Re: OT: Friday Humor

[William Rentfrow]

I think it's only fair to give the HD techs fair warning about what they are 
getting into.

Plus it could serve as a great motivator: "Robinson, if you're late one more 
time you're getting all of the angry, panicked, and confused cases for a WEEK!"

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Warren R. Baltimore II
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2014 9:06 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

**
LOL!

Took me a moment to figure out what you were looking at.  Love a sense of 
humor!

Warren

On Fri, Sep 19, 2014 at 10:00 AM, Boyd, Rebecca 
mailto:boy...@wfu.edu>> wrote:
**
Under the category of "Why didn't I think of that"

http://gardner-webb.libguides.com/support.php

TGIF

--
Rebecca Boyd
Application Administrator
Wake Forest University
_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_



--
Warren R. Baltimore II
Remedy Developer
410-533-5367 _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com<http://www.avg.com>
Version: 2014.0.4765 / Virus Database: 4015/8212 - Release Date: 09/14/14

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Warren R. Baltimore II]

LOL!

Took me a moment to figure out what you were looking at.  Love a sense
of humor!

Warren

On Fri, Sep 19, 2014 at 10:00 AM, Boyd, Rebecca  wrote:

> **
> Under the category of "Why didn't I think of that"
>
> http://gardner-webb.libguides.com/support.php
>
> TGIF
>
> --
> Rebecca Boyd
> Application Administrator
> Wake Forest University
>  _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_




-- 
Warren R. Baltimore II
Remedy Developer
410-533-5367

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OT: Friday Humor

[Boyd, Rebecca]

Under the category of "Why didn't I think of that"

http://gardner-webb.libguides.com/support.php

TGIF

-- 
Rebecca Boyd
Application Administrator
Wake Forest University

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Joe D'Souza]

Loved the 'conference'!

 

Joe

 

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Jason Miller
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2014 1:09 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

 

** 

I love this one.  Like many of you I have been the "expert" a number of
times.  On one occasion I was kicked by the Project Manager when started
questioning the feasibility of what the customer wanted.  That PM may or may
not be a member of this community :)

 

Jason

 

On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:43 AM, Thad Esser  wrote:

** 

I think we've all been in this meeting...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

 

(it is safe for work)

 

Cheers,

Thad 


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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Jason Miller]

That must be how it really is because they don't actually want to hear what
we have to say.


On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 11:03 AM, Richter, Howard (CEI - Atlanta) <
howard.rich...@coxinc.com> wrote:

> **
>
> I always thought the expert was the sales person, then the PM and then us
> techies. Who were just the drones that followed their great wisdom.
>
>
>
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] *On Behalf Of *Jason Miller
> *Sent:* Friday, April 11, 2014 1:09 PM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: [arslist] OT: Friday Humor
>
>
>
> **
>
> I love this one.  Like many of you I have been the "expert" a number of
> times.  On one occasion I was kicked by the Project Manager when started
> questioning the feasibility of what the customer wanted.  That PM may or
> may not be a member of this community :)
>
>
>
> Jason
>
>
>
> On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:43 AM, Thad Esser  wrote:
>
> **
>
> I think we've all been in this meeting...
>
>
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg
>
>
>
> (it is safe for work)
>
>
>
> Cheers,
>
> Thad
>
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_
>
>
>
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_
>
> Click 
> here<https://www.mailcontrol.com/sr/l6DOa6c8kiTGX2PQPOmvUkyXKmclf+CPbFRJvbRdPouF8U84Pxd3U3A+THH1QkRMu8jWC8Lj0FWTKOxjbsImtQ==>to
>  report this email as spam.
>  _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_
>

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Richter, Howard (CEI - Atlanta)]

I always thought the expert was the sales person, then the PM and then us 
techies. Who were just the drones that followed their great wisdom.

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Jason Miller
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2014 1:09 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: [arslist] OT: Friday Humor

**
I love this one.  Like many of you I have been the "expert" a number of times.  
On one occasion I was kicked by the Project Manager when started questioning 
the feasibility of what the customer wanted.  That PM may or may not be a 
member of this community :)

Jason

On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:43 AM, Thad Esser 
mailto:thad.es...@gmail.com>> wrote:
**
I think we've all been in this meeting...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

(it is safe for work)

Cheers,
Thad
_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

Click 
here<https://www.mailcontrol.com/sr/l6DOa6c8kiTGX2PQPOmvUkyXKmclf+CPbFRJvbRdPouF8U84Pxd3U3A+THH1QkRMu8jWC8Lj0FWTKOxjbsImtQ==>
 to report this email as spam.

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Jason Miller]

I love this one.  Like many of you I have been the "expert" a number of
times.  On one occasion I was kicked by the Project Manager when started
questioning the feasibility of what the customer wanted.  That PM may or
may not be a member of this community :)

Jason


On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 8:43 AM, Thad Esser  wrote:

> **
> I think we've all been in this meeting...
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg
>
> (it is safe for work)
>
> Cheers,
> Thad
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

And painful for those of us who have been there.

Rick
On Apr 11, 2014 9:53 AM, "Pargeter, Christie :CO IS" 
wrote:

> **
>
> If you haven't seen this one it is funny and safe for work
>
>
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYu_bGbZiiQ
>
>
>
> *Christie Pargeter  | Sr Technical Analyst | tel 503-415-5149
> <503-415-5149>*
>
>
>
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] *On Behalf Of *Warren R. Baltimore II
> *Sent:* Friday, April 11, 2014 9:05 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: OT: Friday Humor
>
>
>
> **
>
> I received that in my email this morning from linked in perhaps.
>
>
>
> VERY FUNNY!
>
> On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 11:43 AM, Thad Esser  wrote:
>
> **
>
> I think we've all been in this meeting...
>
>
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg
>
>
>
> (it is safe for work)
>
>
>
> Cheers,
>
> Thad
>
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_
>
>
>
>
> --
> Warren R. Baltimore II
> Remedy Developer
> 410-533-5367 _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20
> years_
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Pargeter, Christie :CO IS]

If you haven't seen this one it is funny and safe for work

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYu_bGbZiiQ 

 

Christie Pargeter  | Sr Technical Analyst | tel 503-415-5149

 

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Warren R. Baltimore II
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2014 9:05 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

 

** 

I received that in my email this morning from linked in perhaps.

 

VERY FUNNY!

On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 11:43 AM, Thad Esser 
wrote:

** 

I think we've all been in this meeting...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

 

(it is safe for work)

 

Cheers,

Thad

_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_ 




-- 
Warren R. Baltimore II
Remedy Developer
410-533-5367 _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20
years_ 


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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Warren R. Baltimore II]

I received that in my email this morning from linked in perhaps.

VERY FUNNY!

On Fri, Apr 11, 2014 at 11:43 AM, Thad Esser  wrote:

> **
> I think we've all been in this meeting...
>
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg
>
> (it is safe for work)
>
> Cheers,
> Thad
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_




-- 
Warren R. Baltimore II
Remedy Developer
410-533-5367

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OT: Friday Humor

[Thad Esser]

I think we've all been in this meeting...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

(it is safe for work)

Cheers,
Thad

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Re: OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.

[Pierson, Shawn]

I took a look at it in the hopes that it was a typo of the word "keep" but no, 
with that Go To If Action, it's definitely supposed to be "skip".

Thanks,

Shawn Pierson
Remedy Developer | Energy Transfer

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Thad Esser
Sent: Friday, June 07, 2013 10:13 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.

**
We gotter make sure we dun skeep 'em reel good.

[Inline image 1]

(In case the image doesn't come through, there's a filter in SRM 8.1 named 
"SRD:SRD:SkeepStatusRules_110")
_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

Private and confidential as detailed here: 
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link, please e-mail sender.

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Re: OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.

[Peter Joran]

This has been around for a while but it remains a great lesson on how to
explain systems. ;-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLDgQg6bq7o


On Fri, Jun 7, 2013 at 11:16 AM, Smerz, Christian  wrote:

> **
>
> The SISS principle, Skeep It Simple Stupid
>
>
>
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] *On Behalf Of *Thad Esser
> *Sent:* Friday, June 07, 2013 10:13 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.
>
>
>
> **
>
> We gotter make sure we dun skeep 'em reel good.
>
>
> [image: Inline image 1]
>
>
>
> (In case the image doesn't come through, there's a filter in SRM 8.1 named
> "SRD:SRD:SkeepStatusRules_110")
>
> _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_
>
> --
>
> This message (including any attachments) is confidential and intended for
> a specific individual and purpose. If you are not the intended recipient,
> please notify the sender immediately and delete this message.
>  _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

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Re: OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.

[Smerz, Christian]

The SISS principle, Skeep It Simple Stupid

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Thad Esser
Sent: Friday, June 07, 2013 10:13 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.

**
We gotter make sure we dun skeep 'em reel good.

[Inline image 1]

(In case the image doesn't come through, there's a filter in SRM 8.1 named 
"SRD:SRD:SkeepStatusRules_110")
_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_



This message (including any attachments) is confidential and intended for a 
specific individual and purpose. If you are not the intended recipient, please 
notify the sender immediately and delete this message.

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OT (Friday humor): Sometimes the humor is right in front of us.

[Thad Esser]

We gotter make sure we dun skeep 'em reel good.

[image: Inline image 1]

(In case the image doesn't come through, there's a filter in SRM 8.1 named
"SRD:SRD:SkeepStatusRules_110")

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Re: OT: Friday Humor - The "Green Thing" (Eco Friendly Iniative)

[Warren R. Baltimore II]

As a tree hugger, I just have to say AMEN
On May 24, 2013 6:41 PM, "bullcreek.com"  wrote:

> Since it is Friday and it has been "one of those weeks" I feel compelled
> to put what an (older) friend sent to me here.  I do live in Austin, TX,
> after all (where plastic bags are now banned, and you get charged for paper
> bags - Except at Target, apparentyl)
>
> .
> Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the me the
> other day, that I should bring my own grocery bags because plastic
> bags weren't good for the environment.
>
> I apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in
> my earlier days."
>
> The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did
> not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
>
> She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
>
> Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to
> the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and
> sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and
> over. So they really were recycled.
> But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
>
> Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we
> reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage
> bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school
> books. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided
> for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we
> were able to personalize our books. But too bad we didn't do the green
> thing back then.
>
> We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every
> store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't
> climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two
> blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
>
> Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the
> throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling
> machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry
> our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from
> their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that
> young lady is right, we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
>
> Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every
> room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief
> (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In
> the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have
> electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile
> item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion
> it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up
> an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower
> that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to
> go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
> But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.
>
> We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup
> or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled
> writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the
> razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just
> because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back
> then.
> Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their
> bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour
> taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire
> bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a
> computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000
> miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. But
> isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we older
> folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
> ..
>
> Phil Bautista
> http://www.wwrug.com/contact_phil.html
> 512-731-0304
>
>
> ___
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>

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OT: Friday Humor - The "Green Thing" (Eco Friendly Iniative)

[bullcreek.com]

Since it is Friday and it has been "one of those weeks" I feel compelled to put 
what an (older) friend sent to me here.  I do live in Austin, TX, after all 
(where plastic bags are now banned, and you get charged for paper bags - Except 
at Target, apparentyl) 

.
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the me the
other day, that I should bring my own grocery bags because plastic
bags weren't good for the environment.

I apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in
my earlier days."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did
not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to
the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and
sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and
over. So they really were recycled.
But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we
reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage
bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school
books. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided
for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we
were able to personalize our books. But too bad we didn't do the green
thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every
store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't
climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two
blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the
throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling
machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry
our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from
their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that
young lady is right, we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every
room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief
(remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In
the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have
electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile
item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion
it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up
an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower
that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to
go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup
or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled
writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the
razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just
because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back
then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their
bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour
taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire
bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a
computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000
miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. But
isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we older
folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
..

Phil Bautista
http://www.wwrug.com/contact_phil.html
512-731-0304

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Joe D'Souza]

Both funny jokes  :-)

 

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Rajesh Nair
Sent: Friday, March 01, 2013 2:55 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

 

** 

Good 2 see since joke on friday..just to refresh eachones mind from the
mamoth task...keping smiling. Have a nice day ahead folks

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the
shop, 

but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. 

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside
wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". 
To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind
him..!!!

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other
half!!". 

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by
being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only
prostitutes and football players!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

Presence of mind helps, Never Panic!!!

On 1 Mar 2013 21:20, "Phil Bautista"  wrote:

** 

Ok, so this could be modified to incorporate any number of discovery tools,
database of your choice, PC vendor you like (or dislike), etc.  But you may
find it funny and can perform your own variable substitution.

 

"A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture
in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud
of dust. The driver, a young man in a BrioniR suit, GucciR shoes, RayBanR
sunglasses and YSLR tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I
tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you
give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks
at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The
yuppie parks his car, whips out his DellR notebook computer, connects it to
his Cingular RAZR V3R cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which
he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in
Adobe PhotoshopR and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg ,
Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm PilotR that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQLR
database through an ODBC connected ExcelR spreadsheet with email on his
BlackberryR and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he
prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJetR printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586
cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my
calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about
it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for
the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but
how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You
showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an
answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you
are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or
about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my
dog. AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT."

 

Phil Bautista, WWRUG13 Advisory Board

512-731-0304

Social - http://www.facebook.com/phil.bautista

Business - http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista

WWRUG12 - http://www.wwrug12.com/contact_phil.html
<http://www.wwrug11.com/contact_phil.html> 

 

_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_ 

_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_ 


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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Tommy Morris]

Lol I know where my mind is today. I read the kg as short hand for keg. And I 
though why would someone want to sell butter by the keg? Doh!

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG] On Behalf Of Rajesh Nair
Sent: Friday, March 01, 2013 1:55 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

**

Good 2 see since joke on friday..just to refresh eachones mind from the mamoth 
task...keping smiling. Have a nice day ahead folks

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the 
shop,

but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants 
to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".
To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him..!!!

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other 
half!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by 
being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only 
prostitutes and football players!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

Presence of mind helps, Never Panic!!!
On 1 Mar 2013 21:20, "Phil Bautista" 
mailto:bauti...@bullcreek.com>> wrote:
**
Ok, so this could be modified to incorporate any number of discovery tools, 
database of your choice, PC vendor you like (or dislike), etc.  But you may 
find it funny and can perform your own variable substitution...

"A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in 
Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of 
dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni(r) suit, Gucci(r) shoes, RayBan(r) 
sunglasses and YSL(r) tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I 
tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give 
me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his 
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks 
his car, whips out his Dell(r) notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular 
RAZR V3(r) cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls 
up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to 
another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. 
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop(r) and exports it 
to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ... Within seconds, he 
receives an email on his Palm Pilot(r) that the image has been processed and 
the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL(r) database through an ODBC 
connected Excel(r) spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry(r) and, after a few 
minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page 
report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet(r) printer, turns to the cowboy 
and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I 
guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select 
one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into 
the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you 
exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man 
thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a 
Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the 
yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the 
cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid 
for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of 
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; 
and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about 
cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog. AND 
THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT."

Phil Bautista, WWRUG13 Advisory Board
512-731-0304
Social - http://www.facebook.com/phil.bautista
Business - http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista
WWRUG12 - 
http://www.wwrug12.com/contact_phil.html<http://www.wwrug11.com/contact_phil.html>

_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_
_ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Rajesh Nair]

Good 2 see since joke on friday..just to refresh eachones mind from the
mamoth task...keping smiling. Have a nice day ahead folks

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in
the shop,

but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside
wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".
To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind
him..!!!

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other
half!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by
being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only
prostitutes and football players!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

Presence of mind helps, Never Panic!!!
On 1 Mar 2013 21:20, "Phil Bautista"  wrote:

> **
>
> Ok, so this could be modified to incorporate any number of discovery
> tools, database of your choice, PC vendor you like (or dislike), etc.  But
> you may find it funny and can perform your own variable substitution…
>
> ** **
>
> “A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
> pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of
> a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
> RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the
> cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
> herd, will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a
> yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,
> "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook
> computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a
> NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
> exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite
> that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
> opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image
> processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an
> email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data
> stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected
> Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes,
> receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report
> on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and
> says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I
> guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man
> select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man
> stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey,
> if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my
> calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
> not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow!
> That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No
> guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though
> nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
> question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment
> trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
> thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that
> matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog. AND THAT FOLKS IS
> WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.”
>
> ** **
>
> Phil Bautista, WWRUG13 Advisory Board
>
> 512-731-0304
>
> Social - http://www.facebook.com/phil.bautista
>
> Business - http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista
>
> WWRUG12 - 
> http://www.wwrug12.com/contact_phil.html
> 
>
> ** **
>  _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

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"Where the Answers Are, and have been for 20 years"

Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

I was talking this morning with someone at my health club about Maxine
Waters' statement yesterday that we would lose 170 million jobs - which is
more than we actually have - and how anyone so stupid could get themselves
elected to Congress.  And the other one who thought that an island (Guam)
might capsize if we removed a bunch of people from it.

I actually figured this out a few years back.  No offense to Sales people
out there - you perform a useful function - but many ended up in sales
because they weren't good enough at anything else, like computers, for
instance, to make a decent living at it.  Politicians, regardless of any
other skills they might have, are really good at one thing - selling
themselves.  Some of them also aren't good enough at anything else to do
anything else.  Keep that in mind next election, when asked to vote for
someone whose vote will be affecting what YOU are good at and they are
not.  Like spending money wisely, for instance.

Rick


On Fri, Mar 1, 2013 at 7:50 AM, Phil Bautista wrote:

> **
>
> Ok, so this could be modified to incorporate any number of discovery
> tools, database of your choice, PC vendor you like (or dislike), etc.  But
> you may find it funny and can perform your own variable substitution…
>
> ** **
>
> “A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous
> pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of
> a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes,
> RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the
> cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
> herd, will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a
> yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,
> "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook
> computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a
> NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an
> exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite
> that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then
> opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image
> processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an
> email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data
> stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected
> Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes,
> receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report
> on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and
> says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I
> guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man
> select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man
> stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey,
> if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my
> calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why
> not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow!
> That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No
> guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though
> nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
> question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment
> trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
> thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that
> matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog. AND THAT FOLKS IS
> WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.”
>
> ** **
>
> Phil Bautista, WWRUG13 Advisory Board
>
> 512-731-0304
>
> Social - http://www.facebook.com/phil.bautista
>
> Business - http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista
>
> WWRUG12 - 
> http://www.wwrug12.com/contact_phil.html
> 
>
> ** **
>  _ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" and have been for 20 years_

___
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"Where the Answers Are, and have been for 20 years"

OT: Friday Humor

[Phil Bautista]

Ok, so this could be modified to incorporate any number of discovery tools,
database of your choice, PC vendor you like (or dislike), etc.  But you may
find it funny and can perform your own variable substitution.

 

"A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture
in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud
of dust. The driver, a young man in a BrioniR suit, GucciR shoes, RayBanR
sunglasses and YSLR tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I
tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you
give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks
at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The
yuppie parks his car, whips out his DellR notebook computer, connects it to
his Cingular RAZR V3R cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which
he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in
Adobe PhotoshopR and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg ,
Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm PilotR that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQLR
database through an ODBC connected ExcelR spreadsheet with email on his
BlackberryR and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he
prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP
LaserJetR printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586
cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my
calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about
it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for
the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but
how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You
showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an
answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of
dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you
are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or
about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my
dog. AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT."

 

Phil Bautista, WWRUG13 Advisory Board

512-731-0304

Social -  
http://www.facebook.com/phil.bautista

Business -  
http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista

WWRUG12 -  
http://www.wwrug12.com/contact_phil.html

 


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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Thad Esser]

100% agree.

For those particularly frustrating days, I've got a link to that video on
my Remedy Home Page in our Dev environment.  Not sure I could get away with
it in Prod.  :-)

My 8 year old daughter and I do this thing where we mimc that video with
whatever topic comes to mind.  My wife isn't sure which one of is the
bigger kid.
Me: Waterparks.  I've been thinking about waterparks lately.
Her: Yeah?
..
Me:  And I thought to myself, you know who would like to go to the
waterpark?  ME!  So I went inside.
Her.  waaahaaa!!
And so on.
Anyway, it had been a few months since I last looked at that, it never
seems to get old.  Thanks for posting.  :-)

Thad

On Fri, Jan 13, 2012 at 1:33 PM, Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America
Account)  wrote:

> **
>
> This has to be one of the funniest videos I have seen in a long time
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
>
> http://app.cooleremail.com/c.pl?46a31b4a5a9778ad41702904e8ac6702abd8c7287612b8a0
> 
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
> *Christopher Pruitt*
> Business Consulting III 
>
> *HP Enterprises Services*
> *christopher.pru...@hp.com*
> www.hp.com 
>
> [image: HP_logo]
>
> ** **
>
> *Confidentiality Notice:* This message and any files transmitted with it
> are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
> addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
> and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
> intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
> copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
> prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please immediately
> destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the sender
> immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake.*
> ***
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
> _attend WWRUG12 www.wwrug.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"_

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OT: Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America Account)]

This has to be one of the funniest videos I have seen in a long time


http://app.cooleremail.com/c.pl?46a31b4a5a9778ad41702904e8ac6702abd8c7287612b8a0


Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com
[cid:image001.png@01CCD208.AE081B80]

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.



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<>

OT: Friday Humor - SANTA RESIGNS!!!!!

[Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America Account)]

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed
He yelled at the elves and threw down his list

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.

I've busted my backside for darn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear

The old lady complains cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better
Those jerks from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't darn funny
Who the heck ever sent Santa Claus any money

And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...Those mean little brats

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yoyo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat backside and draw unemployment

There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!


Compliments of my father-in-law.
Christopher Pruitt

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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Robert Fults]

Answer to #5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHTyH2nuFAw - How to fold a fitted 
sheet. ;)

Sincerely,

Robert Fults
Remedy Admin/Dev.
Florida International University
Email: rfu...@fiu.edu
http://uts.fiu.edu


10. Bad decisions make good stories.  Really bad decisions make epic sagas.

Jennifer Meyer

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America 
Account)
Sent: Friday, November 26, 2010 8:22 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

Subject: Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your 
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize 
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the h$%^ are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I 
know how to get out of My neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person 
died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when 
you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of 
the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don't 
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I 
want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not 
make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer 
when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday 
night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and 
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to 
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know 
what time it is.

21.  Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in 
a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but 
I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 
1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the 
first helmet was used in 1974.  That means it only took 100 years for men to 
realize that their brain is also important.


Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com<http://www.hp.com/>


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Meyer, Jennifer L]

10. Bad decisions make good stories.  Really bad decisions make epic sagas.

Jennifer Meyer

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America 
Account)
Sent: Friday, November 26, 2010 8:22 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

Subject: Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your 
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize 
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the h$%^ are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I 
know how to get out of My neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person 
died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when 
you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of 
the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don't 
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I 
want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not 
make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer 
when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday 
night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and 
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to 
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know 
what time it is.

21.  Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in 
a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but 
I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 
1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the 
first helmet was used in 1974.  That means it only took 100 years for men to 
realize that their brain is also important.


Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com<http://www.hp.com/>


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
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e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
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OT - Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America Account)]

Subject: Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your 
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize 
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the h$%^ are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I 
know how to get out of My neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person 
died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when 
you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of 
the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don't 
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I 
want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not 
make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer 
when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday 
night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and 
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to 
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know 
what time it is.

21.  Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in 
a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but 
I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 
1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the 
first helmet was used in 1974.  That means it only took 100 years for men to 
realize that their brain is also important.


Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
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<>

OT: Friday Humor

[Phil Bautista]

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. 

They rub it and a Genie comes out.. 
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' 
Puff! She's gone. 

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.' 

Puff! He's gone. 

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. 
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after 
Lunch.' 


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say

 

Phil Bautista, WWRUG10 Advisory Board

512-731-0304

http://www.linkedin.com/in/philbautista

http://www.wwrug.org/wwrug10/contact_phil.html

 


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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Benedetto Cantatore]

Here's my favorite lawyer joke. ...
 
What's the difference between a lab rat and a lawyer?
There's some things even a lab rat won't do.
 
Ben Cantatore
Remedy Manager
(914) 457-6209
 
Emerging Health IT
3 Odell Plaza
Yonkers, New York 10701

>>> marti...@jmu.edu 06/11/10 12:46 PM >>>

Lawyers seem to be the butt of more than their share of jokes.  So I'll
make a bad situation even worse:

Two kids are discussing their parents.
Kid 1: My dad's a Remedy Developer
Kid 2: That's nothing.  My dad's a lawyer!
Kid 1: Honest?!?
Kid 2: No, just an ordinary lawyer.

Dwayne Martin
With apologies to my lawyer friends.

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Danny Kellett
Sent: Friday, June 11, 2010 10:52 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor

lol

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of
America Account)
Sent: 11 June 2010 14:23
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

Subject: Heart-warming lawyer story

This is funny but this lawyer is a cold piece of work.


One  afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
on
the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out  to
investigate.

He asked  one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat
grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under
that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife
and SIX children with me !"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer

answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as
the limo was.

Once under  way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and
said,
"Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you  for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll  really love my place.

The grass is almost a foot  high"



Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
972.605.7702 office |
christopher.pru...@hp.com<mailto:mary.jo...@hp.com>
http://www.hp.comwww.hp.com<http://www.hp.com/>


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential,
privileged, and
exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended
addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited.
If you
have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase,
or
discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return
e-mail
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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Martin, Dwayne]

Lawyers seem to be the butt of more than their share of jokes.  So I'll make a 
bad situation even worse:

Two kids are discussing their parents.
Kid 1: My dad's a Remedy Developer
Kid 2: That's nothing.  My dad's a lawyer!
Kid 1: Honest?!?
Kid 2: No, just an ordinary lawyer.

Dwayne Martin
With apologies to my lawyer friends.

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Danny Kellett
Sent: Friday, June 11, 2010 10:52 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor

lol

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of
America Account)
Sent: 11 June 2010 14:23
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

Subject: Heart-warming lawyer story

This is funny but this lawyer is a cold piece of work.


One  afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men on
the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out  to investigate.

He asked  one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat
grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under
that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me !"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer

answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as
the limo was.

Once under  way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you  for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll  really love my place.

The grass is almost a foot  high"



Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
972.605.7702 office | christopher.pru...@hp.com<mailto:mary.jo...@hp.com>
www.hp.com<http://www.hp.com/>


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
if you have received this e-mail by mistake.






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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Danny Kellett]

lol

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of
America Account)
Sent: 11 June 2010 14:23
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

Subject: Heart-warming lawyer story

This is funny but this lawyer is a cold piece of work.


One  afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men on
the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out  to investigate.

He asked  one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat
grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under
that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me !"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer

answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as
the limo was.

Once under  way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you  for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll  really love my place.

The grass is almost a foot  high"



Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
972.605.7702 office | christopher.pru...@hp.com<mailto:mary.jo...@hp.com>
www.hp.com<http://www.hp.com/>


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
if you have received this e-mail by mistake.






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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Ben Chernys]

Thanks!  Really made me laugh! 
Cheers
Ben Chernys

Senior Software Architect
Software Tool House Inc.

Canada / Deutschland / Germany
Mobile:  +49 171 380 2329GMT + 1 + [ DST ]
Email:   Ben.Chernys _AT_ softwaretoolhouse.com
Web: www.softwaretoolhouse.com

Check out Software Tool House's free Diary Editor.

Meta-Update, our premium ARS Data tool, lets you automate 
your imports, migrations, in no time at all, without programming, 
without staging forms, without merge workflow. 
http://www.softwaretoolhouse.com/  

 

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of
America Account)
Sent: June 11, 2010 3:23 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

Subject: Heart-warming lawyer story

This is funny but this lawyer is a cold piece of work.


One  afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men on
the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out  to investigate.

He asked  one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat
grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under
that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me !"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer

answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as
the limo was.

Once under  way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you  for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll  really love my place.

The grass is almost a foot  high"



Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
972.605.7702 office | christopher.pru...@hp.com<mailto:mary.jo...@hp.com>
www.hp.com<http://www.hp.com/>


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
if you have received this e-mail by mistake.






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OT - Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America Account)]

Subject: Heart-warming lawyer story

This is funny but this lawyer is a cold piece of work.


One  afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men on the 
road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out  to investigate.

He asked  one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat 
grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the  lawyer 
said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under 
that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me !"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer

answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limo was.

Once under  way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,  "Sir, 
you are too kind."
"Thank you  for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll  really love my place.

The grass is almost a foot  high"



Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
972.605.7702 office | christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com


Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.





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<>

OT Friday Humor: Special Letter from Mother to Son

[Pruitt, Christopher (Bank of America Account)]

Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where 
we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents 
happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you 
the address because the last   West Virginia  family that lived here took the 
house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about 
it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here It only rained twice last week; the first time for 
three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be 
too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put 
them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it 
took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so 
I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him 
out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for 
three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. 
He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in 
the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has 
happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom


Christopher Pruitt
Business Consulting III
HP Enterprises Services
christopher.pru...@hp.com
www.hp.com
[cid:image003.png@01CAC1BF.11DE3510]

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.


<>

Re: OT: Friday Humor - A Public service message about LIFE

[Joe DeSouza]

:-) Funny stuff!

Joe





From: "PRUITT, CHRISTOPHER" 
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Sent: Friday, July 17, 2009 9:38:48 AM
Subject: OT: Friday Humor - A Public service message about LIFE

** 

On the first day, God created the dog and said: 

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks 
past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' 

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and 
I'll give you back the other ten?' 

So God agreed.. 

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 
twenty-year life span.' 

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to 
perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?' 

And God agreed. 

On the third day, God created the cow and said: 

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the 
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will 
give you a life span of sixty  years.' 

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty 
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?' 

And God agreed again. 

On the fourth day, God created man and said: 

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty 
years.' 

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the 
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave 
back; that makes eighty, okay?' 

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' 

So that is why, for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy 
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. 
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And 
for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. 

Life has now been explained to you. 

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a 
public service
 
 
 
Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist
EDS,an HP Company
mailto:christopher.pru...@hp.com
We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours.
Confidentiality Notice:This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
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OT: Friday Humor - A Public service message about LIFE

[PRUITT, CHRISTOPHER]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks 
past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and 
I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed..

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 
twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to 
perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the 
sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will 
give you a life span of sixty  years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. 
How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty 
years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the 
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave 
back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why, for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy 
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. 
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And 
for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a 
public service




Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: christopher.pru...@hp.com
We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours.
Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
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e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Chowdhury, Tauf]

My addition would be:

 

You actually say LOL in a conversation. 

 

Tauf Chowdhury 

Analyst, Service Management

Office: 631.858.7765

Mobile:646.483.2779

 

 

 

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Meyer, Jennifer L
Sent: Monday, June 15, 2009 9:46 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

 

** 

May I add a few?

 

You add somebody you see every day to your Facebook "Friends" list.

 

You have more passwords than fingers, and mnemonics for all of them.

 

You have never visited a physical branch of your bank, insurance office,
or public utility company, and aren't sure where to find them if you had
to.  

 

You don't own a map, but you don't need one, because you can google.

 

You can hold a perfectly rational, normal conversation while staring
into thin air, with no one within 10 feet of you, and passerby will not
consider you insane.

 

You bring your laptop in the car whenever someone else is driving, in
case you need directions.

 

 

Jennifer Meyer

Remedy Technical Support Specialist

State of North Carolina

Office of Information Technology Services 

Service Delivery Division ITSM & ITAM Services

Office: 919-754-6543

ITS Service Desk: 919-754-6000

jennifer.me...@its.nc.gov

http://its.state.nc.us <http://its.state.nc.us/> 

 

E-mail correspondence to and from this address may be subject to the
North Carolina Public Records Law and may be disclosed to third parties
only by an authorized State Official.



From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Rick Cook
Sent: Friday, June 12, 2009 11:22 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

 

Nice, Chris! Too true!

Rick



From: "Pruitt, Christopher J" 
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:18:21 -0500
To: 
Subject: OT: Friday Humor

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1.  You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
   (That's because of course she has her earphones in)

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

1 3 Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to  forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to...

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: christopher.pru...@eds.com 

We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.

_Platinum Sponsor: rmisoluti...@verizon.net ARSlist: "Where the Answers
Are"_



Email correspondence to and from this sender is subject to the N.C.
Public Records Law and may be disclosed to third parties.

_Platinum Sponsor: rmisoluti...@verizon.net ARSlist: "Where the Answers
Are"_ 

**
This e-mail and its attachments may contain Forest Laboratories, Inc. 
proprietary information that is privileged, confidential or subject to 
copyright belonging to Forest Laboratories, Inc. This e-mail is intended solely 
for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed. If you are 
not the intended recipient of this e-mail, or the employee or agent responsible 
for delivering this e-mail to the intended recipient, you are her

Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Meyer, Jennifer L]

May I add a few?

You add somebody you see every day to your Facebook "Friends" list.

You have more passwords than fingers, and mnemonics for all of them.

You have never visited a physical branch of your bank, insurance office, or 
public utility company, and aren't sure where to find them if you had to.

You don't own a map, but you don't need one, because you can google.

You can hold a perfectly rational, normal conversation while staring into thin 
air, with no one within 10 feet of you, and passerby will not consider you 
insane.

You bring your laptop in the car whenever someone else is driving, in case you 
need directions.



Jennifer Meyer

Remedy Technical Support Specialist

State of North Carolina

Office of Information Technology Services

Service Delivery Division ITSM & ITAM Services

Office: 919-754-6543

ITS Service Desk: 919-754-6000

jennifer.me...@its.nc.gov<mailto:jennifer.me...@its.nc.gov>

http://its.state.nc.us<http://its.state.nc.us/>



E-mail correspondence to and from this address may be subject to the North 
Carolina Public Records Law and may be disclosed to third parties only by an 
authorized State Official.


From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Rick Cook
Sent: Friday, June 12, 2009 11:22 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

Nice, Chris! Too true!

Rick


From: "Pruitt, Christopher J"
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:18:21 -0500
To: 
Subject: OT: Friday Humor

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1.  You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
   (That's because of course she has her earphones in)

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

1 3 Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to  forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to...

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: christopher.pru...@eds.com

We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours.

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.

_Platinum Sponsor: rmisoluti...@verizon.net ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"_

Email correspondence to and from this sender is subject to the N.C. Public 
Records Law and may be disclosed to third parties.

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

Nice, Chris!  Too true!

Rick

-Original Message-
From: "Pruitt, Christopher J" 

Date: Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:18:21 
To: 
Subject: OT: Friday Humor


YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1.  You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
   (That's because of course she has her earphones in)

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

1 3 Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to  forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to...

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: christopher.pru...@eds.com 
We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 
Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.



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OT: Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher J]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1.  You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
   (That's because of course she has her earphones in)

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

1 3 Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to  forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this
list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to...

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: christopher.pru...@eds.com 
We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 
Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.



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OT: Friday Humor II

[Schryver, Curt]

http://www.newsday.com/media/flash/2009-04/46217527.swf

Maybe not really that funny


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OT: Friday Humor

[Grooms, Frederick W]

1. Stress Puppy:  A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiney

2. Is Visine.com a site for sore eyes??

3. What did the DNA say to the other DNA?Do these genes make me look
fat?

4. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things
difficult for the manufacturer and impossible for the serviceman.

5. Life is like a taxi.  The meter keeps a-ticking whether you are
getting somewhere or just standing still.

6. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

7. Play-Doh and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

8. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.

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Re: OT: Friday Humor: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

[Susan Palmer]

Very impressive !!  Vote for David as entertainment at the new user group.
Remember when all the top guys used to get on stage and do a song.  The
polynesian outfits with the coconuts was particularily memorable.  Granted
... for the rap David ... you'll need appropriately loose clothing and lots
of bling!

That brought a smile to a long week!!

thanks,
Susan

On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 2:13 PM, Easter, David  wrote:

> ** > Now THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the
> FAT client but many will continue to overlook that.
>
> I humbly disagree, and I thought the best way to voice that would be in a
> rap.  (Please imagine a posse emphasizing the parts in bold...)
>
>
> I sat down today at my *PC*
>
> Gonna log into my Rem-*E-DY*
>
> But yo’ yo’ dog, what do I see?
>
> My W-U-T is *R-I-P*
>
>
>
> Times have *changed*, tools rear*ranged*
>
> Someone’s got to be de*ranged*
>
> Phat clients are gone, now ain’t that strange
>
> OWA now’s my link to Ex*change*
>
>
>
> I ain’t here to dis’ the web *client*
>
> Not tryin’ to be rude or be de*fiant*
>
> I’m ready to bend, gonna be real *pliant*
>
> Don’t wanna go to jail not bein’ com*pliant*
>
>
>
> Web’s now the *norm*, got to *perform*
>
> Cloud Computing is the *per-fect storm*
>
> It does the work – same function and form
>
> Brings data to the masses, keeps them in*formed*
>
>
>
> So here I go don’t need no *docs*
>
> Just launch IE or *Firefox*
>
> Wow, look at that - this UI *rocks!*
>
> This dope web client *knocks* *off my socks!*
>
> * *
>
> I save time typing ‘cause of auto-com*plete*
>
> And collapsible panels keep *my view* *neat*
>
> Flex-based flashboards?  Man, that’s *sweet*
>
> It’s got fill layout – totally *|_337!  *
>
> * *
>
> New JavaScript engines make it *fast*
>
> This technology’s built to *last*
>
> Yo, I’m sold – my test is *passed*
>
> My expectations it has *surpassed*
>
>
>
> Hey thick client – *C-YA*!  Wouldn’t wanna *be ya*!
>
> Your days are numbered, I guaran*tee ya*
>
> From Sunnyvale to South *Korea*
>
> Fire up that browser – we’ll *B-M-C ya!*
>
>
> -David J. Easter
> Sr. Product Manager, Solution Strategy and Development
> BMC Software, Inc.
>
> The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed in
> this E-mail *DEFINITELY *do not reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.  My
> voluntary participation in this forum is not intended to convey a role as a
> spokesperson, liaison or public relations representative for BMC Software,
> Inc.
>
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Sanford, Claire
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 11:13 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Bravo Susan!  I couldn't have said it better myself!
>
> Go FAT!
>
> What a bunch of sizeists!
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Susan Palmer
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 12:33 PM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Since '95 I don't recall Remedy ever referring to it as the FAT
> client.  Whenever I heard the term I thought it was an old geek term
> especially once web became more prolific.  And as with most THIN clients in
> the past they did not have the full abilities of the FAT client which was
> many times overlooked since often THIN seemed to be preferred.  But many
> people realized that the FAT client was more fulfilling and rewarding.  Now
> THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the FAT client
> but many will continue to overlook that.  Go FAT !!
>
> Susan  :)
>
> On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Shyman, Jonathan wrote:
>
>> **
>>
>> No, see, that's no good beacuse it infers the existence of a "smart"
>> client.
>>
>> You know, a client that will fill out most of the fields on a form for
>> you, get you coffee, ask your boss for a raise and tell you it can't open
>> the pod bay doors now.
>>
>> :)
>>
>> J.T. Shyman
>>
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) on behalf of Reiser,
>> John J
>> Sent: Fri 4/17/2009 9:38 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> How about the dumb client? ARText Ver 1.5
>>
>> ---
>> John J. Reiser
>> Senior Software Development Analyst
>> Remedy Administrator/Developer
>> Lockheed Martin - MS2
>> The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
>> Pay close attention and be illuminated by its brilliance. - paraphrased by
>> me
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [
>> mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG ] On Behalf Of Carey
>> Matthew Black
>> Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:43 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> Axton,
>>
>> I 

Re: OT: Friday Humor: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

[Juan Ingles]

LOL.I love it!

So, should we call you "P-David", "Easter-Dog", or maybe "theBig DjE?"

Juan Ingles

On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 12:13 PM, Easter, David wrote:

> ** > Now THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the
> FAT client but many will continue to overlook that.
>
> I humbly disagree, and I thought the best way to voice that would be in a
> rap.  (Please imagine a posse emphasizing the parts in bold...)
>
>
> I sat down today at my *PC*
>
> Gonna log into my Rem-*E-DY*
>
> But yo’ yo’ dog, what do I see?
>
> My W-U-T is *R-I-P*
>
>
>
> Times have *changed*, tools rear*ranged*
>
> Someone’s got to be de*ranged*
>
> Phat clients are gone, now ain’t that strange
>
> OWA now’s my link to Ex*change*
>
>
>
> I ain’t here to dis’ the web *client*
>
> Not tryin’ to be rude or be de*fiant*
>
> I’m ready to bend, gonna be real *pliant*
>
> Don’t wanna go to jail not bein’ com*pliant*
>
>
>
> Web’s now the *norm*, got to *perform*
>
> Cloud Computing is the *per-fect storm*
>
> It does the work – same function and form
>
> Brings data to the masses, keeps them in*formed*
>
>
>
> So here I go don’t need no *docs*
>
> Just launch IE or *Firefox*
>
> Wow, look at that - this UI *rocks!*
>
> This dope web client *knocks* *off my socks!*
>
> * *
>
> I save time typing ‘cause of auto-com*plete*
>
> And collapsible panels keep *my view* *neat*
>
> Flex-based flashboards?  Man, that’s *sweet*
>
> It’s got fill layout – totally *|_337!  *
>
> * *
>
> New JavaScript engines make it *fast*
>
> This technology’s built to *last*
>
> Yo, I’m sold – my test is *passed*
>
> My expectations it has *surpassed*
>
>
>
> Hey thick client – *C-YA*!  Wouldn’t wanna *be ya*!
>
> Your days are numbered, I guaran*tee ya*
>
> From Sunnyvale to South *Korea*
>
> Fire up that browser – we’ll *B-M-C ya!*
>
>
> -David J. Easter
> Sr. Product Manager, Solution Strategy and Development
> BMC Software, Inc.
>
> The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed in
> this E-mail *DEFINITELY *do not reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.  My
> voluntary participation in this forum is not intended to convey a role as a
> spokesperson, liaison or public relations representative for BMC Software,
> Inc.
>
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Sanford, Claire
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 11:13 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Bravo Susan!  I couldn't have said it better myself!
>
> Go FAT!
>
> What a bunch of sizeists!
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Susan Palmer
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 12:33 PM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Since '95 I don't recall Remedy ever referring to it as the FAT
> client.  Whenever I heard the term I thought it was an old geek term
> especially once web became more prolific.  And as with most THIN clients in
> the past they did not have the full abilities of the FAT client which was
> many times overlooked since often THIN seemed to be preferred.  But many
> people realized that the FAT client was more fulfilling and rewarding.  Now
> THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the FAT client
> but many will continue to overlook that.  Go FAT !!
>
> Susan  :)
>
> On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Shyman, Jonathan wrote:
>
>> **
>>
>> No, see, that's no good beacuse it infers the existence of a "smart"
>> client.
>>
>> You know, a client that will fill out most of the fields on a form for
>> you, get you coffee, ask your boss for a raise and tell you it can't open
>> the pod bay doors now.
>>
>> :)
>>
>> J.T. Shyman
>>
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) on behalf of Reiser,
>> John J
>> Sent: Fri 4/17/2009 9:38 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> How about the dumb client? ARText Ver 1.5
>>
>> ---
>> John J. Reiser
>> Senior Software Development Analyst
>> Remedy Administrator/Developer
>> Lockheed Martin - MS2
>> The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
>> Pay close attention and be illuminated by its brilliance. - paraphrased by
>> me
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [
>> mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG ] On Behalf Of Carey
>> Matthew Black
>> Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:43 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> Axton,
>>
>> I think I was more like this:
>>
>> RemedyWeb was the "thick web client" (applet based), (AKA "Fat web
>> client")
>>
>> ARWeb was the "thin web client" (DHTML/Javascript based)
>>
>> WUT was the v4 Windows User Tool (Maybe also called the "FAT client".
>> Note it

Re: OT: Friday Humor: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

[John Sundberg]

Most x l nt



Sent from my iPhone

On Apr 17, 2009, at 2:13 PM, "Easter, David"   
wrote:



**
> Now THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as  
the FAT client but many will continue to overlook that.


I humbly disagree, and I thought the best way to voice that would be  
in a rap.  (Please imagine a posse emphasizing the parts in bold...)


I sat down today at my PC
Gonna log into my Rem-E-DY
But yo’ yo’ dog, what do I see?
My W-U-T is R-I-P

Times have changed, tools rearranged
Someone’s got to be deranged
Phat clients are gone, now ain’t that strange
OWA now’s my link to Exchange

I ain’t here to dis’ the web client
Not tryin’ to be rude or be defiant
I’m ready to bend, gonna be real pliant
Don’t wanna go to jail not bein’ compliant

Web’s now the norm, got to perform
Cloud Computing is the per-fect storm
It does the work – same function and form
Brings data to the masses, keeps them informed

So here I go don’t need no docs
Just launch IE or Firefox
Wow, look at that - this UI rocks!
This dope web client knocks off my socks!

I save time typing ‘cause of auto-complete
And collapsible panels keep my view neat
Flex-based flashboards?  Man, that’s sweet
It’s got fill layout – totally |_337!

New JavaScript engines make it fast
This technology’s built to last
Yo, I’m sold – my test is passed
My expectations it has surpassed

Hey thick client – C-YA!  Wouldn’t wanna be ya!
Your days are numbered, I guarantee ya
From Sunnyvale to South Korea
Fire up that browser – we’ll B-M-C ya!


-David J. Easter
Sr. Product Manager, Solution Strategy and Development
BMC Software, Inc.

The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action  
expressed in this E-mail DEFINITELY do not reflect those of BMC  
Software, Inc.  My voluntary participation in this forum is not  
intended to convey a role as a spokesperson, liaison or public  
relations representative for BMC Software, Inc.



From: Action Request System discussion  list(ARSList) [mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG 
] On Behalf Of Sanford, Claire

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:13 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

**
Bravo Susan!  I couldn't have said it better myself!

Go FAT!

What a bunch of sizeists!

From: Action Request System discussion  list(ARSList) [mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG 
] On Behalf Of Susan Palmer

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 12:33 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

**
Since '95 I don't recall Remedy ever referring to it as the FAT  
client.  Whenever I heard the term I thought it was an old geek term  
especially once web became more prolific.  And as with most THIN  
clients in the past they did not have the full abilities of the FAT  
client which was many times overlooked since often THIN seemed to be  
preferred.  But many people realized that the FAT client was more  
fulfilling and rewarding.  Now THIN client has improved but will  
never be quite as good as the FAT client but many will continue to  
overlook that.  Go FAT !!


Susan  :)

On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Shyman, Jonathan > wrote:

**
No, see, that's no good beacuse it infers the existence of a "smart"  
client.


You know, a client that will fill out most of the fields on a form  
for you, get you coffee, ask your boss for a raise and tell you it  
can't open the pod bay doors now.


:)

J.T. Shyman



-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) on behalf of  
Reiser, John J

Sent: Fri 4/17/2009 9:38 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

How about the dumb client? ARText Ver 1.5

---
John J. Reiser
Senior Software Development Analyst
Remedy Administrator/Developer
Lockheed Martin - MS2
The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
Pay close attention and be illuminated by its brilliance. -  
paraphrased by me

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG 
] On Behalf Of Carey Matthew Black

Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:43 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

Axton,

I think I was more like this:

RemedyWeb was the "thick web client" (applet based), (AKA "Fat web  
client")


ARWeb was the "thin web client" (DHTML/Javascript based)

WUT was the v4 Windows User Tool (Maybe also called the "FAT client".
Note it is fatter than the Fat web client by two more capital sized
letters.)

You also had to deal with the UUT. (Un*x User Tool). However, you
might also have called it the "OMUT" OSF/Motif User Tool too. But as I
only used it a few times I really do not want to try to remember it in
a negative way. Rather I will choose to focus on the positive
memories It's dead.

Then you also had to deal with the MUT. (Macintosh User Tool, was that
v3? or just v2?) Which I would call a "FAt client". (Not quite as fat
as the "FAT client", but fatter than t

Re: OT: Friday Humor: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

[Howard Richter]

It is going the way of the 8 track.

May the tape not break and the case not melt.



On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 3:13 PM, Easter, David  wrote:

> ** > Now THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the
> FAT client but many will continue to overlook that.
>
> I humbly disagree, and I thought the best way to voice that would be in a
> rap.  (Please imagine a posse emphasizing the parts in bold...)
>
>
> I sat down today at my *PC*
>
> Gonna log into my Rem-*E-DY*
>
> But yo’ yo’ dog, what do I see?
>
> My W-U-T is *R-I-P*
>
>
>
> Times have *changed*, tools rear*ranged*
>
> Someone’s got to be de*ranged*
>
> Phat clients are gone, now ain’t that strange
>
> OWA now’s my link to Ex*change*
>
>
>
> I ain’t here to dis’ the web *client*
>
> Not tryin’ to be rude or be de*fiant*
>
> I’m ready to bend, gonna be real *pliant*
>
> Don’t wanna go to jail not bein’ com*pliant*
>
>
>
> Web’s now the *norm*, got to *perform*
>
> Cloud Computing is the *per-fect storm*
>
> It does the work – same function and form
>
> Brings data to the masses, keeps them in*formed*
>
>
>
> So here I go don’t need no *docs*
>
> Just launch IE or *Firefox*
>
> Wow, look at that - this UI *rocks!*
>
> This dope web client *knocks* *off my socks!*
>
> * *
>
> I save time typing ‘cause of auto-com*plete*
>
> And collapsible panels keep *my view* *neat*
>
> Flex-based flashboards?  Man, that’s *sweet*
>
> It’s got fill layout – totally *|_337!  *
>
> * *
>
> New JavaScript engines make it *fast*
>
> This technology’s built to *last*
>
> Yo, I’m sold – my test is *passed*
>
> My expectations it has *surpassed*
>
>
>
> Hey thick client – *C-YA*!  Wouldn’t wanna *be ya*!
>
> Your days are numbered, I guaran*tee ya*
>
> From Sunnyvale to South *Korea*
>
> Fire up that browser – we’ll *B-M-C ya!*
>
>
> -David J. Easter
> Sr. Product Manager, Solution Strategy and Development
> BMC Software, Inc.
>
> The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed in
> this E-mail *DEFINITELY *do not reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.  My
> voluntary participation in this forum is not intended to convey a role as a
> spokesperson, liaison or public relations representative for BMC Software,
> Inc.
>
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Sanford, Claire
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 11:13 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Bravo Susan!  I couldn't have said it better myself!
>
> Go FAT!
>
> What a bunch of sizeists!
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Susan Palmer
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 12:33 PM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Since '95 I don't recall Remedy ever referring to it as the FAT
> client.  Whenever I heard the term I thought it was an old geek term
> especially once web became more prolific.  And as with most THIN clients in
> the past they did not have the full abilities of the FAT client which was
> many times overlooked since often THIN seemed to be preferred.  But many
> people realized that the FAT client was more fulfilling and rewarding.  Now
> THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the FAT client
> but many will continue to overlook that.  Go FAT !!
>
> Susan  :)
>
> On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Shyman, Jonathan wrote:
>
>> **
>>
>> No, see, that's no good beacuse it infers the existence of a "smart"
>> client.
>>
>> You know, a client that will fill out most of the fields on a form for
>> you, get you coffee, ask your boss for a raise and tell you it can't open
>> the pod bay doors now.
>>
>> :)
>>
>> J.T. Shyman
>>
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) on behalf of Reiser,
>> John J
>> Sent: Fri 4/17/2009 9:38 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> How about the dumb client? ARText Ver 1.5
>>
>> ---
>> John J. Reiser
>> Senior Software Development Analyst
>> Remedy Administrator/Developer
>> Lockheed Martin - MS2
>> The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
>> Pay close attention and be illuminated by its brilliance. - paraphrased by
>> me
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [
>> mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG ] On Behalf Of Carey
>> Matthew Black
>> Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:43 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> Axton,
>>
>> I think I was more like this:
>>
>> RemedyWeb was the "thick web client" (applet based), (AKA "Fat web
>> client")
>>
>> ARWeb was the "thin web client" (DHTML/Javascript based)
>>
>> WUT was the v4 Windows User Tool (Maybe also called the "FAT client".
>> Note it is fatter than

Re: OT: Friday Humor: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

[Warren Baltimore]

So, what did YOU drink for lunch today in the BMC Cafeteria

:-p

On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 3:13 PM, Easter, David  wrote:

> ** > Now THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the
> FAT client but many will continue to overlook that.
>
> I humbly disagree, and I thought the best way to voice that would be in a
> rap.  (Please imagine a posse emphasizing the parts in bold...)
>
>
> I sat down today at my *PC*
>
> Gonna log into my Rem-*E-DY*
>
> But yo’ yo’ dog, what do I see?
>
> My W-U-T is *R-I-P*
>
>
>
> Times have *changed*, tools rear*ranged*
>
> Someone’s got to be de*ranged*
>
> Phat clients are gone, now ain’t that strange
>
> OWA now’s my link to Ex*change*
>
>
>
> I ain’t here to dis’ the web *client*
>
> Not tryin’ to be rude or be de*fiant*
>
> I’m ready to bend, gonna be real *pliant*
>
> Don’t wanna go to jail not bein’ com*pliant*
>
>
>
> Web’s now the *norm*, got to *perform*
>
> Cloud Computing is the *per-fect storm*
>
> It does the work – same function and form
>
> Brings data to the masses, keeps them in*formed*
>
>
>
> So here I go don’t need no *docs*
>
> Just launch IE or *Firefox*
>
> Wow, look at that - this UI *rocks!*
>
> This dope web client *knocks* *off my socks!*
>
> * *
>
> I save time typing ‘cause of auto-com*plete*
>
> And collapsible panels keep *my view* *neat*
>
> Flex-based flashboards?  Man, that’s *sweet*
>
> It’s got fill layout – totally *|_337!  *
>
> * *
>
> New JavaScript engines make it *fast*
>
> This technology’s built to *last*
>
> Yo, I’m sold – my test is *passed*
>
> My expectations it has *surpassed*
>
>
>
> Hey thick client – *C-YA*!  Wouldn’t wanna *be ya*!
>
> Your days are numbered, I guaran*tee ya*
>
> From Sunnyvale to South *Korea*
>
> Fire up that browser – we’ll *B-M-C ya!*
>
>
> -David J. Easter
> Sr. Product Manager, Solution Strategy and Development
> BMC Software, Inc.
>
> The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed in
> this E-mail *DEFINITELY *do not reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.  My
> voluntary participation in this forum is not intended to convey a role as a
> spokesperson, liaison or public relations representative for BMC Software,
> Inc.
>
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Sanford, Claire
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 11:13 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Bravo Susan!  I couldn't have said it better myself!
>
> Go FAT!
>
> What a bunch of sizeists!
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> arsl...@arslist.org] *On Behalf Of *Susan Palmer
> *Sent:* Friday, April 17, 2009 12:33 PM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>
> ** Since '95 I don't recall Remedy ever referring to it as the FAT
> client.  Whenever I heard the term I thought it was an old geek term
> especially once web became more prolific.  And as with most THIN clients in
> the past they did not have the full abilities of the FAT client which was
> many times overlooked since often THIN seemed to be preferred.  But many
> people realized that the FAT client was more fulfilling and rewarding.  Now
> THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the FAT client
> but many will continue to overlook that.  Go FAT !!
>
> Susan  :)
>
> On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Shyman, Jonathan wrote:
>
>> **
>>
>> No, see, that's no good beacuse it infers the existence of a "smart"
>> client.
>>
>> You know, a client that will fill out most of the fields on a form for
>> you, get you coffee, ask your boss for a raise and tell you it can't open
>> the pod bay doors now.
>>
>> :)
>>
>> J.T. Shyman
>>
>>
>>
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) on behalf of Reiser,
>> John J
>> Sent: Fri 4/17/2009 9:38 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> How about the dumb client? ARText Ver 1.5
>>
>> ---
>> John J. Reiser
>> Senior Software Development Analyst
>> Remedy Administrator/Developer
>> Lockheed Martin - MS2
>> The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
>> Pay close attention and be illuminated by its brilliance. - paraphrased by
>> me
>> -Original Message-
>> From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [
>> mailto:arslist@ARSLIST.ORG ] On Behalf Of Carey
>> Matthew Black
>> Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:43 AM
>> To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?
>>
>> Axton,
>>
>> I think I was more like this:
>>
>> RemedyWeb was the "thick web client" (applet based), (AKA "Fat web
>> client")
>>
>> ARWeb was the "thin web client" (DHTML/Javascript based)
>>
>> WUT was the v4 Windows User Tool (Maybe also called the "FAT client".
>> Note it is fatter than the Fat web cli

OT: Friday Humor: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

[Easter, David]

> Now THIN client has improved but will never be quite as good as the FAT 
> client but many will continue to overlook that.

I humbly disagree, and I thought the best way to voice that would be in a rap.  
(Please imagine a posse emphasizing the parts in bold...)

I sat down today at my PC
Gonna log into my Rem-E-DY
But yo' yo' dog, what do I see?
My W-U-T is R-I-P

Times have changed, tools rearranged
Someone's got to be deranged
Phat clients are gone, now ain't that strange
OWA now's my link to Exchange

I ain't here to dis' the web client
Not tryin' to be rude or be defiant
I'm ready to bend, gonna be real pliant
Don't wanna go to jail not bein' compliant

Web's now the norm, got to perform
Cloud Computing is the per-fect storm
It does the work - same function and form
Brings data to the masses, keeps them informed

So here I go don't need no docs
Just launch IE or Firefox
Wow, look at that - this UI rocks!
This dope web client knocks off my socks!

I save time typing 'cause of auto-complete
And collapsible panels keep my view neat
Flex-based flashboards?  Man, that's sweet
It's got fill layout - totally |_337!

New JavaScript engines make it fast
This technology's built to last
Yo, I'm sold - my test is passed
My expectations it has surpassed

Hey thick client - C-YA!  Wouldn't wanna be ya!
Your days are numbered, I guarantee ya
>From Sunnyvale to South Korea
Fire up that browser - we'll B-M-C ya!


-David J. Easter
Sr. Product Manager, Solution Strategy and Development
BMC Software, Inc.

The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed in this 
E-mail DEFINITELY do not reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.  My voluntary 
participation in this forum is not intended to convey a role as a spokesperson, 
liaison or public relations representative for BMC Software, Inc.



From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Sanford, Claire
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:13 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

**
Bravo Susan!  I couldn't have said it better myself!

Go FAT!

What a bunch of sizeists!


From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Susan Palmer
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 12:33 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

**
Since '95 I don't recall Remedy ever referring to it as the FAT client.  
Whenever I heard the term I thought it was an old geek term especially once web 
became more prolific.  And as with most THIN clients in the past they did not 
have the full abilities of the FAT client which was many times overlooked since 
often THIN seemed to be preferred.  But many people realized that the FAT 
client was more fulfilling and rewarding.  Now THIN client has improved but 
will never be quite as good as the FAT client but many will continue to 
overlook that.  Go FAT !!

Susan  :)

On Fri, Apr 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Shyman, Jonathan 
mailto:jshy...@columnit.com>> wrote:
**

No, see, that's no good beacuse it infers the existence of a "smart" client.

You know, a client that will fill out most of the fields on a form for you, get 
you coffee, ask your boss for a raise and tell you it can't open the pod bay 
doors now.

:)

J.T. Shyman



-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) on behalf of Reiser, John J
Sent: Fri 4/17/2009 9:38 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

How about the dumb client? ARText Ver 1.5

---
John J. Reiser
Senior Software Development Analyst
Remedy Administrator/Developer
Lockheed Martin - MS2
The star that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
Pay close attention and be illuminated by its brilliance. - paraphrased by me
-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) 
[mailto:arsl...@arslist.org] On Behalf Of Carey Matthew Black
Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 7:43 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: Etiquette Question: Is Fat Client offensive?

Axton,

I think I was more like this:

RemedyWeb was the "thick web client" (applet based), (AKA "Fat web client")

ARWeb was the "thin web client" (DHTML/Javascript based)

WUT was the v4 Windows User Tool (Maybe also called the "FAT client".
Note it is fatter than the Fat web client by two more capital sized
letters.)

You also had to deal with the UUT. (Un*x User Tool). However, you
might also have called it the "OMUT" OSF/Motif User Tool too. But as I
only used it a few times I really do not want to try to remember it in
a negative way. Rather I will choose to focus on the positive
memories It's dead.

Then you also had to deal with the MUT. (Macintosh User Tool, was that
v3? or just v2?) Which I would call a "FAt client". (Not quite as fat
as the "FAT client", but 

OT: Friday Humor (U)

[Hennigan, Sandra H CTR OSD-CIO]

UNCLASSIFIED

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else
to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the
sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be
afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use
the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily Thought:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY
BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS 

Sandra Hennigan

Remedy Developer

___
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OT: Friday humor

[Marty.Thorin]

I hear a variation on this a few years ago...

Contractor's creed:
If you can not
Blind them with Brilliance,
Dazzle them with Diligence,
Baffle them with BS, then
Bury them in Binders!

Thorin


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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Grooms, Frederick W]

I seem to remember they goofed up their testing as well...  They forgot
to make sure the windshields they were testing were even rated for
bird-strikes.

 

 

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of LJ Longwing
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 12:45 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor

 

Yupthe name of the episode was 'Chicken Gun'...:)

 



From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Lammey, Peter A.
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 10:50 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor

Didn't they do experiments similar to this on Mythbusters?

Im sure I have seen one episode when they tested the myth about people
flying out of a window from an airplane when the window is broken.

I wonder if they did the test with a chicken

 

Thanks 
Peter Lammey 
ESPN IT Client Architecture and Automation 
860-766-4761 

 



From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher J
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company
were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on
the windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect
of a goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test
engineers built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at
the windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens
worked extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the
windshields, and several articles about the project appeared in the
testing industry press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the
world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the
windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train
test engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the
aerospace team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of
the gun and the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them
details, and the train engineers set about building their own
simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs
produced shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof
high speed train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed
chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing
was smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the
test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed
trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so
they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending
them an extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost
the chickens

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

 

 


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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[LJ Longwing]

Yupthe name of the episode was 'Chicken Gun'...:)

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Lammey, Peter A.
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 10:50 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor


** 
Didnt they do experiments similar to this on Mythbusters?
Im sure I have seen one episode when they tested the myth about people
flying out of a window from an airplane when the window is broken.
I wonder if they did the test with a chicken
 


Thanks 
Peter Lammey 
ESPN IT Client Architecture and Automation 
860-766-4761 

 

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher J
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor


** 

This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company were
instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the
windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a
goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers
built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the
windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked
extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields,
and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry
press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world
was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and
drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test engineers had
read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and so they
approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing
methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train
engineers set about building their own simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced
shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed
train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in
fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to
pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains
required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they
contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an
extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the
chickens

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
if you have received this e-mail by mistake.

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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Jase Brandon]

oh yes, and I almost forgot... guess what software they use to run the whole
thing - you got it - REMEDY.. ;-)
Nothing like an Incident that says - "Please dispatch sanitation to Chicken
Gun after testing at 1800"

Jase Brandon
Quality Technology Services

On Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 1:15 PM, Jase Brandon <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> I used to work there and have seen the infamous "Chicken Gun" first hand.
> It's located at Arnold Air Force Base, Tullahoma, TN.
>
> Thought you guys may enjoy the link =
> http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0JCA/is_/ai_n15623212
>
> Cheers,
>
> Jase Brandon
> Quality Technology Services
>
>   On Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 1:08 PM, Rick Cook <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
>> ** Do you really think that Adam would pass on a chance to build a cannon
>> that would shoot a frozen bird through a window?  Of COURSE they did a show
>> on that some years ago!
>>
>> One of my favorite shows on TV!
>>
>>
>> On Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 9:49 AM, Lammey, Peter A. <[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> > wrote:
>>
>>> ** Didnt they do experiments similar to this on Mythbusters?
>>> Im sure I have seen one episode when they tested the myth about people
>>> flying out of a window from an airplane when the window is broken.
>>> I wonder if they did the test with a chicken
>>>
>>>
>>> Thanks
>>> Peter Lammey
>>> ESPN IT Client Architecture and Automation
>>> 860-766-4761
>>>
>>>
>>>  ------
>>> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
>>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] *On Behalf Of *Pruitt, Christopher J
>>> *Sent:* Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
>>> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>>> *Subject:* OT - Friday Humor
>>>
>>> **
>>>
>>> This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company
>>> were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the
>>> windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a
>>> goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers
>>> built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the
>>> windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked
>>> extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields,
>>> and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry
>>> press.
>>>
>>> It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the
>>> world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the
>>> windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test
>>> engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace
>>> team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and
>>> the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the
>>> train engineers set about building their own simulation.
>>>
>>> The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs
>>> produced shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high
>>> speed train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed
>>> chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was
>>> smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test
>>> booth itself.
>>>
>>> The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed
>>> trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so
>>> they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them
>>> an extensive report of the tests and failures.
>>>
>>> The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost
>>> the chickens
>>>
>>> *Christopher Pruitt*
>>> Consultant Specialist
>>> *EDS,* an HP Company
>>> mailto:* [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>>
>>> We deliver on our commitments
>>> so you can deliver on yours.
>>>
>>> *Confidentiality Notice:* This message and any files transmitted with it
>>> are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
>>> addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
>>> exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
>>> addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
>>> distribution, or dissemination of this e-ma

Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Jase Brandon]

I used to work there and have seen the infamous "Chicken Gun" first hand.
It's located at Arnold Air Force Base, Tullahoma, TN.

Thought you guys may enjoy the link =
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0JCA/is_/ai_n15623212

Cheers,

Jase Brandon
Quality Technology Services

On Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 1:08 PM, Rick Cook <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> ** Do you really think that Adam would pass on a chance to build a cannon
> that would shoot a frozen bird through a window?  Of COURSE they did a show
> on that some years ago!
>
> One of my favorite shows on TV!
>
>
> On Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 9:49 AM, Lammey, Peter A. <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>wrote:
>
>> ** Didnt they do experiments similar to this on Mythbusters?
>> Im sure I have seen one episode when they tested the myth about people
>> flying out of a window from an airplane when the window is broken.
>> I wonder if they did the test with a chicken
>>
>>
>> Thanks
>> Peter Lammey
>> ESPN IT Client Architecture and Automation
>> 860-766-4761
>>
>>
>>  --
>> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] *On Behalf Of *Pruitt, Christopher J
>> *Sent:* Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
>> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
>> *Subject:* OT - Friday Humor
>>
>> **
>>
>> This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company
>> were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the
>> windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a
>> goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers
>> built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the
>> windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked
>> extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields,
>> and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry
>> press.
>>
>> It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the
>> world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the
>> windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test
>> engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace
>> team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and
>> the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the
>> train engineers set about building their own simulation.
>>
>> The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced
>> shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed
>> train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in
>> fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to
>> pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.
>>
>> The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed
>> trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so
>> they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them
>> an extensive report of the tests and failures.
>>
>> The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost
>> the chickens
>>
>> *Christopher Pruitt*
>> Consultant Specialist
>> *EDS,* an HP Company
>> mailto:* [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>
>> We deliver on our commitments
>> so you can deliver on yours.
>>
>> *Confidentiality Notice:* This message and any files transmitted with it
>> are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
>> addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
>> exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
>> addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
>> distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
>> have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
>> discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
>> if you have received this e-mail by mistake.
>>
>> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
>> html___
>> --
>> Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
>> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
>> html___
>
>
> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___
>

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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

Do you really think that Adam would pass on a chance to build a cannon that
would shoot a frozen bird through a window?  Of COURSE they did a show on
that some years ago!

One of my favorite shows on TV!

On Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 9:49 AM, Lammey, Peter A. <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>wrote:

> ** Didnt they do experiments similar to this on Mythbusters?
> Im sure I have seen one episode when they tested the myth about people
> flying out of a window from an airplane when the window is broken.
> I wonder if they did the test with a chicken
>
>
> Thanks
> Peter Lammey
> ESPN IT Client Architecture and Automation
> 860-766-4761
>
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> [EMAIL PROTECTED] *On Behalf Of *Pruitt, Christopher J
> *Sent:* Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* OT - Friday Humor
>
> **
>
> This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company were
> instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the
> windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a
> goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers
> built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the
> windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked
> extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields,
> and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry
> press.
>
> It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the
> world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the
> windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test
> engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace
> team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and
> the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the
> train engineers set about building their own simulation.
>
> The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced
> shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed
> train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in
> fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to
> pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.
>
> The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains
> required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they
> contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an
> extensive report of the tests and failures.
>
> The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the
> chickens
>
> *Christopher Pruitt*
> Consultant Specialist
> *EDS,* an HP Company
> mailto:* [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> We deliver on our commitments
> so you can deliver on yours.
>
> *Confidentiality Notice:* This message and any files transmitted with it
> are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
> addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
> exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
> addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
> distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
> have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
> discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
> if you have received this e-mail by mistake.
>
> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___
> --
> Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.
> __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___

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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Lammey, Peter A.]

Didnt they do experiments similar to this on Mythbusters?
Im sure I have seen one episode when they tested the myth about people flying 
out of a window from an airplane when the window is broken.
I wonder if they did the test with a chicken



Thanks
Peter Lammey
ESPN IT Client Architecture and Automation
860-766-4761




From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher J
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

**

This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company were 
instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the 
windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a goose 
colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers built a 
powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the windshields. The 
simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked extremely effectively, 
happily proving the suitability of the windshields, and several articles about 
the project appeared in the testing industry press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world 
was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and 
drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test engineers had read 
about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and so they 
approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing methods. 
The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train engineers set 
about building their own simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced 
shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed train 
windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in fact every 
single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to pieces, along 
with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains 
required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they 
contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an 
extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the 
chickens
Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED]<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours.
Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.

__Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are" html___

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail.

___
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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Opela, Gary L CTR USAF AFMC 72 CS/SCBAH]

Haha, Jennifer, that was funny. Thanks for making my day with your
follow-up humour.

Gary

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Meyer, Jennifer L
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 8:50 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor

** 

ROFL!

 

I wonder what's more expensive?  Explosive rounds or frozen chickens?
We may be able to simultaneously defeat terrorism and feed third world
nations...

 

 

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher J
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

 

This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company
were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on
the windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect
of a goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test
engineers built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at
the windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens
worked extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the
windshields, and several articles about the project appeared in the
testing industry press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the
world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the
windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train
test engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the
aerospace team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of
the gun and the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them
details, and the train engineers set about building their own
simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs
produced shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof
high speed train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed
chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing
was smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the
test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed
trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so
they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending
them an extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost
the chickens

 

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.

 

__Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
html_Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers
Are" html___ 

___
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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Meyer, Jennifer L]

ROFL!

I wonder what's more expensive?  Explosive rounds or frozen chickens?  We may 
be able to simultaneously defeat terrorism and feed third world nations...


From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher J
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 9:36 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor


This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company were 
instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the 
windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a goose 
colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers built a 
powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the windshields. The 
simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked extremely effectively, 
happily proving the suitability of the windshields, and several articles about 
the project appeared in the testing industry press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world 
was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and 
drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test engineers had read 
about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and so they 
approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing methods. 
The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train engineers set 
about building their own simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced 
shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed train 
windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in fact every 
single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to pieces, along 
with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains 
required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they 
contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an 
extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the 
chickens

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED]<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours.
Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are 
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is addressed, 
and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and exempt from 
disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended addressee for this 
e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying, distribution, or 
dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you have received this 
e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. 
Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this 
e-mail by mistake.



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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[J.T. Shyman]

I read about that. The gun was affectionately named the "Rooster Booster"

 

--- J.T. Shyman

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Pruitt, Christopher J
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2008 8:36 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT - Friday Humor

 

This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company were
instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on the
windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect of a
goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test engineers
built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at the
windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens worked
extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the windshields,
and several articles about the project appeared in the testing industry
press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the world
was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the windshields and
drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train test engineers had
read about the pioneering test developed by the aerospace team, and so they
approached them to ask for specifications of the gun and the testing
methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them details, and the train
engineers set about building their own simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs produced
shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof high speed
train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed chickens; in
fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing was smashed to
pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed trains
required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so they
contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending them an
extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost the
chickens

 

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it are
intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged, and
exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended
addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any copying,
distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. If you
have received this e-mail in error, please immediately destroy, erase, or
discard this message. Please notify the sender immediately by return e-mail
if you have received this e-mail by mistake.

 

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OT - Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher J]

This is allegedly a true story. Engineers at a major aerospace company
were instructed to test the effects of bird-strikes (notably geese) on
the windshields of airliners and military jets. To simulate the effect
of a goose colliding with an aircraft traveling at high speed, the test
engineers built a powerful gun, with which they fired dead chickens at
the windshields. The simulations using the gun and the dead chickens
worked extremely effectively, happily proving the suitability of the
windshields, and several articles about the project appeared in the
testing industry press.

It so happened that another test laboratory in a different part of the
world was involved in assessing bird-strikes - in this case on the
windshields and drivers' cabs of new very high speed trains. The train
test engineers had read about the pioneering test developed by the
aerospace team, and so they approached them to ask for specifications of
the gun and the testing methods. The aerospace engineers duly gave them
details, and the train engineers set about building their own
simulation.

The simulated bird-strike tests on the train windshields and cabs
produced shocking results. The supposed state-of-the-art shatter-proof
high speed train windshields offered little resistance to the high-speed
chickens; in fact every single windshield that was submitted for testing
was smashed to pieces, along with a number of train cabs and much of the
test booth itself.

The horrified train engineers were concerned that the new high speed
trains required a safety technology that was beyond their experience, so
they contacted the aerospace team for advice and suggestions, sending
them an extensive report of the tests and failures.

The brief reply came back from the aero-engineers: "You need to defrost
the chickens

 

Christopher Pruitt
Consultant Specialist 
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.

 


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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher J]

LOL - I love it, thanks

 

Christopher Pruitt
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Geoffrey Endresen
Sent: Friday, November 14, 2008 2:56 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT - Friday Humor

 

** You forgot one: 

Android: Just hit search and Google will figure out where you are where
you are going and let you browse until you find something interesting.
By the time you are finished, you forgot where you were going.



On Fri, Nov 14, 2008 at 7:25 AM, Pruitt, Christopher J
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

** 

Airplanes Running Operating Systems


Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had
different operating systems running them.


DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast
till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.


DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.


Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look
the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question,
you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything
will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.


OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different
times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking
how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean
liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the
ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps
freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you
crash.


Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy
access to a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden,
boom! You blow up without any warning whatsoever.


NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows
plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is
a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can
go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast
majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard.


Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway
and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane
they're building.


CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13
airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote
mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the
airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't
fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the
real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because
when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.

Christopher Pruitt
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

We deliver on our commitments
so you can deliver on yours. 

Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.

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-- 
-Geoff Endresen
Amazon.com
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Re: OT - Friday Humor

[Geoffrey Endresen]

You forgot one:

Android: Just hit search and Google will figure out where you are where you
are going and let you browse until you find something interesting. By the
time you are finished, you forgot where you were going.


On Fri, Nov 14, 2008 at 7:25 AM, Pruitt, Christopher J <
[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> **
>
> *Airplanes Running Operating Systems*
>
>
> Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had
> different operating systems running them.
>
>
> *DOS**:* Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it
> coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.
>
>
> *DOS with QEMM:* Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.
>
>
> *Macintosh:* All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look
> the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you
> are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be
> done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.
>
>
> *OS/2:* To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different
> times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how
> you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a
> passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will
> have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which
> case you have time to say your prayers before you crash.
>
>
> *Windows**:* Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy
> access to a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden, boom!
> You blow up without any warning whatsoever.
>
>
> *NT:* The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows
> plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a
> nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go
> anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of
> passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard.
>
>
> *Unix:* Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway
> and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane
> they're building.
>
>
> *CAIRO:* The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13
> airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote
> mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the
> airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly
> the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real
> thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the
> world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.
>
> *Christopher Pruitt*
> *EDS,* an HP Company
> mailto:*** [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
> We deliver on our commitments
> so you can deliver on yours.
>
> *Confidentiality Notice:* This message and any files transmitted
> with it are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it
> is addressed, and may contain information that is confidential,
> privileged, and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not
> the intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
> copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
> prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please immediately
> destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the sender
> immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by mistake.
>
>  __Platinum Sponsor: www.rmsportal.com ARSlist: "Where the Answers Are"
> html___




-- 
-Geoff Endresen
Amazon.com

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Re: ***SPAM*** OT - Friday Humor (at the very end of the old book ... thank you google search)

[Mark]

Yikes!  That was the year I started using Remedy!

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of igor ivanov
Sent: Friday, November 14, 2008 10:27 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: ***SPAM*** OT - Friday Humor (at the very end of the old book ...
thank you google search)


** 

Networks and Systems Management: Platforms Analysis and Evaluation by Iosif
G. Ghetie 
Publisher: Springer-Verlag New York, LLC 
Pub. Date: March 1997 
ISBN-13: 9780792398790 
512 pages 

new at Barnes&Noble.com - $253.00 Online price 

This book provides a comprehensive methodology for analysis and evaluation
of technical characteristics and features of distributed networks and
systems management platforms. 

Page 414. 

... 

Application release: Action Request System 2.0, 1996 

The Remedy Corporation Action System (ARS) is a distributed client/server
management application which extends help desk management functions into the
realm of trouble ticket administration using a graphical user interface. 
There is also a MS Windows 3.1 GUI version of ARS application available
(Version 1.1.6). 
The ARS application allows data storage in its own UNIX flat file
(recommended for a maximum of 5000 entries, limited by the maximum size of
the database which is 10 MB. It also allows exporting of action requests
data to ... relational databases. 

http://books.google.com/books?id=YKM5MOYLym8C
<http://books.google.com/books?id=YKM5MOYLym8C&pg=PA417&lpg=PA417&dq=remedy+
ars&source=web&ots=m80JEmrgwH&sig=uGajc81nhmkGoZE4XbUSSO-WhJ8&hl=en&sa=X&oi=
book_result&resnum=4&ct=result>
&pg=PA417&lpg=PA417&dq=remedy+ars&source=web&ots=m80JEmrgwH&sig=uGajc81nhmkG
oZE4XbUSSO-WhJ8&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=4&ct=result 

ii - RSP 


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OT - Friday Humor (at the very end of the old book ... thank you google search)

[igor ivanov]

**



Networks and Systems Management: Platforms Analysis and Evaluation by Iosif G. Ghetie
  Publisher: Springer-Verlag New York, LLC
  Pub. Date: March 1997
  ISBN-13: 9780792398790
  512 pages

new at Barnes&Noble.com - $253.00 Online price

This book provides a comprehensive methodology for analysis and evaluation of technical characteristics and features of distributed networks and systems management platforms.

Page 414.

...

Application release: Action Request System 2.0, 1996

The Remedy Corporation Action System (ARS) is a distributed client/server management application which extends help desk management functions into the realm of trouble ticket administration using a graphical user interface.
  There is also a MS Windows 3.1 GUI version of ARS application available (Version 1.1.6).
  The ARS application allows data storage in its own UNIX flat file (recommended for a maximum of 5000 entries, limited by the maximum size of the database which is 10 MB. It also allows exporting of action requests data to ... relational databases.

http://books.google.com/books?id=YKM5MOYLym8C&pg=PA417&lpg=PA417&dq=remedy+ars&source=web&ots=m80JEmrgwH&sig=uGajc81nhmkGoZE4XbUSSO-WhJ8&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=4&ct=result

ii - RSP






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OT - Friday Humor

[Pruitt, Christopher J]

Airplanes Running Operating Systems

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had
different operating systems running them.


DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast
till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.


DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.


Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look
the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question,
you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything
will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.


OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different
times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking
how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean
liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the
ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps
freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you
crash.


Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy
access to a plane, and an uneventful takeoff. Then, all in a sudden,
boom! You blow up without any warning whatsoever.


NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows
plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is
a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can
go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast
majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard.


Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway
and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane
they're building.


CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13
airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote
mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the
airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't
fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the
real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because
when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.


Christopher Pruitt
EDS, an HP Company
mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] 
We deliver on our commitments 
so you can deliver on yours. 
Confidentiality Notice: This message and any files transmitted with it
are intended for the sole use of the entity or individual to whom it is
addressed, and may contain information that is confidential, privileged,
and exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the
intended addressee for this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any
copying, distribution, or dissemination of this e-mail is strictly
prohibited. If you have received this e-mail in error, please
immediately destroy, erase, or discard this message. Please notify the
sender immediately by return e-mail if you have received this e-mail by
mistake.


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OT: Friday Humor

[Robert Dalton]

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop 
staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have 
been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about 
everything. I'm sure that there's  nothing you could say or ask that I would 
find offensive.'
 
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do a about that: #1, you have to be 
single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
 
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
 
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
 
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
 
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
 
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm 
Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween 
party.'

 
Hope you have a Happy Halloween!!

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Re: OT: Friday humor - Here's your sign! (UNCLASSIFIED)

[FRANK, GORDON CTR DISA JSSC]

Classification:  UNCLASSIFIED 
Caveats: NONE

BILL ENGVALL:  I was heading out for a show one time and had to take a
plane to get to my destination.  The plane is taxiing down the runway
and a deer comes out of nowhere, and we hit it with the plane.  

I was shocked...I call my wife up on the cell phone and said Honey, you
are NOT going to believe this, we just hit a deer with our
airplane...there was a long moment of silence on the other end of the
line, then she said, oh my god, were you on the ground? 

I said, NOPE Santa was taking one last ride...here's your sign!"  

I couldn't resist after the flying car thread.


Gordon M. Frank
DISA\Verizon FNS

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Gary Opela (Corporate)
Sent: Friday, June 06, 2008 12:30 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

** 

Well, if we were in three dimensions, then there would be less chance of
hitting someone, at least you might not be on the same plane!

 

Thanks,

 

Gary Opela, Jr., RSP

Remedy Engineer

Leader Communications, Inc.

http://www.5pointleader.com

http://www.lcibest.com

Best Product, Best People, Best PriceTM

An ISO 9001:2000 Certified, CMMI(r) Level 3 Rated Company



From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Rick Cook
Sent: Friday, June 06, 2008 11:14 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

 

** Oh, I think we'll all be drooling on ourselves at "the home" before
anyone invents a vehicle that moves in three dimensions in a way that
overcomes the fact that most people have enough trouble navigating in
two.  It is a cool concept, though, for the exceptions to the rule!

It's sort of like AR System.  Some people can learn how to make it do
some amazing things, and some...well...let's just hopefully say that
they're otherwise gifted, and that we need those other things done, too.

Rick

On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:49 AM, Benedetto Cantatore
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

** 

Actually they do have a flying car... but we'll probably see version 8
before we see that in production.

 

www.moller.com

http://www.xconomy.com/2008/05/08/from-the-runway-to-the-road-terrafugia
-redefines-the-flying-car-make-that-drivable-airplane/

 

Ben Cantatore
Remedy Manager
(914) 457-6209

 

Emerging Health IT
3 Odell Plaza
Yonkers, New York 10701


>>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] 06/06/08 11:37 AM >>>

** Were they going to install it on Windows Server/SQL 2009, or Linux
RHEL 6/Oracle 12?



Did they offer a parking space for your flying car?  Or at least to
share their...um..."source of inspiration"?

Rick

On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:18 AM, Timothy Powell
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

I just got hit up for an engagement to do an upgrade from "Remedy 6.x to
8.0".

David Easter! When were you planning on telling us that 8.0 had been
released! Now I'm behind the curve again.

;-)
Tim


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Classification:  UNCLASSIFIED 
Caveats: NONE

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Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

[Gary Opela (Corporate)]

Well, if we were in three dimensions, then there would be less chance of 
hitting someone, at least you might not be on the same plane!

Thanks,

Gary Opela, Jr., RSP
Remedy Engineer
Leader Communications, Inc.
http://www.5pointleader.com
http://www.lcibest.com
Best Product, Best People, Best PriceTM
An ISO 9001:2000 Certified, CMMI(r) Level 3 Rated Company

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] 
On Behalf Of Rick Cook
Sent: Friday, June 06, 2008 11:14 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

** Oh, I think we'll all be drooling on ourselves at "the home" before anyone 
invents a vehicle that moves in three dimensions in a way that overcomes the 
fact that most people have enough trouble navigating in two.  It is a cool 
concept, though, for the exceptions to the rule!

It's sort of like AR System.  Some people can learn how to make it do some 
amazing things, and some...well...let's just hopefully say that they're 
otherwise gifted, and that we need those other things done, too.

Rick
On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:49 AM, Benedetto Cantatore <[EMAIL 
PROTECTED]<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]>> wrote:
**
Actually they do have a flying car... but we'll probably see version 8 before 
we see that in production.

www.moller.com<http://www.moller.com>
http://www.xconomy.com/2008/05/08/from-the-runway-to-the-road-terrafugia-redefines-the-flying-car-make-that-drivable-airplane/

Ben Cantatore
Remedy Manager
(914) 457-6209

Emerging Health IT
3 Odell Plaza
Yonkers, New York 10701


>>> [EMAIL PROTECTED]<mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> 06/06/08 11:37 AM >>>
** Were they going to install it on Windows Server/SQL 2009, or Linux RHEL 
6/Oracle 12?


Did they offer a parking space for your flying car?  Or at least to share 
their...um..."source of inspiration"?

Rick
On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:18 AM, Timothy Powell <[EMAIL PROTECTED]<mailto:[EMAIL 
PROTECTED]>> wrote:
I just got hit up for an engagement to do an upgrade from "Remedy 6.x to
8.0".

David Easter! When were you planning on telling us that 8.0 had been
released! Now I'm behind the curve again.

;-)
Tim

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Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

[Rick Cook]

Oh, I think we'll all be drooling on ourselves at "the home" before anyone
invents a vehicle that moves in three dimensions in a way that overcomes the
fact that most people have enough trouble navigating in two.  It is a cool
concept, though, for the exceptions to the rule!

It's sort of like AR System.  Some people can learn how to make it do some
amazing things, and some...well...let's just hopefully say that they're
otherwise gifted, and that we need those other things done, too.

Rick

On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:49 AM, Benedetto Cantatore <
[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> ** Actually they do have a flying car... but we'll probably see version 8
> before we see that in production.
>
> www.moller.com
>
> http://www.xconomy.com/2008/05/08/from-the-runway-to-the-road-terrafugia-redefines-the-flying-car-make-that-drivable-airplane/
>
> Ben Cantatore
> Remedy Manager
> (914) 457-6209
>
> Emerging Health IT
> 3 Odell Plaza
> Yonkers, New York 10701
>
>
> >>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] 06/06/08 11:37 AM >>>
> ** Were they going to install it on Windows Server/SQL 2009, or Linux RHEL
> 6/Oracle 12?
>
>
> Did they offer a parking space for your flying car?  Or at least to share
> their...um..."source of inspiration"?
>
> Rick
>
> On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:18 AM, Timothy Powell <
> [EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
>> I just got hit up for an engagement to do an upgrade from "Remedy 6.x to
>> 8.0".
>>
>> David Easter! When were you planning on telling us that 8.0 had been
>> released! Now I'm behind the curve again.
>>
>> ;-)
>> Tim
>>
>>
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Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

[Benedetto Cantatore]

Actually they do have a flying car... but we'll probably see version 8
before we see that in production.
 
www.moller.com
http://www.xconomy.com/2008/05/08/from-the-runway-to-the-road-terrafugia-redefines-the-flying-car-make-that-drivable-airplane/
 
Ben Cantatore
Remedy Manager
(914) 457-6209
 
Emerging Health IT
3 Odell Plaza
Yonkers, New York 10701


>>> [EMAIL PROTECTED] 06/06/08 11:37 AM >>>

** Were they going to install it on Windows Server/SQL 2009, or Linux
RHEL 6/Oracle 12?

Did they offer a parking space for your flying car?  Or at least to
share their...um..."source of inspiration"?

Rick

On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:18 AM, Timothy Powell
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
I just got hit up for an engagement to do an upgrade from "Remedy 6.x
to
8.0".

David Easter! When were you planning on telling us that 8.0 had been
released! Now I'm behind the curve again.

;-)
Tim

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Re: OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

[Rick Cook]

Were they going to install it on Windows Server/SQL 2009, or Linux RHEL
6/Oracle 12?

Did they offer a parking space for your flying car?  Or at least to share
their...um..."source of inspiration"?

Rick

On Fri, Jun 6, 2008 at 8:18 AM, Timothy Powell <
[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> I just got hit up for an engagement to do an upgrade from "Remedy 6.x to
> 8.0".
>
> David Easter! When were you planning on telling us that 8.0 had been
> released! Now I'm behind the curve again.
>
> ;-)
> Tim
>
>
> ___
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>

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OT: Friday humor - 8.0 has been released!

[Timothy Powell]

I just got hit up for an engagement to do an upgrade from "Remedy 6.x to
8.0".

David Easter! When were you planning on telling us that 8.0 had been
released! Now I'm behind the curve again.

;-)
Tim

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Re: OT: Friday Humor (early, I know)

[Will Du Chene]

Nice one! I needed that... Thanks Matt! 

 

Wed Jun 04 2008 08:07:32 AM CDT from Matt Reinfeldt to arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT: Friday Humor (early, I know)

**

Folks,

It's been a long week already, so I thought I'd send this out early, as
it made me smile this morning. J

===

Gates vs. GM


For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash ...twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy
a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning
light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

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OT: Friday Humor (early, I know)

[Matt Reinfeldt]

Folks,

 

It's been a long week already, so I thought I'd send this out early, as it
made me smile this morning.  J

===

Gates vs. GM

 

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

 

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

 

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: 

 

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars
with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

 

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash ...twice a
day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you
would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no
reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn
would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you
would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,
was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run
on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal
Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before
deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would
lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have
to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the
engine off.

 

 


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OT: Friday Humor

[Axton]

George Bush goes to a South American conference for a few days. While
down there, an aide comes to him and whispers into his ear, " Sir, it
is my unpleasant duty to inform you that last night, 3 Brazilian
troops were killed in Iraq."

The color visibly drained from the President's face, and burying his
head in his hands, he repeatedly sobbed "Oh no, oh no, oh no."
Finally Bush looked at the aide and asked, "Exactly how many is a
Brazillion?"



Yeah I just had to! ;)

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OT: Friday Humor

[Axton]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom,
she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the
Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you
the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your
baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see
if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding
the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed
with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning,
the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the
concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your
own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy
replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the
Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the
Future is in deep $h!t."

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Gidd]

Julie,

Excellent !!

Thanks...Gidd 

-Original Message-
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Julie Rockwood
Sent: Friday, March 14, 2008 1:00 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are
the winners:


1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting ³lucky.²

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

(Where did #10 go?)

11. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a
serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you

14. Glibido : All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at 3 AM and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.


At 01:35 PM 3/14/2008, you wrote:
>Somebody o
>
>  Insert humor here
>
>Somebody out there has to have something...
>
>
>Darrell Reading Systems Engineer
>Phone 479.204.5739
>[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
>805 Moberly Lane, MS-0560-68
>Bentonville, AR 72716
>Save Money. Live Better
>
>
>-
>**
>This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and 
>intended solely for the individual or entity to whom they are 
>addressed.
>If you have received this email in error destroy it immediately.
>**
>Wal-Mart Confidential
>**
>
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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Julie Rockwood]

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are
the winners:


1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting ³lucky.²

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

(Where did #10 go?)

11. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a
serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you

14. Glibido : All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at 3 AM and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.


At 01:35 PM 3/14/2008, you wrote:

Somebody o

 Insert humor here

Somebody out there has to have something...


Darrell Reading Systems Engineer
Phone 479.204.5739
[EMAIL PROTECTED]

Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
805 Moberly Lane, MS-0560-68
Bentonville, AR 72716
Save Money. Live Better


-
** 
This email and any files transmitted with it are 
confidential and intended solely for the 
individual or entity to whom they are addressed. 
If you have received this email in error destroy 
it immediately. 
** 
Wal-Mart Confidential 
**


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OT: Friday Humor

[Darrell Reading]

Somebody o

 Insert humor here

Somebody out there has to have something...


Darrell Reading Systems Engineer
Phone 479.204.5739
[EMAIL PROTECTED]

Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
805 Moberly Lane, MS-0560-68
Bentonville, AR 72716
Save Money. Live Better


-
**
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the individual or entity to whom they are
addressed. If you have received this email in error destroy it
immediately.
**
Wal-Mart Confidential
**


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OT: Friday Humor

[Shafqat Ayaz]

with thanks to Tina
New Words for the 21st Century
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary: 
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed 
or a project failed, and who was responsible. 
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on 
everything, and then leaves. 
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and 
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. 
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to 
get screwed and die in the end. 
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. 
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, 
and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. 
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. 
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn 
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with 
the kids. 
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney. 
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the 
magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. 
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. 
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find 
yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. 
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic 
device to get it to work again. 
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank 
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly 
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. 
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not 
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. 
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no 
matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. 
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've 
just made a BIG mistake. 
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks. 

 
Shafqat Ayaz


"Break the Rules, Forgive Quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love Truly, Laugh 
Uncontrollably, And Never Regret anything that made you Smile.." 


  

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Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.  
http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping

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Re: OT: Friday Humor: Happy Valentines like, whatever

[Rick Cook]

Hey, fact checking stories should be de rigeur, but I don't have time to
factcheck a joke list.  Yer lucky I took the forwarding arrows and extra
line feeds out.  :)

Rick

On Fri, Feb 15, 2008 at 11:25 AM, Easter, David <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote:

> ** (Gentle) FYI, these aren't from English teachers and they're not from
> last year.  It's a contest run by the Washington Post in their "Style
> Invitational" column.  Some of these are from 1999 - some from 1995.
>
>
> http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/16/AR2007031600738_pf.html
>
> http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/analogy.html
>
> Still very funny, of course.
>
>   -David J. Easter
> Sr. Product Manager, Service Management Business Unit
> BMC Software, Inc.
>
> The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed in
> this E-mail do not necessarily reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.  My
> voluntary participation in this forum is not intended to convey a role as a
> spokesperson, liaison or public relations representative for BMC Software,
> Inc.
>
>  --
> *From:* Action Request System discussion list(ARSList) [mailto:
> [EMAIL PROTECTED] *On Behalf Of *Rick Cook
> *Sent:* Friday, February 15, 2008 9:03 AM
> *To:* arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
> *Subject:* OT: Friday Humor: Happy Valentines like, whatever
>
> ** Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
> collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays.
> These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across
> the country. Here are last year's winners.
>
>
> Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
> compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
> His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
> underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
> He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
> who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
> boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
> schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
> boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
> She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
> room-temperature Canadian beef.
>
> She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
> before it throws up.
>
> Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
> He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
>
> The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
> his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
> surcharge-free ATM machine.
>
> The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
> ball wouldn't.
>
> McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
> vegetable soup.
>
> From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
> surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
> comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
>
> Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
>
> The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
> them in hot grease.
>
> Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
> grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
> Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
> p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
> They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
> resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
>
> John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
> never met.
>
> He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
> River.
>
> Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
> that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
>
> Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
> The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
> plan just might work.
>
> The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for
> a while.
>
> He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
> real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
> something.
>
> The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
> behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
> It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
> tools.
>
> He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
> she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
> Rick
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> html___
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OT: Friday Humor: Happy Valentines like, whatever

[Easter, David]

(Gentle) FYI, these aren't from English teachers and they're not from
last year.  It's a contest run by the Washington Post in their "Style
Invitational" column.  Some of these are from 1999 - some from 1995.
 
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/16/AR200703
1600738_pf.html
 
http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/analogy.html
 
Still very funny, of course.
 
-David J. Easter
Sr. Product Manager, Service Management Business Unit
BMC Software, Inc.
 
The opinions, statements, and/or suggested courses of action expressed
in this E-mail do not necessarily reflect those of BMC Software, Inc.
My voluntary participation in this forum is not intended to convey a
role as a spokesperson, liaison or public relations representative for
BMC Software, Inc.
 


From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Rick Cook
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2008 9:03 AM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: OT: Friday Humor: Happy Valentines like, whatever


** Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
across the country. Here are last year's winners.


Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.


He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

>From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
River.


Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.


Rick

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OT: Friday Humor: Happy Valentines like, whatever

[Rick Cook]

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays.
These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across
the country. Here are last year's winners.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM machine.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.

>From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal
quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on
at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
River.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that
had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real
duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.

Rick

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Re: OT: Friday Humor

[Rick Cook]

Nice... ;->

On 2/1/08, Shawn Rosenberry <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> ** Here is one for all those football fans getting ready for the big event
> on Sunday.  Enjoy!!
>
> Four Quarterbacks go to Heaven
>
> God asks Eli 
> Manningfirst: 
> "What do you believe?"
>
> Manning thinks long and hard, looks God in His awesome eye, and says, "I
> believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe
> in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."
>
> God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a
> seat next to him.
>
> God turns to Philip Rivers  and says,
> "Philip, what do you believe?"
>
> Rivers replies, "I believe there's no such thing as luck, that everything
> is guided by Your hand. I've been judged on the field, and what I've
> achieved is not good fortune but rather my guided path."
>
> God is impressed with the depth of Rivers' response, and offers him a seat
> next to him.
>
> Then God turns to Brett Favre  and
> says, "What do you believe?"
>
> Favre says, "I believe in passion, discipline, courage and honor are the
> fundamentals of life. I, too have been lucky, but win or lose I've always
> tried  to be a true sportsman both on and off the playing fields."
>
> God is greatly moved by Favre's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a
> seat next to him.
>
> Finally, God turns to Tom 
> Brady:
> "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"
>
> Brady replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
>
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> html___

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OT: Friday Humor

[Shawn Rosenberry]

Here is one for all those football fans getting ready for the big event on
Sunday.  Enjoy!!

Four Quarterbacks go to Heaven

God asks Eli 
Manningfirst:
"What do you believe?"

Manning thinks long and hard, looks God in His awesome eye, and says, "I
believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe
in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."

God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a
seat next to him.

God turns to Philip Rivers  and says, "Philip,
what do you believe?"

Rivers replies, "I believe there's no such thing as luck, that everything is
guided by Your hand. I've been judged on the field, and what I've achieved
is not good fortune but rather my guided path."

God is impressed with the depth of Rivers' response, and offers him a seat
next to him.

Then God turns to Brett Favre  and says,
"What do you believe?"

Favre says, "I believe in passion, discipline, courage and honor are the
fundamentals of life. I, too have been lucky, but win or lose I've always
tried  to be a true sportsman both on and off the playing fields."

God is greatly moved by Favre's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat
next to him.

Finally, God turns to Tom
Brady:
"And you, Tom, what do you believe?"

Brady replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

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Re: OT: Friday Humor - Got any lemons?

[J.T. Shyman]

A string walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. "Hey barkeep! A pint of
your finest!" he says.

 

"Sorry, can't do it. I'm not allowed to serve strings." the bartender says.

 

The string hops down and walks outside the bar where he proceeds to mess up
his hair and wrap himself around himself and loop himself through himself
several times. He then walks back into the bar, hops up on a stool and
orders again. "A pint of your finest, please."

 

"Hey, aren't you that string from a few minutes ago?" asks the barkeep.

 

"No," says the string, "I'm afraid not" (a frayed knot)

 

J.T. Shyman 
Column Technologies 

  

  _  

From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Rahul AR User
Sent: Friday, December 07, 2007 2:39 PM
To: arslist@ARSLIST.ORG
Subject: Re: OT: Friday Humor - Got any lemons?

 

** ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!

On Dec 7, 2007 10:23 PM, Durrant, Michael M. - ITSD <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote:

** 

I don't know if you guys have heard this one, but it's one of my
favorites

 


---

 

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey barkeep, got any
lemons?"

 

The barkeep, without looking up, answers, "No, no lemons."  The duck leaves
the bar.

 

The duck walks back in a few minutes later and asks the bartender, "Hey
barkeep - got any lemons?"

 

The barkeep, a little frustrated, tells the duck, "No duck, we have no
lemons."  The duck leaves the bar.

 

Moments later, the duck returns.  "Yo barkeep, got any lemons?"

 

Tired of this ruse, the bartender replies, "Listen here duck, I ain't got no
lemons.  If you ask me again, I'm going to nail your little webbed feet to
my shiny bar.  Capiche?" 

 

As the duck heads out the door of the bar, he turns to the bartender and
asks, "Hey barkeep, got any nails?"

 

Surprised by this change of events, the bar tender says, "No duck, I have no
nails."

 

"Well then," the duck said.  "Got any lemons?"

The information contained in this email may be privileged, confidential or
otherwise protected from disclosure.  All persons are advised that they may
face penalties under state and federal law for sharing this information with
unauthorized individuals.  If you received this email in error, please reply
to the sender that you have received this information in error.  Also,
please delete this email after replying to the sender. 

__20060125___This posting was submitted with HTML in
it___ 




-- 
Regards
Rahul __20060125___This posting was submitted with HTML
in it___ 


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Re: OT: Friday Humor - Got any lemons?

[Rahul AR User]

ho ho ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!

On Dec 7, 2007 10:23 PM, Durrant, Michael M. - ITSD <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
wrote:

> ** I don't know if you guys have heard this one, but it's one of my
> favorites
>
>
> ---
>
> A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey barkeep, got any
> lemons?"
>
> The barkeep, without looking up, answers, "No, no lemons."  The duck
> leaves the bar.
>
> The duck walks back in a few minutes later and asks the bartender, "Hey
> barkeep - got any lemons?"
>
> The barkeep, a little frustrated, tells the duck, "No duck, we have no
> lemons."  The duck leaves the bar.
>
> Moments later, the duck returns.  "Yo barkeep, got any lemons?"
>
> Tired of this ruse, the bartender replies, "Listen here duck, I ain't got
> no lemons.  If you ask me again, I'm going to nail your little webbed feet
> to my shiny bar.  Capiche?"
>
> As the duck heads out the door of the bar, he turns to the bartender and
> asks, "Hey barkeep, got any nails?"
>
> Surprised by this change of events, the bar tender says, "No duck, I have
> no nails."
>
> "Well then," the duck said.  "Got any lemons?"
> The information contained in this email may be privileged, confidential or
> otherwise protected from disclosure.  All persons are advised that they may
> face penalties under state and federal law for sharing this information with
> unauthorized individuals.  If you received this email in error, please reply
> to the sender that you have received this information in error.  Also,
> please delete this email after replying to the sender.
> __20060125___This posting was submitted with HTML in
> it___




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Rahul

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OT: Friday Humor - Got any lemons?

[Durrant, Michael M. - ITSD]

I don't know if you guys have heard this one, but it's one of my
favorites
 

---
 
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey barkeep, got any
lemons?"
 
The barkeep, without looking up, answers, "No, no lemons."  The duck
leaves the bar.
 
The duck walks back in a few minutes later and asks the bartender, "Hey
barkeep - got any lemons?"
 
The barkeep, a little frustrated, tells the duck, "No duck, we have no
lemons."  The duck leaves the bar.
 
Moments later, the duck returns.  "Yo barkeep, got any lemons?"
 
Tired of this ruse, the bartender replies, "Listen here duck, I ain't
got no lemons.  If you ask me again, I'm going to nail your little
webbed feet to my shiny bar.  Capiche?"
 
As the duck heads out the door of the bar, he turns to the bartender and
asks, "Hey barkeep, got any nails?"
 
Surprised by this change of events, the bar tender says, "No duck, I
have no nails."
 
"Well then," the duck said.  "Got any lemons?"

The information contained in this email may be privileged, confidential or 
otherwise protected from disclosure.  All persons are advised that they may 
face penalties under state and federal law for sharing this information with 
unauthorized individuals.  If you received this email in error, please reply to 
the sender that you have received this information in error.  Also, please 
delete this email after replying to the sender.

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OT: Friday Humor - the Purina Diet

[Rick Cook]

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to
 check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog...

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I was starting
The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in
the hospital the last time. But I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in
both arms. Her eyes just about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I
told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is
to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two
every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story,
particularly a tall guy behind her.)

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was
that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said, "Oh NO!, I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car
hit me."

I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried
out.

-- 
Rick Cook

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Re: OT-Friday Humor - Abbott and Costello

[Rick Parry]

Thank you Claire this was great. 

>>> "Sanford, Claire" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> 8/31/2007 8:55 AM >>>
You may have seen this
 

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to 
REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who 
sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... 
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's 
on First?" might have turned out something like this: 
 
 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about 
buying a computer. 
ABBOTT: Mac? 
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. 
ABBOTT: Your computer? 
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. 
ABBOTT: Mac? 
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. 
ABBOTT: What about Windows? 
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? 
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? 
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? 
ABBOTT: Wallpaper. 
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. 
ABBOTT: Software for Windows? 
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, 
track expenses and run my business . What do you have? 
ABBOTT: Office. 
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? 
ABBOTT: I just did. 
COSTELLO: You just did what? 
ABBOTT: Recommend something. 
COSTELLO: You recommended something? 
ABBOTT: Yes. 
COSTELLO: For my office? 
ABBOTT: Yes. 
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? 
ABBOTT: Office. 
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! 
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. 
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting 
at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need? 
ABBOTT: Word. 
COSTELLO: What word? 
ABBOTT: Word in Office. 
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. 
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. 
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? 
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". 
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some 
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can 
track my money with? 
ABBOT T: Money. 
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? 
ABBOTT: Money. 
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? 
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. 
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? 
ABBOTT: Money. 
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? 
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. 
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? 
ABBOTT: One copy. 
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. 
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? 
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! 
 
A few days later. 
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? 
ABBOTT: Click on "START". 
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Re: OT: Friday Humor...Maybe More Cool than Funny

[Drew Shuller]

OK Daniel, the URL should never have been posted.

Drew


On Fri, 31 Aug 2007, 
arslist wrote:



I am not in the mood to argue whether or not the original posting should
have been posted.

However, I am happy to say that this forum should NOT spend any time
on US politics or political history as a result of the post.

As much as those of us in the other 59 countries that receive the list
might enjoy picking US foreign policy into little bits, it is the wrong
forum for it.

Enjoy a wonderful long weekend (in countries where that applies)
and Labour/Labor Day :-)

 Daniel
p.s. to be accurate, it was a URL that could optionally be followed
 not the graphic itself

---


a bit snipped ...
Norm, I'm 100% for a strong military, and I respect you as a person and
as someone who knows pretty much everything there is to know about
Remedy. But off-topic or not, that graphic should not have been posted to
this forum.

Drew
Tulsa, OK

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Re: OT: Friday Humor...Maybe More Cool than Funny

[arslist]

I am not in the mood to argue whether or not the original posting should
have been posted.

However, I am happy to say that this forum should NOT spend any time
on US politics or political history as a result of the post.

As much as those of us in the other 59 countries that receive the list
might enjoy picking US foreign policy into little bits, it is the wrong
forum for it.

Enjoy a wonderful long weekend (in countries where that applies)
and Labour/Labor Day :-)

 Daniel
p.s. to be accurate, it was a URL that could optionally be followed
  not the graphic itself

---


a bit snipped ...
Norm, I'm 100% for a strong military, and I respect you as a person and 
as someone who knows pretty much everything there is to know about 
Remedy. But off-topic or not, that graphic should not have been posted to 
this forum.

Drew
Tulsa, OK

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Re: OT: Friday Humor...Maybe More Cool than Funny

[Drew Shuller]

Tim,

I take that to mean that we should be aware of what political family's
patriarch was a particpant in the coup that Butler exposed, per the
wikipedia article.

Everyone else, if you don't know who that person was then you only
get one guess as to what his last name was. Wealthy Pro-Nazis during that 
time continued their activities during and after congresional 
investigation, which should give everyone all the hint they would need.


To me, the graphic is particularly offensive as it replaces the Statue of
Liberty's torch (a symbol of enlightenment) with a blazing machine gun 
(pretty much the opposite of enlightenment). How anyone in this day and 
age could fail to see the irony of a gun-totin' tablet-of-justice 
carryin' Statue of Liberty and  how that image plays to the view of 
America held by today's world boggles my mind.


Norm, I'm 100% for a strong military, and I respect you as a person and 
as someone who knows pretty much everything there is to know about 
Remedy. But off-topic or not, that graphic should not have been posted to 
this forum.


Drew
Tulsa, OK



On Fri, 31 Aug 2007, Tim Widowfield wrote:


It isn't necessarily politics.  General Smedley Butler indicated it's more a
matter of paying attention to what's really going on...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smedly_butler

--Tim


--- Andrew Hicox <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:


Guess wether it's cool or not depends on your politics ...

For sure, that's the way 90% of the world views the US right now, for
better or worse.

-A

On Aug 31, 2007, at 10:06 AM, Kaiser Norm E CIV USAF 96 CS/SCCE wrote:


**
Forgive me…this isn’t exactly funny, but I think it’s cool, and I
know there are a lot of ex-military types on the list who might
appreciate it:



www.ladylibertyvictory.com/imagejpg.html



Norm

__20060125___This posting was submitted with
HTML in it___





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Re: OT: Friday Humor...Maybe More Cool than Funny

[Tim Widowfield]

It isn't necessarily politics.  General Smedley Butler indicated it's more a
matter of paying attention to what's really going on... 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smedly_butler

--Tim


--- Andrew Hicox <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:

> Guess wether it's cool or not depends on your politics ...
> 
> For sure, that's the way 90% of the world views the US right now, for  
> better or worse.
> 
> -A
> 
> On Aug 31, 2007, at 10:06 AM, Kaiser Norm E CIV USAF 96 CS/SCCE wrote:
> 
> > **
> > Forgive me…this isn’t exactly funny, but I think it’s cool, and I  
> > know there are a lot of ex-military types on the list who might  
> > appreciate it:
> >
> >
> >
> > www.ladylibertyvictory.com/imagejpg.html
> >
> >
> >
> > Norm
> >
> > __20060125___This posting was submitted with  
> > HTML in it___
> 
> 
>
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> UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the
> Answers Are"
> 

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Re: OT-Friday Humor - Abbott and Costello

[Robert Halstead]

Bah, I've been working on Remedy too much... that should be remember. lol

On 8/31/07, Robert Halstead <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> I'm defiantly not old enough to remedy Abbott and Costello, but I've
> heard of the famous sketch and after reading this I went over to
> youtube to watch the actual sketch.  Truly some funny stuff.
>
> Thanks Claire.
>
> On 8/31/07, Sanford, Claire <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> > **
> >
> > You may have seen this
> >
> >
> >
> > You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to
> > REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who
> > sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
> >
> > If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
> > "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
> >
> > COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
> > buying a computer.
> >
> > ABBOTT: Mac?
> >
> > COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
> >
> > ABBOTT: Your computer?
> >
> > COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
> >
> > ABBOTT: Mac?
> >
> > COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
> >
> > ABBOTT: What about Windows?
> >
> > COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
> >
> > COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
> >
> > ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
> >
> > COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
> > proposals, track expenses and run my business . What do you have?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Office.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
> >
> > ABBOTT: I just did.
> >
> > COSTELLO: You just did what?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Recommend something.
> >
> > COSTELLO: You recommended something?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Yes.
> >
> > COSTELLO: For my office?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Yes.
> >
> > COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Office.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
> >
> > ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
> >
> > COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
> > sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Word.
> >
> > COSTELLO: What word?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Word in Office.
> >
> > COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
> >
> > ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
> >
> > ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
> >
> > COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
> > straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can
> > track my money with?
> >
> > ABBOT T: Money.
> >
> > COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Money.
> >
> > COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
> >
> > ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
> >
> > COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Money.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
> >
> > COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
> >
> > ABBOTT: One copy.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
> >
> > COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
> >
> >
> >
> > A few days later.
> >
> >
> >
> > ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
> >
> > COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
> >
> > ABBOTT: Click on "START".
> > __20060125___This posting was submitted
> > with HTML in it___
>
>
> --
> "A fool acts, regardless; knowing well that he is wrong. The ignoramus
> acts on only what he knows, but all that he knows.
> The ignoramus may be saved, but the fool knows that he is doomed."
>
> Robert Halstead
>


-- 
"A fool acts, regardless; knowing well that he is wrong. The ignoramus
acts on only what he knows, but all that he knows.
The ignoramus may be saved, but the fool knows that he is doomed."

Robert Halstead

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Re: OT-Friday Humor - Abbott and Costello

[Robert Halstead]

I'm defiantly not old enough to remedy Abbott and Costello, but I've
heard of the famous sketch and after reading this I went over to
youtube to watch the actual sketch.  Truly some funny stuff.

Thanks Claire.

On 8/31/07, Sanford, Claire <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> **
>
> You may have seen this
>
>
>
> You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to
> REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who
> sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...
>
> If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
> "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:
>
>
>
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
> buying a computer.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOTT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
>
> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
>
> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
>
> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
> proposals, track expenses and run my business . What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOTT: I just did.
>
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
> ABBOTT: Recommend something.
>
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: For my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOTT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
>
> ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
> sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?
>
> ABBOTT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOTT: Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
>
> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
>
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
> straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can
> track my money with?
>
> ABBOT T: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
>
> ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
>
> ABBOTT: One copy.
>
> COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
>
> COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
>
> ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
>
>
>
> A few days later.
>
>
>
> ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
>
> ABBOTT: Click on "START".
> __20060125___This posting was submitted
> with HTML in it___


-- 
"A fool acts, regardless; knowing well that he is wrong. The ignoramus
acts on only what he knows, but all that he knows.
The ignoramus may be saved, but the fool knows that he is doomed."

Robert Halstead

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Re: OT: Friday Humor...Maybe More Cool than Funny

[Andrew Hicox]

Guess wether it's cool or not depends on your politics ...

For sure, that's the way 90% of the world views the US right now, for  
better or worse.


-A

On Aug 31, 2007, at 10:06 AM, Kaiser Norm E CIV USAF 96 CS/SCCE wrote:


**
Forgive me…this isn’t exactly funny, but I think it’s cool, and I  
know there are a lot of ex-military types on the list who might  
appreciate it:




www.ladylibertyvictory.com/imagejpg.html



Norm

__20060125___This posting was submitted with  
HTML in it___



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OT: Friday Humor...Maybe More Cool than Funny

[Kaiser Norm E CIV USAF 96 CS/SCCE]

Forgive me...this isn't exactly funny, but I think it's cool, and I know
there are a lot of ex-military types on the list who might appreciate
it:

 

www.ladylibertyvictory.com/imagejpg.html

 

Norm


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OT-Friday Humor - Abbott and Costello

[Sanford, Claire]

You may have seen this
 
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old
to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of
us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on... 

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: 

 
 
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer. 

ABBOTT: Mac? 

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. 

ABBOTT: Your computer? 

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. 

ABBOTT: Mac? 

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. 

ABBOTT: What about Windows? 

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? 

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? 

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? 

ABBOTT: Wallpaper. 

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. 

ABBOTT: Software for Windows? 

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business . What do you have? 

ABBOTT: Office. 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? 

ABBOTT: I just did. 

COSTELLO: You just did what? 

ABBOTT: Recommend something. 

COSTELLO: You recommended something? 

ABBOTT: Yes. 

COSTELLO: For my office? 

ABBOTT: Yes. 

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? 

ABBOTT: Office. 

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! 

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. 

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need? 

ABBOTT: Word. 

COSTELLO: What word? 

ABBOTT: Word in Office. 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. 

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track my money with? 

ABBOT T: Money. 

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? 

ABBOTT: Money. 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? 

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. 

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? 

ABBOTT: Money. 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? 

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. 

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? 

ABBOTT: One copy. 

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. 

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? 

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! 

 

A few days later. 

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? 

ABBOTT: Click on "START". 


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