all you need for this is a pack any kind of cigarettes and some
unmitigated gall and effrontery
standing yourself at some busy crossroads near shops where
distracted passersby may be found in some supply
approach on at a time and ask:
do you smoke?
if the answer is yes:
give tirade on the evils of smoking and break a cigarette in front
of them
stamping your feet and gnashing your teeth--though do try to be
within reason and not resemble too much a rabid soul in throes of seizure
if the person says no:
immediately proffer them a cigarette with non stop verbal assault
patter in charming used car dealer voice extollng the virtues of smoking,
the pleasures, the long and illustrious history of famous men women and
chimpanzees who have smoked, the role smoking played in the movies, in the
economic history of the world in Montezuma's Revenge--
and while doing this with great smoothness of patter and style
slide from used car salesman's vice into that of a magician performing for
children then into sententious virtuous tones of tv evangelist
keep this up as long as possible while evading bodily harm or
arrival of police
if the latter occurs tell the officers that you are simply
conducting a kind of "action event' survey on behalf f the local chapter of
the SOS
Stamp Out Smoking
any papers you receive from the police will confer a documentary
status upon the project
any injuries entailed will be duly noted
by photographic documentation as "body language
if nothing untoward occurs vis-a-vis smoking--
try this again , only subsituting in the procedure a few packets
of
"Slim Jims" in place of cigarettes
and instead of smoking being the issue, change to the eating of
meat
onwo/ards!
dave bc
