After having been gone for over a week, I'm trying to 'catch up' on all of my e-mails, some happy, some sad, so questionable. Usually, I just read them because I feel I don't have the right words to reply or can't say what I want as well as others.
Janice and Jude, this subject of sex is one Jack and I have talked about
since the beginning. Being a healthy and active couple before this happened
and then me coming home from the hospital with no feeling from the chest
down (other than that dang pain!!) I asked him how we should handle this.
He said if I can't feel he wants nothing to do with it. He said he makes
love to me just by touching me, holding my hand, doing little things like
bringing me coffee, even vacuuming since it hurts for me to do it. I have
brought it up several times in the last four years and he always says the
same thing. I've even asked him if he wants to try having sex to see if I
can feel even a little bit and he says, 'no, not even an issue'. I realize
I have to be one of the most blessed people in the world by the way he
treats me and loves me. Once in awhile, he can be a real shit (sorry if
that offends you but I can't think of a better suited word! :) and I think
that is probably just letting off some pent up steam.
Okay, back to my corner....interesting being a little mouse reading what
everyone says and feels. I cry, laugh, raise my eyebrows, agree, disagree,
but usually don't say much so you all got an earful today, I would say!!
Hugs for you all..Jeanne
-------Original Message-------
From: Janice
Date: 6/16/2009 10:38:27 PM
To: heyjude48...@aol.com; tmic-list@eskimo.com
Subject: Re: [TMIC]
Jude, how in the world could we hate you for being honest? Your
husband loves you very much. If not, why
would he come and get you to bring you home? Why would he have
contemplated suicide being without you?
Why would he bother to treat you so well in taking care of you? There
are many couples that do not have sex
and they have a great partnershp and a good marriage. Also, it is
NOT your fault you have the catheter in - so don't
go there.
As far as getting in that chair - you need to do it. You still have
several years left and you need to make the
most of them. Imagine what traveling with your husband again would be
like. You need to do this.
You are a great lady and have had a tough time, but from what I have read
about you, you have always worked
hard to be as strong as you can. You can do this.
Janice
----- Original Message -----
From: heyjude48...@aol.com
To: jan...@centurytel.net ; tmic-list@eskimo.com
Sent: Monday, June 15, 2009 2:23 AM
Subject: Re: [TMIC]
You know, it's funny (odd), but Dave and I were separated at the time I got
hit with TM. I was openly dating and in fact, was visiting a "friend" in
Ohio when it happened.
I lived in Ohio for a year before I couldn't stand it any more and begged
Dave to let me come home. He finally said yes and came to get me and all of
our furniture and other things.
Over the years I learned how much Dave loved me, although I was certain he
did not. I learned how deeply I hurt him. He told me how he sat for hours
out in his "barn" on a tall ladder with a rope around his neck trying to get
up the nerve to jump. When I heard this it hurt me to my very core...how
could I have been so awful, so mean, so cold and uncaring?
Through much counseling I learned how much anger was in me for this man.
How much his cold demeanor, never talking to me, perfunctory sex life, etc..
affected me. How it built up an anger in me that only hurting him back
would suffice.
I know it was wrong. I love this man more than my life. Years before we
began dating I would drive by his house every day and pray to God to allow
me to be with Dave. I must have prayed for three or four years before we
ran into each other in a laundrymat on a Saturday night. We talked for
hours, decided to go out and that was that. We were married a year later.
And in spite of everything, we have recently had our 23rd anniversary.
Since I am so profoundly affected by TM, and have a foley catheter in all of
the time our sex life has been nil. I feel like that's my fault. Maybe he
just hates me so much, he can't stand to touch me. He says that's not true,
it is that he is afraid he is going to hurt me.
We are intimate in other ways, he used to get into bed with me and cuddle,
but hasn't done that for years. I don't know why because he states no
reason. But he tells me he loves me at at least ten times a day and waits
on me hand and foot since I am mainly bed ridden. He treats me like a queen
and I do my best to show my appreciation in all manner of ways.
So, that's probably more information than you wanted to hear, but it's the
truth. It's been 8 years now of living like this and since I am working
hard at getting in my chair, we will soon be able to get loaded in the van
and go places...something he is looking forward to doing.
Now, with Pam's passing it has put a damper on both of our lives and I am
having trouble getting out of bed. I need to fight it off and go on with my
life.
I need help from my Internet friends. I know that my best friend would not
want me to live this way...to simply give up on life. I loved Pam like a
sister and she loved me in return.
Please Pray for me,
Jude...please don't hate me for being honest and telling all.
In a message dated 6/11/2009 11:39:09 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
jan...@centurytel.net writes:
It's Janice again. I have something else that I have wondered about and
have decided to just ask and see what is out there.
Do you feel that having TM has improved or destroyed the love/happiness in
your marriage/relationship with your partner?
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