Those are not really network issues, but protocol issues: When I sign in, about 50 s2s connections need to be opened - and TLS needs to be negotiated on a lot of them. As my TLS key is 4096 bits RSA, this can take quite a while. IMO this is a protocol problem, because s2s links are clossed to fast. Instead, they should be kept open and presences cached. This would really solve the issue. It does not take 10 minutes for a stanza to get through, but 5 minutes until all s2s links are opened and all presences probed.
Out of interest, you arn't hosting your own xmpp server at home on an ADSL connection are you? That might explain the slow connection startup, i.e. insufficient upstream bandwidth.
If that's the case then that might be the root of your whole problem and what you need to look at resolving and get yourself some more appropriate hosting for your server, it would also explain why the rest of us arn't having similar problems.
Rich
