ut they were not allowed
to call on the landline, only on the cell-phone.
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ell them to telemarketers.
This rumour has been going on for over a year now.
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I must
have been the spawn of a donkey and a mule, since she'd never seen
anyone that stubborn before. Of course now, as an adult, I wonder about
that "teacher" and *her* antecedents :)
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virgi
s are cheap any more. Amazon might be a place to
check; it's amazing how much cookware and small appliances they now
carry.
--
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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quot;I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are Certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
--
Tamara P Duvall
ude the trial, the woman's husband spoke up
and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, U
ly beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry,
I had no idea.'
And the lawyer says, 'So... if I didn't give any money to them, what
makes you think I'd give any to you?
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Forme
must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
YOU HAVE JUST GOT TO LOVE THE SENIORS" !!!
****
--
Tamara P Duvall
I don't remember seeing this one before and it's cute. Don't know why
there's this "rake_bush" in the URL; the joke's completely a-political.
From: T.W,
http://www.smwa.net/downloads/funny/rake_bush4.swf
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp:
though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Ain't English grand?
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw
It's not really all that funny; more like "laughter through tears"...
But it's so outrageous, I thought it was worth forwarding.
http://bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601070&sid=a_pIZ20xQxeU&refer=home
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A wtem wieloryb wielki wpadl)
And ate all of the company! (I cale towarzystwo zjadl!)
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27;t know whether Candida's rhyme was ever supposed to *mean*
anything -- most of those things seemed to care mostly about rhyme and
rhythm and only superficially about making sense -- but I'd bet it was
written by an Englishman, not a Welshman... There's nothing more
uplifting than
als -- legit or otherwise :) (I hear Karl Rove has got himself
an iPhone. Of no interest to non-US members of Arachne, but the
political implications of this one, in the States, are mind-boggling
)
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA
e koala was sitting finishing a
joint.
The crocodile looked up and said, "Hey you!"
So the koala looked down at him and said, "Shiiit dude...
How much water did you drink??"
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia
a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least three times a week. Can you handle this?"
The husband thought for moment and replied "Well, I can drop her
off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
--
Tam
the
couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so
provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for di
ight paw, brought both paws together, bowed its head, and
spoke, "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy
bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw,
#x27;t
have an e-connection? Of course, there's always the dread of the
notices getting lost in one's Spam Filter :)
And yeah, I know... All of this should be thrashed out on the IOLI
website, not here. But the IOLI website... You get what you pay for, I
guess :)
--
Tamara P
Men are like Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the
rest are
;on the fly". To learn about things *just* gone by is
rubbing salt into the wounds :)
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ugust. But the "new arrivals"
vary; their subscription starts with the nearest *current* issue.
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a bit silly acting like 5yr olds at 14 and older.
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'd make sure I would, once again, be living
in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa-bed and
watching a 10-inch black-and-white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life
crises.
--
Tamara P Duvall
an Gogh." (and
you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to send this on
to someone else.)
Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse.
--
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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any of those things."
I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "but my health is failing and
my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm
sure he will marry her, and I want the bitch to go nuts looking for
the jewelry."
--
Tamara P Duvall
e video seems to conflate the Prex and the Vice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypa75axdK6o
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nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-Joke-Comprehension-Age.html
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On Jul 10, 2007, at 1:03, Bev Walker wrote:
[...] my mom[...] often hits extra
keys in the process of typing a message, then loses the message
or strange windows pop up.
Just like me! Can't help, though; if I could, I'd have solved my own
problems first...
--
Tamar
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face
of the person you are holding underwater.
--
Tamar
Pam - Sink
Mike - Rink
Debi -Link
Earl- Pink
Daniel - Pint
John - Ping
Jacque - Ding
Desiree - ring
Jenn - rang
Penny~rung
Hollie--sung
Deb~~~song
Barb - long
Debbie--loan
Delores--loaf
;s, Senor Rod... She showed up one night out of the blue and
I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike
Driver."
SILENCE... LONG SILENCE...
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!
--
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http://www.cnn.com/POLITICS/analysis/toons/2007/07/03/mitchell/
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s. But this is where
I got it from:
http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/11339.html
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On Jul 3, 2007, at 13:33, Alice Howell wrote:
Oregon is dryer than normal this summer, and many
towns are cancelling the July 4th fireworks displays.
Not just Oregon.
http://climateprogress.org/2007/07/03/global-warming-imperils-4th-of-
july/
--
Tamara P Duvall
se, and on their own time.
*The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to
their job.
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing t
dwidth today; try again tomorrow". And I wasn't aboout
to forward something unchecked, even though it was coming from a
respectable and respected source. But now that I've seen it, I can
recommend it. Not that I agree with every bit of the (right-wing,
mostly) sentiment therein. I
bly certain that the
adults weren't paying too close attention to my babbling. And here I
was, 57 going on 58, seeing naughty words everywhere again!
--
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an into some Germans who couldn't get over that phrase.
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3 dollars a day. Carlos asks Jose how he can
bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, "Look at your sign. It says: I have no work, a wife and 6
kids to support."
Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads: "I only need another $10.00
to move back to
t I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so
Time to shut UP .!
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you
do at night?
UP
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of
the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize
bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and gaining on
the employee at every step.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virgi
u describe just doesn't sound safe.
Sometimes, one gets a bit tired of adding :) and every couple of
sentences... I did do a very good imitation-bonde, didn't I?
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Pol
ct tape securing
the cord to the floor, I *still* trip over the bumpy couplings.
I can tell you've never been "a blonde"...
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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blem
here, Reverend?"
Jesse pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of
them were white.
The manager replied, "Well, Reverend, it's true that most of the
washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see
that all the agitat
e
and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all
we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So,
what's the bad news?"
"You're in the team for Tuesday."
--
T
The following was "recommended reading" from one of the blogs I read to
keep me up-to-date on the news. The Onion is a *satirical* on-line
magazine, but their articles are, frequently, eerily correct...
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/retired_gen_george_washington
--
Tamar
I said "Well, which one are you then?"
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beans or eggs on toast or a salad.
I always thougth of it as a sort-of "early supper". But, I admit, I
also thought it was a meal that only children in a nursery were given.
Apparently not :)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_(meal)
--
Tamara P Duvall
asy bookmarking, here's the chat:
http://www.mail-archive.com/lace-chat%40arachne.com/
and, for good measure, the one for lace (tech):
http://www.mail-archive.com/lace%40arachne.com/
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of
n there's the odd scam artist wanting to know your social
security or checking account number. They, of course, couldn't care
less about do not call injunctions... :)
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of War
A very funny advertisement for a new kind of medication for certain
types of memory loss... Must-see :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp-yRI_HJoM
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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Worth reading.
http://www.tpmcafe.com/blog/deanie_mills/2007/may/23/
our_voices_have_been_lost
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quot;t"s;
revive, two "e"s and two "v"s; uneven, two "e"s and two "n"s, and
assess, four "s"s.
15. None use the letters c, f, h, j, k, l, q, w, x, y, or z.
16. While only one is well documented, Dan Quayle actually can't spell
any o
he MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing
some women.
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virgi
ck and look at them again; think hard.
OK... Here You Go
Hope You Didn't Cheat.
This Is Cool.
Answer . . . . . .
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at
the end
of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same
wo
lion copies
worldwide. She has said two major characters will die in the final
book, which is being released under tight security.
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
To unsubscribe s
to disappear later. "One of a
kind" (as in : One of a kind... Love affair...), OTOH, is timeless.
I have no idea of the origin of "one off" phrase, nor how (in what
context) it may be used now; it's something I've known for at least 20
yrs, and that's what i
ucked everything back into
place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Vir
o civilize these glorious little
creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been
using your chap-stick on the cat's butt."
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
T
ot;
and "affect"/"effect" doesn't do anything for my peace of mind either.
And I've almost given up on "he was nice to my mother and I"... The
invasion of "that" is much newer, I think; it seems to have appeared
out of nowhere only in the last year or so.
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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cemakers and my gifts have no strings attached -- but a lot of
pattern books specifically forbid making lace for sale...
You've been quick to see the mote in you sister's eye, even past the
beam in your own.
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington,
s? Did she
get the ring *on top of* something else, of equal value, that the rest
of you got, or was the ring a part of her rightful share?
It's always easy to dispose of someone else's property, just as it is
easy to spend someone else's money...
--
Tamara P Duvall
ts content??? Didn't know
that Weymouth approved of cannibalism. Wonder if it's their way of
controlling vice :)
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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weeks ago, we had a jump from 82F (ca 28C) during daytime to 29 (ca
-4C) the following night. Neither was typical for early April...
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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dded/crushed) almonds instead of
coconut. Yum. We didn't have coconut back in Poland, but we could get
almonds.
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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e process ). Cake, compote,
jam, yogurt... But here it's rare and, when avilable at all (not
always), costs an arm and a leg for a few puny stalks... Sob...
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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ays has been
obvious for quite a while to those who -- like myself -- grew up in a
totalitarian country. Still, it's nice to have it pulled together and
spelled out...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,329789179-110878,00.html
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace
up, he'd call out the country it was in. By the
end of half an hour, I had to drag him off to the cafeteria, because he
was beginning to embarass me; a small crowd of people gathered and
watched the freak perform.
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Vi
ng,atching TV in AC'd villas, being
deprived -- oh, horror! -- of e-communication with their
stockbrokers...
--
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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system, or Polish geography
and history, for example), even though I have lived here for 34 yrs. My
source and I agreed that the quiz tested memory for trivia rather than
smarts. So y'all can now take it -- and fail it -- without feeling bad
:)
From: C.B.
http://tinyurl.com/2p9xy3
--
e army
accepts currently. *One* middle-aged (not to mention elderly) inmate
who drops dead from heat stroke, and the whole house of cards falls
down. The military has a very good cover-up apparatus (vide how long it
took to find out that Pat Tillman died of "friendly fire", not in enemy
our and a half, the tally has grown
from 20, to 22, to 29, to 32 dead, with unknown number of wounded.
Of course, Virginia does have one of the most lax gun laws in the
country; God forbid anyone was deprived of his right to carry arms...
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n
From: R.P.
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a
year.
Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of
beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.
Not Bad.
--
Tamara P Duvall
esitated for a moment and then replied,
"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.
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order of course]
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. go from "new york" to "paris, france"
5. scroll down in the directions to number 23
6. laugh and then re-post this ASAP so other people can laugh too
--
Tamara
using it to
communicate with someone who was sleeping in the next room!)
One of my all time favourite comic panels had a picture of two
computers, back to back, with a woman (presumably wife) sitting in
front of one and a man (presumably husband) sitting in front of the
other. The (pre
g that I must
have contributed to her corruption made me feel quite guilty :)
But I agreed with her... one needs to *know* such language, because
it's a part of the richness of expression. One simply uses it seldom,
to preserve its potency.
--
Tamara P Duvallh
I think Martha meant this for the entire list:
Begin forwarded message:
From: Martha Krieg <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Date: April 8, 2007 1:37:46 EDT
To: Tamara P Duvall <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Subject: Re: [lace-chat] Italian quote in Le Pompe book
On Apr 7, 2007, at 20:41, Bev Walker
7;re
beautiful", though I wouldn't stake my reputation on it :) Yeah, I know
"che" is usually translated as "than", but it can as easily be used as
"as/like" -- in a comparison .
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. Polish
doesn't have an equivalent of "bloody" as a curse, but it does have a
curse which can be translated as "may you be flooded with blood" and no
truly religious person is likely to use it unless in extreme
circumstances.
--
Tamara P Duvall
as individual inventions. Some of them, eventually, migrated
into common use area. Some of them were "adopted" only within a
particular family (what we used to call "hermetic idiom"). Some of them
remained the "property of the inventor", and the in
pered,
"The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of twenty years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that shit?"
I still don't know if she was joking...
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington,
ghts still flashing.
True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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re in Oxford for 5 months).
Batteries, OTOH, are the same here as there, and they can buy them
anywhere.
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Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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the slightest idea."
"So tell me then," says the cowboy with a knowing smile, "How is it that
you feel qualified to discuss geopolitics when you don't know shit?"
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerl
that he was a "sysad for his club and dorm networks", I dug and dug
through various dictionaries (including OED) for hours, trying to find
"sysad", before collapsing in total defeat... :)
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virgi
uld damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons; but her
tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of W
brand names they sell their products under are very common.
And please pass it on to other people you know who have pets.
http://www.menufoods.com/recall/
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Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
"My wife told me to stand here."
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o get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day
after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As
she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's
runnin' around with."
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://
SE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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On Mar 3, 2007, at 20:53, Betty Ann Rice wrote:
I haven't had any lace or lace-chat all day. Has anyone else?
Nope; yours is the first.
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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ng up behind any odd tree... But, midgety as I may
be, I've never had any problem with bathrooms :)
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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orses I bet on."
She seems satisfied and at this, she apologizes.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails
him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes around, he asks again, "what was that for?
ny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and
whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads."
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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Not *really* funny, but worth reading:
http://tinyurl.com/ytvfws
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line:
unsubscribe lace-chat
ting next to someone on a plane, and they
irritate you:
1. Open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make sure that person who won't leave you alone can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
6. Then hit this link: http://tinyurl
know you've been added to the list. But I *am*
checking my Spam-box *very carefully* (have weeded out 2 'flake raffle
ones so far, out of over 100 junk ones), so your entry shouldn't get
lost.
I'm flattered and humbled by such great response. Again, bes
bruary 14 (Valentine's day) and announce the winner on
Wednesday.
Good luck everyone,
T
--
Tamara P Duvallhttp://t-n-lace.net/
Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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