The sister does not know what to do now....the brother begged her forgiveness to take him back after the wife in Korea requested her khulu from him (though this sister received her request earlier).....this sister's unsure even though she did Istikarrah on this husband... The imam offered his opinion on what this sister should do; and the sister thinks his opinion matters despite her weakened heart for her ex-husband.
Waa'Salaam j786SURAH22 --- On Wed, 9/24/08, J M <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: Date: Wednesday, September 24, 2008, 10:32 PM --- On Sat, 9/20/08, [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Subject: Bismillah [IslamCity] Re: Proper ruling on multiple marriages To: "eGroup For Muslims Around The World" <islamcity@yahoogroups.com> Date: Saturday, September 20, 2008, 4:04 PM Deceit and lying are not a justification for anything, single or multiple marriages. The judge can annul the marriage if such things are done to trick the person into marriage. If a woman stipulates that she be informed before he takes any wives then it's not that he should respect that, but he HAS to inform her. That was one of the conditions for the marriage he agreed to before marrying so he has to fulfill that unless she states otherwise. Same way with caring for her. RESPONSE: He never stipulated that he only intended to stay with each wife on a short-term basis before leaving them. Nikah is the marriage contact just you have business contracts and every contract has conditions that can be put in before it is signed. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wassalam) said that these nikah contract conditions are more deserving to be fulfilled since they make man/woman permissible for each other. RESPONSE: He has created his own nikah contract(s) to suit his need for more than one wife. He cannot "return" her to her ex-husband. She is not a property. He can only divorce her and then it is her decision alone to marry whom so ever she chooses. If this man is doing such things then doesn't the community of such a man? sisters should be informing other sisters so they are protected from such a person. It seems like this person just wants to derive pleasure from as many women as he can without giving them their rights. It seems even more a true argument if he's involved in zinah with non-muslim women also. A person cannot make marriage such play thing. RESPONSE: I tried to contact his current wife who offered her mahr back to him but she was quite mean--oh well! I have only been in contact with two other women, and he requested for them not to say anything to me. I told the one in Tunisia to "stop encouraging him"--don't know if she listened to me. The one in Montreal (not his current wife), I believe I have only spoken to her a couple of times (at his behest though I did not know it was his wife). She avoids him when he tries to contact her. Like I mentioned before, the woman need to do their research properly since they are the ones who will be affected more with what happens in the marriage. They need to make sure the person is a good person and not pretending to be one. Especially when it involves polygyny. Interview the man's current and ex wives. If he is good then he has nothing to worry about if he has something to hide then he will dislike the idea. RESPONSE: To reiterate my agreement: you, brother, are 100% right. It is quite difficult for the revert to do research on a brother because we are often "randomly selected" for marriage. Most reverts do not fit into an exact ethnic or cultural background of certain groups within our ummah. Even African American Muslims are racially diverse, and often prefer selecting women close to their culture. For me, as a Jamaican Muslim, I would have to create close ties with the community in Jamaica with the hope of finding a husband among that group. I have my own prejudices, and I pray for Allah SWT to help me be a better Muslim for that reason. This brother came with fluency in Arabic and French. He was versed in Quran, and made everyone believe that he was a good Muslim. His friends never said a word against him, so no one had any idea of what he had planned to do. I know that one of his friends refuses to speak with him; the rest show their support in various ways--but no one told us that he was a serial bridegroom! It is painful to experience lost love, but more heartwrenching when someone uses the name of Allah SWT to do the evil work of shaytaan by using lies and deception. Re: Proper ruling on multiple marriages Posted by: "J M" J M jmugh786 Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:19 pm (PDT) Waalaikum'Salaam, No one is questioning what is Sunnah in terms of the limits on wives (for the man), but deceit and lies are not a part of justifying multiple marriages. If the woman stipulates that she has a right to be informed before and not after the marriage, then this should be respected. This brother promised to care for his wife before marriage then refused to care for her after the marriage was completed. But, a few of the others (who he still calls his wives) benefit fully from their marriages with him. It is haraam to show favor of one wife over another! When he is tired of that wife (as he did to one sister), he simply got permission to return her to her ex-husband and left to marry another one. Just for your information, the "7th" is just a number and does not include the non-Muslim women he associates along with his wives. Haraam! j786SURAH22
