Howdy, ecofem,
I agree with Kimberly that choice is important in the matters of keeping one's
own name, wearing rings, staying home to raise the kids, etc. It's important
to remember that people change and grow; a stance we take at one time in our
lives on these issues could easily be superceded by new concerns and
priorities. Or a re-interpretation of what we want from life. I wish these
matters were considered equally optional for and by men. I would love to see
a list where men debate whether or not it is "right" for them to stay home and
raise kids (dream on, Jane).
Re the matter of last names, my situation was a lot like Kimberly's, and I
liked trading my stepdad's name in for the brief time I was married. Later I
reclaimed it, but not because I thought about it. I do have an issue about it
now, though, which is that, having tried to research 18th and 19th century
female poets for many years, I discovered that women don't really have last
names. In this culture, you can trace a maternal line back maybe one
generation, then it dissipates. I think it would be great if all daughters
took the mother's last name, all sons the father's, and the family as a unit
did what they wanted (hyphenated or whatever--I know one couple who traded
last names, a playfully chaotic gesture that confounded traditionalists!).
But people aren't going to make these decisions based on Jane's research
needs, I realize; only diminishment of peer-pressure about these topics will
open the doors for people to do what pleases them.
Jane
