���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->���
and
���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->���
presents

<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!--------------------->

PUREHUMOUR is sent by request ONLY...if you wish to stop
receiving these mailings then please visit:
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Only a week until Christmas....finished shopping yet? We're not...still have
a few things to get for the kids and now it becomes a race to the checkouts!
Ever notice that the stores have the stupidest clerks working at the busiest
time of year? And no matter which checkout line you choose...all the other
ones move faster? And for some reason...that little old lady in front of you
just always chooses to find that last penny at the bottom of her purse...
sometimes it makes you wanna scream! I guess it is all worth it for about
5 minutes on Christmas morning as the kids rip apart everything under the
tree. And then the next day it all begins again as you take things back to
the store that are too small, broken or not what they wanted! Oh what a
wonderful time of year!

Too late for Christmas...but Judy's Giftshop is open all year round:
<a href=" http://giftshop.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a
http://giftshop.paulsfunhouse.com

Today's issue includes contributions by: Barb, Joe, Rubin, Ishy, Kay,
Barbara, Greg, Elejay.

If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a>

���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------���
Lets start with a quickie:

How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?

She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Getting it wrong...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1088 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1088

The system works??
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1086 ">Click Here </a>
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���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------���
Today's issue is brought to you by:

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���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Anni had just reached the airport in the nick of time to
catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in France.

"I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Anni.

"What on earth for?" asked Sam.

"I've left our airline tickets on it."

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

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���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------���

Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day!
<a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a>
http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php

���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------���

If today is your birthday...you share it with:

1961 Sarah Dallin rocker (Bananarama-Venus)
1961 Venice Kong St Mary Jamaica, playmate (September, 1985)
1962 Giulla Boschi Italian actress (Act of Contrition, Bonus Malus)
1962 Rocco Anthony Mediate Greensburg PA, PGA golfer (1991 Doral-Ryder)
1964 Eric Brown New York NY, actor (Buzz-Mama's Family)
1964 Frank Musil Pardubice Czechoslovakia, NHL defenseman (Ottawa Senators)
1964 Joe Wolf NBA forward/center (Orlando Magic, Denver Nuggets)
1964 Tyrone Braxton NFL safety (Denver Broncos-Superbowl 32)
1965 Craig Berube Calahoo, NHL left wing (Washington Capitals)
1965 Jeff Grayer NBA guard (Charlotte Hornets, Olympics-bronze-1988)
1965 Scott Edward Gump Rockledge FL, PGA golfer (1991 International-2nd)
1966 Hans Visser Dutch soccer player (MVV, FC Utrecht)
1967 Alan Nolet Toronto Ontario, gymnast (Olympics-96)
1967 Pauline Maurice Welland Ontario, softball outfielder (Olympics-96)
1967 Vincent Damphousse Montr�al, NHL center (Montr�al Canadiens)
1968 Curtis Pride Washington DC, outfielder (Detroit Tigers)
1968 Jeff[rey] Klepacki Kearny NJ, rower (Olympics-1992, 96)
1969 Dean Wilson Kaneohe HI, golfer (1991 Western Athletic)
1969 Marc Davis Oceanside CA, 3K steeplechase runner (Goodwill-gold-94)
1969 Marty Carter NFL safety (Chicago Bears)
1969 Rob Maas Dutch soccer player (Feyenoord)
1969 Scott Player WLAF punter (Frankfurt Galaxy)
1970 Benedictine [St Bernard]; becomes heaviest known dog (137 kg)
1970 Earl Dotson NFL tackle (Green Bay Packers-Superbowl 31)
1970 Michael Mols soccer player (FC Twente)
1971 Alyson Habetz Crowley LA, female pitcher (Colorado Silver Bullets)
1971 Carl Reeves NFL defensive end (Chicago Bears)
1971 Mark Byers WLAF linebacker (Frankfurt Galaxy)
1971 Nikki McCray Collierville TN, basketball guard (Olympics-gold-96)
1971 Sari Kristiina Fisk ice hockey defenseman (Finland, Olympics-98)
1971 Tony Richardson NFL fullback (Kansas City Chiefs)
1972 Brian Williams NFL linebacker (Green Bay Packers-Superbowl 31)
1972 Dewayne Washington cornerback (Minnesota Vikings)
1972 Don Davis linebacker (New Orleans Saints)
1972 Ivan Pedroso Cuba, long jumper (Olympics-4th-92)
1974 Giovonni Ribisi actor (Cory-My 2 Dads, New Leave it To Beaver)
1975 Milla Jovovich Kiev Ukraine, actress (Return to Blue Lagoon, Chaplin)
1975 Napiera Danielle Groves Miss USA-Washington DC (1997, Miss Congeniality)
1975 Nick Farrell East York Ontario, boxer (Olympics-96)
1979 Jaimee Foxworth actor (Judy Winslow-Family Matters)
1979 Cheri Vivette Alexander Miss District of Columbia Teen USA (1997)
1981 Emma Laaksonen ice hockey defenseman (Finland, Olympics-98)

.....and on this day in history:

1961 Disgruntled employee set fire to a Niteroi Circus of Rio de Janeiro circus tent in Niteroi Brazil; 323 die
1962 Beatles 1st British TV appearance (People & Places)
1963 West & East Berlin sign accord about travel rules
1965 Largest newspaper-Sunday New York Times at 946 pages (50�)
1969 USAF closes Project Blue Book, concluding no evidence of extraterrestrial spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings
1970 Gdansk, Poland shipworkers strike
1971 Cease-fire between India & Pakistan in Kashmir
1972 New line of control agreed to in Kashmir between India & Pakistan
1973 Arab terrorists shoot passengers on Boeing 737 to Kuwait
1975 Lynette Fromme is sentenced to life for attempt on President Ford's life
1976 Superstation WTBS in Atlanta went national
1977 Elvis Costello & The Attractions 1st US TV appearance (Saturday Night Live)
1978 Referendum approves new constitution of Rwanda
1979 Budweiser rocket car reaches 1190 kph (record for wheeled vehicle)
1983 Bomb attack on Harrod's war house in London, 5 killed, 94 injured
1986 Mrs Davina Thompson makes medical history by having the 1st heart, lung & liver transplant (Papworth Hospital in Cambridge, England)
1987 Czechoslovak party leader Gustav Hus�k resigns
1988 USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan/Semipalitinsk USSR
1989 Brazil elects conservative Fernando Collor de Mello president
1991 NBA's most lopsided game Cleveland beats Miami 148-80
1991 Soap opera "One Life To Live" airs its 6,000th episode
1992 General Suwa finds tooth of 4.4 million year old Australopithecus ramidus
1993 Kevin Scott skates world record 1000 meter (1:12.54)
1994 KLM's last DC-10 goes out of service

�2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa
Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on
Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney,
and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when
the girl says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay."

Santa replies: "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go,
Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and
panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa,
please stay."

Santa replies: "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go,
Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

Santa begins to sweat.

The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa...
Please... Stay."

Santa replies: "HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go,
Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

Santa wipes his brow.

She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please...
Stay....."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow says:

"HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can't get up the
chimney with my pecker this way !!!"

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

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���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------���

"More and more information coming out on Saddam Hussein. We now know
that he has, like, 24 presidential palaces. Each one of these palaces of
Saddam's has a dolphin pool and an amusement park. Well, if you didn't
think this guy was creepy before ? Now he's starting to sound like
Michael Jackson."
-David Letterman

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Nice Bra
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/018.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/018.html

Bin Brothers
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/019.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/019.html

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Signs Your Family May Be Dysfunctional.....

* New bill to ban assault weapons specifically mentions your family.
* Your vacations are planned through AA instead of AAA.
* Your mother and your preteen sister always fighting over the last
beer.
* In the middle of family reunion, FBI cuts power to ranch.
* Bikers next door always complaining about the noise.
* Holidays are usually celebrated by sniffing glue and kicking a
toaster around the house.
* Family discussions usually begin with, "Put the gun down."
* Instead of saying grace before dinner, father reads a passage from
Penthouse Forum.
* Thanksgiving Dinner consists of Wild Turkey instead of roast turkey.
* Uncle Billy Bob thinks he is an orthodox Rabbi...and refuses to eat
bacon on Saurdays.

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Sprouts for bait...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1087 ">Click Here </a>
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Should have known...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1085 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1085

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

There was a woman named Terri and a stranger name Sam
who are sitting in adjacent seats in airplane. Terri
was very nervous about flying and says to Sam, "Let's
talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Sam, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly,
takes off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to
discuss?"

Terri says, "Oh, I don't know; how about Nuclear Power?"

Sam says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting
conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A
horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff. But the
deer excretes pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse,
clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"

Terri says, "I don't know."

Sam says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're quali-
fied to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know shit?"

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���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------���

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���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

When our son was five, we discovered we were expecting again. At three
months, we decided to tell him, before other people could "see" that another
baby was on the way. One evening, his Dad sat down with him on the couch and
asked him if he wanted to know a secret. Of course he did, so his Dad
whispered in his ear, "Momma's going to have a baby."

Our son whispered back into his Dad's ear, "Does she know yet?"

���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------���

If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back
would the parts you use disappear because they didn't exist then?

���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------���

Some German words have become so commonly used in English that they are now considered part of the American language. Which of these is NOT an American word adopted from German?

A. Poltergeist
B. Noodle
C. Sauerkraut
D. Kindergarten
E. They are all German words
F. None of these are German words

<Answers in Next Issue!>

15/12

Last Issue's Answers:

When did the Canadian Pacific Railway complete its transcontinental line?

D. 1885

� Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications
Website: http://quizqueen.net
Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED]

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Spice Girls
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/020.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/020.html

When Hens Eat Fruit Loops
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/026.html ">Click</a>
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���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------���

<To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will
now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully
smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are
requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation
is expected.>

Late one Friday night the police spotted Paddy O'Shaunessey
driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They
pulled Paddy over and asked him if he had been drinking that
evening.

"Aye, to be sure. So I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and
the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And
then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served
these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'
those. Then I had to drive me friend Michael O'Connor home and
o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be
rude."

"Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later."
And Paddy fumbled around in his coat for some moments until he
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up proudly for
inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to
step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Paddy bridled, and indignantly replied to the copper"Jasus, man -
WHY? Don't ye fucken' believe me?!"

<End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products
once more>
���---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------���

In an attempt to boost the number of visits to the Purehumour
archives...in each issue I will highlight today's date in the archives
from the past three years...take a look at todays issue in history
to see how Purehumour has evolved and what was funny in the
past!

Take the "Wayback" machine to December 17th 1999:

<a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m365.html ">Click</a>
http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m365.html

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Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little?
If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this
ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small!
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html

���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------���

As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all
of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a
kitten adopted me. The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered
for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room.
One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A
student stopped me and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?" I
exlained that I was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting
neutered today," I told him. "Hmmm," the student responded, "no
sequels."

���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------���

If They Mated - Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart
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If They Mated - Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck
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BushAerobics
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Dancin With Dubya
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���-------------------------A DOG'S WORLD------------------------���

A Dog's World is a continuing story that will appear in each
Tuesday edition...miss a segment?...then check out the
archives at: http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj

The dogs sat by the cat hole wanting to ask questions but
were inexplicably afraid to do so. After minutes of silence
the cat spoke up. "The name is Gus and are there just six
of you"?

"Yeah just us six." Sam answered. "How many of you"?

"Eighteen of us down here." The cat replied.

Rex was thinking to himself but spoke loud enough for all to
hear, "That's one hell of a hole."

"That's right Sparky." The cat said. "Don't ever let it be said
that cats are not prepared for the worst."

"You guys dug that hole because the comet was coming"? Sam asked.

"Well... we also need a good place for our weekly poker games."

The dogs didn't know what to say so they just stared at the cat.
"I was kidding"! The cat chuckled. "Boy you guys are stupid."

Copyright 2001-02 D. Scott
Check out more at: http://www.humorcorner.com
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Becky bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then
approached the clerk.

"Do you have any real special birthday cards?" she asked.

"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a brand
new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry."

"Wow, kewl!" Becky squealed. "I'll take the whole box."

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���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

An old man and a young woman are stuck in an
elevator and the building is on fire.

The young woman asks: "Sir I am interested what
would you do if you thought you only had twenty
minutes to live?"

"Well, I think I would screw anything that moved.
Why what would you do?"

"Well, under the circumstances, I think I would
remain perfectly still."

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Reserved
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Lost My Marbles
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���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------���

Charleston police arrested an East Bank man for allegedly having sex with a
sheep used in a West Side funeral home's live nativity scene.

Joey Armstrong, 29, allegedly broke into a shed that housed the animals used
in the holiday scene at the Bartlett-Burdette-Cox Funeral Home on Tennessee
Avenue about 5:50 a.m. Saturday, Charleston Police Sgt. Brent Webster said.

Police, who were responding to a suspicious person call, say they found the
suspect at the nativity scene, Webster said.

Armstrong was charged with trespassing, destruction of property and cruelty
to animals. He was being held at South Central Regional Jail on $2,500 bond.

Webster said police are consulting with the prosecutor's office and
bestiality charges could be issued against Armstrong.

Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains
a previously published News Report. If you find an article
that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of
the publication and date to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a>
IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of
Weird News Weekly:
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a>
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Last summer, I took my wife camping
for the first time. At every opportunity,
I passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day we got lost hiking in the deep
woods. I tried the usual tactics to determine
direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss),
direction of the sun (it was an overcast day).
Just as I was beginning to panic, I spotted a
small cabin off in the distance.

I pulled out my binoculars, studied the cabin,
turned and led us right back to our campsite.

"That was terrific," she said. "How did you do it?"

"Simple," I replied. "In this part of the country all
TV satellite dishes point south."

���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------���

[||||] N O L O W B L O W S [||||]

"MGM said it has signed Sylvester Stallone to write a 'Rocky VI'
screenplay." (LAT/12/13)

No violent ring scenes in this outing, though. Here, Sly will battle
arthritis and short term memory loss.

Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved.
http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga had hung the wash
out to dry, put a roast in the oven, then gone downstairs
to pick up some dry cleaning to take down to the cleaners
.
"Gootness, it's hot," she mused to herself as she walked
down Main street. She passed by a tavern and thought, "Vy
nodt?" so she walked in and took a seat at the bar.

The bartender came up and asked her what she would like
to drink.

"Ya know," Helga said, "it is so hot I tink I'll have myself
ein cold beer."

The bartender smiled and nodded, then asked, "Anheuser
Busch?"

Helga blushed, but smiled back and replied... "Vell,
really fine, tanks, und how's yer dick?"

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���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Getting sleep...
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Mail mixup....
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���---------DUMB CROOK OF THE DAY AWARD---------���

Matt Boswell had that holiday spirit after Christmas
shopping last week in Frisco, Texas. Then he saw some
stinking thief messing around in the back of his pickup
truck outside the Stonebriar Centre mall.

``I yelled at him,'' said Boswell, who watched the dirty
dog haul two plastic bags from the truck to a waiting car
and flee.

The Little Elm, Texas, resident didn't give chase or waste
time calling police, however.

First, the loss was a mere drop in the bucket.

Second, this is the season of sharing, a time for surprises.

``I sure wish I could have been there when he opened the
bags,'' said Boswell, ``entremanure'' of a pet waste-removal
company.

Those gift bags together contained about 25 pounds of left-
overs from Texans' lawns in Irving and North Dallas.

``I just couldn't stop laughing,'' said Boswell, who had parked
in the open so people, including thieves, could read the words
painted on the sides of his truck.

``It's pretty obvious what we do,'' he said. ``It says we scoop
poop.''

Boswell said he and his three employees weekly take in about a
ton of dung.

And if the guys in the black, four-door sedan want some more, he
said, ``we have plenty where that came from.''

���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------���

How do we know that fairy tales are fiction?

Because the prince is always smart, handsome, single, and straight.

���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------���

This Week's Laughing Stalk
by Erik Deckers

Whose Finger Is That?

Erik is out of the office this week, so we are running a column from
last year.

People who know me know that I have an interest in construction and
woodworking. I enjoy learning about new advances in those areas, and I'm
willing to try just about anything as long as the end result isn't an
electrical shock or explosion.

My oldest daughter and I love the PBS Do-It-Yourself shows. We never
miss the woodworking shows,"The New Yankee Workshop" or "The American
Woodshop," and we have gotten some great ideas from "This Old House" and
Hometime."

On a daddy-daughter outing one weekend, I took my eldest to Johnson's
Workbench, an area woodworking shop. We marveled at the power tools,
hand tools, wood, books, and different gadgets that any enthusiastic
amateur shouldn't be without (note to family and friends: my birthday is
in six months, and these guys have gift certificates).

As I explained to my daughter what each tool was for, I realized how far
I had come in just a few years. When I first got married, I couldn't
even hammer a nail straight, and here I was, seven years later,
lecturing a small child on power tool usage. It was a far cry from the
scared kid who took Industrial Arts at McKinley Middle School in Muncie,
Indiana.

Back in the 7th grade, I was introduced to the world of vocational
training through Printing and Drafting class. Printing and drafting are
not the safe and glamorous jobs you expect them to be. They're actually
very dangerous and have an extremely high mortality rate.

Did you know that movable type can travel as fast as a bullet? Of
course, it needs to be fired out of a gun to reach that speed, but trust
me, it can happen. And did you know that when the edge of a T-square is
sharpened to a razor edge and swung with sufficient force, it can
decapitate a person? I didn't either. But it was something I learned in
7th grade.

That's because our teacher made us watch a film on Industrial Arts
Safety, complete with a scene from an actual eye operation, exposed
eyeball and all. But it was all for the safety of the students.

The fact that I was never crushed by a printing press or accidentally
swallowed a drafting triangle far outweighed the night terrors for the
next three months.

Everything was mostly fine, until I was forced to relive the terrors the
following year when I found myself in 8th grade Industrial Arts class,
Metal Shop.

"Metal Shop?!?!" I nearly wet myself from panic.

"The guy from the film last year was working with metal!" I thought
wildly. "He got hit in the eye with a piece of metal and he had to have
a really gross operation on his eyeball and it was hanging out on his
face and he was never able to see his daughter grow up and he had to
wear those dorky sunglasses all the time and he. . . "

8th graders think in run-on sentences when they panic.

I died a thousand deaths as I listened to the same safety lecture from
last year. We even sat with the 7th graders and watched the same film
again. I didn't belong in this class! I belonged in a class where
becoming a film on Industrial Arts Safety wasn't an everday risk.

Near the end of class, I walked up to the teacher's desk and quietly
explained my predicament:

"Mr. Woolsey," I said in a low voice so the others couldn't hear. "I
don't think I'm supposed to be in this class." I didn't want my friends
and classmates to think I was a wuss.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Well. . . uh. . . that is. . . I'm just afraid of getting hurt."

A look of kindly parental concern came over Mr. Woolsey's face, and he
asked me a question that I still remember to this day.

"YOU'RE NOT A BLEEDER, ARE YOU?!"

His booming voice rang out through the classroom, helping the other boys
realize I was a wuss. I wished I could just crawl into a safe hole while
a meteor came crashing into Mr. Woolsey's desk.

"I don't think so," I answered.

"Then just be careful and wear your safety goggles," he said, a little
more quietly.

That was it. I was stuck there for a whole year, running the risk of
becoming yet another Industrial Arts statistic; just another eyeball
operation video to show to other petrified middle school students trying
not to wet themselves from fear.

Somehow, miraculously, I made it through the year without a scratched
finger or perforated cornea. But when it was all over, I developed a
personal rule that I live by every day.

When facing imminent danger, if someone ever asks me if I'm a bleeder,
I'm going to say yes.

Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2002

--

Erik Deckers is in sales and marketing by day, but at night he dons a cape and
mask and. . . well, he doesn't fight crime so much as he just runs around his
house making kung fu noises. He is shy, and doesn't want people to make fun of
him. At other times, he writes a weekly humor column, which can be found at
http://www.kconline.com/deckers.

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