���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->��� and ���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->��� presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!---------------------> Grab a seat and get ready to roar in laughter...you have reached the original home of PUREHUMOUR! In the unlikely event that you no longer wish to receive the "Best Humour on the Net" then you will find the unsubscribe instructions at the bottom of every mailing! First off I'd like to apologize to everyone for sending that message yesterday without adding the contact information to the bottom of it! That was a huge oversight on my part .... the contact information is at the bottom of this email! Please take the time to visit my archives occasionally...I am trying to get Purehumour near the top of the rankings...and the only way to do that is if YOU visit (and peruse) the archives looking through the back issues: <a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj ">Archives</a> http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj AND if you have ANY memories of Sept 11th...send them to me NOW! My memorial edition and website are in the final stages... but I could still use some material. If you have memories, thoughts, experiences, or anything else you'd like to share...please send it to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Click</a> mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Today's issue includes contributions by: SunAmy, Keli, Stan, Cindy, Barb, Rubin, Pat. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Lets start with a quickie: What do you call a nude blonde standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Cute Puppy... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.508 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.508 A smile for you... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.509 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.509 ���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------��� Today's issue is brought to you by: FREE 48Hour Miracle Diet Plan Get the 48 Hour Miracle Diet Plan that everyone is talking about for FREE!!!! http://www.helpudiet.com <a href="http://www.helpudiet.com";> get diet here </a> You can lose up to 10 pounds in 48 hours! It's taste is superior to the 'other' guys! USE it! and LOSE it! http://www.helpudiet.com <a href="http://www.helpudiet.com";> get diet here </a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide... He lost his job, his home and his car. Out of nowhere an evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem was. The man replies he has nothing to live for... everything is gone. The evil image in the cape tells man he is the devil, and he would grant him three wishes in return for a blow job under the bridge. The man thinks for a minute, and agrees to the terms offered. First he says he needs a new home, and the evil image tells the man that he now has a 6 bedroom house with 3 baths at 316 Oak View Lane. Second, he says he needs a new job, and the evil image tells the man he is now Senior VP at IBM. Third, he says he needs a new car in order to get back and forth to work, and the evil image tells the man he has 2 Lincoln Town cars in his new 2 car garage. "Well," the evil image says, "it's time to keep your end of the bargain." They go under the bridge, and the act is performed. They both light up a cigarette and start chatting. "Well," says the man who performed the deed, "did you really think I was going to jump???" With that, the evil image tells the man, "Did you really think I was the devil?" ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------��� Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------��� If today is your birthday...you share it with: 1941 Yuri V Malyshev cosmonaut (Soyuz T-2, T-11) 1942 Daryl Dragon Pasadena Calif, keyboardist (Capt & Tennille) 1943 Susan "Tuesday" Weld NYC, actress (Dobie Gillis, Wild in Country) 1949 Barbara Bach [Goldbach], Queens NY, actress (Spy Who Loved Me) 1950 Charles Fleischer Wash DC, comedian (Roger Rabbit) 1950 Cynthia Potter US, springboard diver (Olympic-bronze-1976) 1952 Pee-wee Herman aka Paul Reubens, actor (Pee-wee's Big Adventure) 1954 John Lloyd tennis player (former husband of Chris Everet) 1955 Diana Scarwid actress (Extremities, Psycho 3, Strange Invaders, Heat) 1959 Gerhard Berger formula-1 racer (Italian Grand Prix-1988) 1961 "Downtown" Julie Brown TV host (Club MTV, Inside Edition) 1963 Patty Duffek Woodland Hills Calif, playmate (May, 1984) .....and on this day in history: 1950 General Foods blacklists Jean Muir of Aldrich Family as a communist 1961 Francis the Talking Mule is the mystery guest on "What's My Line" 1962 Mariner 2 launched; 1st probe to fly by Venus 1966 Francis Chichester begins the 1st solo sail around the world 1966 Race riot in Waukegan Illinois 1974 NY Met Benny Ayala hits a home run in his 1st at bat 1975 Veronica & Colin Scargill (England) complete tandem bicycle ride, a record 18,020 miles around the world 1977 Toby Harrah & Bump Wills hit back-to-back inside-the-park-homers off Yankee Ken Clay at Yankee Stadium, Rangers won 8-2 1978 Reds Joe Morgan is 1st to hit 200 HRs & have 500 stolen bases 1978 Yankee Catfish Hunter's 6-2 win gives him a perfect 6-0 in Aug 1978 1981 Divers begin to recover a safe found aboard the Andrea Doria 1982 Rickey Henderson steals 119th base of season breaks Lou Brock's mark 1982 Soyuz T-7 returns to Earth 1984 President Reagan announces the Teacher in Space project 1985 20th Space Shuttle Mission (51-I)-Discovery 6-launched 1989 100 march through Bensonhurst protesting racial killings 1990 52 Americans arrive in Turkey from Iraq 1990 WWF Summer Slam-Ultimate Warrior beats Rick Rude �2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/ ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Just like a man." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� FREE GIFT just for signing up to Purehumour Ad-Free! Sign up NOW and you will get an instant free gift in addition to the BEST humour around...all without any ads at all! Guaranteed! <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Click</a> http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL--------------------��� Dust it off! Check it out: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">Poll</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------��� "It's better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loved a tall." -David Chambless ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Hare Piece <A HREF=" http://ninasplace.com/003.htm ">Click</A> http://ninasplace.com/003.htm Patriotic Babes <A HREF=" http://ninasplace.com/004.htm ">Click</A> http://ninasplace.com/004.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like that for months." ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� The snowball <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.510 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.510 Sleeping it off... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.511 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.511 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Imponderables! Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages? Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to horrible crisp no one would eat? Is French kissing in France just called kissing? What do people in China call their good plates? Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is? Why if it is 2 AM in Japan,,,and 2 PM in Paris....am I sleepy in Chicago ? ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� From the creators of Oska and Tahni comes a brand new and fun creation...get him for FREE at: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/15.html ">TeeCee!</a> ���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------��� If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href="http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm";>Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Sam was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," Sam replied. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife, Anni!" ���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------��� If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------��� What is the oldest type of clown? A. Whiteface B. Auguste C. Character D. New vaudeville --- What type of clown is the auguste? A. One that is very dignified B. Bumbling fool C. A scorpio D. A type of mime <Answers in Next Issue!> Last Issue's Answers: Where are lions still found in the wild? C. Both A and B --- Elephants are the largest land animals and among the longest-lived. How long does the average elephant live? B. 60 years � Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications Website: http://quizqueen.net Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� My Ex Ate Like A Horse <A HREF=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/horse.html ">Click</A> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/horse.html Find A Peach <A HREF=" http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08c.html ">Click</A> http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08c.html ���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------��� <To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation is expected.> A priest was sitting on the steps of the church one spring day enjoying the sunshine. He saw a young boy approaching him on the sidewalk pulling a wagon. Every few yards one of the wheels would fall off the wagon, the boy would say "Damn!" put the wheel back on, and continue down the street, and a wheel would fall off again a few yards later. As the boy neared the steps, the priest saw this as an opportunity to make an impression on the boy, and stopped him. "You know," he said to the boy, "when a wheel falls off your wagon, instead of using profanity, you should say 'Praise the Lord!' instead." He went on to tell the boy how Someone is always watching over us and how we should be careful to do the right thing at all times. The boy acknowledged his words and thanked him, and went on down the street. The priest stood there, feeling quite pleased with himself. About 50 yards away from the steps, all four wheels fell off the wagon, the boy stopped, heaved a huge sigh, and said, "Praise the Lord!" Instantly the wagon raised off the ground, all four wheels returned to their places. Upon seeing this, the priest said, "Damn!" <End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products once more> ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little? If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------��� "My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the patient. "What have you been eating?" asked the doctor. "That's easy. I only eat pool balls." "Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble. What kind do you eat?" "All kinds," replied the man, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner." "I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens!" ���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------��� Score A Million <A HREF=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/score.html ">Click</A> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/score.html King Pin Bowling <A HREF=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/bowl.html ">Click</A> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/bowl.html ���-------------------------A DOG'S WORLD------------------------��� A Dog's World is a continuing story that will appear in each Tuesday edition...miss a segment?...then check out the archives at: http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj Ok, which way is it"? Asked Porky. The dogs realized that with no landmarks their sense of direction was lost. They looked back on the small pile of rubble that covered the basement they hid in. Each of them wondered if they should just go back. "I say we head west." Announced Sam. "Fine, which way is west"? Ralph asked gruffly. "Just follow me." The pack quickened their pace as Sam lead the way. It really didn't dawn on the dogs that the familiar hills and rocks they used to jump on were no longer there. They traveled the flat earth just hoping they would see something. "Sam" Prince said meekly. "We're not going to find the creek are we"? Sam didn't reply. He couldn't reply. He knew what the others knew; everything they had ever known was gone. After what seemed like hours of trotting the dogs stopped and just looked around. The scenery hadn't changed. Nothing looked any different from the place they were at before. Copyright 2001-02 D. Scott Check out more at: http://www.humorcorner.com ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Redneck Poeme.... Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway. You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can. You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits. And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore. 'Cuz you married me back in '74. Still them fellers at work they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can. Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread. Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. And when you get old like a '57 Chevy, Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, We go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day, From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these will not do. For you are too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, Better than diamonds, it's a new trollin' motor. ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features... all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now: <a href="http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html";>Hosting</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Greg (87) and Keli (82) are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a super drugstore. Greg suggests that they go in. Greg addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Greg: "Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Greg: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Greg: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Greg: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Greg: "Medicine for memory?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." Greg: "What about vitamins, constipation, and sleeping pills?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Greg turns to Keli: "Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them." ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Moon Shot <A HREF=" http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08d.html ">Click</A> http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08d.html So Affectionate <A HREF=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/affection.html ">Click</A> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/affection.html ���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------��� A Canadian woman has collected 39,000 grasshoppers to win tickets to see an Elton John gig. Brandy Elliott won a grasshopper-catching contest run by local radio station Z-99 for the sought- after tickets. She spent all weekend catching the insects in Saskatchewan, but only beat her closest competitor by 6,000 grasshoppers. She started by hand, armed with just a bucket, but soon realised it wasn't enough. She then set up traps with nets on the back of a moving truck. After the official count, the grasshoppers were deposited in a bin behind the radio station. The 13,000 tickets for Elton's Saskatchewan show sold out within 90 minutes when they were released last month, reports Canada.com Brandy, 26, said: "I had started on Friday by hand initially, and just put them in a bucket, but then I thought this is ridiculous I can't get this many grasshoppers. So what we did is made three huge nets with the netting from screen doors and basically took our quarter ton truck and drove through the ditches. As soon you touch the grass they fly up. It was unbelievable." Counting the bugs was no small task. She added: "I didn't count mine all individually. What I did was take a four- litre pail of grasshoppers and I counted the four-litre pail to the brim. I basically just kept pouring them into the four-litre container and assuming that's about the same amount of grasshoppers in the container." Brandy says she's taking her roommate to the concert. The grasshopper contest helped Saskatchewan's problems with the bugs. Farmers complain constantly about the pests which at their worst can overwhelm fields and devour entire crops. Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?" The clerk smiled and said... "Rain..." ���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------��� [||||] S T E WA R T ' S F O L L Y [||||] Like Martha isn't already in ankle deep excrement, the US Attorney's Office, less than captivated by the shall we say inconsistencies in her earlier testimony, "doesn't plan to cut the diva of domestic perfection any slack." (USA Today) Maybe not now, but let's see how it goes when their wives try to create a "home for the holidays" Christmas wreath out of stripped Hollyhock bark, dry cleaning receipts, shellacked peanut shells and recycled twisties without her advice. Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Little Johnny's mom was cleaning the house when she found her son's hidden stash of S&M and sexual bondage magazines. Naturally, she was very upset and she didn't know what to do. So, she waited until her husband got home to discuss it with him. After she showed him the magazines, she asked him, "Well, what are you going to do about it?" "I don't know what to do." he told her, "But I really don't think I should give him a spanking for this!" ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Never Pay for Condoms! Check out FreeCondoms.com... <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/5.html ">Click here</a> ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� That's Disgusting... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.512 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.512 I wish I was... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.86 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.11.86 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� These two flies were flying around looking for lunch. One of them looked down and saw a nice fresh load of dog shit on the sidewalk and told the other one that lunch was served! They both flew down and settled upon the shit and began to feast away. After about 15 minutes of this wonderful delicacy, one of the flies looked up and let out the largest burp in fly history. The other one at that point looked up and exclaimed: "Do you mind, I'm eating here!" ���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Why do blondes have sore belly buttons? 'Cuz blonde males are not to intelligent either? ���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------��� This Week's Laughing Stalk by Erik Deckers Excuuuuse Me! The news was enough to make any self-respecting, beer-swilling Guy clap his hands and squeal like a twelve year old girl at a Britney Spears concert. Burping is considered a serious activity. There's actually a world record burp, a world's loudest burper, and even scientific instruments and impartial judges to monitor these events and confirm a new world record. And to the chagrin of wives and girlfriends everywhere, all of these factors were brought to bear on the London Science Museum on Friday, August 2nd. That's when world record burper Paul Hunn (no relation to my friend Jeff Hunn) attempted to beat his own earth-shattering record of 118.1 decibels, which he set in 2000. To give you an idea of how loud that is, if you stood 100 yards away from a jumbo jet taking off, you'd experience 120 decibels. Unfortunately, Hunn's efforts fell short when he developed a sore throat after three attempts. Although his burps did get louder with each try, his final one only reached a disappointing 110.5 decibels, which is comparable to sandblasting, sitting in the stands at a NASCAR race, or that stupid kid driving past my office blasting his stereo. "Sadly, he didn't break the record and had to stop after a few tries because his throat was getting too sore," an unnamed spokeswoman at London's Science Museum told Reuters. "But when he heals up, he's determined to set a new record." Naturally, Hunn was a little disappointed at his efforts, but promised to return when he felt better. Another unnamed spokeswoman (or possibly the same one, it's hard to tell them apart) told Ananova: "He's going to try another day, but he's a bit winded at the moment. Plus everyone in the room has passed out from the odor." Okay, she didn't say that last part, but everyone was thinking it. Guys everywhere were heartened by Hunn's optimistic, never-give-up attitude, and voiced their own support. "BRAAP! I think he'll make it next time." said one bystander. "You can do it -- BLURG! -- Paul!" another cheered. "PHAUGH! What's everyone talking about?" asked a third. Representative Della Howes, Senior Records Researcher for Guinness Book of World Records was on hand with sound level meters and recording equipment to monitor and confirm Hunn's attempt. She waved her hand frantically in front of her nose as she explained Hunn's shortfall. "He was under a lot of pressure with everyone watching. But I suppose it's like the athletes at the Commonwealth Games at the moment -- you have to train hard for it and just go for it." Interestingly, Howes seems to be the "go-to-gal" when it comes to measuring uncommonly loud sound. In 2001, she helped measure the record for "loudest group of people in a single location" for the English band Hear'Say. On September 6th of that year, at Wembly Arena in London, approximately 10,000 screaming fans set the world record by generating 128.8 decibels of sound. They beat the previous record of 128.7, set on October 1, 2000 by Denver Broncos fans in Mile High Stadium. Howes was present at that time as well. "It was louder than a jumbo jet," she said of the Hear'Say record. "The noise was the loudest we have ever recorded for a single group of people in one location." To put Hunn's accomplishment into perspective, his world record burp measured only 10.7 decibels less than the screaming of 10,000 young teenagers. Hunn chugged an unspecified carbonated beverage and gulped mouthfuls of air, which as any eight year old kid can tell you is the secret of successful burping. There was no word whether any of the soft drink companies are considering underwriting any future attempts, although they're being short-sighted if they miss this opportunity. Imagine the publicity that could come from being known as the Official Carbonation Supplier to the World's Loudest Burper. Announcer: When quenching your thirst isn't the only thing you need, try Belchy-Fizz Cola for the loudest, longest belches. Whether you're trying to amaze your friends, impress a date, or when you just want to clear a room, take a big swig of Belchy-Fizz Cola. World's Loudest Burper Paul Hunn swears by it. Hunn: Hey kids, for world class belching, turn to Belchy-Fizz. It's a big part of my training regimen. URP! Believe it or not, Hunn actually does have a training routine, including spicy food and exercises to force air into his stomach. These include deep breathing, cardiovascular workouts, and riding on top of a car with his mouth open. Hunn's attempt was part of the London Science Museum's current "Grossology" exhibit (sciencemuseum.org.uk), which overcomes a child's lack of interest in science by appealing to their fascination with the sick and disgusting, and teach visitors more about how the human body works. Features include snot trivia, a display on which foods create the most gas, and even a Rube Goldberg-type device that ". . . explores the many different causes of vomiting." So remember Guys, after you let fly with a particularly loud and satisfying belch, and your wife or girlfriend gripes about the noise and/or odor, don't mumble excuses. Look her right in the eye, tell her you're learning science. Or better yet, tell her you're training to break the world's loudest burp, and then challenge her to do better. Just don't come crying to me if she can. Laughing Stalk Syndicate Copyright 2002 -- Erik Deckers is in sales and marketing by day, but at night he dons a cape and mask and. . . well, he doesn't fight crime so much as he just runs around his house making kung fu noises. He is shy, and doesn't want people to make fun of him. At other times, he writes a weekly humor column, which can be found at http://www.kconline.com/deckers. Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------��� The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such material...then DON'T click them! 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