In a message dated 3/14/99 8:24:41 AM Pacific Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED]
writes:
<< I brought up this whole uncomfortable topic because it bothers me
about myself. Most feminists I know do not have this attitude...they
are loving and accepting of all women whatever they choose. So I feel
like a sexist troll for thinking this way. I am trying to change, so
any suggestions will help. Thanks all! Nan >>
Dear Nan,
I think I know what you mean. I used to be pretty judgmental about women I
thought were copping out to patriarchal attitudes about what is "right" or
"wrong" for women. I felt like my heart would judge even when my mind did
not. I don't know if the following applies to you at all, or to anyone else,
for that matter, but I had the realization that my emotional judgment of other
women's life choices actually sprang from my own fear of being subsumed. THEN
I realized the truth was actually that I WAS subsumed, no emotional boundaries
at all, and that my fear was of letting the facade of being in control slip.
So I worked (am working still) at setting boundaries for myself. These aren't
boundaries placed on others--what they say or do--but boundaries about what I
allow to affect me emotionally; what I "take on." For example, I realized
that my mother's shame at my current unmarried state belonged to her, not me,
and that I didn't have to have it as my own attitude. I consider this all in
an experimental stage, and have no wondrous tales of total universal
acceptance to relate, or some such. I apologize to the list for this meander
into the personal, but I do think it is important as feminists to understand
how we've aborbed patriarchal lessons and the ways in which they limit us.
Jane
