.
Paskelin: And later how you helped me to attend my grand-daughter's wedding?
Dr. Falcao: Yes.
Paskelin: Well, as you know I have just celebrated my 85th birthday and my
son-in-law gifted me a new mattress.
Dr. Falcao: I see.
Paskelin: It has 20 years guarantee...
Dr. Falcao: ???
Cajetan de
cooking oil in it!!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
:
Fostu: You idiot, don’t you have brain?
Gustu: Why? What happened?
Fostu: Now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
: Instead of telling this long story, you should have told me in
the beginning itself that you are a PA to an Indian Minister. Come on man, come
in, no one can treat you better than me.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
in here and spray beer all over the bar. Hahahahahaha…
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
o!!!
Teacher Kunda took one more big taste before declaring:
Teacher Kunda: Ok, I give up, what is it?
Petu: (Replied with great glee) "IT’S A PUPPY!"
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
ars in her eyes) Yes my love, of course I do!
Martin wiped another tear from hischeek and said:
Martin: You know... I would have been happily released today.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
and
said:Policeman: Your horse was in such bad shape, I had to shoot him. How are
you feeling?
Bostiao: At that moment although I was in unbearable pain, but if I had to tell
that the Policeman, he would have killed me too. So that’s why I said “I AM
FINE”.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
….. Attention all… (FARTS loudly).
Natolin was extremely embarrassed, and Jakru looks at the Drunk Man and says:
Jakru : Excuse me, you just farted in front of my wife.
Drunk Man: I am sorry, I didn’t know it was her turn.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
his health.
Rozmari: Thank you very much doctor.
Rozmari leaves doctor’s office. On their way home:
Bostiao: Honey, what did the doctor say?
Rozmari: I am afraid, but I have to tell you this.
Bostiao: What?
Rozmari: You are going to die soon.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
big hands, how many more sweets I got !
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
, and the
devil is former Indian Government servant, so he comes in, signs the register
and then goes to the cafeteria.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
, then I’ll bang this pan right on your
head.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
AIZ.
Aiz Agost-achi 15 tarikh,
Zaite Goenkar eka-mekhak khoxecho svtontr dis anvddetat.
Pun mhozo prosn
Ami Goenkar khorench svontr zaleat?
Vo
Kaillintle usllon uzeanth poddleat?
Goenkar-a. tuzo zabab kitem?
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
s so stupid, he gave me Rs.100/= to buy a Mercedes car,
he does not even know that today is Sunday and all showrooms are closed.
Jaspal Singh : My boss is even more stupid, He sent me to check if he is at
home, but he has a cell phone, he could have called home and check if he is
there.
Cajeta
by someone
poking him in the chest. It was Eve…..
Adam : (Demanded) What do you think you are doing?
Eve: Counting your ribs.
Adam : Ribs? Why??
Eve: As I know God created me from one of your rib, I want to make sure, how
many more ribs are missing.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
Bar-Dancer comes to Jeffery and says:
Bar-Dancer: Hi Jeff darling! Come on join me!
Josefin could not tolerate it anymore, she storms out dragging Jeffery with her
and jumps into a Taxi.
Taxi-Driver: Hey Jeff-boy, You picked up an ugly one this time.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
e hell. Do you agree?
Asterio: Yes I do. Which word?
Alzira: “Thiruvananthapuram”
Asterio: T….i…r……v…..u, Oh No… I cannot spell it.
Alzira: Then, Go To Hell.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
you a welcome in our country, but I
cannot stand your crazy Asian customs. Asian Man: (Confused and answered) Sorry
sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually your English customs. I was
told, to be an English, you have to chase chicks, get piss-drunk, and listen to
bullshit. Cajetan de
ABOUT THE
A husband (Gustu) and wife (Perpet) had four Sons.
The odd part of it was thatthe older three had dark-brown hair, light-fair skin
and were tall. While the youngestSon had black hair, dark skin and was short.
Gustu eventually took ill and waslying on his deathbed. He
?
Apolin: Your husband isover 100 kgs. His height is about 5.1 inches, he is
chubby, bald, has a bigmouth and is mean to your children.
Natolin: Yes, that'sright, but who wants that drunkard back?
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
and
dug up all the backyard.
Write me. nowwhat.
Yours
Libru.
Pedru wroteanother letter back:
Loving Libru,
Now is the best timeto plant the vegetable in the backyard.
Your cunninghusband,
Pedru.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
to shit whenI
tell you the price.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
keeps quiet and without blinking his eyes stares to Khalif.
Khalif: What happened? Are you angry on me?
Mehta: No.
Khalif: So?
Mehta: I need time.
Khalif: Time for what? To think??
Mehta: No…No.
Khalif: Then?
Mehtu: To increase my daughter’s weight.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
WHAT’S YOUR…….
A Boy(in his late twenties) usedto always go to a hillock next to his house and
pray to God.He had high hope that sooner or later God will answer hisprayer.
As usual, one fine evening he goes to the hillock,closes his eyes and start
praying loudly by raising his hands:-
THAT’S BECAUSE.
A little girl (Chinky)was in the garden filling in a hole. Her neighbor lady
(Pidu) peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced Chinky was up
to, Pidu politely asked:-
Pidu: What are you doingthere Chinky baby?
Chinky: (Replied tearfully without
behind your house?
JakOton: Oh yes, I am really fed-up of him. He smokes at least 3 packs of
cigarettes per day, he drinks one cartoon of whiskey a week, always eat fast
food, fatty food and never exercise.
Prudent Reporter: That’s ridiculous. Who is he?
JakOton: He is my father!!!
Cajetan de
: Sir, would you please leave this seat and come with me, you are
upgraded to the business class.
All the passengers nearby, who were watching the scene started clapping,
cheering and whistling.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
got a little confused and asked the boy Ryan sternly:
Judge: Well, In that case with whom do you want to stay?
Ryan: (Says innocently) I want to stay with the Indian Cricket Team, because it
very rarely beats anyone.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
and she is in white because she is very happy
and this is the happiest day of her life.
Elton: Hu, it’s pity of our neighbor bridegroom Stephen.
Tecla: Why Son?
Elton: For sure, he is unhappy today.
Tecla: Why you say so?
Elton: Because, he was all in black.
Cajetan de Sanvordem,
Kuwait.
.
Ragoba: So.
Paciens: I want to know about my husband.
Ragoba: I see. So, you came to know your husband’s future?
Paciens: (With angered eyes) No way, you just tell me about his past, then I
will decide about his future!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem,
Kuwait.
nder: So?
Xaverito: (Sobs) Today those 3 months are over.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
woman.
After a long silence.
Anwar: I am sorry. She is not for sale.
The indignant wife (Zeinab) asks to Anwar:
Zeinab: What took you so long to answer?
Anwar: I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
the umbrellas) Seems, you had a profitable day
at work today.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
eggs are these,
then the hen is also yours!
Fostu: (After thinking very deeply) Give me some clues my friend!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
, “ I
wish I never had to work again."
“And poof! Jamnadas was back at his desk in the government office!”
Cajetan de Sanvordem,
Kuwait.
much everybody donating in average?
Man: 5 liters of petrol.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
tion takes place because I have full chance to win election and
become Minister this time.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
tonight to Singapore because I
have to resume my work on the ship, so I am scolding you now only.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
give her.
Kistod: Why?
Ruzenka: Because some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
IF I……..
A Surgeonparked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was
short oftime and couldn't find a space in any parking place. So he put a
noteunder the windshield wiper that read:-
"I have circledthe block 10 times. If I don't park here, I will miss my
important Medical
that question.
All thepeople who were hearing this case, had a hearty laugh.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
: But……
Gustu: But what??
Bostu: (Weeping miserably) This week, nothing!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
see newly arrived babies.
Gabru: (with broad smile) Oh yeah, Kitchy kitchy koo. Look…. look, she smiled,
isn't she adorable?
Sarto: But none of the kid smiled.
Gabru: I was talking about that pretty and sexy nurse.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
) But Doctor, it’s coolest winter now and top of that
its blowing, and if I do what you says, I’ll get pneumonia. Dr. Roldanv: I
know…….. I know, don’t worry, I can surely cure pneumonia within no time.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
have about two years left.
Minglu: Oh no! That's awful! In two years my life will be over! What kind of
good news could you probably tell me, after this?
Dr. Porpotto: You also have Alzheimer's. In about two months you are going to
forget everything I told you.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Teodu, I
am sure there is a word of inspiration to all of us.Baltu unfolded the note and
read aloud infront of everyone:
“You stupid, idiot…, you are standing on my oxygen tube!”Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
playing games on the mobile, until she noticed that her
Mom was dozing.
Nelly shook her mother’s shoulder and said:-Nelly: (Yelled) Mom…. Mom?All the
patients in the waiting room staring at Ezmerald and Nelly:Ezmerald: (In
doziness) H…, What?Nelly: Wake up! This is not church!Cajetan de
?
PedSuntiag: Because my watch is 7 minutes late.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
this?
Leora: Oh, my father's ashes are in there.
Jostan: (Turns red in horror) Your father……’s ashes?
Leora: Yeah, he is too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
would probably have shit
all over the place.
Inas: I did the same.
Bostu: You mean you shitted?
Inas: Yes I did. What do you think the bull was slipping on? Cajetan de
SanvordemKuwait.
just want to know how the hell he got into the house without waking my
wife. I have been trying to do that for years!
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
: You carry on, I don’t want to go to hell.
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
t on her mother."
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
came on board with her husband and never left his side evenfor
once.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
thecupboard.
Raju: (Said with the charming little smile) Daddy, we better throw this
toothbrush out too.
Kaxinath: Why you want tothrow out my toothbrush?
Raju: Because it fell inthe toilet bowl a few days ago.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
ook the third bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed
andwas full.
He hesitated for a moment and said:
“You stand aside, I know you were not involved”.
Cajetan de Snvordem
Kuwait.
crazy?
Libru: (Dabbing the tears from her eyes) I am a truthful person but not a fool.
I wrote him a cheque and put into that box!!!
Cajetan de SanvordemKuwait.
you ever stuck your head in a Lion's mouth?
PedJuze: Yes Sir, Just once.
Ringmaster: Why only once?
PedJuze: I was looking for my father.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
with a plate of
Keema and Boiled Eggs.
Ermelin: (Looks at the plate and asks) Hey, where is the
Chevrise(Sausages)-Pulao and Veg., Soup I asked for?
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
mers in the
super-market were staringat them:
Lady:(Interferes) Excuse me, please don’t get me wrong, I amyour son’s
(Charlton’s) Teacher.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
, all I know that I am still payingfor
it.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
-passenger:
Thankachan: That's nothing. He should see the back of my pant!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
FOR HER…..
A young man (Aaron) shopping in a supermarket noticed an Old lady following him
around. If he stops, she also stops. Furthermoreshe kept staring at him.
Old lady finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him andsaid:-
Old lady: Young man, I hopeI haven't made you
VWXYZ.
Teacher: Whereis U?
Melito: It'srunning down my legs.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
to keep their mouths shut. And
- would put up with anything, when I yell at them.
And we found all these qualities, only in married men.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
is
looking for work.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
OF MY……..
One fine afternoon, alittle 6 years old girl (Chinky) was returning home from
herschool. She saw a Policeman, by looking him up and down athis uniform, she
asked:-
Chinky: Excuse me Sir.
Policeman: Yes.
Chinky: Are you a Policeman?
Policeman: Yes, I am.
Chinky:
tary and doesn’twant to come back.
Leandro: Oh….., but aboutthe Porsche?
Aurora: Yesterday on phone,he said that he urgently needs money, he asked me to
sell his new Porsche,which was in my name and send him money. So I did.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
to know.
Inas: (Tensed) She is Paskin.
Izu: Paskin?
Inas: Yes, my ex-wife. She took up drinking right after we divorced fiveyears
ago, and I heard that she hasn’t been sober since.
Izu: My God, who would think a person could go on celebrating thatlong?
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
engrave "To my
one and only love".
JewellerUlhas: (Smiled) Sir, you are very romantic.
Joku: Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we breakup, I can
use it again to have a new girlfriend.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
stinks.
Dr. Borges: (Smiles) Good! Now that we have cleared up your sinuses, let's work
to improveyour hearing.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
and Iam just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck
as you had!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
.
Bartender:What’s wrong? You used to have whiskey and why you are so tensed and
upsettoday?
Andru:My wife and I got into a fight, and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for
amonth.
Bartender:So what’s wrong with that?
Andru:(Withdeep sorrow) That month ends up today.
Cajetan de
buying cigarettes!!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
MY OWN……
RitMari was so much tensed because her husband (JuzMunel) always comes home
late night fully drunk, and if she objects toit, JuzMunel quarrels with her.
It was 11:40 p.m. when JuzMunel enters home:-
RitMari: (With anger) Listen JuzMunel, I am really fed-upwith your overdrinking
ALL BY……
Teacher Silvina was very much admired of her little student (Rayan). Because he
always keeps his books clean and tidy, andwithout fail he always does his
homework.
One fine day during her class Teacher Silvina asks Rayan:-
Teacher Silvina: Rayan
Rayan: Yesteacher.
…...
ABOLIN: What?
LAZAR: You know it’s weekend, right?
ABOLIN: Yes of course I do. So?
LAZAR: So, Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
ABOLIN: Wow! (with excitement) That’s great, but darling, if you get home
before I do, please leavethe hallway light on.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
FILSU: I can’twear any dress because my husband is bald!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
Wishingall the
Sanvordem-kars and Curchorem-kars
avery happy feast of our patron
"GUARDIANANGEL"
whichis celebrating today
15thNovember 2015
Cajetan de Sanvordem
President
GuardianAngel Club
Kuwait
. The Cashier checks the card and
laughs, then takes back all the items that Dumelin had purchased:
Dumelin: (Shocked at this act) What you are doing? Why you are taking my things
back?
Cashier: (Smiled) I am sorry Ma’am, you husband has blocked your credit card.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
LOT OF…….
It was late evening. Simao enters his home from his office. His wife (Pelegrin)
wassitting on the sofa and reading a magazine:-
Simao: Hi darling.
Pelegrin: Oh, there you are. Come on now, changeyour clothes and go straight to
the kitchen, there are so many utensils to
happened? Why you are laughing?
Pearl: Mama, now I understandwhy Grandma’s hair are completely grey!!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
!!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
is it?
Petu: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they didnot do?
Sir Toraddo: No Petu. Why should I?
Petu: Thank you Sir. That’s a relief.
Sir Toraddo:Why you asked that?
Petu: Ihaven’t done the homework.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
;
And now, if you too do the same thing, than where do we stand? Wewill not be
able to show our face to our relatives, neighbors and villagers!!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
are left!
Interviewer: You are appointed, you can join right now!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
?
Raghu: (Replies with exhausted breath) Sir, when I went to the lift, it said
“During an emergency please use the staircase!!!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
DOWN WITH……
This happened at Margao Railway Station; Travelers were impatientlywaiting for
the train which was late for an hour.
In the waiting room, among others there was an over smart middleaged man
(Ladru) and sitting next to him was a young boy (Bolu):
Ladru: Bolu, just to kill the
MUST BE……….
Timotio, age 87, along with Geraldina, age 83; enters into Royal Pharmacy.
Timotio addresses the man behind the counter:-
Timotio: Are you the ownerof this Pharmacy?
Pharmacist: Yes Sir.
Timotio: Do you sell heartmedication?
Pharmacist: Of course we do.
Geraldina:
GAVE ME……….
Dr. Crasto is known throughout town as one of the best consultantson arthritis.
He always has a waiting room full of people who need his adviceand special
treatment.
One day, an elderly lady ( Liberata ) slowlystruggles into his waiting room.
She is completely bent over and
looking for the expiry date.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
LUNGS.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
REST OF…..
The newlywed wife, Anguri, said to her husband (Pankaj),when he returned home
from work:-
Anguri: Darling, I havegreat news for you.
Pankaj: Great news?
Anguri: Yes Love. “Khush khobri”.
Pankaj: Khush khobri? Tho bholona? Please tell me.
Anguri: Pretty soon we
I DON’T………
A young man (Dylan), excitedly tells his mother (Carmelin) :-
Dylan: Mom, I am in love. Pleaseallow me to marry the girl I love.
Carmelin: Do you think thatyou will be happy with her for the rest of your life?
Dylan: Yes Mom.
Carmelin: Well, than I don’twant go
he leaves. Is this true?
Zebelin:He is out of his mind, that idiot has been peeing in the refrigerator!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
dress?
Minglu:That’s right your honor.
Judge: But youhave admitted to breaking in four times!
Minglu: (Sighed) Yes, Your Honor.
Judge: To stillone dress, you broke four times?
Minglu:That’s because for the first three times my wife didn't like the colour!
Cajetan de Sanvordem
flatterer!
Girgol: (Interrupted) Hey, wait a minute!
Ritin: What happened?
Girgol: I haven't added them up yet.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
waiting for my secretary.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
, but I put the Rs:9,250/= cheque somewhere betweenthe pages of the
Bible.
Estevao: (Smiled) Oh…..,Now, we will come to know, how often our son reads the
Bible.
Cajetan de Sanvordem
Kuwait.
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