Sarah wrote, about Joni turning to Catholic nuns before giving birth to Kilauren:
"I'm guessing wildly here, because I have no idea, but it wouldn't surprise me. There may even have been an element of self-punishment in it: I'm not good enough, I'll give the baby to people who will know I'm not good enough etc. Odd ideas can lodge in young girls' minds with surprising ferocity, and they often come out in the first flush of a pregnancy - feelings of self-disgust, low self-esteem, self-hatred, lack of self-definition. For that reason, it's important to keep young girls (boys too, but for other reasons) away from people who will make them feel inadequate or inferior - and sadly, the Catholic Church has a reputation for excelling in those areas. And Kakki wrote: I think Joni might have a love/hate relationship with those old-world nuns she was exposed to and also, I think, when she was in the hospital long-term with polio as a child. Why did she turn to them again when she was pregnant?" Me now: I'm basing this on a memory of an old article (maybe in Vogue, circa August, 1995, which was one of the very first times Joni spoke of this experience publicly?). And, as I recall it, the article discussed the birth taking place in a Catholic hospital, not a home, although I could be wrong--it's been a while. However, whatever the exact location, I never got the impression that Joni had much of a choice in the matter, or that she was somehow trying to punish herself. Why did she go to the nuns? She was young, pregnant, in desperate poverty--and they were there. It may have been as simple as that. I don't know what social services were available in Toronto then. But my clear sense from various interviews I've read by Joni on this subject over the years is that either she didn't know what government or other assistance was available to her, or that, truly, nothing was. Mary P.
