Dear Sandeep,Thankyou for your kind concern. I don't think I could have written this otherwise...It is barely poetic, and I doubt if it creates any metaphors, but now i have written what is closest to my heart. I wish I could say all there is to say.I am grateful to you for your sincere criticism...and I do not think you are being insensitive, not in the least.The piece is still incomplete, but i am posting as much of it as i can...A bedtime story
I never like being out on a cold night,
I cannot conceive of ever leaving
My warm walls, my snug ceiling
And step out.
Where chilly darkness seeps into skin
My nails blue, my lips shivering
The breeze a knife tearing my gown
Breaching my warmth, searing my bones
I hate being cold
I suppose they stayed out all night -
Those few who could.
I hope they didnt hate being cold,
I hope they didnt hate being cold and lying out at night,
On that day and next and next -
And how many more?
I never like being wet in winter rain
The clothes clinging to my body; a second skin
Their ugly wetness trapping the chill of winds.
The water dripping, creeping, crawling
And shamelessly invading,
Chilling those veins cool winds cant reach;
It sets the teeth jittering.
I hate being wet in winter rain
I cannot think straight
I cannot even pray
I feel as if happiness was never real
But a dream, when Im that cold
And they have been wet in winter rain,
Those few who stayed outside
Those few who could
On that day and next and next
And how many more?
They must be thinking this by now
A dementors kiss is better somehow.
I have never been hungrier more than a day,
I have due to excesses, such nasty ways
Of wasting food.
Leaving it on plates, in mugs, in fridge
Letting it rot and throwing it away
I guess I dont need to say,
I would be looking in garbage heaps
If I were they.
I have never lost a loved one by now
I lost a baby brother when I was one
I dont think I loved him,
I couldnt love an unknown someone.
But sometimes on some lonely night
I dream of him and weep.
I suppose my mother dreams every night and weeps
Motherhoods bane
I cannot even imagine losing a child, my own,
Imagination pulls a break there, I cannot think anymore -
I shudder to think of their horror,
To lose one and an other,
And an other,
And so many more
They must be wishing they were with them inside,
They must be wishing they never got outside.
I never liked being late for school
I rarely took a day off
I would get up and ready in a jiffy
All fresh and shining clean.
Kissing my mother and waving goodbye
I was a good kid
So were they; so were all of them,
So were all thousands of them.
They all got up and ready in a jiffy,
All fresh and shining clean.
Kissed their mother and waved goodbye
Why did they have to be good kids?
Why did they reach on time?
Why didnt they dally on the way?
And reach long after nine?
But they came
They came and they came,
For they were good kids and they wanted to learn,
So they came to learn in classes,
They came in twittering masses,
And died.
Their mothers must be wishing they werent good kids.
Their mothers must be wishing they too had died.
sandeep pendse <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Dear Farah,
I have read all your postings with great interest for the simple reason that there is something very appealing to the naive me in most of your poems. They somehow speak to the unfinished me if you know what i mean.
This particualr one created some problems though - i see the anguish and the concern - the need to explode in the medium you are happiest with - does it go beyond a description that is available in the news headlines? - what insights of a poetic sensibility do i get? what metaphors do you create? -
i am sorry if you think i am being too insensitive - my simple point is that a poem should take us beyond the known facts and the logical analysis
else a journalistic piece is more effective
may i twist Mykovsky?
the task of a poet is to point out the destruction of the roses when the forest fires rage - any govt official will talk of the latter
let me repeat i enjoy your poems
S
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