Don't know where to begin...No thanks to romantic novels, hindi movies we have this expectation of ROMANCE which if not met leads to disapointment..My mom always says There is disappointment only when there is a point...meaning expectation...guess it takes a while to reach that stage...not sure if i'll reach it...got married in 1995 at the tender age of 21.5 ( i still tease my parents that they did Bala-Vivah for me)...wow been married for 15 yrs...but thankful for my loving, understanding, patient husband...But it did not feel that way when we were newly married due to the above mentioned EXPECTATIONS....used to expect that he would really swipe me off my feet, surprise me with romantic gifts, flowers, shout from the top of the building that he loves me (poor thing he did that for me from top of a mountain in San Francisco..when there was no one around us...just to make me happy)etc...etc...
he is the practical type who prefers taking me to shop for my birthday, our wedding anniversary to get me what i really want instd of surprising me with something.....or like Indu said, anyways i wud go to exchange/return ... But things have changed....due credit to my TEARS, Cribbing, bitching etc etc...he NOW surprises me with small things ...but again there is no satisfying a women (like me) bcos of our expectations... So Archana & other newly weds.....Things change with Time...Like WINE, it gets better with age....Last few years (i shud say aftr about 10 yrs of marriage) things r more under control when we know each other's likes, dislikes, what a particular LOOK means, exchange of thought without talking, etc...a secret smile, etc is more important .... Ours was an arranged marriage(not forced by parents....felt v.comfy in talking to him when he came ot SEE me...felt like i was talking to an old friend)...got married within 10 days of our meeting...as Satish had to get back to USA due to work /less vacation etc.... From the other emails & talking to other friends here who have LOVE marriage, it is the same....Love or Arranged marriage, things flal into a routine after a time...but comfortable routine with ..+ add to it kids...Kids take precedence over other stuff...But it is upto both the parties to keep the flame alive...by doing small things.... Chalo then, Love Guru Jaya ________________________________ From: indu iyer <[email protected]> To: [email protected] Sent: Sun, February 21, 2010 3:43:11 AM Subject: Re: Views on marriage Thats nicely said, Sameer - "nothing is really good or bad..there are different ways we can enjoy". I used to (and still do) love surprises, but my husband always believed in taking me to the store and buying what I really wanted..bcos I had(ve) the reputation of returning/exchanging a lot, so he used to say, u will anyway return what I buy, so why don't u select it in the first place..that used to disappoint me, as I felt there was no surprise element. I got married when I was almost 25 (that used to be considered a bit late for girls, especially when your peers got married long b4 u did), I had my first son after 5 yrs of marriage..bcos at that time we felt we shud spend more time just the two of us, like u mentioned Sameer..but later on I questioned that decision, wondering if it wud've been okay to have had the kids much earlier, if it wudve been better to have had a smaller gap age-wise with the kids..its human tendency to question one's own decisions or thoughts..not that I regret anything today. Yes I agree Sushma, after a few years of marriage, gifting, or forgetting to gift your better half on special occasions seems trivial, and there is not much expectations on that area. Afterall there are a lot of other ways, better ways, to express love. These material things don't matter anymore. Arch..after years of understanding and togetherness, just an eye contact, or sharing a smile on something silly you or your kid did, or some thought u shared..is enough to feel content (do I sound like an old hag? hehe) And ofcourse, those little tiffs and arguments and later on making up keeps the flame alive :-) Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts on this..its really interesting to hear different views on the subject. Cheers! Indu On Fri, Feb 19, 2010 at 7:50 PM, Sameer Chhatre <[email protected]> wrote: Talking about this. I like to gift my wife but she doesnt really care. Not because she doesnt love me, but thats the kind of person she is. This holds true not only for valentine's day but for all occassions. I personally dont like it because I believe that love should be expressed. Therefore we have decided that when we feel like gifting ya phir jyada pyaar aa raha hoga (it hardly happens these days given kids and busy lifestyle) we will talk about gifting and if she wants anything at that time she will tell me. > >No one gifted me anything for my birthday because I could never celebrate it. >Its in may and in may there is school vacation. So no one sang for me. Hence I >dont remember other people's b'days bar a few. >When we were newly married, i was filling some form and I typed wrong date for >my wife's b'day. She was there and she just corrected me and didnt mind at >all. We both laughed. > >When we all met last time, we were talking about life mei kya reh gaya etc, I >said I should have lived single for 1 more year in Australia and then just the >two of us before having the first kid for another 2 more years. Someone said >he didnt get to live even for a year by himself and got married at 23? So I >thought I got a bit more time than this person. I know a few of us got married >when I was still studying engineering. >Like Subu said, we haev to live with it really. and its not bad. There are >different ways we can enjoy. > >Sameer >________________________________ Date: Fri, 19 Feb 2010 07:47:57 +0000 > >Subject: Re: Views on marriage >From: [email protected] >To: [email protected] > >I must be indeed sounding trivial to you guys. I even told his mom that I was >angry he didn't remember. She didn't guarantee he would remember every >time..."he is like that...if he remembers he will, if he won't, he won't. You >should not mind it." how helpful is that -- he will remember and may not >remember....well there are only two such possibilities anyway. > > >But i find it very silly to discuss with my mom-in-law. Oh Nooooooooooooo! >Sushma, I do hope a lot though...and guess what it turns into demands. > > >:-) > > >On Thu, Feb 18, 2010 at 11:30 PM, Sushma Salian <[email protected]> wrote: > >after years of marriage, gifting, forgetting to gift & getting sad about it >seems to be trivial & no gifting seems to be the better option to keep the >peace of the house & mind maintained. where there's hope there is despair, >(asha karoge to nirasha hogi)- very pessimistic- or realistic? any comments on >this, anybody... >> >> >> >> ________________________________ From: subramaniam sreenivasan <[email protected]> >> >>To: [email protected] >>Sent: Thu, February 18, 2010 5:26:45 PM >> >>Subject: RE: Views on marriage >> >> >>It started on 14th Feb 2010 for me and by me... when there were no gifts .. >>till then, there was, always. Now, if you look at it positively, gifts become >>lower priority because with time people find so many other ways to express >>their love. >> >>But dont you worry, it will not happen to you. Given how thoughtful Vaskar >>has been, inspite of being far away, tells me that you will be receiving >>gifts until you are 80. >> >> >>________________________________ Date: Wed, 17 Feb 2010 23:01:39 +0000 >>Subject: Re: Views on marriage >>From: [email protected] >>To: [email protected] >> >>Subu, i would really like to know how it started...in terms of V-day, >>birthday, anniversary...and when giving gifts started dropping from the >>priorities. This will be hugely beneficial to me. >> >> >>I was actually angry with Vaskar, thinking he is never going to remember. He >>is not with me, he is in Delhi...to join me here in April. I sent him two >>personalised cards but no flowers or anything. as i was angry even before the >>day had arrived assuming he won't care or remember...and then on Saturday...i >>was completely surprised to get the goodies. >> >> >>Left me feeling miserable anyway, for having such negative thoughts about >>him. Ours is almost an arranged marriage...we are still knowing each other i >>guess. I would think that matters. No? >>arch >> >> >>________________________________ Hotmail: Trusted email with Microsoft’s powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now. >> > > ________________________________ Australia's #1 job site If it exists, you'll find it on SEEK.
