On Thu, Jun 26, 2014 at 1:15 PM, phoebe ayers <phoebe.w...@gmail.com> wrote: > > > > On Tue, Jun 24, 2014 at 6:29 AM, Valerie Aurora <vale...@adainitiative.org> > wrote: >> >> Hi Derric, >> >> This list is not for the purpose of improving people's communication >> skills. If you would like to help women in Wikimedia projects and you >> know that you have difficulty communicating without offending people, >> working on your communication skills in another venue is a good first >> step. A good second step is to search the internet for resources on >> ally skills. > > > This response seems a bit harsh to me; the list may not be about > communication skills in general, but good communication is certainly a part > of learning to be a good ally, and thus seems to fall within our discussion > remit.
Hi Phoebe, Thanks for your thoughtful and carefully explained comment! The perspective I am coming from here is over 13 years of experience with spaces for supporting women in open tech/culture, starting with LinuxChix in 2002. A pattern that groups like this have found over and over again is that a spaces designed to support women in these areas inevitably attract men with poor social skills, who then ask the group for (unpaid) help improving their social skills. In most open tech/culture groups, such requests would be unthinkable, but we are often socialized to expect women to provide emotional support and help to others (especially men and children) on request, without consideration for the value of their time and energy. The result is that, without a strong awareness and guarding of the original purpose of the group, the group dedicates an ever-larger portion of its time to teaching men social skills. Many of the people who are interested in the original purpose of the group tend to lose interest and depart. This is exactly what happened to LinuxChix - our IRC channel became primarily about counseling various men who had found a welcoming and supportive environment, and our mailing lists were more enjoyable and fulfilling for men looking for emotional boosts than for women looking for a supportive environment where they could talk about Linux. In short, I agree with you that there is some potential benefit to providing free social skills counseling to men who are interested in supporting women in open tech/culture. In my experience, the cost is much greater: the time and emotional energy of many women that could be used much more effectively on other projects. -VAL -- Valerie Aurora Executive Director You can help increase the participation of women in open technology and culture! Donate today at http://adainitiative.org/donate/ _______________________________________________ Gendergap mailing list Gendergap@lists.wikimedia.org https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/gendergap
