Oh Naomi,
My hearts hurts so bad for both of us. The physical rejection is more than
anyone can bare!! I married my husband loving him with all my heart .. a
second marriage for both of us. Since we were not children there was no sense
in waiting till we got married. We were very happy in everyway .. we have 3
children between us, none together. Twenty years ago on our wedding day ...
the marriage died. I will pray for you and all that are suffering this
horrific loss.
Catherine
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From: "ladyno...@aol.com" <ladyno...@aol.com>
To: jan...@centurytel.net; tmic-list@eskimo.com
Sent: Friday, June 12, 2009 4:18:07 PM
Subject: Re: [TMIC]
Janice,
My marriage has really deteriorated since my TM. My
husband and I have been together for 25 years, and our lives were just perfect,
before TM. We had just built a new home, our children are adults and
taking care of their families, I took an early retirement from my job, but was
back working there as a contractor making twice as much money, my husband had
just got a promotion to a management position, on his job. Our physical
relationship was the best it had ever been. It was banging (if I may use
that expression) Things were great! Then TM struck!
Initially, my husband was by my side every second of the
day. He was off work the first two months, because I was, initially, in
intensive care. Because I was totally paralyzed, he felt he
had to be there all the time. After being in rehab, nursing homes, and
hospitals, it was a year and two weeks, before I returned home again.
Because I did not have an aide, and did not know how to go about getting one
(not to mention we could not afford one), he took off work again, to care for
me. My mom came to live with us to help out. She's nearly 80 years
old. She can prepare meals and call 911 if needed. I keep my phone
on at all times, in case I need to call 911 for her. Otherwise, he makes
sure we both have our medicines, buys grocery for the house, pays the bills, and
keep the house running.
As for us, there's not much there. We're not intimate at
all! He has no desire for me in that capacity. He assures me he
loves me and he'll take care of me until the day he dies, but I guess there will
be no affection shown until then. He may kiss me on the forehead, but
that's it. He really does not like performing the duties of an aide and he
reminds me of that every time he has to put me to bed. We did get an aide
to come in the mornings and get me up, but we cannot afford one to come in the
evenings also. I am looking into going into an assisted living or group
home. Our home does not have an assessable bathroom for me. All of
our bathrooms are upstairs and there is no room on the first floor, to put a
bathroom. As much as I love this house, it just doesn't make any sense for
me to stay here. My husband will not be going to the assisted living
facility with me.
We now live at least an hour away from our friends and
family. When I move into a facility, it will be closer to friends and
family. Hopefully, that will enabled me to get out more often. Right
now I am at home daily just me and my mom. I have a wheelchair van, but my
mom is unable to drive it. I don't even feel comfortable going down the
ramp with her, so I'm stuck in the house all day, every day. On the
weekend, my husband wants to play golf. If I say I want to go somewhere or
do something else, he will go or do it, but I will know he doesn't want
to. He feels he doesn't get to do what he wants to do. Which is not
true, because he plays golf all the time. It just makes for a bad
situation. I think it's gotten to the point where he resents me. He
would never say that. His actions sure shows that. Which is too bad,
because I love him with all my heart. He has been there for me when the
rest of my family has failed me. I pray for us constantly. I ask you
all to do the same.
Naomi
C-4
Quadriplegic, since July 2, 2005
Due to Transverse
Myelitis
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