
sporty Buicks
Buick Park AvenueI'm older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado  I was a Mary Kay representative
Cadillac Escalade   I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Cadillac Seville  I'm a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro  I'm out on parole
Chevrolet CorvetteLadies!  I'm divorced and available.
Dodge DartI teach third grade and I voted for Eisenhower
Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get people to 
slow down
Ford MustangI slow down to 80mph in school zones
Ford TaurusI like driving rental/company cars
Honda Civic   I'm in the 11th grade
Honda Accord (old)  I'm in the 12th grade
Honda Accord (new) I have no originality
InfinitiI'm a physician with too many 
malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes
Jaguar XJ6 I'm so rich I don't give a damn what JD 
Powers says
Kia Sephia  I learned nothing from the failure of 
Daihatsu
Lincoln Town Car  I live for bingo
Mercedes 500SLDon't even think of asking me for an autograph
Mazda Miata  I have no fear of being decapitated by an 
18-wheeler
Olds Cutlass   I just stole this car
Plymouth Neon  Hey, at least it was cheap.
Pontiac Trans Am  I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911My divorce is almost final
Porsche Boxster My divorce is final and I'm stuck with the 
house payments
Saturn Ion  Look, my dad bought me a sports car
Subaru Forester  I went to college where the girls didn't shave 
their armpits
Toyota CamryI am still in the closet
Volkswagen Cabriolet   I am out of the closet
Volkswagen BusI am tripping right now
  Volvo Wagon I'm afraid of my wife


What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums

The typical post goes something like this...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do 
I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a 
record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 
1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia.  Want to get in and out 
fast.

Porsche forums
- Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar
- Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mini
- Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie 
company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- I frightened myself on the way 

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

Now THAT's some good Friday humor, Gidd!

Rick

On Fri, Oct 3, 2008 at 7:00 AM, Gidd <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> **What your car says about you:
>
>
> Acura NSX I'm an impotent dentist
>
> Acura TLI'm too bland for German cars. I like
> sporty Buicks
>
> Buick Park Avenue  I'm older than 34 of the 50 states
>
> Cadillac EldoradoI was a Mary Kay representative
>
> Cadillac EscaladeI have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
>
> Cadillac SevilleI'm a pimp
>
> Chevrolet Camaro   I'm out on parole
>
> Chevrolet Corvette  Ladies!  I'm divorced and available.
>
> Dodge Dart I teach third grade and I voted for
> Eisenhower
>
> Ford Crown Victoria   I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get
> people to slow down
>
> Ford Mustang  I slow down to 80mph in school zones
>
> Ford TaurusI like driving rental/company cars
>
> Honda CivicI'm in the 11th grade
>
> Honda Accord (old)I'm in the 12th grade
>
> Honda Accord (new)   I have no originality
>
> Infiniti  I'm a physician with too many
> malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes
>
> Jaguar XJ6  I'm so rich I don't give a damn what
> JD Powers says
>
> Kia Sephia  I learned nothing from the failure of
> Daihatsu
>
> Lincoln Town CarI live for bingo
>
> Mercedes 500SLDon't even think of asking me for an
> autograph
>
> Mazda Miata   I have no fear of being decapitated by
> an 18-wheeler
>
> Olds CutlassI just stole this car
>
> Plymouth NeonHey, at least it was cheap.
>
> Pontiac Trans AmI have a switchblade in my sock
>
> Porsche 911My divorce is almost final
>
> Porsche Boxster  My divorce is final and I'm stuck with
> the house payments
>
> Saturn Ion   Look, my dad bought me a sports car
>
> Subaru Forester   I went to college where the girls didn't
> shave their armpits
>
> Toyota Camry I am still in the closet
>
> Volkswagen Cabriolet I am out of the closet
>
> Volkswagen Bus  I am tripping right now
>   Volvo Wagon  I'm afraid of my wife
>
> 
>
> *What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums*
>
> The typical post goes something like this...
>
> Mercedes forum
> - My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How
> do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?
>
> Bentley Forums
> - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?
>
> Camaro/Firebird Forums
> - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I
> have a record and I ain't going back.
>
> Mustang forums
> -Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.
>
> Monte Carlo forums
> -Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.
>
> Civic forums
> -Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.
>
> VW Bug forum
> - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)
>
> Yugo Forum
> - When's the last time yours ran?
>
> Lamborghini forum
> - Wind noise around 210MPH
>
> Miata forums
> - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)
>
> Chevy Tahoe forum
> - Are gas prices going down any time soon?
>
> Pontiac Fiero forum
> - Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)
>
> BMW 7-series forum
> - Where to get service on my Rolex?
>
> Cadillac forum
> - Problems parallel parking at bingo.
>
> Buick Forum
> - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?
>
> Delorean forum
> - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm
> from 1985.
>
> Crown Victoria forum
> - How come people don't never pass me on the highway?
>
> Honda Accord forum
> - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.
>
> Toyota Echo forum
> - Do our cars use AAA or AA's?
>
> Ferrari forums
> - Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia.  Want to get in and
> out fast.
>
> Porsche forums
> - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?
>
> Saturn forums
> - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.
>
> Jaguar
> - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?
>
> Mini
> - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie
> company. (pics)
>
> Dodge Viper forum
> - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee
> stains out of the leather?
>
> McLarean F1 forum
> -Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.
>
> Dodge Minivan forum
> - Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget
> where I'm supposed to be?
>
> Hummer forum

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

What your car says about you:
 
Acura NSX I'm an impotent dentist

Acura TLI'm too bland for German cars. I like
sporty Buicks

Buick Park Avenue  I'm older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac EldoradoI was a Mary Kay representative

Cadillac EscaladeI have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Cadillac SevilleI'm a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro   I'm out on parole

Chevrolet Corvette  Ladies!  I'm divorced and available.

Dodge Dart I teach third grade and I voted for
Eisenhower

Ford Crown Victoria   I enjoy looking like a traffic cop, I get
people to slow down

Ford Mustang  I slow down to 80mph in school zones

Ford TaurusI like driving rental/company cars

Honda CivicI'm in the 11th grade

Honda Accord (old)I'm in the 12th grade

Honda Accord (new)   I have no originality

Infiniti  I'm a physician with too many
malpractice suits pending against me to afford a Mercedes

Jaguar XJ6  I'm so rich I don't give a damn what JD
Powers says

Kia Sephia  I learned nothing from the failure of
Daihatsu

Lincoln Town CarI live for bingo

Mercedes 500SLDon't even think of asking me for an autograph

Mazda Miata   I have no fear of being decapitated by an
18-wheeler

Olds CutlassI just stole this car

Plymouth NeonHey, at least it was cheap.

Pontiac Trans AmI have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911My divorce is almost final

Porsche Boxster  My divorce is final and I'm stuck with the
house payments

Saturn Ion   Look, my dad bought me a sports car

Subaru Forester   I went to college where the girls didn't
shave their armpits

Toyota Camry I am still in the closet

Volkswagen Cabriolet I am out of the closet

Volkswagen Bus  I am tripping right now

  Volvo Wagon  I'm afraid of my wife

What They are Saying on the Internet Automobile Forums

The typical post goes something like this...

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How
do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have
a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm
from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia.  Want to get in and
out fast.

Porsche forums
- Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar
- Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mini
- Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie
company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee
stains out of the leather?

McLarean F1 forum
-Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where
I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black
touch-up paint from the dealer?  He's 25 miles away.  That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
-Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?


___

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Opela, Gary L CTR USAF AFMC 72 CS/SCBAH]

If someone has already told him it was inappropriate, then that's enough. Drop 
the discussion, we don't need 100 people dropping in and flaming one of our 
family members because something he thought was funny wasn't to some of us.

I personally chuckled a bit, and I'm a republican. I see these for what they 
are, humor. Obviously none of the statements are true. It is Friday, and feel 
free to delete and not read any more Friday posts if you are offended. I know 
I've been offended by a few over the years, and have not said anything.

It's politics, it's not like he was insulting anyone's heritage.

Gary

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Larry Zimmermann
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 1:28 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

Dylan,  If you read the first line and don't like it user the "DELETE"
button.  There are many OT:Friday Humor posting that I don't find Humor in
no matter what day they are posted.  I FOUND THE DELETE BUTTON.

Thanks,

Larry Zimmermann



   
 "Wheeler, 
 Dylan"
 <[EMAIL PROTECTED] To 
 EYSAVINGS.COM>   arslist@ARSLIST.ORG  
 Sent by:   cc 
 "Action   
 Request System        Subject 
 discussion   Re: OT:Friday Humor  
 list(ARSList)"
 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]
 ST.ORG>   
   
   
 09/26/2008
 01:15 PM  
   
   
 Please respond
   to  
 [EMAIL PROTECTED]
 T.ORG 
   
   
   
   




**
It's not the importance, it's the subject matter that was used. Most places
I frequent on the net it's the same thing, politics is best left off the
general discussion area. There are a plethora of place you can go if you
want to make political digs.
Pretty much anything that's geared to be funny only to one group of people
but could be taken as insulting or annoying to those outside that group
should be left off the list, Friday Humor or not.



-


Dylan Wheeler
Production Control Analyst Principal
IT Operations
Downey Savings & Loan Association, F.A.

Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED]


  -Original Message-
  From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
  [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Hugo Ruesga
  Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 11:04 AM
  To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
  Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

  ** LOL.

  Yeah, i know that the forum is for somethings that are more important
  but we can make time for laugh.

  Actually I'm still laughing because some of the phrases, that makes
  my mind that too much problems are non exclusive from Mexico LOL

  Good one Gidd!!!

  ^_^


  Hugo Ruesga
  perotsystems®
  US  972.577.7000
  MX +52 (33) 3332.3868
  P Please consider the environment before printing this email
  The information contained in and transferred with this electronic
  message is intended only for the recipient(s) designated above, it is
  protected by law and it may contain information which is privileged
  and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, please do
  not read, copy, or use it, and do not disclose it to others. Please
  notify the sender of the delivery error by replying to this message,
  and 

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Larry Zimmermann]

Dylan,  If you read the first line and don't like it user the "DELETE"
button.  There are many OT:Friday Humor posting that I don't find Humor in
no matter what day they are posted.  I FOUND THE DELETE BUTTON.

Thanks,

Larry Zimmermann



   
 "Wheeler, 
 Dylan"
 <[EMAIL PROTECTED] To 
 EYSAVINGS.COM>   arslist@ARSLIST.ORG  
 Sent by:   cc 
 "Action   
 Request SystemSubject 
     discussion   Re: OT:Friday Humor  
 list(ARSList)"
 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]
 ST.ORG>   
   
   
 09/26/2008
 01:15 PM  
   
   
 Please respond
   to  
 [EMAIL PROTECTED]
 T.ORG 
   
   
   
   




**
It's not the importance, it's the subject matter that was used. Most places
I frequent on the net it's the same thing, politics is best left off the
general discussion area. There are a plethora of place you can go if you
want to make political digs.
Pretty much anything that's geared to be funny only to one group of people
but could be taken as insulting or annoying to those outside that group
should be left off the list, Friday Humor or not.



-


Dylan Wheeler
Production Control Analyst Principal
IT Operations
Downey Savings & Loan Association, F.A.

Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED]


  -Original Message-
  From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
  [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Hugo Ruesga
  Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 11:04 AM
  To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
  Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor

  ** LOL.

  Yeah, i know that the forum is for somethings that are more important
  but we can make time for laugh.

  Actually I'm still laughing because some of the phrases, that makes
  my mind that too much problems are non exclusive from Mexico LOL

  Good one Gidd!!!

  ^_^


  Hugo Ruesga
  perotsystems®
  US  972.577.7000
  MX +52 (33) 3332.3868
  P Please consider the environment before printing this email
  The information contained in and transferred with this electronic
  message is intended only for the recipient(s) designated above, it is
  protected by law and it may contain information which is privileged
  and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, please do
  not read, copy, or use it, and do not disclose it to others. Please
  notify the sender of the delivery error by replying to this message,
  and then delete it from your system. Thank you.





  Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:32:54 -0700
  From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
  Subject: OT:Friday Humor
  To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG

  **
  "John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a
  shame because she actually has a lot of experience with financial
  matters. You know, she lives right next to a bank."




  "John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the
  economic crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate
  with Joe Biden until she can find Europe on a map."


  "President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout.
  And today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG.
  Yeah. Bush got upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in
  front of me?'"


 

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Axton]

lol, take it easy you all.  Here is something on the subject that
supports why it is a bad thing to bring these things up:

Does ideology trump facts? Studies say it often does
http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20080924-does-ideology-trump-facts-studies-say-it-often-does.html

Axton Grams

On Fri, Sep 26, 2008 at 1:52 PM, strauss <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> **
>
> …and Hussein Obama wanted to speed up the debate before his deportation
> order to Indonesia goes through.
>
>
>
>  Joe Biden wants to put the debate  off until he can figure out where Alaska
> is… he thought it was a baked desert he got in Rhode Island once, and you
> definitely can't see it from Dover.
>
>
>
> …etc.
>
>
>
> You might want to lay off the politics – most of us have completely lost our
> sense of humor for it after several years of non-stop campaigning.  I have
> to put up with enough of this already from the obomorons down the hall,
> thank you very much.
>
>
>
> Christopher Strauss, Ph.D.
>
> Call Tracking Administration Manager
>
> University of North Texas Computing & IT Center
>
> http://itsm.unt.edu/
>
>
>
> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
> [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Gidd
> Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 12:33 PM
> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> Subject: OT:Friday Humor
>
>
>
> **
>
> "John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame
> because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You
> know, she lives right next to a bank."
>
>
>
>
>
> "John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the
> economic crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate with
> Joe Biden until she can find Europe on a map."
>
>
>
>
>
> "President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And
> today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got
> upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'"
>
>
>
>
>
> "Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting
> global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ...
> President Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global
> warming. As a matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops
> to the sun"
>
>
>
>
>
> "According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse
> than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally
> predicted it would destroy the planet."
>
>
>
>
>
> "President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the
> temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius"
>
>
>
>
>
> Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal --
> because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that,
> but the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records."
>
>
>
> "Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy
> needs some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her recipe
> for oven-baked chicken."
>
>
>
> "Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by
> advisers on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president.
> That's true. Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR."
>
>
>
>
>
> "At my age, any scream is a good scream." --Former President Bill Clinton,
> on an Iowa woman mistaking him for Bob Barker
>
>
>
> Regards…Gidd
>
>
>
>
>
> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___
>
> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Wheeler, Dylan]

It's not the importance, it's the subject matter that was used. Most places I 
frequent on the net it's the same thing, politics is best left off the general 
discussion area. There are a plethora of place you can go if you want to make 
political digs.
Pretty much anything that's geared to be funny only to one group of people but 
could be taken as insulting or annoying to those outside that group should be 
left off the list, Friday Humor or not.
 

- 

Dylan Wheeler
Production Control Analyst Principal 
IT Operations 
Downey Savings & Loan Association, F.A. 

Email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> 

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL 
PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Hugo Ruesga
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 11:04 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
    Subject: Re: OT:Friday Humor


** LOL.
 
Yeah, i know that the forum is for somethings that are more important 
but we can make time for laugh.
 
Actually I'm still laughing because some of the phrases, that makes my 
mind that too much problems are non exclusive from Mexico LOL
 
Good one Gidd!!!
 
^_^



Hugo Ruesga 
perotsystems® 
US  972.577.7000
MX +52 (33) 3332.3868

P Please consider the environment before printing this email

The information contained in and transferred with this electronic 
message is intended only for the recipient(s) designated above, it is protected 
by law and it may contain information which is privileged and confidential. If 
you are not the intended recipient, please do not read, copy, or use it, and do 
not disclose it to others. Please notify the sender of the delivery error by 
replying to this message, and then delete it from your system. Thank you.








Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:32:54 -0700
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: OT:Friday Humor
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG

** 
"John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a 
shame because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You 
know, she lives right next to a bank."

 

 

"John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the 
economic crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate with Joe 
Biden until she can find Europe on a map."

 

 

"President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. 
And today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got 
upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'"

 

 

"Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting 
global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ... President 
Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a 
matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun"

 
 

"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much 
worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally 
predicted it would destroy the planet."

 

 

"President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower 
the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius"
 
 

Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal 
-- because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that, 
but the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records."

 

"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the 
economy needs some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her 
recipe for oven-baked chicken."

 

"Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by 
advisers on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. That's 
true. Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR."
 
 
"At my age, any scream is a good scream." --Former President Bill 
Clinton, on an Iowa woman mistaking him for Bob Barker
 

Regards...Gidd 

 

 
__Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" 
html___ 



Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Maroon 5 y muchos más, En Vivo, sólo por 
Prodigy/MSN en concierto. <http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=es-mx>  
__Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answer

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Hugo Ruesga]

LOL.
 
Yeah, i know that the forum is for somethings that are more important but we 
can make time for laugh.
 
Actually I'm still laughing because some of the phrases, that makes my mind 
that too much problems are non exclusive from Mexico LOL
 
Good one Gidd!!!
 
^_^

Hugo Ruesga perotsystems® US  972.577.7000MX +52 (33) 3332.3868
P Please consider the environment before printing this email

The information contained in and transferred with this electronic message is 
intended only for the recipient(s) designated above, it is protected by law and 
it may contain information which is privileged and confidential. If you are not 
the intended recipient, please do not read, copy, or use it, and do not 
disclose it to others. Please notify the sender of the delivery error by 
replying to this message, and then delete it from your system. Thank you.


Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:32:54 -0700From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]: OT:Friday 
HumorTo: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 


"John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame 
because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You know, 
she lives right next to a bank."
 
 

"John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the economic 
crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate with Joe Biden 
until she can find Europe on a map."
 
 
"President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And today, 
a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got upset and 
said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'"
 
 
"Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting global 
warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ... President Bush 
says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a matter 
of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun"
 

 
"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than 
originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it 
would destroy the planet."
 
 "President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the 
temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius"
 
 
Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal -- 
because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that, but 
the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records."
 
"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy needs 
some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her recipe for 
oven-baked chicken."
 
"Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisers 
on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. That's true. 
Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR."
 
 
"At my age, any scream is a good scream." --Former President Bill Clinton, on 
an Iowa woman mistaking him for Bob Barker
 

Regards…Gidd 
 
 __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" html___ 
_
Es tu última oportunidad para ganar premios por el simple hecho de buscar en 
internet. 
http://www.ganabuscando.com/Default.aspx
___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[strauss]

...and Hussein Obama wanted to speed up the debate before his deportation order 
to Indonesia goes through.

 Joe Biden wants to put the debate  off until he can figure out where Alaska 
is... he thought it was a baked desert he got in Rhode Island once, and you 
definitely can't see it from Dover.

...etc.

You might want to lay off the politics - most of us have completely lost our 
sense of humor for it after several years of non-stop campaigning.  I have to 
put up with enough of this already from the obomorons down the hall, thank you 
very much.

Christopher Strauss, Ph.D.
Call Tracking Administration Manager
University of North Texas Computing & IT Center
http://itsm.unt.edu/

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Gidd
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2008 12:33 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT:Friday Humor

**
"John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame 
because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You know, 
she lives right next to a bank."


"John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the economic 
crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate with Joe Biden 
until she can find Europe on a map."


"President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And today, 
a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got upset and 
said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'"


"Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting global 
warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ... President Bush 
says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a matter 
of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun"


"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than 
originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it 
would destroy the planet."


"President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the 
temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius"


Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal -- 
because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that, but 
the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records."

"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy needs 
some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her recipe for 
oven-baked chicken."

"Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisers 
on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president. That's true. 
Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR."


"At my age, any scream is a good scream." --Former President Bill Clinton, on 
an Iowa woman mistaking him for Bob Barker

Regards...Gidd


__Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" html___

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

"John McCain showed up without running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame
because she actually has a lot of experience with financial matters. You
know, she lives right next to a bank."

 

 

"John McCain wants to suspend his debate with Barack Obama until the
economic crisis is over. And Sarah Palin wants to suspend her debate with
Joe Biden until she can find Europe on a map."

 

 

"President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And
today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got
upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'"

 

 

"Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting
global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ...
President Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global
warming. As a matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops
to the sun"

 
 

"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse
than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally
predicted it would destroy the planet."

 

 

"President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the
temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius"
 
 

Two State Department employees were fired -- this is a bit of a scandal --
because they were looking at Barack Obama's passport file. Not only that,
but the same person was also looking at John McCain's Civil War records."

 

"Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin today said she thinks the economy
needs some shaking up and some fixin'. I'm pretty sure is also her recipe
for oven-baked chicken."

 

"Sarah Palin's been spending the last couple of days being briefed by
advisers on what she needs to know to be John McCain's vice president.
That's true. Yeah. Apparently, the first thing they taught her was CPR."
 
 
"At my age, any scream is a good scream." --Former President Bill Clinton,
on an Iowa woman mistaking him for Bob Barker
 

Regards.Gidd 

 

 

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

Now THAT's some good Friday Humor, Tim!!  LOL!

Rick

On Fri, Jun 27, 2008 at 11:42 AM, Tim Widowfield <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote:

> ** Man, just think how much more beer would fit in the jar if you didn't
> have all that nasty, worthless debris in there!
>
> --Tim
>
>
> - Original Message 
> From: Kevin Gallagher <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> Sent: Friday, June 27, 2008 11:56:51 AM
> Subject: [ARSLIST] OT:Friday Humor
>
> When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a
> day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
>
>
> A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
> of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
> mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
> students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
>
>
> The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar
> He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the
> golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
> agreed it was.
>
>
> The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
> course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
> was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
>
>
> The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the
> entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the
> sand. The students laughed.
>
>
> 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to
> recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
> important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and
> your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they
> remained, your life would still be full.
>
>
> The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and
> your car.
>
>
> The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into
> the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf
> balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
> small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to
> you.
>
>
> 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend
> time with your children Spend time with your parents. Visit with
> grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to
> dinner. Play another 18.
>
>
> There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take
> care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your
> priorities. The rest is just sand.'
>
>
> One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.
> The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you
> that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple
> of Beers with a friend.'
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ___
> UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
> Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Tim Widowfield]

Man, just think how much more beer would fit in the jar if you didn't have all 
that nasty, worthless debris in there!

--Tim




- Original Message 
From: Kevin Gallagher <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Sent: Friday, June 27, 2008 11:56:51 AM
Subject: [ARSLIST] OT:Friday Humor

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day 
is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.


A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of 
him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty 
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the 
students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.


The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He 
shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf 
balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.


The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of 
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was 
full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'


The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the 
entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the 
sand. The students laughed.


'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize 
that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important 
things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your 
favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, 
your life would still be full.


The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your 
car.


The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the 
jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. 
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small 
stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.


'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time 
with your children Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take 
time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.


There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of 
the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The 
rest is just sand.'


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The 
professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that 
no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of 
Beers with a friend.'




  

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Kevin Gallagher]

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day 
is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.


A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of 
him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty 
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the 
students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.


The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He 
shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf 
balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.


The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of 
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was 
full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'


The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the 
entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the 
sand. The students laughed.


'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize 
that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important 
things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your 
favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, 
your life would still be full.


The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your 
car.


The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the 
jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. 
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small 
stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.


'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time 
with your children Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take 
time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.


There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of 
the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The 
rest is just sand.'


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The 
professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that 
no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of 
Beers with a friend.'




  

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday humor... Will the real BMC please stand up?

[Carey Matthew Black]

My gmail account had this web link above my ARSList labeled email today...

I found it kind of funny so here it is...

"Optimize your BMC - www.Avocent.com - Harness the management power of
the server BMC with Avocent IPMI"
--> 
http://www.avocent.com/Learnmore/Default.aspx?id=868&gclid=COOWoO7eq5MCFQWVFQodsmL03g

In this case "BMC" is being used to mean "BMC (Baseboard Management
Controller)" according to the URL target.

So I learned a new TLA (Three letter acronym) expansion for BMC today.

-- 
Carey Matthew Black
Remedy Skilled Professional (RSP)
ARS = Action Request System(Remedy)

Love, then teach
Solution = People + Process + Tools
Fast, Accurate, Cheap Pick two.

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor ?

[Gidd]

SAD NEWS... 

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.. 


Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
theCalifornia Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain
Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. 

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man
who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show
business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not
considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked
schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions. 


Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and
Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart. 


The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
 

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion
and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may
be having a crumby day and kneads it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Regards.Gidd 

 


___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor - Questions that have Confused humankind!!

[Rahul AR User]

This one is the best:
"a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn\'t he just buy dinner?"
-- 
Regards
Rahul

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor - Questions that have Confused humankind!!

[Susan Palmer]

I enjoyed that !

Thanks,
Susan


On 12/7/07, Gidd <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> ** Questions that have Confused humankind!!
>
> a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll
> squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"
>
> a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
> horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
> a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
>
> a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
>
> a.. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of
> coconut, why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?
>
> a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re
> both dogs!
>
> a.. What do you call male ballerinas?
>
> a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
> didn\'t he just buy dinner?
>
> a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>
> a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
>
> a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
> a.. Isn\'t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
>
> a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
> same tune?
>
> a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
>
> a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets mad
> at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to stick his
> head out the window into the wind?
>
> a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
> __20060125___This posting was submitted with HTML in
> it___

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor - Questions that have Confused humankind!!

[Gidd]

Questions that have Confused humankind!!

a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"

a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

a.. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of coconut,
why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?

a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re
both dogs! 

a.. What do you call male ballerinas?

a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn\'t he just buy dinner?

a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

a.. Isn\'t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune? 

a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to stick his head
out the window into the wind?

a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and
looked over the menu...

+ Tourist: $5

+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00

+ Fried Explorer: $15.00

+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00


The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference
for the Politician?'

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?  They're so full of
shit, it takes all morning." 
 

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org
Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

Never hear a man say

Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say: 



1.  Here honey, you use the remote. 


2.  You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too
big. 


3.  Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see! 


4.  While I'm up, can I get you anything? 


5.  Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the
wallpaper store with me? 


6.  Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of
shoes? 


7.  Aww, forget Monday night football, Let's watch Melrose Place. 


8.  Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on. 


9.  We never talk anymore 

 
Ok... the flip side ..
 

Never hear women say

Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say 



1.  What do you mean today's our anniversary? 


2.  Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV. 


3.  Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!! 


4.  And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska! 


5.  Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure
out how to get there. 


6.  Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here. 


7.  I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a
designer dress. 



 

Regards.Gidd 

 

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor - Parenting

[Gidd]

Things Adults Learn from Kids
 
There is no such thing as child-proofing your house 
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite 
A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant 
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to
rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape 
It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20
foot room 
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on 
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit 
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan 
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late 
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it 
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old
man says they can only do it in the movies 
A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day 
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not
leak - it explodes 
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4
inches deep 
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old 
Duplos will not 
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence 
Super glue is forever 
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know 
Ditto Tarzan 
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
water 
Pool filters do not like Jello 
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do 
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes 
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving 
You probably do not want to know what that odor is 
Always look in the oven before you turn it on 
Plastic toys do not like ovens 
The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time 
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy 
It will however make cats dizzy 
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy 
Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry 
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
(unfortunately, mostly in retrospect) 
 
Parenting Glossary of Terms

AMNESIA: 
condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

DUMBWAITER: 
one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. 
FAMILY PLANNING: 
the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on
the edge of financial disaster. 
FEEDBACK: 
the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: 
what you call your child when you're mad at him. 
GRANDPARENTS: 
the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure
you're not raising them right. 
HEARSAY: 
what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. 
IMPREGNABLE: 
a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. 
INDEPENDENT: 
how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. 
OW: 
the first word spoken by children with older siblings. 
PRENATAL: 
when your life was still somewhat your own. 
PUDDLE: 
a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into
it. 
SHOW OFF: 
a child who is more talented than yours. 
STERILIZE: 
what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last
baby's pacifier by blowing on it. 
TOP BUNK: 
where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. 
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: 
when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar
grunting noises. 
VERBAL: 
able to whine in words. 
WHODUNIT: 
none of the kids that live in your house. 



___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor (INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER)

[Kevin Gallagher]

I miss the Friday Humor, so here it goes:

Notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, whom
was visiting Texas from the East Coast: 

"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. 
The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened
to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer
wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native
Texans) that the chili would not be all that spicy, and besides, they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato.  Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor.  Very mild.

FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff?  You could
remove dried paint from your driveway.  Took me two beers
to put the flames out.  hope that's the worst one.  These
Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork.  Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be
taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children!  I'm not sure
what I am supposed to taste besides pain.  I had to wave
off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.
They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look
on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili!  Great kick.  Needs
more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of
red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill.  My
nose feels like I have been snorting Drano.  Everyone
knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I
ignite.  Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone
is in the front part of my chest.  I'm getting shit-faced
from all the beer.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans.  Good side
dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but
was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste
buds?  Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with
fresh refills; that 300 lb.  bitch is starting to look
HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.  Is chili
an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili.  Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick.  Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more
tomato.  Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong
statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my
forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes.  I farted
and four people behind me needed paramedics.

The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage.  Sally saved my tongue
from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a
pitcher.  I wonder if I'm burning my lips off?  It really
pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming.  Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili.  Good
balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet.  Aggressive use of peppers,
onions and garlic, Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames.  I shit myself when I farted
and I'm worried it will eat through the chair.  No one
seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut
Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought.  Can't feel
my lips anymore.  I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on
canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw
in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.  I should
note that I am worried about Judge Number 3.  He appears
to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I wouldn't feel a damn thing.  I've lost the sight
in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing
water.  My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed
out of my mouth.  My pants are full of lava-like shit to
match my damn shirt.  At least during the autopsy they'll
know what killed me.  I've decided to stop breathing, it's
too painful.  Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway.
If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole
in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili,
safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare
its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili,
neither mild or hot.  Sorry to see that most of it was lost
when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the
chili pot down on top of himself.  Not sure if he's going
to make it.  Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted
to a really hot chili?

FRAN

OT:Friday Humor (Survey - Not Kinetic)

[Gidd]

Fighter Aircraft Ownership Survey
OWNERSHIP SURVEY 
This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by
an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not (have a sense of humor), and made the web department take
it down immediately. (In case you don't know: McDonnell-Douglas is one of
the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.)
 
 
 
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell-Douglas military aircraft. 
 
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill
out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is
not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires. 
 
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_]Comrade [_]
Classified [_] Other 
 
First Name:  
 
Initial:  
 
Last Name: . 
 
Password: .. (max 8 char) 
 
Code Name: . 
 
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ... ... .. 
 
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? 
 
[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_]
Classified 
 
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19... / ... /.. 
 
4. Serial Number: 
 
5. Please check where this product was purchased: 
 
[_] Received as gift [_] Aid package [_] Catalog showroom [_] Independent
arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_]
Classified 
 
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased: 
 
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_]
Recommended by friend/relative/ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one 
 
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to
purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: 
 
[_] Style/Appearance [_] Speed/Maneuverability [_] Price/Value [_]
Comfort/Convenience [_] Kickback/Bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_]
McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom
politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat 
 
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: 
 
[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Central/South America [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft
carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_]
Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia/Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq [_] Classified [_] Iraq 
 
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in
the near future: 
 
[_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_]
Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon 
 
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that
apply.) 
 
[_] Communist/Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive/Tribal 
 
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? 
 
[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_]
Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check 
 
12. Your occupation: 
 
[_] Homemaker [_] Sales/Marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_]
Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Postal Worker [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric
billionaire [_] Defense Minister/General [_] Retired [_] Student 
 
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on
a regular basis: 
 
[_] Golf [_] Boating/Sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running/Jogging [_]
Propaganda/Disinformation [_] Destabilization/Overthrow [_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market/Smuggling [_]
Collectibles/Collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_]
Interrogation/Torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_]
Espionage/Reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_]
Mutually Assured Destruction 
 
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia. 
 
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a
brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! 
 
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: 
 
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace
Division  

 

Regards.Gidd 

 


___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and
says, "Hum, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let
me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in
the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" 

  _  

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells,
"No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, 
"Shut up, you're next!" 

  _  

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all them." A friend says, "OK, what's the
capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." 

  _  

What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 

"Is it mine?" 

  _  

   Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported
the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a
K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. 
   As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the
blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I
come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

  _  

   A Red head was going to by a bull. She left the trailer with the blonde
on the other side of the state. The red head had $600 for a bull and she
found one for $599. Then the red head went to send a telegram to the blonde.

   The guy at the counter said $1 for one word. The read head thought and
thought for a word then she said "comfortable." Then the man asked her why
she picked that word and the red head said, " Well you see my receiver reads
kind of slow."

  _  

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing
the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of
him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young
woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a
drink."

  _  

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a
minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

  _  

   A blonde went to electronics store and she asked, "How is much is this
TV?"  The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." 
   The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much
the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." 
   The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much
the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." 
   She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you
know I am a blonde?" 
   "Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."

  _  

   A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to
play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
   The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot
of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to
get some sleep.
   The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!"
figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This
catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to
this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
   The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth
to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls
out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
   Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a
puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Net
and the Library of Congress.  Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his
coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he
wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and
turns away to get back to sleep.
   The lawyer, who is more than a little mi

OT:Friday Humor (Project Managers)

[Gidd]

If you don't plan, it doesn't work. If you do plan, it doesn't work either.
Why plan!
 
Managing IT people is like herding cats.
 
If you don't know how to do a task, start it, then ten people who know less
than you will tell you how to do it.
 
If you're 6 months late on a milestone due next week but really believe you
can make it, you're a project manager.

When the weight of the project paperwork equals the weight of the project
itself, the project can be considered complete.
 
Some projects finish on time in spite of project management best practices.
 
 
A little risk management saves a lot of fan cleaning.
 
Of several possible interpretations of a communication, the least convenient
is the correct one.


--
 
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. 
Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the
chicken in water... and then you dump the stock. 
 
-
 
Walking on the Beach

A project manager, software engineer, and hardware engineer are in Miami
Beach for a two-week period helping out on a project. On their lunch hours,
they often chose to walk up and down the beach. During one of these walks,
they stumble upon a lamp. 
 
The hardware engineer picks up the lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and
says "Normally I would grant 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will
grant you each one wish." 
 
Since he was holding the lamp, the hardware engineer went first. "I would
like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with
no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The
genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. 
 
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life
living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and
surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his
wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. 
 
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your
wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch," replied the
project manager. 
 
 
-

Types of Project Managers

If you get in my way, I'll kill you! 
- ideal project manager 
 
If you get in my way, you'll kill me! 
- somewhat less than ideal project manager 
 
If I get in my way, I'll kill you! 
- somewhat misguided project manager 
 
If I get in your way, I'll kill you! 
- A tough project manager (eats glass, live cats, etc.) 
 
If get kill in will way I you. 
- dyslexic, functionally illiterate project manager 
 
I am the way! Kill me if you can! 
- messianic project manager 
 
Get away, I'll kill us all! 
- suicidal project manager 
 
If you kill me, I'll get in your way. 
- thoughtful but ineffective project manager 
 
If I kill you, I'll get in your way. 
- project manager who has trouble dealing with the obvious 
 
If a you getta ina my way, I gonna breaka you arm. 
- project manager from New York 
 
I am quite confident that there is nothing in the way, so no one will get
killed. 
- project manager who is about to get in big trouble 
 
If you kill me, so what? If you get in my way, who cares? 
- weak, uninspired, lackluster project manager 
 
If I kill me, you'll get your way. 
- pragmatic project manager 
 
Kill me, it's the only way. 
- every project manager to date 
 
 
 
 

Regards.Gidd 

 



___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

 
Software Revision Levels Explained

How should a revision level be interpreted? Here's a quick guide for anyone
short of a clue: 

0.1   WE GOT A REALLY GREAT NEW WAY TO DO THINGS  !!!
<0.9  Not ready for prime time.
0.9   We think it works, but we won't bet our lives on it.
1.0   Management is on our case;  seems like a low risk.
1.01  Okay, we knew about that.  All known bugs are fixed.
1.02  Fixes bugs you won't see in 27,000 years, i.e. more
  than three times the age of the universe.
1.03  Fixes bugs in the bug fixes.
1.04  All right, this REALLY fixes all known bugs.
1.05  Fixes bugs introduced in rev 1.04.
1.1   A new crew hired to write documentation.
1.11  From now on, no comma after "i.e." or "e.g.".
1.2   Somebody actually changed a functional feature.
2.0   New crew hired to write software.  Old crew blamed for
  bugs.
2.01  New crew sending out resumes to placement agencies.
3.0   Re-write the software in another language, go back
  ten squares.
...  return to line 0.1
 
 
The Software Development Process


1) Order the T-shirts for the Development team 
 
2) Announce availability 
 
3) Write the code 
 
4) Write the manual 
 
5) Hire a Product Manager 
 
6) Spec the software (Writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that
the software meets the specifications) 
 
7) Ship 
 
8) Test (the customers are a big help here) 
 
9) Identify bugs as potential enhancements 
 
10) Announce the upgrade program 

 
 
 

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd]

Humorous Quotes attributed to George Burns 
1896-1996, American Comedy Actor 
 
* Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded.  
Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or 
fourteenth. 

* Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It 
also separates husbands and wives. 

* By the time you're eighty years old you've learned 
everything. You only have to remember it. 

* Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. 

* Everything that goes up must come down. But there 
comes a time when not everything that's down can come 
up. 

* First of all you've got to have talent. And then you've got 
to marry her like I did. 

* For forty years my act consisted of one joke. And then 
she died. (Gracie) 

* Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit 
family in another city. 

* Happiness is a good martini, a good meal, a good cigar 
and a good woman . . . or a bad woman, depending on 
how much happiness you can stand. 

* I can't understand why I flunked American history. 
When I was a kid there was so little of it. 

* I can't afford to die; I'd lose a fortune. (All my best 
friends) 

* I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people 
would rather hear me drink scotch. 

* I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold 
on to something. 

* I'd announced that I was going to sing and all our guests 
would make a ring around the piano. But somehow I'd 
manage to fight my way through that ring and sing 
anyway.(Gracie) 

* In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't 
addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured 
some whiskey over it. (Gracie) 

* If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made 
because very few people die past the age of a hundred. 

* It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can 
remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. 

* Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-
rays, but you know it's there. (Gracie) 

* Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. 

* Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports 
Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. 

* Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I 
was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. 

* There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with 
children. 

* Too bad that all the people who know how to run the 
country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. 

* We had asked Jack Benny to give the bride away, but 
Jack said he never gave anything away. (Gracie) 

* When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still 
smoked, Burns said, "No ... he's dead.'' 

* When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your 
own scotch, you bring your own rocks. 

* You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got 
it made. 

 

Regards.Gidd 

 


___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

Re: OT:Friday Humor

[Alfred Differ]

8)

I thought the Australian was going to mention something about his
watch not making the DST switch.

On 3/16/07, Gidd Calden <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

**




Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to
have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch
in the air, then run down the hill and catch it before it hit the ground.

So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT
the watch hit the ground.

Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and
SPLAT the watch hit the ground.

Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill,
went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch.

"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman.

The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !"

 


A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants,
provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars
and beat me half to death."

 


A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my
dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"

 

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a
long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON
should help you get on your way...

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll
wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the
real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
  __20060125___This posting was
submitted with HTML in it___



--
-al

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the Answers 
Are"

OT:Friday Humor

[Gidd Calden]

Once there was an Irish man an Englishman and an Australian who decided to
have a competition.While on top of the hill each man had to chuck his watch
in the air, then run down the hill and catch it before it hit the ground. 

So the Irishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and SPLAT
the watch hit the ground. 

Then the Englishman chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill and
SPLAT the watch hit the ground. 

Next was the Australian who chucked his watch in the air, ran down the hill,
went and had a beer, did the shopping, came back and caught his watch. 

"How did you do that?" asked the Irishman. 

The Australian replied "My watch is 1 hour slow !"


  _  

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants,
provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars
and beat me half to death."


  _  

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my
dad!" 

The copper said, "What's he like?" 

The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"


  _  

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a
long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON
should help you get on your way... 

COMPETITIVE SALARY: 
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS: 
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: 
You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll
wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: 
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the
real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: 
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

 

___
UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the 
Answers Are"

OT:Friday Humor...Oakland Practice Delayed

[Coby West]

Title: Message
**



Sent 
to me by a co-worker...enjoy.
 



OAKLAND, 
(CA)--Oakland Raiders football practice 
was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown 
white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Art Shell immediately 
suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. 
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined 
that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed 
after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance 
again.  Also, do you know how many Raiders it takes to 
change a flat tire? 
 
Only one, unless it is 
a blowout, then the whole team shows up!
 
__20060125___This posting was submitted with HTML in it___

OT:FRIDAY Humor - Vacation Time !!

[Gidd Calden]

**



Vacation Humor  

 
 I just got back from 
vacation and, boy, do I need a vacation!
 
 I really needed a 
vacation. I was starting to hum the tunes to rap songs.
 
 On our vacation we stayed 
in an 18th century inn that was the site of a notorious affair between Betsy 
Ross and John Quincy Gifford.
 
 "Winnebago" — I think 
that’s an old Indian term meaning "I’m gonna kill those kids when I get 
home!"
 
 Just got back from 
vacation, and I’m glad to say that my credit cards are all in 
remission.
 
 I asked my wife if she 
could take any cruise she wanted, which would she take? She said, "Tom." 

 
 A cruise is when you go 
for days and days--and see nothing but food. 
 
 We vacationed by car and 
saw the U.S.A. the old-fashioned way--one tow truck at a time. 
 
 A dream vacation would be 
one where your family all gets along. 
 
 
 
For those of us in the US, it's time to start 
planning our summer vacations.Although you can't shoot them any more, you 
can still get a thrill byphotographing animals in the wild. The last time I 
was in Africa though, Igot a double hernia from carrying around the stupid 
rhino decoys.
 
Hawaii is also a possibility, assuming one can 
afford it. The last time Iwas there, I got a terrific tan. Near as I can 
figure, it cost meapproximately $65 a square inch.
 
Japan is another spot worth considering. Be careful 
in the cities though.They all drive sub-compacts. It's been over ten years 
since any Americanpedestrian was hit above the waist.
 
If you can't stand hot dry air, I'd avoid any 
country that's mostly desert.At most funerals, they have to prime the 
mourners. They still do baptisms,but have to use a damp cloth.
 
In India, it's not uncommon to see people praying 
in the streets. While wehave the same thing in the US, it's pedestrians 
crossing.
 
Mexico is famous for all its festivals. I went down 
there once for theannual Kaopectate Festival.
 
Once in Paris I told my wife that I'd been there 
four days and hadn't beento the Louvre yet. She replied, "Don't worry, maybe 
it's just the water."
 
But if you can't get away for a vacation, just tip 
every third person yousee. It'll be about the 
same
__20060125___This posting was submitted with HTML in it___