Thanks for excellent comments below. Let's keep them in mind. Even some
of us "tough chicks" still can get sucked into the "helper" role even if
it's against our own interests... sigh...
On 7/2/2014 6:33 PM, Valerie Aurora wrote:
....
Hi Phoebe,
Thanks for your thoughtful and carefully explained comment! The
perspective I am coming from here is over 13 years of experience with
spaces for supporting women in open tech/culture, starting with
LinuxChix in 2002.
A pattern that groups like this have found over and over again is that
a spaces designed to support women in these areas inevitably attract
men with poor social skills, who then ask the group for (unpaid) help
improving their social skills. In most open tech/culture groups, such
requests would be unthinkable, but we are often socialized to expect
women to provide emotional support and help to others (especially men
and children) on request, without consideration for the value of their
time and energy.
The result is that, without a strong awareness and guarding of the
original purpose of the group, the group dedicates an ever-larger
portion of its time to teaching men social skills. Many of the people
who are interested in the original purpose of the group tend to lose
interest and depart. This is exactly what happened to LinuxChix - our
IRC channel became primarily about counseling various men who had
found a welcoming and supportive environment, and our mailing lists
were more enjoyable and fulfilling for men looking for emotional
boosts than for women looking for a supportive environment where they
could talk about Linux.
In short, I agree with you that there is some potential benefit to
providing free social skills counseling to men who are interested in
supporting women in open tech/culture. In my experience, the cost is
much greater: the time and emotional energy of many women that could
be used much more effectively on other projects.
-VAL
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