Big Hairy News <http://www.bighairynews.com/> ------------------------------
Mike Brown's Ghost: 'Yeah, I Jacked the Pig' <http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/typepad/uIXt/~3/ERB9pE7XcWw/mike-browns-ghost-yeah-i-jacked-the-pig.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email> Posted: 23 Oct 2014 11:11 AM PDT FERGUSON, Missouri (WNB) - During a seance Wednesday night, the purported ghost of Unarmed Gentle Giant(tm) Michael Brown admitted to attacking officer Darren Wilson. "Yeah, I jacked the pig. He was bein' a punk 'cuz we was in the street. If I was in better shape, I'd got dat Glock and capped his cracker ass. F*ckin' cigars and 'Lil Debbies..." The seance was organized by the St. Louis Paranormal Society with the hope of learning the truth about Brown's shooting. [image: Mike Brown Seance] <http://peacemoonbeam.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451af9f69e201b8d082c377970c-popup> Investigation: Michael Brown 'Tore Off Officer's Nuts' <http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/typepad/uIXt/~3/T6bogdjvivg/investigation-michael-brown-tore-off-officers-nuts.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email> Posted: 23 Oct 2014 09:21 AM PDT FERGUSON, Missouri (WNB) - Information leaked from the investigation into the shooting of Unarmed Gentle Giant(tm) Michael Brown indicates his assault on officer Darren Wilson may have been more violent than originally reported: *The investigation into the shooting of Michael Brown by Officer Darren Wilson established the following facts:* 1. *Officer Wilson politely asked Mr. Brown and his friend to not walk in the middle of the street. In response, Mr. Brown made an obscene gesture with both hands toward Officer Wilson while verbally disparaging the officer's mother.* 2. *When Officer Wilson attempted to exit his vehicle, Mr. Brown reached into the car and punched the officer in the face at least twice, then doused him with a flammable liquid and set him on fire using a disposable lighter.* 3. *As Officer Wilson doused his flaming clothes with coffee, Mr. Brown lunged through the window with a running chain saw in an apparent attempt to remove one or more of Officer Wilson's limbs.* 4. *When Mr. Brown lost control of the chainsaw after hitting the car's steering wheel, he then grasped one of Officer Wilson's testicles and forcibly removed it from his person.* 5. *Feeling threatened, Officer Wilson drew his sidearm, but Mr. Brown grabbed the weapon and turned it toward the officer, shooting him in his right foot, kneecap, and remaining testicle.* 6. *Mr. Brown turned to walk away and Officer Wilson exited his car while ordering Mr. Brown to stop. Mr. Brown then turned and threw several large, presumably poisonous spiders on Officer Wilson, then urinated on the officer as he attempted to remove the spiders.* 7. *Mr. Brown advanced on Officer Wilson with an industrial stapler and proceeded to staple Officer Wilson to the door of his patrol car. Mr. Brown then retrieved the still-running chainsaw from inside the car. * 8. *Fearing for his life, Officer Wilson shot Mr. Brown as he advanced in a threatening manner toward him with the chainsaw and what appeared to be a large snake. * *After reviewing all available evidence, we conclude that Officer Wilson was justified in his actions.* * [image: Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson] <http://peacemoonbeam.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451af9f69e201b7c6f8998e970b-popup>* You are subscribed to email updates from Big Hairy News <http://www.bighairynews.com/> To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now <https://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailunsubscribe?k=ViXCl-gDjgRlV4COOli3f0zx_cw> . Email delivery powered by Google Google Inc., 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA 94043, United States -- -- Thanks for being part of "PoliticalForum" at Google Groups. For options & help see http://groups.google.com/group/PoliticalForum * Visit our other community at http://www.PoliticalForum.com/ * It's active and moderated. Register and vote in our polls. * Read the latest breaking news, and more. --- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "PoliticalForum" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to [email protected]. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.
