---------------------------------
[26] Fergie is back
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
Fergie was spotted back in the country this morning.
[Thanks to his milkman for that info.]
---------------------------------
[25] Charidee Shield - the full spec
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
www.manutd.com
FA Charity Shield
United v Liverpool, Millennium Stadium, Cardiff
Sunday 12 August 2001, kick off 2pm.
Manchester United has been allocated approximately 27,000 tickets.
POSTAL APPLICATIONS ONLY are now being accepted from Season Ticket Holders on
production of voucher 51 (from last season’s book, duly completed), letter of
application, open cheque made payable to MUFC and sae.
Executive Suite and Club Class Members need to forward a postal application in the
usual manner quoting their facilities held for last season.
Additionally, Members / LMTB Holders can also apply for a seat on a best available
basis by POST ONLY enclosing voucher 51 (if applicable), letter of application or
match ticket order form, sae and relevant payment, but are advised that their
application will only be considered after ST/LMTB Holders have been fully processed.
Please ensure the incoming envelope is clearly marked "CHARITY SHIELD".
Seat prices are as follows (subject to availability):
£35.00; £25.00 (of which is the majority of the allocation); £15.00; £10.00.
We have also received tickets in a "family bay" priced £25.00; £15.00; £10.00 for
adults with a half price concession for under 16’s.
All applications need to be received in the Ticket Office no later than 5pm on
Wednesday 11th July. After which, a further announcement will be made via the usual
channels.
---------------------------------
[24] Butt Exit?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
Nicky Butt is being linked with Blackburn, Boro, Sunderland and Spurs again according
to "reports" quoting an "Old Trafford insider" thus -
"Nicky has England ambitions and needs to know he is going to be getting enough
football. He was delighted to be offered the new contract but he wants to know what
his situation is before he signs."
---------------------------------
[23] Ladies and Gentlemen - Mr Brian Clough
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
Big 'ead in THE SUN :
"Wherever I look, whatever I read, there is a footballer laying the law down. The
Vieira business is the last straw. When I think of that lad I feel like a matador.
Somebody has got to take the bull by the horns."
"I hear of players saying their club is not thinking big enough. Turning down a
transfer because they will only join a club that's qualified for the Champions League.
In Vieira's case, he doesn't rate a couple of Arsene Wenger's signings, apparently. He
wants a club where he's going to win medals. When I think of him I think of bad apples
and you know what has to be done with them. They have to be chucked out of the barrel.
"Who the hell does Vieira think he is? Arsenal are bigger than him. Of course they
are. Hartlepool are bigger than him. But neither are bigger than his head!" [Maybe
true but just remember it's Old Big 'Ead himself talking/ ghost writing here.]
"If ever Vieira gets the chance to set foot inside Highbury again, when he walks past
the bust of Herbert Chapman he'll see it move. Old Herbert will ignore him. He'll look
the other way.
"Because here is a player who is abusing a great club. A club and a manager who
brought him from nowhere and turned him from a relative nobody into a good player-but
still not half as good as he thinks he is. You know the first ambition of any player
worth his salt? A win in the next match. That's where ambition starts."
"I gave my players a version of the same message at ten-to-three every Saturday. 'I
would shoot my granny right now for three points this afternoon'. They knew how
important it was to give everything in the cause of victory. Every time. That's why my
granny enjoyed more lives than any cat."
"Ambition? If that lad Vieira is talking about genuine ambition, the kind that can
help a team, then I'm afraid I've got news for him. His own ambition is on the wane.
"He's like so many others today. They don't need to spend a quid on a lottery ticket.
They just have to kick a ball from A to Z because they know there is so much money
coming their way from television.
"That's why the transfer fees have rocketed out of all proportion. I see Dutchmen
switching clubs for absolute fortunes. You could buy every tulip and daffodil bulb in
Holland for the price of a centre-half nowadays. No wonder Van Gogh cut off his ear.
He spent years trying to sell masterpiece paintings. If he was still alive and seeing
what we're seeing in football, he would cut off his head!" [Another glass of sherry
Brian?]
"Mind you, Wenger has been put to the test, now. He is obliged to deal with the Vieira
issue and deal with it emphatically. He could start by passing the player a copy of
the English dictionary and pointing to the meaning of the word contract.
"He can ask him to honour the one he was happy to sign. I assume he signed it
willingly, that nobody stood over him with a truncheon.
"He can ask him to honour it, he can plead with him. He can offer him a massive bonus
for winning the league title. He can even beg. But only once. And if the player still
says he wants out, then Wenger should get rid. Get him out of the club so quickly that
his feet don't touch the ground. Don't pay for the taxi, either."
"Don't even let him take his boots because he won't have bought them, anyway. Now you
may say this is only giving the player what he wants and, in one way, it is but it's
also telling him and sending out the message to others that he's not wanted, that the
club demands more commitment, more appearances, more faith and, yes, more ambition
than he's prepared to give. You exhaust every possibility, convince yourself you can
do no more - and then turf him through the door."
"This is the cricket season, for heaven's sake. And Wimbledon. Wenger should be
enjoying his holidays, sipping a glass of wine in Paris." [Though that sort of thing
lasted all season Brian?] "No manager should be having to worry about a
multi-millionaire player with a grouse. There are times when I miss the involvement
with football. But, on occasions like this, I'm glad I'm out of it. But until they put
the lid on the coffin, I will remain interested in the welfare of my game."
---------------------------------
[22] Clarke Quaking
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
Clarke on facing United first game of the season
"I'm in awe of the whole United midfield. Signing Veron [and we haven't actually done
it yet!] just gives them one more option. United have one of the best midfields in
Europe. Ryan Giggs, David Beckham, Paul Scholes and Roy Keane are all world class.
"Veron will be a big asset. I've watched him play on TV for Lazio and he dictates the
game. He'll provide an excellent link between the midfield and attack. Strikers like
Andy Cole, Dwight Yorke and Ole Solskjaer must be rubbing their hands at the thought
of playing alongside him."
---------------------------------
[21] Ozzy back to bite head off bat
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
Ozzy (Ardiles) [oh that one] on Juan Sebastien Veron -
"Imagine a midfield of Veron, Roy Keane, David Beckham and Ryan Giggs - not to mention
Paul Scholes. For the rest of the Premiership it will be very difficult, I don't even
want to think about it but when Alex signs Veron, he's not even thinking of the
Premiership because he knows he can win that without any new players. He is only
thinking about winning the big one again - the European Cup. Veron is a player for the
European stage.
"When I was managing Croatia Zagreb a couple of years ago, we got a 0-0 draw at Old
Trafford in the Champions League. It was my only ever tactical triumph against Alex."
[You mean you had tactics Ozzy?] "But if Veron had been in the United team as well, I
don't think we would even have bothered to turn up." [We did wonder why we'd bothered
- 'kin dire match]
"With so many great players in the midfield they will need an extra ball to keep
everyone happy." [Wonder if KK's have dropped yet?]
"Veron is a world-class player and, with him, United will have the best midfield in
the world. I remember he looked a very special talent when I first saw him and he has
kept on progressing all the time. Veron was playing with Diego Maradona at Boca
Juniors and there is no better player to learn from than him.
"At the last World Cup finals in France, people in the national side were telling me
that Argentina looked a different team when Veron was playing. He was just young then
and that was a very good Argentina side - but he was already the key man. Now he's 26
and he has improved even more. There are no better midfielders in the world. He will
be a great signing for Alex."
"There have not been that many Argentinian players in English football since Ricky and
I came to Tottingham, but I know Veron will be a great ambassador. Veron is strong
enough to be a big hit in English football. Nothing will intimidate him."
---------------------------------
[20]Charideee Shield tickets on sale
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
www.manutd.com
Charity Shield tickets are now available to United's Season Ticket Holders and
Members, who are invited to apply by post. The club's allocation of 27,000 seats,
priced between £10 and £35, are expected to sell out fast. More details to follow.
---------------------------------
[19] Keegan's Massive Packet Swells further...
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
....to £7 million
Apparently Kevin Keegan's available packet has swollen after getting his hands on the
Spencer Prior lolly.
Ooh Mr Gimlet!
---------------------------------
[18] I Fart In Your General Direction....
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
.... all in the name of research you understand
Scientists in Australia have proved farting spreads germs by asking a boy to break
wind on a laboratory dish.
Bacteria were found growing all over the plate the morning after the experiment. No
shit Sherlock! [ho ho!]
The team are now looking for sponsorship from a baked bean manufacturer or curry maker
to continue their research.
Dr Karl Kruszelnicki said: "Tests involve breaking wind on to lab plates from varying
distances after having specific foods and drinks."
Ex England coach Steve Harrison would have happily helped them with some of their
research for free.
The journal New Scientist welcomed the research which it said could help shed light on
a little-known issue of public health.
Next scientific waste of money - does shitting your pants in Kiev make it difficult to
get them off by the time you get home?
---------------------------------
[17] Yorke free to concentrate over here?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by steaming:
Dwight Yorke (and his partner in crime Russell Latapy) have both retired from
international football with Trinidad and Tobago.
They said "We believe that this is in the best interest of all concerned, and want to
thank the fans in particular for their support over the years, and wish the national
team every success in all their endeavours."
Neither player had turned up for practice on Wednesday and Thursday and obviously
can't be arsed to turn up for their country anymore. We're not complaining here. His
forays over to the Caribbean during the last 2 years have coincided with his dip in
form. If he can come back all guns blazing and 100% committed then maybe he can still
be a force for us. We just won't be holding our breath.
Remember his first season he hardly played for Trinidad and Tobago and we didn't lose
him for any matches. The last 2 years have seen him travelling back and forth across
the Atlantic in a vain attempt to qualify his country for the world cup finals. At
least he's only torn between us and the Brighton Bomber now.
---------------------------------
[16] Found in a phone box today
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
This list of dominatrix
G Barber (Hertfordshire), N Barry (Lincolnshire), S Bennett (Kent), M Dean (Wirral), P
Dowd (Staffordshire), S Dunn (Avon), P Durkin (Avon), Andy D'Urso (Essex), D Elleray
(Middlesex), C Foy (Merseyside), D Gallagher (Oxfordshire), M Halsey (Lancashire), P
Jones (Leicestershire), B Knight (Kent), M Messias (North Yorkshire), G Poll
(Hertfordshire), D Pugh (Merseyside), U Rennie (South Yorkshire), M Riley (Yorkshire),
R Styles (Hampshire), A Wiley (Staffordshire), C Wilkes (Gloucestershire), J Winter
(Cleveland), E Wolstenholme (Lancashire).
These are the ‘pro’ refs, coining 33k a year plus the best part of a grand
a game.
According to Ref manager Philip Don: 'These new arrangements for our leading match
officials have been designed to continue to improve the standard of refereeing, which
is a priority for everyone.
'It will also enhance the status and standing of referees within the professional game
both at home and abroad.'
---------------------------------
[15] Sheep in Cardiff get nervous
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
As Prior has agreed to Sam Hamman’s ‘handling’ clause. That or a
season with ‘Special K’ – No contest!
---------------------------------
[14] It’s a tough job…..
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
A Romanian doctor claims he has invented a device that can give a
woman 16 orgasms in a minute.
He says the machine has been tested on 16 women whose only complaint
is that the thrill was too strong.
It is said to run on rechargeable batteries and uses electrodes
placed on the backside and the spine to give off weak electrical
pulses.
Its inventor claims that, unlike vibrators, even virgins can use it
without losing their physical virginity.
Dr Nicolae Adrian Gheorghiu, from the town of Voluntari, near
Bucharest, boasted: "Its more effective for a woman than having 30
men."
In February, North Carolina surgeon Stuart Meloy unveiled his own
orgasm-producing implant for women.
He described how he stumbled across the find while placing pain-
relieving electrodes in a woman's spine.
Yeh, right, at least that’s what he told them!
---------------------------------
[13] Utd to reveal "superstar" signing
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Peter Kenyon will tomorrow prove that he is a man of his word. The United
Chief Executive promised "a superstar signing" only this week and United are
ready to unveil that superstar in the form of Brian Jacks at a 3.00 pm press
conference on Friday, for an as yet undisclosed fee.
Jacks' personal terms have been agreed and a weekly salary of 28lb of steak
with handsome options on lamb, chicken & pork (courtesy of a local
fan-friendly butchers) combined with unlimited use of the Carrington
swimming pool are believed to be in line with the club's stringent wage
policy. In return Jacks has agreed to do 50 squat thrusts and 20 chin ups in
the five minutes between the cash dash draw and the players returning to the
field
Kenyon also confirmed that the club had studied video footage of Kevin
Keegan, but ruled him out after seeing his attempt at the 1 kilometre bike
sprint. He added that "anyone whose wheels fell off so easily and can be
beaten in the swimming by Geoff Capes needed to reset their expectations as
to how they quantified success".
---------------------------------
[12] Yorkie Awol again
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Anyone checked Jordan’s bra?
>From Ananova
Dwight Yorke has been dropped from the Trinidad squad to face Jamaica in
Saturday's CONCACAF World Cup qualifier.
Trinidad coach Rene Simoes said the Manchester United striker had failed to
turn up for training on Wednesday.
Yorke's absence forced Simoes to leave him out of the side for the match at the
Queen's Park Oval in Port-of-Spain.
Yorke's whereabouts were unknown on Thursday, although he was believed to have
returned to Trinidad after a friendly game against Bermuda over the weekend.
---------------------------------
[11] It’s back!
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Romania or Merseyside – you be the judge
A police football team in Romania/Anfailed had to postpone their bid to win the county
championships after thieves made off with the goalposts.
The amateur side eventually staged the game in Milcoiu, County Vulcea,/Knotty Ash the
next day after locals made another pair out of wood from a nearby forest/Local B&Q
(not paid for naturally).
---------------------------------
[10] Is there anybody out there?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Watching MUTV. From www.manutd.com
>From the start of the new football season MUTV will be showing ALL of
United's Premiership games in full.
It's a brand new service – a television season ticket for Red fans.
Delayed and repeated screening of games home and away means United's
millions of fans can watch every kick of every game*.
With additional highlights programmes and expert studio analysis,
nothing comes close to MUTV's coverage of United in the Premiership.
Now MUTV is asking fans to vote in a unique referendum on how the
first showing of each game should be transmitted.
Every time United play a Premier League match on a Saturday, MUTV
will be showing the game from midnight on Sunday. But how it's shown
is up to the viewers!
The question they're being asked is:
- Do you want to see highlights of the match, from midnight until 1
a.m. – an edited version of the previous day's Premiership match?
- Or would you rather watch the game in full, with no interruptions,
and see every minute as United set their sights on a fourth
consecutive Premiership title?
Of course MUTV will be screening the game in full on Monday as well,
but this is the fans' chance to decide how to view MUTV's Sunday
midnight `Match Premiere'.
You can vote in The MUTV Referendum by using the Home page poll on
ManUtd.com, by telephone (0161 827 1169), e-mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED], or
by post to:
MUTV (Referendum)
4th Floor, 274 Deansgate, Manchester, M3 4JB
Be part of The MUTV Referendum - make your vote count!
*Saturday games will be first shown at midnight on Sunday, Sunday
games at 10pm on Monday and midweek games at midnight on the same
night.
---------------------------------
[9] More news at 10:30
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Next news update to be posted shortly after 10:30 - and then continuously throughout
the day - every day.
---------------------------------
[8] Be respectful
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
A new law in North Carolina bans swearing in front of dead bodies.
It prohibits "profanity, indecent or obscene language in the presence of a dead
human body."
Does this include Premiership referees (thinking of no-one in particular)? Looks like
Roy will have to bite his tongue.
---------------------------------
[7] Massive support article 97576584
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
As the Berties report record season ticket sales (nothing to do the discounts for
applying early then?). Apparently they will be one of the 10 best supported teams in
the country. (One to add to the Massive song me thinks!)
``Their support continues to be outstanding,'' foams Bernstein.
``Despite our relegation, season ticket sales are well ahead of last
year and will reach a record level.
``The appointment of Kevin Keegan is a great boost to the club and
fans and I am hopeful there will be further positive developments in
the coming weeks.''
---------------------------------
[6] McMenemy reckons ‘City were crap’
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
''A lot of the players who do well in the lower divisions struggle in the top flight.
You have to have a particular player to get you out of the first division, but then
you
need a different type of player again who will keep you in the Premiership.
---------------------------------
[5] You what?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
As McMenemy stares at the bottom of his non alcoholic pint glass
''Kevin very admirably said when he stepped down as England manager
that he wasn't quite up to the job, that it had come too soon, but
you can't refuse that job when it's offered.
''I've always said international management is for older people
because you've got nothing to prove. International managers have
usually had long careers as club managers.
''The likes of Bobby Robson, Graham Taylor, Terry Venables, Sven
Goran Eriksson now and myself went through the divisions.
''I managed in every division, so by the time I got to international
level, although I'd won some, lost some, got relegated, got the sack,
I had seen it all, that adds to your make-up and can only make you a
better manager.
If you insist!
---------------------------------
[4] Mean while, in a massive galaxy, far, far away
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Laurie McMenemy claims:
''Kevin is absolutely the right man for Manchester City, and he'll
love the chance to manage them,''
''He's come into the same kind of situation at City that existed when
he arrived at Newcastle and he did a fantastic job there. All right,
he didn't win the Premiership or a cup, but he was successful and
every Saturday the ground was packed out. (half a dozen Desperate Dan types – no
room for anyone else)
''His heart's on his sleeve - what you see is what you get with
Kevin. He's got terrific energy and consideration for everybody. You
watch the way he handles the City kids.''
Quite!
Remember - this is the guy that tried to convince us that Kalibur tasted good!
---------------------------------
[3] Gooners 'saberattling'?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Arsenal appear set on lodging that complaint, although the FA will
need convincing that they will proceed with it and are not
sabrerattling merely in a bid to guarantee the best price for Vieira.
Perish the thought!
Arsenal appear set on lodging that complaint, although the FA will
need convincing that they will proceed with it and are not
sabrerattling merely in a bid to guarantee the best price for Vieira.
---------------------------------
[2] Meanwhile, up the Arse
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by tb:
Hill Wood and chums are racking up the legal fees. Yesterday they were accusing us of
tapping Paddy up (although we’ve never been mentioned by Vieira). Now It's Real
who are feeling the heat. According to Soccernet:
‘Marc Roger sent a fax from his holiday retreat in the United States
to Real's general manager Jorge Valdano, telling him that Vieira was
keen on a move to the Spanish champions.
Vieira, seemingly determined to quit Highbury, has told close friends
that Real are the club he wants to join, especially as he is
desperate to link up with Bernabeu-bound Zinedine Zidane.’
Roger's conduct will lead to Arsenal urging FIFA to intervene and
take action against the agent for what they believe is a clear breach
of transfer regulations.
Under the rules, it is illegal for any player or agent to solicit a
move for a player who is under contract without the express
permission of his club.
Arsenal remain adamant they do not want to sell Vieira and that any
approach made to another club on the player's behalf by Roger must,
by its very nature, be in breach of the regulations.
Now the Highbury club will ask the Football Association to protest
directly to FIFA in a bid to clamp down on Roger's activities, with
the anticipation he will be banned from working in football if found
guilty.
Arsenal, who still believe Arsene Wenger can persuade Vieira to stay,
may see Roger's actions as the mistake that could force the player to
see out at least one of the three years left on his contract.
Roger is not an officially-licensed FIFA agent, but he is employed by
Swiss-based Fidustar, run by FIFA-recognised Jean-Bernard Beytrison.
---------------------------------
[1] Have you been paying attention?
---------------------------------
Posted Friday, June 29, 2001 by redend:
‘Cos if you think yesterdays episode of SOAP was confusing, get a load of this
According to the MUFC PLC Bugle (that's the MEN to you and me) the Veron deal hinges
on what happens to that no hoper Rivaldo. Apparently Lazio are hopng that getting
Kenyon to sign a cheque for 24 million will allow them to dangle a huge Roman carrot
in front of the bicycle kick king. The 'position' that parsimonious Pete talked about
yesterday is that the Veron deal is 'done and dusted' with the outcome of the iffy
passport investigation being the sticking point.
Alas the Bugle then rather strangely say that Inter are also in the running for Juan.
Never has a bet been so highly hedged.
The Daily Moral also claim, in suitably moralistic tones, that we face a fight for his
signature against the San Siro scooter throwers, claiming (adopt serious voice)
'Veron's agent Gustavo Mascardi will fly to Rome from Miami on Monday to sort out his
future,'
The Mirror, however reckon that Fergie has got his man, no problem
And talking of hedging (we are talking Leylandi type height now) Juan himself
proclaims "An Italian club has just called me but the talks with Manchester United are
already at a good stage. But only now can one start to talk calmly.' (he obviously has
never read a British tabloid)
So there you have it - clear as mud
