Waalaikum'Salaam brother,
...rather heartfelt words... unfortunately, the sisters had no choice but to
remain and struggle as single women or mothers--or go to whomever would help
give them the support that they needed. Most of the sisters remained single
(for various reasons), but most importantly, most of them became
self-sufficient and refused to remarry (though they face various challenges
especially from a non-Muslim society because they are either isolated from
their community or single mothers raising children). The few that did not have
any other resources, family support or otherwise had to make a choice to
survive. I can't get into details but it wouldn't hurt us to provide within
each community social services that will cater to our needs while living in
this Western culture. Other religious groups do it, but we need more
organization and an impetus to provide needs for everyone in the community
especially this new trend in divorced and single mothers who are
Muslims.
If you want to help most of these sisters, please look into the Nevada area
especially Las Vegas. There is more dawah provided there to ungrateful
non-Muslims rather than a social service network for some of the sisters who
are single mothers. One local leader provided hotel stays for non-Muslim
families for a week when they refused to give a sister $250 to help pay her
rent (we got the money from other sisters and someone sent $500 from Saudi to
give her). Most of these sisters isolate themselves for unknown reasons of
shame, self-doubt, self-protection, weakened emaan, fear of rejection or being
judged.
Just to inform you, most Muslim men do not want a "tainted woman", and most
within the community prejudge a divorcee as such with much rumor and
innuendoes. Most of the time these women remain single, accept what will
benefit them overall, or become lost to the fundamentals of their faith because
of personal experiences.
You must know the social network of a local masjid--the good brothers are
competed for by most of the mothers for their young daughters. Most brothers
want young virgins, and usually would not consider an older woman with children.
Yes brother, you are right that Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men is haraam;
but what do you tell your child when his mother is struggling to find food for
them? To get help most of these women went to non-Muslim social services where
they faced discrimination tactics from people who worked there. Your rights
are lessened if you are a Muslim woman with no legal status in a country that
provides others with the same status full provision of social care. (I can
give you an example but I have written too much already.) Anyway, some of
these disgusting Western men make offers for solution that I know most Muslim
women reject. This attitude by some makes these women more determined to
better their lives through halal means. I can tell you that most of these
women will not tell you of their struggle--but they will tell other women close
to them. Unfortunately, some of these women are not in a capacity to help
others especially if they
themselves are facing their own personal challenges at home.
Brother, what can we all do?
P.S.
j786SURAH22
--- On Thu, 9/18/08, [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: Re: Bismillah [IslamCity] Re: Proper ruling on multiple marriages
To: "eGroup For Muslims Around The World" <islamcity@yahoogroups.com>
Date: Thursday, September 18, 2008, 8:28 PM
Salaam alaikum,
Before any of the sisters condemn me for what I am about to say, let's make one
thing clear, may those brothers deserve whatever punishment they get in this
life and the next. Now that we have that out of the way, the quote:
Other divorced sisters that she knew all went on to remain single or did marry
non-Muslim men.
Is an oxymoron. There is no such thing as a muslim woman marrying a non-muslim
man. There maybe a piece of paper from the city, but I would take that piece of
paper and wipe my backside with it. It is glorified fornication. That is all.
Same with those brothers that do mutaa or whatever else they want to call it.
But don't let your bad experiences with bad people make you a bad person too.
Even if that bad person is a former husband (or wife for that matter). Rephrase
the sentence to:
Other divorced sisters that she knew all went on to remain single or are in
haram relations with kafirs.
Salaam alaikum
Z T
----- Original Message ----
From: "[EMAIL PROTECTED]" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: eGroup For Muslims Around The World <[EMAIL PROTECTED] ps.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 16, 2008 12:52:51 AM
Subject: Re: Bismillah [IslamCity] Re: Proper ruling on multiple marriages
Jazak'Allaahao Khayran brother....you were specific.... .quite detailed.... you
100% answered my questions. I believe that you were the only one to provide
the exact response that I needed....
In regards to the "walk away" phrase--it makes reference to the request for the
khulu because the "brother" is financially secure and refused to support his
most recent wife because she is educated. He even refused to buy her a cup of
coffee! (Alhamdullilah, the imam granted her request last Monday for the
khulu because her ex-husband was requesting for her to return the cost of her
ring ($800) and additional monies totalling over $1500 (which she doesn't
have). The ring was part of the agreement as her only request as her mahr
because she thought he was not financially capable of more. He knew that she
was unemployed and had promised to take care of her and her children until she
found a job; but he went on to marry another sister who is supporting him.
Nevertheless, he did leave a couple of his other wives financially secure
(while the others, he simply walked away from the marriages).
This is the sister's second failed marriage, and Inshaallah, she hopes to never
marry again. Other divorced sisters that she knew all went on to remain single
or did marry non-Muslim men.
Inshaallah she will be able to find a job and be able to take care of her
children.
Waa'Salaam Alaaikum brother
j786SURAH22
--- On Fri, 9/12/08, [EMAIL PROTECTED] com <[EMAIL PROTECTED] com> wrote:
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] com <[EMAIL PROTECTED] com>
Subject: Bismillah [IslamCity] Re: Proper ruling on multiple marriages
To: "eGroup For Muslims Around The World" <[EMAIL PROTECTED] ps.com>
Date: Friday, September 12, 2008, 8:01 PM
As-Salaamu 'Alaykum,
I think I will have to answer these questions because of what is coming up
afterwards.. . so my answers are below after the questions in red colored text.
wa'l salaamu alaykum
Re: Proper ruling on multiple marriages
From: J M
Sent: Sunday, September 07, 2008 3:36 AM
Subject: Proper ruling on multiple marriages
Asalamalaikum waa'rahmatullah waa'barakatuhu,
1. What is the proper ruling on multiple marriages? A man is allowed to marry
up to four woman maximum, IF he can give them their rights and if he cannot
then he is not allowed to marry more. Some of their (wives') rights are equal
spending on each, equal time shared, equal treatment, their private residence
(unless they agree to share one residence, but still then private rooms
minimum).
2. Can the man marry more than one woman at a time, and not inform the wives of
each other? Yes he can, but it would better for him and them that he informs
and talks with them first. It part of kind treatment that he talks his wife
first to make it easier for her.
3. Can the woman seek khulu (without his permission to accept her decision to
divorce) if she did not consent to a polygamous marriage or informed of other
wives before she married the man? That depends on what took place before
marriage. Did she ask him if he was single or did he state he was single? If he
deceived her with his lieings then she has a valid reason for khula. You might
have heard of a virginity case in france where the woman said she was chaste
(virgin) before marrying the man but afterwards it was revealed that she lied
so he took her to the court for a divorce and the french court granted on the
premise of lieing of a condition (virginity) that was met to be married.
4. Can she walk away from the marriage where there has been deceit and
non-financial support of her? What is walk away? just leave? she is still his
wife and until there is a divorce or a khula, she remains his wife. If she is
silent about it then she accepted it, so cannot just walk away. If she is ok
with it then she has to ask for her rights.
I know what is Sunnah but some brothers have made mutaa marriages commonplace.
Mutaa marriage of any kind is forbidden in Islam! There are other marriages,
similar to mutah marriage, in egypt that is practiced and it is even worse than
muta marriage because it is nothing but a front for a summer fling. The
scholars of egypt have even spoken against this.
Waa'Salaam
j786SURAH22
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************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
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{Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom
(i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue
with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone
astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.} (Holy
Quran-16:125)
{And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in
His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites
(men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I
am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33)
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if
Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of
camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim]
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever
calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who
follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all."
[Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]
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Recommended:
http://www.ikhwanwe b.com
http://www.islamonl ine.net
http://www.islam- guide.com
http://www.prophetm uhammadforall. org
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