Reuters 05-02-2008:23:05 by our staff reporter. Today a small cult based in Holland founded by the Maharishi of Beatles fame announced that its leader for Germany "Raja" Emanuel Schiffgens has been identified as a government agent working for the German secret service (BND). For many years the cult has been living under the fear of infiltration by spies from the CIA and other government agencies but it was always thought that the penetration was limited to low level operatives. A spokesman said "We knew that someone was sending us off in funny directions but we couldn't work out who it was. In retrospect his performance in Central America should have made us suspicious and standing up in front of a German audience announcing that he planned to succeed where Hitler had failed was a bit of a giveaway but because he was disguised with a crown we thought he was one of us." asked how they finally rumbled him the spokesman said "He overplayed his hand, for years we'd been told that maintaining high prices meant we would take over the world by teaching meditation to rich people but it didn't seem to be working and we thought it must be government agents who were misdirecting us. We caught him out in a vote over the prices. We all voted to reduce the prices we charge for learning meditation and he was the only one holding out for higher prices. He was isolated and it was clear something funny was going on so we searched his room and found coded messages from his controller in the BND instructing him to make sure we kept prices so high no one would learn."
Asked what they planned to do to him he replied "Well he has to have a trial and it's well known that government agents float in water so we've arranged a public test to see if he floats, either that or we'll see if he's lighter than a duck" Another person in the cult claimed "He turned me into a newt! But I got better" Professor Van Dyke a leading Vlodropolgist from the University of Amsterdam said "We've known for years that they're stark raving bonkers but we thought it was the lysergic acid in the Argyreia Nervosa they put in their herbal preparations that was keeping them tripped out. To discover that it was actually all part of a government plot is quite a surprise. Though I think the agent must have had some help from the wood gnomes camped out on the southern perimeter of their compound otherwise he would have been outed earlier." -- ends
