Re: [Hornlist] Confusing transposition (double post)
message: 4 date: Sat, 15 Aug 2009 10:25:56 +0200 from: Prof.Hans Pizka h...@pizka.de subject: AW: [Hornlist] Confusing transposition (double post) Hello all, I need help too. I was in a city last spring, arriving by air, but I do not remember, where it was. Nor do I have any idea, what a continent it was. I remember, the regular gangway to the plane was not the same as on my home airport. It did not match the door height of the plane, but it matched for other planes. Very confusing, indeed. Any help is welcome, so I can find out, where I had landed this past spring. Well, stop joking now. If one cannot remember after three four months which piece he or she played, does not speak for the player. Was it an oratory by Mendelssohn ? - Well, not every piece is just a piece ! This is too simple. Mendelssohn other contemporaries often used two differently pitched pair of horns, - natural horns - . The 2nd pair is pitched higher quite often, mainly in G or A. The 2n pair is for a fourth different than the 1st pair (ex.: first pair in E, 2nd pair in A = equally to F/Bb double horn). Why the 2nd pair higher ? The first pair (lower) has to play some manipulated pitches, while the 2nd higher pair nearly avoids manipulated pitches remains for the open calls. So the 2nd pairs musical text remains quite simple, but delicate on modern double horns. A final question: is it really so difficult, remembering titles of certain music, if the title is written in a foreign language ? Or was it the overwhelming impression left by the conductor, which forced one to forget not only the conductors name, but also the title of the music ? Now, Hans, you should not be so harsh in your judgements making because if you have forgettings of your travels and have reminders needing then I can only be saying now that soon your transpositions you will be having the forgettings of as well so a new invention you will be needing as well as others which the perfections of I am now having the makings of in my shop and this will solve all of your transpositionings and some other problems as well and I am having the callings of it the TRANSPOSITRONICDIMENTIAOMETER which works something like a GPS but it guides you through the piece on the LCD screen on your stand once you are having your parts in there and if you order it with the optional TONICALSUBDOMINANTALDOMINANTIAL plug in, it even tells you what key the piece is in so then you will be one step ahead of the conductor, as well and it works by a little headphone in your ear and a mostest pleasantest of female voice does speakings like In 30 measures, switch to E flat - down a whole tone and Danger ahead, second movement in H basso, down an augmented 4th and You just missed a transposition change! Switch to C alto now! And try not to miss any notes! Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Clamifications from a Hot and Sultry Bad Corner, NH, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (ret., bad knees) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Clammers Anonymous (a twelve half step program) Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Anborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone, Val*Mart and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist
[Hornlist] Re: Bass Clef
Now, I must be making the informings to you all that what I am always having the preferentialings of is Old Notation For Alternate Reading of Trebleclef aka O.N.F.A.R.T. because why should any one of us be having the drudgeries to be making the knowings of two clefs in the first place and, morealso, this is the mostestest of simpletings to the learnings of its readings be making as it is treble clef written with ledger lines an octave lower than the sounding note and it is easier for those who have already slavings away and the hugestest of sacrifices of their timings made to learn to read bass clef (either old or new notation) to transition backwards to simple mindednesses of one clef be makings. . Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Articifications from -30F Bad Corner, New Hampshire, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (ret., bad knees) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Clammers Anonymous (a twelve half step program) Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Anborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone, Val*Mart and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free **A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps! (http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/10075x1215855013x1201028747/aol?redir=http://www.freecreditreport.com/pm/default.aspx?sc=668072%26hmpgID=62%26bcd=De cemailfooterNO62) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A NEW CLAMTHEM FOR 2008!!!
Now, I am having the all-knowings that you are all having the merriestests and happiestests of holidays, expecially CLAMSAA and I true to forms am having my own so here is a new Clamthem for 2008 which is in the true spirits of our seasonings and I have no apologies whatsoever to Mr. A. Kozin so here it is: To the tune of Hark, the Herald Angels Sing HARK I HEAR THE FRENCH HORNS CLAM Hark, I hear the French horns clam, Turning music to flim flam. Other instruments are flawless, But the horns just make a mess. Missing every other note, Making this concert a joke. I, the critic must proclaim, In the paper, I’ll defame. The first horn plays like a schmuck, The French horn section really sucks. Every concert I attend, In New York or in South Bend. Violins are singing sweet, Flutes and oboes playing neat. The first trumpet plays too loud, But he gets praise from the crowd. Doesn’t miss a note or lick, Perfect like the guy with the stick. The first horn plays like a schmuck, The French horn section really sucks. I’m an expert, not a fool, I played flutaphone in school. Listened to a lot of records, All of them had won awards. So I know when horns are wrong, Making clams in every song. Ruining the concert much, I must report it as such, The first horn plays like a schmuck, The French horn section really sucks! Seasonings Greetonings from a Wintry Mixed Bad Corner, NH! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (ret., bad knees) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Clammers Anonymous (a twelve half step program) Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Anborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone, Val*Mart and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free **One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. (http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dpicid=aolcom40vanityncid=emlcntaolcom0025) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: NY Times horn feature
Yes, Ja, Oui and Si, Hornlisters, and All Victims, Worldwide: Now, the first responder I am not, but I am the thinkings having that Jasper's prize I should be getting, anyways (message below to NYTimes):: Mein Lieb Herr Doktor Kozinn: Please the honor of my introductions to you be having as I am Professor I.M. Gestopftmitscheist and I am a French horn player of some repute (and otherwise)and my signature below verifies that but today I read with the greatestest of interests you article about my (and formerly, your, appearances having) noblestest (and ignoblestest, at least in your opinions, sometimes, or perhaps, mostly) of orchestral and solo instruments and I want to make the alertings to you (and give you a leg up on your competitors in the music criticism world) that I am the founder and leading proponent of the new science of CLAMOLOGY and that I made the presentations of my LEXICON of CLAMOLOGY recently at the 40th Annual International (French) Horn Society Symposium in Denver, CO and you can see this now on YouTube and if you study this, your knowledges and criticisms of the horn players will be dead on with no inaccuracies, cracks, or slithers in your very important and widespread writings in the NYT as you will know what those horrible professional hornists did and you can describe every one of those clams with scientific authority with my blessing and permissions, no problems, and then you can argue with the audience members, fellow critics, conductors, managers, other musicians who play the always perfect instruments (piano, violin, viola, cello, doublebass, flute, piccolo, oboe, English horn, clarinet, bassoon, contra bassoon, trumpet, trombone, tuba, tympani, percussion, organ, Ondes Martinot, Therimin, synthesizer, ocarina, harmonica and jaw harp)(not to mention the human voice) exactly what those awful French horn players did to the otherwise flawless performances so here is the link to the films (7 segments) _http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=professor+ihs+40search_type_ (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=professor+ihs+40search_type) = and I wish you the very best of successes in your future criticisms (and you are the only critic that about this I am telling, so use it all you can and please send me a copy of your quartet and a picture of you with your horn in your dopey uniform)!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Pettifoggings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (ret., bad knees) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Clammers Anonymous (a twelve half step program) Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Anborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone, Val+Mart and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free **Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos. (http://autos.aol.com/cars-BMW-128-2008/expert-review?ncid=aolaut000517 ) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Kwazy, Man!
Steve stammered: There were plenty of brass insturments built in the 20th century that had features that really did make them play better, but they were more expensive to produce that way. Now, this is true and I made the inventings of one myself and I made the writings of this hereabouts many suns and moons ago, my 52 valve horn, one valve for each note, at $1000 per valve, which I called the AhCORdian, and it made all the revolutionings that industry, and even agriculture, could make the handlings of, even more than the Conn-O-Sax or the subcontrabass Tuba or the Heckelphone or even the triple horn (luxury or sports models, either one) which is a mere toy by comparison since it is valve challenged coming in at only 7 or 8 and requiring only the left hand for fingerings and my AhCORdian requires both hands to finger it, much like a double Keytar, if there was such a thing, and the bore was asymmetrical as well as convulsive and retrograded since each octave had is compensation for the others so that in effect, as the acousticians might say, it was psychotacoustical since every note was in tune with every other note and once you figured that out, you could play stopped without your hand in the bell, even, just by half-valveing on the Gbb side and Konzertstueck, Siegfried's longs and shorts, Mendelssohns Rockabye'bye Baby and even Till or Donkeyscheidt were a breeze, not to make the mentionings of Kopprasch No. 1, and if you had even more Gelt, you could have made the orderings of the Double AhCORdian, with two leadpipes (one pretty big and one kind of medium) and two bells (one double nickel plated silver and one bare brass unlacquered for purity of tone and both were cryogenically pre-aged for your sonic pleasure) which is played by two players and you all will please make the rememberings of the Double Horn Husband and Wife Team of Lipschitz and Klamakoff who were so well know, at least by some people, as they were true pioneers of music educationing taking music to the masses by their missionary work all over the globe and then they got a church orchestra gig in Zimbabwe playing first and second horns with equal aplomb so they could put on their resumes that they had held missionary positions and the like and then they came out with their text book for the horn, the Corma Sutra which is still popular today and available in the back rooms of book stores and cigar shops everywhere as well as on the internet and that book also explains why the divorce rate is unusually high amongst horn players and how to prevent it. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Antiquatings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes, land line only, no cell Fax: old, doesn’t work any more E-mail: yes, but only check it once a year Web Site: sort of Help! I'm a twenty first century person trapped in a twentieth century body! **It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms, and
[Hornlist] A good lead
Now, we are having the mostest, greatestest of discussions on what terminology is bestestest for the first piece of metal tubing that you so carefully make the wrenchings of your mouthpiece into before you have commencements of playing, so, if I am making right these readings, some folks are having confusions as well as convulsions, perhaps, about the difference between a lead pipe and a leadpipe as well as throwing in other terms from far-away lands such as mouthpipe, mundrohr and leaderpipe, so, now, since I have many experiences, both good and bad, on the subject, I will make the explainings of such and clarifications will have followings, I'm sure, so, LEAD PIPE: a heavy cylindrical tube made from lead used for plumbing in antic days now considered obsolete and replaced by plastics and copper, and, LEADPIPE: the first length of tapered tubing on a horn usually (but not on all models) connecting the mouthpiece with the main tuning slide and also called the mundrohr, mouthpipe and leaderpipe and TTBOMK not made from lead, ever, but usually made from copper alloy or even sterling silver, and in my illustrious career I have the foundings made that it is the mostestest of handies and has the greatestest of conveniences for any horn player to own both of these and to continue, in fact, I have owned and made usings of many, for instance a LEAD PIPE is an essential accessory and once, my sixth valve stuck and I was unable to put the conductor to flight by using my second bell but fortunately, I grabbed my LEAD PIPE, made a quick jump from my chair and ran towards the podium waving it in the air and boy, you should have seen the look of terror on the #$%*'s face as he took off like a scared rabbit and I have also used a LEAD PIPE to get the woodwinds from hell to play in tune (well, almost) and I always carry it to my meeting with the manager when I ask for a raise and you should always take it with you on tour because it is also handy if you are walking in Central Park at 3:00 AM and you don't need a permit or a background check to carry a LEAD PIPE, even concealed, and you can ship it easily, without fear of damage, in your luggage under the plane, now, LEADPIPES are also very handy and I don't have the the knowings of any horn player who can play half-decently without one on their horn and sometimes you can change one and improve the instrument and sometimes not and my student, Kenny B., used a piece of one very effectively as a baton when conducting at the Rochester IHS workshop some years back and to make some conclusions here and now, I have the thinkings that all of the above mentioned names for that piece of plumbing on a horn should be abandoned in order to clear this up once and for alls so I am thinking we should call it the intake clamifold. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Clarifyings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes, land line only, no cell
[Hornlist] Re: Continuous Clamsaa
Howard Mr. Details Sanner writes: If she really were your true love, she'd have given you five *Lawson* horns! VBG And it scans, too Now, it is OK in my book for any lyrics you want to make insertings of, like five Yamahas or five junk 6D's or five Mellophones or five natural horns or five Schmid triples or five Kruspe wraps or five Geyer wraps or five Reynolds wraps, whatevers your chain makes yankings, but my true love, a real stickler for details, too, just the math made doings and figured this out: fifth day of Clamsaa = five horns + 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th days' worth of horns totals 40 horns, so where on God's bright green and blue earth, or even in the known universe, are you going to get 40 Lawsons?! Seasonings Greetonings Mostest of Happinesses of Bluebirds, Copywrong, 2005, revised 2006, 2007 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes, land line only, no cell Fax: old, doesn’t work any more E-mail: yes, but I have trouble remembering my password Web Site: sort of Make Kopprasch your number one issue in 2008! **See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop000304) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Clamsaa Continues and Happy New Year!!!
Now, please make the liftings of a stein of froth or a flute of bubbly, or a can of Diet Moxie, or whatever, and sing: FOR AULD CLAM MINE! Should old performance be forgot, No, it won’t go just go away! Should old performance be forgot, No, I clam every friggin’ day! Chorus: For auld clam mine, my gawd, For auld clam mine! I’ll take up Kopprasch and long tones, For auld clam mine! I have a concert in the eve, And I hope it will go fine. I fear it won’t because, my friends, For auld clam mine! I never practice right, you know, I just never have the time. But I am sick of Schpleah and Schplat, For auld clam mine! The new year starts upon this day, and I must draw the line! I vow to work my tail off, now, For auld clam mine! A Farkas warm up I shall do, And all on the F side! With long tones and Kopprasch, my friend, For auld clam mine! Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Rejuvinations for the New Year, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes, land line only, no cell Fax: old, doesn’t work any more E-mail: yes, but only check it once a year Web Site: sort of Help stop Global Clamming: Increase your Kopprasch emissions in 2008!!! **See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop000304) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Continous Clamsaa!
Now, I almost had forgettings of making a revised theme song for 2007 and beyond so please give a good singing of this, if you please, so that every day you can be thinking of one of our mostest rearviewed of subjects and the tune here you mostestest of certainlies have the knowings of: THE TWELVE DAYS OF CLAMSAA On the first day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, A warm-up through every key. On the second day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Two Kopprasch Books, and a warm-up through every key. On the third day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fourth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fifth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the sixth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, six cans of Brasso, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the seventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, seven tubs of slide grease, six cans of Brasso, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eighth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six cans of Brasso, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the ninth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, nine yards of chamois, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the tenth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, ten excerpt books, nine yards of chamois, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six cans of Brasso, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eleventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine yards of chamois, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six cans of Brasso, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the twelfth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, twelve tubes of Blistex, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine yards of chamois, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six cans of Brasso, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four practice mutes, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. Copywrong, 2005, revised 2006, 2007 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes, land line
[Hornlist] Another CLAMTHEM
Now, as CLAMSAA celebratings we make the continuings of, I have another CLAMTHEM for your collectings: To the tune of Chestnuts Roasting: Kopprasch spread upon my music stand, Valve oil spilled upon the floor, Nutcracker, brass quintet in my date book are planned, But my lip feels like crap, any more. I should have practiced when I had the chance, But I just put it off ‘til now. Endurance and tone I need time to enhance, But I need another week, and how! I should have played the Farkas every day, Then now I’d have the chops to really play. Some long tones would have really done the job, To keep my lip from stiffening to a blob. I must go to play Nutcracker twice, It’s way too late for remedy, The money is nice, but my lip is on ice, HAPPY CLAMSAA, to me! Copywrong, 2007 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God’s Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Anborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: old, doesn’t work any more E-mail: yes Web Site: sort of Peace on Earth, Good Kopprasch to Men (and Women and Children) **See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop000304) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS (newly revised, just a teeny, teeny bit)
A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS By Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist Twas the night before Kopprasch, when all through the house Not a hornist was playing, not even some Strauss; The Holtons were packed in their cases with care, In hopes that St. Dennis soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of symphony jobs danced in their heads; Completing financial aid forms was driving Mamma and me insane, As scholarships for Junior and Sis were not going to be attained. With auditions looming for college and schools, These two musicians were acting like fools. Playing only solos, excerpts, and such, Their playing was not to be considered, much. When out on the lawn there arose such a sound, I sprang from the desk like a deer on a bound! Away to the window, I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! The moon on the mud of the new melted snow, Made me even more depressed than Al Gore, don't you know! When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a gigantic sleigh and eight great-big reindeer! A distinguished man had his hand on the rein, I knew in a moment that it surely was St. Brain. More rapid than Al Cass his coursers they came, And he free buzzed, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Alex! now Kruspe! now Conn and Holton! On, Yamaha! on Geyer! on Schmid and Lawson! To the top of the range! to the pedal notes fall! Now play away! play away! play away all! As great horn players can do on the fly, When they meet with an excerpt, mount to the sky, So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of music, and St. Dennis too. And then, in an eighth note, I heard on the roof The puffing and blowing of each little toot. As I drew in my head, and was futzing around, Down the chimney came St. Dennis, ready to sound. He was dressed in his tails, and patent leather shoes, And he then said to me, In a minute, great news! A bundle of music he had flung on his back, And in his right hand, a TSA flight pack. I stared at his face, and his eyes were afire, and I knew in his life, there was only one desire, to take out a horn and play it so well, that the rest of us mortals could just go to hell! He opened the gig bag and picked up his horn, like I knew he had done since the day he was born. He then played the Siegfried with nary a clam, and all I could think of was hot damn! And this great performance had awakened the kids, Who came in a'running, and put on the skids. They were all shaken, scared, and bewildered of that Since the only horn playing they ever did sounded like crap. He then played Till Eulenspiegel with nary a crack, And all with perfect rhythm, dynamics and attack. His beautiful tone was simply amazing, Not to mention his incredible phrasing. The kids starting yelling, HOW CAN WE DO THAT? WE'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF WE PLAY LIKE CRAP! And then St. Dennis said, Please, don't despair. There is a remedy for all problems, so there. My instructions, now, you should perfectly heed, If you really ever, ever want to succeed. St. Dennis then reached down into his sack, And pulled out some music and handed it back. There are five fundamentals to playing horn well, Without support for you air, your playing will smell. A strong embouchure gives you right notes and range, Good articulation keeps things from sounding strange. You need perfect rhythm, and a very good ear, As sight reading skills help to give you no fear! Put it all together and what have you got? Why, great playing, for sure, and crap it is not! So practice these studies, numbers one through sixty. Until you have assuredness and consistency. This time you invest is always well spent, Especially when you must perform at any event. Your excerpts and solos will go like the wind, Since you know all the techniques to employ within. A tricky passage is now in your grasp, Since you have practiced and practiced: KOPPRASCH!!! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, I've got others to tell, tonight, he said. And then with his horn and his music in hand, Up the chimney he went, fast as fast can. He sprang to his sleigh and buzzed to his team, Away they all flew, as if in a dream. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, HAPPY KOPPRASCH TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Copywrong, 1999-2007 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal
[Hornlist] CLAMSAA, now official
Now, as you all of knowings have, is the renewals of the seasonings of holidays, and yet, again, we are also making celebrations of our own, as well as the others, so I am proclaimings now making, that CLAMSAA is officially beginning, well actually, one really just makes the runnings into the next, and, here is our new song, or CLAMTHEM so please make it's singings to the tune of Let it Snow. LET ME BLOW Oh, the concert I played was frightful, It should have been delightful. On the stage behind my stand, I made clam, after clam, after clam. It started with a no-speaky, And that was somewhat freaky. Then a Schpleah followed that, Then Schpladat, Schpladatdat, Schpladatdat! And by the time I played my solo, My mind was going loco. Schplooee-ee, Schplooee-ah, Schplooee-oh, Clamming notes from above and below! When I got to the finale, I almost had a rally. But my lip would not attack, Only frack, after frack, after frack! Copywrong: 2007 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Really God’s Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: old, doesn’t work any more E-mail: yes Web Site: sort of Kopprasch, 10% off through December 24, at Clamazon.com. **See AOL's top rated recipes (http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop000304) ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Culture This:
NOW, I must have the mostestest of sayings to all of you hegemoners and hegemonees out there (and you know who you are) that the world is a very, very, very small, almost microscopic, place these days and if you really, really, really don't want to live in peace you don't have to, in fact, I'm sending my AKC registered full blooded, very big and mean dog, Maxime-Alphonse LeDuc de Paris over to your place right now this minute to leave a nice big present on your doorstoop (and your mutt had better make the hidings under the bed because my dog is bigger and badder than your dog) and if you think his poop is like what you think yours is, then think again, since his does stink, big time, so there, and furthermore, my ancestors are better ancestors than your ancestors, my religion is better religion than your religion, my car is faster than your car (and gets better mileage), my beer is frothier than your beer, my recipe for valve oil is slicker than your recipe for valve oil, my Daddy can whoop your Daddy, my school is better than your school, my town is nicer than your town, my kid is smarter than your kid, my jockstrap is bigger than your jockstrap, I can play higher, louder and faster on the F side than you can play on the B side, I can play Hindemith on the natural horn and you can't, my Sansone is better than your Maxtone, my mouthpiece is wider and deeper than your mouthpiece, and get an 18 wheel truck load of this: I just hit the Powerball for 18 Zillion bucks and now I'm richer than Warren Buffet, George Soros and Bill Gates put together with Crazy Glue, so I am going to own all of you very soon, and be President to boot, and then, I am going to solve this problem, once and for all, and I'm telling you now that you are all the way wrong, wrong, wrong, putting all of these blamings on each other for the piss-poor state of cultural affairs these days, as you should be having nothings but blames for the true source of all the world's problems, conflicts, dilemmas, conundrums, complications, disturbances, conditions, worries, injustices, threats, mayhems, inhumanities, lack of cultured cultures, body odors, bad haircuts, stupidities and general ignorances: CANADA!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Kerfufflings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes e-mail: yes web site: sort of I regret that I have but Kopprasch No. 1 to give for my country. ** See what's new at http://www.aol.com ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Re: My Secret Guide to Success
Rick raved: Best Horntrash post I've seen to date. Thanks for all your hard work. It must take you twice as long as the rest of us to write your messages. Now, I am having the greatestest of gratefulls for your appreciations as there are some who lurk in the backgrounds of the cybernets who have angers and dislikings of me and mein and others on this formidablestest of forums and this is really quite the miniscules of nothingnesses for me to write my schtuff and please have the rememberings that the internet (and especially the horn list) is a vast undertaking and most people who make the writings to our list are pushed for time so, then, what they write is only half vast when comparisons are made to mein but actually I spend less time than you because I make all of my writings in cut time. BTW: proper German, including word, order would be: Herr Doktor Professor I. B . MitSchiesseVerstopft Now, I resemble this remark but it is the mostestest of obviousesses that you do not have any understandings of the true meanings of my name and if you had had the havings of any trainings in gymnasium or even school of Forensical Geneologicals, you would understand that my name is far from proper though it is somewhat German and so it is the mostestest of simples, as my first ancestor was born at a very early age, long, long ago when the world had less people and they took only one name, usually from what was all around them, or what they did, or something easy to remember or whatever so if someone was born in the forest, they might take the name Baum or if in England, Tree, or if near the stream, Bach or Brooks, or if on a moonless night, Schwarz or Black, so you see, for my ancestor is was no problem to assume the name Scheist due to birth place and then what happened is that later, by marriage, the preface mit was added meaning with since there were two and then, when they finally decided to consumate their marriage, my ancestral grand mother kept yelling Gestopft, GESTOPFT (which you also see in the works of Gustav Mahler, especially in the horn parts) and so that got added as it is the mostestest of cherisheded of traditions in my homeland to keeping adding stuff up until you get it right but, you are correct in that I am a man, but you are having the mostestest of errorifications in stating the later as I am not a Doctor, nor do I play one on TV and, I am not I. B. but I. M. which stands for Ignaz Manfred and I have no idea how I got those names as my Mother, Helga Schwarzherzschlutt Gestopftmitscheist was very, VERY, friendly with the many touring horn virtuosi who came to her house in my hometown of Bad Lippstadt, to save their meager per diem on tour so I think my name should have been Franz Oscar or Oscar Franz or maybe Georg Kopprasch or Henri Kling or Friedrich Gumpert Gestopftmitscheist. One of my grandfathers grew up in northern Pennsylvania, where there were a lot of Ahmisch Pennsylvania Dutch, and always got a kick out of German word order. His favorite example was Hey Heinrich, throw the cow over the fence some hay! Now, I do have some familiarities with Penn's Woods as when I lived all those years in Exit 2, New Jersey I was nearby and went to Philadelphia now and then for hockey games and cheesesteaks and the Exit 2 diner actually had some Amish food on the menu and I always enjoyed the scrapple, pretzels, and Shoe Fly Cow Pie which if you ate too much, would put you over the fence and once I dated an Amish girl and she was very nice but she drove me buggy after a while so we broke up. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Humblementations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan
Re: [Hornlist] In response to Horn Trash......
[EMAIL PROTECTED] (mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]) popinjays: In response to the guy talking horn trash. What makes you think I was talking to you, personally, and wanted a response from anybody, no less you, and I am not a guy I AM A PROFESSOR?! I know your extreme jealous rant about conductors was tongue in cheek (or something special in your mouth ...HA LOL), but i doubt that helped anyone with their decision on buying their next 9,000 USD WonderHorn. Or did it? NOW, I must make the mostestest of honest tellings to you that I am the mostest of certainlies not jealous of conductors, plain and simple, as I just always have been having the hads of a certain disgust at trying to make musics working for bosses who are incompetent and unqualified to lead and I'm sure someone of your mind set is probably sitting around trying to figure out how you can ass kiss your way into your next gig or whatever and I really did not have anything in my mouth, and certainly have never had the thing in my mouth that you are alluding to and find so self congratulatingly funn, which is quite contrary to what you have up your nether throat and please do tell me about these WonderHorns and where I can get one and are they really worth the money? Try these two subjects. 1.Maybe some advice on using the proper valve oil with Getting Ready Emotionally for Beeth 9th? I always make my playings of that piece true to the composers wishes by using the natural horn, so I don't oil my valves at all but I always go into the concert well oiled, anyways! 2.Or, slide grease that works best in the palm of your hand out in the woodshed, oh, I mean hotel room. ( if you need me to translate this one, let me know off list, a common theme and problem for some musicians). Now, I really don't have the needings of your likeness to translate anything for me but I will most certainly keep you in mind if I need a translator when I am touring Iraq or Afganistan and now I am really beginning to have my doubtings about you, seriously, as this is two sexual innuendi in the same post. I guess the argument made the the Original Poster was not so boring after all, I thought is was boring at first too oh my, how things change. Well, now, having some lookings back at that, I saw no argument, only opinion, and legally speaking, there is a difference, and please remember, that things only change when they want to, be them ideas or underwear. enjoy, Don't tell me what to do!!! GFYS Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Antibloviationisms, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Why Do Some French Horn Players Think They Are God(s)? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Kopprasch never goes where the sun don't shine. AOL now
[Hornlist] My Secret Guide to Success
Now, you are all making wonderings lately of going to schools and becoming pros and wondering what horn sounds best and what horn is legal and illegal and if you make a clam in the forest and no one hears it is it a real clam and now I want to share my deepestest secrets of successfullnesses at musics and my playings of horns of all varieties and it is the mostestest of simples, as you will see, as it is based on the fundamentals of mathematicals: SO, what makes 100% and what does it mean to give MORE than 100% and ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100% and we have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100% so how about achieving more than 100% and what makes up 100% in life so now, here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: T-A-L-E-N-T 20+1+12+5+13+20 = 70% and H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But , A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% and K-O-P-P-R-A-S-C-H 10+14+15+15+17+1+18+3+8 = 101% BUT B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while talent will get you started, hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it takes Kopprasch to put you over the top but it's the bullshit and ass kissing that will really make for the mostestest of your successessesses Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Numerologicals, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Possibly God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Kopprasch counts for a lot and really adds up. AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at _AOL.com_ (http://www.aol.com/?ncid=AOLAOF0002000339) . ** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: The preferred tone/sound these days?
Paul The Enforcer Navarro wrote: This entire discussion is getting pretty boring. Now, I must make the mostest of agreements that this has many, many, many truths to it, and we certainly have the mostestest of truths in the mostestest of obvious of ways to us all that the horn sound is the least important and least valued part of our business of musics because the authenticated, notarized, affirmed, borne out, certified, confirmed, corroborated, demonstrated, documented, substantiated, validated, warranted and proven beyond all doubt verifications of this are really, really, really obvious since it is the mostestest of clearly apparants that the the highest paid so-called artists in our wild, wonderful, wacky world of sound MAKE NO SOUND AT ALL (except the occasional grunt and groan) as they wave their arms in the air with no apparent effect on anything except their bank accounts and social status and since we have now settled this all important question of horn sound and its variants for all time, we can drop the subject once and for all and then let's all get back to the truly important discussions of slide greasings and valve oilings. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of convictifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Possibly God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Some folks got Kopprasch, some don't. AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at _AOL.com_ (http://www.aol.com/?ncid=AOLAOF0002000339) . ** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Outlaw This (was The preferred tone/sound these days?)
Repp Ripped and Rapped: In fact, my understanding is that 8Ds are banned in some orchestras. Now, it is the mostestest of understoods by me, many, many, many times, that in certain parts of our vast US of A, that some people are always having some half vast ideas, conceptuals, impressions, perceptions, pictures, thoughts, thinkings, insights, interpretations, interpolations, mental pictures, observations, variations, peramifications, and apperceptions and so that in the states of St. Frank and Taxachusetts and Empires and community service for child molesters that Conn 8D's are outlawed but little wimpy brown horns with the thumb valve next to the pinky finger and not the thumb, where it has it's true belongings, which makes no freakin' sense at all, IMHO,are revelated in, on, beside, over, under, etc., but please have the rememberings that when 8D's are outlawed, only outlaws will have 8D's. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Repercussionings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Possibly God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Kopprasch No. 1: fair and balanced. ** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Noisy valves./lubricants
T'was scribed: Our Regimental armourer gave me a can of aerosol spray used to free up and lubricate parts on Ruger rifles. It seems to be solving the problem gradually, along with gently easing the slides free. I'd welcome input on using a product like this anywhere on the horn. Now, it seems that these ruminifications about oils, greases, foods, cruds, goos, craps, emulsions, lubricants, etcs., etcs., etcs., have really, really, really, made the runnings of all of the gamuts this time and until this request, it has totally been the SOS de la SOS but now, me being the expert that I am in oils and lubes, am stumpified on this one so why don't you make the contacts with this guy down under because it looks to me that it is the mostestest of likelies that he may have the informations we all want and need: _Click here: Symphony musician charged over explosives - Christchurch News - The Press_ (http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/thepress/4022640a6530.html) Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Freedoms, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Possibly God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Kopprasch will help your marksmanship. ** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Valve oil season
Larry The Luber Jellison Queried: Has anyone studied this emulsion problem of some lubricants? YES!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Salubrications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Hand Horn Soloist Who Brought the Instrument into the 20th Century (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata, Gliere Concerto, and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Was Kopprasch Possibly God's Other Son? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Kopprasch keeps you slick. ** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] In defense of Jeff Smiley
Valerie, Double-High-C-in-37-Weeks, Wells wrote: since the first Neanderthal blew on an animal horn! Now, I have been having the mostestest of watchings and readings of this thread and I must say that I had the mostestest of strongest of feelings either way for all the various viewpoints, especially near my nether throat, BUT, NOW, I am having, without exceptions, to be joining the fray, as the above mentioned quote is completely, to the fullest extent without exception or limitation, as much as possible, from stem to stern, at full tilt, by every inch and millimeter, whole hog, to the max, 100 percent, absolutely, altogether, categorically, entirely, exhaustively, from A to Z, from start to finish, fully, hook, line, and sinker, in full, in toto, lock, stock, and barrel, from alpha to omega, from soup to nuts, perfectly, purely, thoroughly, through and through, totally, utterly, wholly, without exception, globally, comprehensively, inclusively, generically, and universally WRONG as it is common knowledge, by most of the community, at least, that the CRO MAGNON was the first to blow an animal horn and that when the NEANDERTHAL saw this, he picked up his stick and started to wave it as he still does to this very day, as it is so easy, even a cave-man can do it Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Archeologicals and Anthropologicals as well as Koppraschilogicals (up two octaves), Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte World's Leading Unnatural Horn Soloist (buy my CD of the Hindemith Sonata and the Davies Sea Eagle on the F crook) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: What if the Neanderthals Had Known Kopprasch and the Other Gods as Well? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of E-mail: yes Daylight Savings Time begins tonight but this does not mean you can start practicing tomorrow with Kopprasch No. 2, even if you bought the Smiley book! BRBRBR**BR AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Tactile Embouchure Rehabilitating Device
Joyce jabbered: Perhaps Moosewood or Thompson Edition will develop a similar appropriate Tactile Embouchure Rehabilitating Device (TERD) for horn. However, before any production dollars are spent, I recommend appropriate patent release is obtained from the original developer of the TERD. Here is the link to the TERD: http://www.tubaportalen.dk/uk_artikler_mundstykke_terd.asp Joyce Now, I am telling you all again that this is a knock off of my original device, the French horn Articulation and Resonance Terminator (F.A.R.T.) that I have been using for years soon to be made in 21st Century materials of recycled beer cans and plastic soda, milk and Mr. Clean bottles and if you really are having the likings of this sort of thing and really have the desires to use all these devices to improve your playings, and like spending your moneys on thises and thats and hate making the required practicings of Kopprasch No. 1 or even No. 5 to be making that 10-11 trill, either up or down or from above or below or all of the aboves and belows, then you should be having a look at my other inventions such as the F.A.R.T.'s big brother, the Fabulous Likable And Timely Ugly Lame And Naughty Crowd Entertainer (F.L.A.T.U.L.A.N.C.E.) or the other products like the ones that help your breathings such as the Galvanic Abdominal Spirometric Panacea (G.A.S.P) or the Simple Modern Ordinary Kinetic Energizer (S.M.O.K.E.) which can make the helpings for you to attain Distinct Resonance On Wasted Nodes (D.R.O.W.N.) or just simply order More Air from my website. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of B-Sings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Did Georg Have a Brother and Was His Name Carl? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the International Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Web Site: sort of Kopprasch is no bull! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Tenor
Now, I had the mostestest of LOVINGS for this voice as it is what I haver always tried to do when I am SINGING on my HORN(S), just like our teachers make the tellings to all of us to do, so, now, since he has made the beggings of money and bookings, I sent him my lottery winnings and called my old pal, Sol Hamhock, who runs the famous booking agency in NY, New York, So Called Artists and Musicians (SCAM) which handles most of the symphony conductors these days, AND, I am mostestest of happiestestests to be making the announcements of the IGGY und OLE WORLD TOUR, featuring the repertoires you all love, including the BRITTEN SERENADE, AUF DEM STROM, the newly discovered version of Kopprasch No. 1 with words, (Why-do-I-al-ways-play-the-horn-like-crap? I-prac-tice-so-los-ex-cerpts-and-I-al-ways-crack, I-want-to-play-the-horn-like-Den-nis-Brain, but-I-don't-want-to-suf-fer-any-prac-tice-pain.) and other soon to be favorites like my arrangements of Broadway Hits, Beatles Tunes and HOUND DOG for the above mentioned combination, so please, pretty please, pretty please with valve oil on it, send me your frequent flyer miles (so we don't have to take the bus) and saved up Motel 6, Perkins, White Tower and Applebees coupons so Ole and I can make this tour and be coming to your town soon!!! Kindestestest of Greetonings and Mostestestestest of Gratulations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch will make you sing! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] Happy Holidays
In a message dated 12/24/2006 9:39:27 AM Eastern Standard Time, KendallBetts writes: In a message dated 12/24/2006 5:08:46 AM Eastern Standard Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: Additionally, a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, Duoh, Wendell, it's gonna be 2007 but thanks for the good wishes anyway! LB Mostests of Duoh's, Kendall, that's KB!!! Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Correctionings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The Da Vinci Clam: Why We Need to Celebrate CLAMSAA to the Fullest Extent Possible. Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the International Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: sort of Merry Kopprasch and a Clammy New Year!!! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] What the heck! Prof. G, where is the Annual poem, A Visit from St
NOW, NOW, NOW, Walt, you have all been the mostestest of good little hornies this year so here it is: A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS By Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist Twas the night before Kopprasch, when all through the house Not a hornist was playing, not even some Strauss; The Holtons were packed in their cases with care, In hopes that St. Dennis soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of symphony jobs danced in their heads; Completing financial aid forms was driving Mamma and me insane, As scholarships for Junior and Sis were not going to be attained. With auditions looming for college and schools, These two musicians were acting like fools. Playing only solos, excerpts, and such, Their playing was not to be considered, much. When out on the lawn there arose such a sound, I sprang from the desk like a deer on a bound! Away to the window, I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a gigantic sleigh and eight great-big reindeer! A distinguished man had his hand on the rein, I new in a moment that it surely was St. Brain. More rapid than Al Cass his coursers they came, And he free buzzed, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Alex! now Kruspe! now Conn and Holton! On, Yamaha! on Geyer! on, Schmid and Lawson! To the top of the range! to the pedal notes fall! Now play away! play away! play away all! As great horn players can do on the fly, When they meet with an excerpt, mount to the sky, So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of music, and St. Dennis too. And then, in an eighth note, I heard on the roof The puffing and blowing of each little toot. As I drew in my head, and was futzing around, Down the chimney came St. Dennis, ready to sound. He was dressed in his tails, and patent leather shoes, And he then said to me, In a minute, great news! A bundle of music he had flung on his back, And in his right hand, a Brazilian made pack. I stared at his face, and his eyes were afire, and I knew in his life, there was only one desire, to take out a horn and play it so well, that the rest of us mortals could just go to hell! He opened the gig bag and picked up his horn, like I knew he had done since the day he was born. He then played the Siegfried with nary a clam, and all I could think of was hot damn! And this great performance had awakened the kids, Who came in a'running, and put on the skids. They were all shaken, scared, and bewildered of that Since the only horn playing they ever did sounded like crap. He then played Till Eulenspiegel with nary a crack, And all with perfect rhythm, dynamics and attack. His beautiful tone was simply amazing, Not to mention his incredible phrasing. The kids starting yelling, HOW CAN WE DO THAT? WE'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF WE PLAY LIKE CRAP! And then St. Dennis said, Please, don't despair. There is a remedy for all problems, so there. My instructions, now, you should perfectly heed, If you really ever, ever want to succeed. St. Dennis then reached down into his sack, And pulled out some music and handed it back. There are five fundamentals to playing horn well, Without support for you air, your playing will smell. A strong embouchure gives you right notes and range, Good articulation keeps things from sounding strange. You need perfect rhythm, and a very good ear, As sight reading skills help to give you no fear! Put it all together and what have you got? Why, great playing, for sure, and crap it is not! So practice these studies, numbers one through sixty. Until you have assuredness and consistency. This time you invest is always well spent, Especially when you must perform at any event. Your excerpts and solos will go like the wind, Since you know all the techniques to employ within. A tricky passage is now in your grasp, Since you have practiced and practiced: KOPPRASCH!!! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, I've got others to tell, tonight, he said. And then with his horn and his music in hand, Up the chimney he went, fast as fast can. He sprang to his sleigh and buzzed to his team, Away they all flew, as if in a dream. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, HAPPY KOPPRASCH TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Copywrong, 1999-2005 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum
[Hornlist] HAPPY CLAMSAA!!!
NOW, let us not have the forgettings that this is the second annual CLAMSAA celebratings as I have made the creations of this holiday especially for us horn players so that we can have our own holiday, just like everyone else, so please, PLEASE be having the mostestest of assurings that you make the singings and playings of our CLAMSAA CAROLINGS: Clams from the 'Realms of Glory Do You Clam What I Clam? The First Clam Here Clams Santa Claus Clam on the House Top For Unto Us a Clam is Given Have Yourself a Merry Little Clam Star of the Clam Oh Little Clam of Bethlehem I'm Dreaming of a White Clamsaa Winter Wonder Clam When a Clam is Born Let it Clam, Let it Clam, Let it Clam Jingle Clams Hark, the Herald Angels Clam God Clam Ye Merry, Gentlemen Oh Clam All Ye Faithful Frosty the Clam Man Over the Hills and Through the Clams Clam Away in a Manger Oh Holy Clam Rudolf the Clam Nosed Reindeer We Three Kings of Clams Are Here We Come A-Clamming Oh Christmas Clam Clam King Wenceslas Clams Roasting on an Open Fire Clam to the World Little Drummer Clam From Heaven Above Earth I Clam I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clam The Christmas Clam Ding Dong! Merrily Clam On! Jingle Clam Rock It Clammed Upon a Midnight Clear Deck the Hall with Boughs of Clams Clams We Have Heard on High The Holly and the Clams I'll be Home for Clamsaa Silver Clams Rocking Around the Christmas Clam The Most Wonderful Clam of the Year Clam Ride Let There Be Clams on Earth We Wish You a Merry Clamsaa Silent Clam, Holy Clam AND, lastest but not leastest: THE TWELVE DAYS OF CLAMSAA BY PROF. I.M. GESTOPFTMITSCHEIST On the first day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, A warm-up through every key. On the second day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Two Kopprasch Books, and a warm-up through every key. On the third day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fourth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fifth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the sixth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the seventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eighth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the ninth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the tenth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eleventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the twelfth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, twelve tubes of Blistex, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. Copywrong, 2005, revised 2006. Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes
[Hornlist] Langidge an' Edgeacashun
Now, I am having the mostestest of enlightenments, humorings and such of late with the postings here and I particularly liked the translatings of Homer and since we got on the subject of Aggie jokes and the ensuing etceteras I am now having thinkings that I should tell you about my recent talk to the high school students here at Bad Corner Regional at the annual Career Day so when I got the invitings to do this I was really, really, really lost on what to talk about as I don't have the thinkings that anyone really considers valve oil manufacturing a true career (but it is a wonderful, though sometimes messy, sideline job) so I had to really put on the thinking cap and after having made the wearings of it for two-weeks-solid, it hit me like a clammed high A in the last phrase of Kopprasch No. 1 so here is what I said to the students: Work hard! Be smart! Use your brains! Otherwise, you might get stuck in music school! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Cognitationings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Is Music Really the Universal Language and if so, Why Do I Have So Much Trouble Talking to People? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Web site: sort of Kopprasch are the SAT's of the horn. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
Re: [Hornlist] French Besson Trumpets
Wilfred wimpered: Thinking them to be totally usless, the engineer put the mandrels in a lathe, smoothed them down to an even taper, and used them for some type of project. Thus the French Besson sound was lost to the world. Now, is this the same Army Engineer who designed the levees around New Orleans and I want you to also have the knowings and informations that the International Besson Society (IBS) voted unanimously at their first meeting to drop the prefix French from the name Besson and that is the real reason they were lost to the world. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Whateverifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Why is Hubert a Saint and Kopprasch ain't? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail Web Site: sort of Cryogeny is no substitute for Kopprasch. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Trick or Treatment?
Now, I have the mostestest of knowings that I am now making the mostest, accuratestest of describings here that this is something that has the mostest exactest, precisest, and same effect on your horn, and is also much, much, much cheaper, than cryogenics so first you must find a construction site or if you live in rural Arkansas or somewhere like that then you must just go out in back of your house, and find the porta potty at the construction site or the outdoor plumbing shack (outhouse), depending on whether you are at the constuction site or home, and next, just look inside to make sure no one is in there and if so, wait for them to leave, or disturb them if you wish, whatever is fine, and once you can get in, lift up the seat and take a look down there to make sure there are no perverts spying up and if there are, ask them politely to leave, and then carefully drop your horn down in there making sure it is completely covered by the blue stuff if it is a porta potty and completely covered by the whatever if it is the outhouse and leave your horn for whatever amount of time it takes to have the placebo effect on you and then pull it out (maybe a good idea to use rubber gloves) and play the Siegfried Call or Ein Heldenleben or Till Eulenspiegel or Appalachian Spring or Shostakovitch 5 or The Empire Strikes Back, or Tea for Two, or Frank Zappa, or Rock Island Line or Hound Dog or Sgt. Pooper's Lonely Farts Club Band or even Kopprasch No. 1 (or No. 2), it really doesn't matter what, and I GUARANTEE that you will play anything a lot, lot, lot differently than you ever, ever, ever, ever did before and just you have the rememberings that this is both objective and subjective as everyone will object whenever you bring up the subject and I remember a tour once when the entire brass section treated their instruments like this in the room at the back of the Greyhound bus as well as the viola section and only one person of that entire group disagreed with the results and that was the violist we forgot to take out of there at the end of the tour before the bus went back to the garage so no before or after comparison was done on that violist because his wife killed him when he got home because he had lost his entire per diem and paycheck playing poker and I always wished that this could have been done and what is wrong with the scientifical-musical communities, anyways? Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Alchemicalizations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Does Koppraschogenic Treatment Really Change the Molecular Structure of the True Horn Sound? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes Web Site: sort of Only a limited number of shopping days until CLAMSAA! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Auf dem ?
Richard W wrote: It's common among lieder singers to transpose songs to fit the range of the voice (it sometimes happens in opera, too, for singers with range issues). I've played Auf dem Strom in both the original key and in D. It can sometimes be more of a challenge to the pianist than the horn player, depending on the key. And Prof. Cabbage replied: I believe it is important to allow the singer be allowed to fit the song to the vocal range. I also believe that we should fit the piece to the skill level of the hornist and the pianist. I remember a performance in which I played in E, the singer sang in E flat, and the pianist played in C major. The audience was highly awed. And Prof. Hans clarified: Then you did not perform Auf dem Strom but Unter Strom by Polish composer Electry Stromski or Ohne Stroemung, the famous piece by Swedish composer Viltransposer Angststroem ? Now, Prof. P., I have the utmostest of certainties that probably, maybe Prof. Cabbage gave a performance of Auf dem John or Auf dem Throne or perhaps the XXX versions, Auf dem Schlong or Auf dem Throng or Auf dem Thong from the sound (and smell) of it as this was genuinely three dimensional and I am not having even the slightestest amounts of any thinkings that the audience was not meerly awed but probably maybe awed full by the time it was over and if they liked that, then it just proves something, I guess, perhaps that transpositional variations are becoming further and farther apart along with everything else these days so it is better to really not let this go public so please keep a lied on it!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Flatulations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Did Jesus have a Buzzy Buzz? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Web site: yes Stay the Kopprasch! Don't cut and Alphonse! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Dactyls Doublelogicals
Dictumly, Punctumly Professor Hans Pizka dispenses advice, informations and such. L. Traxx would abrogate Hans to a dungeon, Teutonophobicly angered so much! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Mirthiphications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (football season only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: How to Spot a Horn Playing Idiot and Maybe Convert Him/Her to Koppraschitarianism. Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Web Site: sort of Friends don't let friends play Kopprasch drunk! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] GOSSIP and LIES was Re:More on the Seattle S.O.
Kerry I Should Be a Columnist for the National Enquirer Thompson writes: The principal horn in a major Midwestern orchestra resigned during a row with the music director. NOW, this is a LIE and you, Mr. Thompson, IMHO, are an unacquainted, ill-advised, unfamiliar, non-edified, unapprised, and clueless TWO-BIT GOSSIP to go and post this kind of garbage and nonsense in a public forum as it is really none of your frigging business and I can say this since I KNOW what happened as I am close (VERY CLOSE) to the apparent person of your misinformations referenced above and I can make the mostestest of assurings to you now that he did not RESIGN and no letter of such intent was ever written by him to the powers that were but he did tell certain people exactly the truth about themselves and to put their heads where the sun don't shine right to their faces, which is his style, and that is no BS, as they say, and I have it on good authority that if he reads any more defamitory and aspersive crap de la crap like this written about him, he just might pay you a visit and take care of this up-front-and-personal as well so why don't you just spend your way-too-much free time practicing Kopprasch No. 1 on the low F side until you get it right with a good sound, the right rhythm, the right notes, the right dynamics and in tune (if you are capable of such a noble endeavor) instead of spreading lies, untruths, innuendoes, canards, distortions, exaggerations, fabrications, falsehoods, falsifications, falsities, loads of codswallop, misrepresentations, misstatements, prevarications, tall tales, fibs, crocks of beans, and whoppers all over the internet and the bright green earth we love so much as well? Kindestest of Declarations and Mostestest of Depositions, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Does Kopprasch Contain the Hidden Truth? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Amborg, Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: sort of Truth is Kopprasch; Kopprasch is Truth. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Kruspe #8 and Conn 8D et al. ?
Lars the lacunizer Washburn asks: with all these 8s being thrown around in horn model designations, Horner 8D, Conn 8D, kruspe #8 I was wondering if the 8 has any significance in relation to the design of the horn. is it the 8th hunk of pipes someone soldered together before deeming the experiment successful or something more (or less) profound? Now, this is a question as old as the ages themselves which, with the mostest, fortuantistists of coincendentalies for you I have been spending the mostest of times of late making the researches for my up and coming book still at the factory, The DaVinci Clam: Did God Create Wrap? where I have made the mostest of theorizings based on all, and I do mean ALL of the evidences in the universe, that reason that the number 8 is used to designate the Kruspe wrap, (and please have the rememberings that Holton has the 188 and Chinese manufacturer Zhell Giunk Ghieep makes the model Dollar-eighty-eight as well added into this mightyestests of collections) and from my recent investigations of the recently discovered papyrusses found in some Mason Jars in the Newark State Rat Preserve containing the the lost writings know as the Gospels Clamgnostics where it is written (my translation from the original Pharsi language): On the eighth day, God created the Kruspe, and he told them to go forth and multiply, and make the most heavenly of sounds. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Beliefifications from a fair to partly cloudy Bad Corner, NH, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch will make you believe. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Prof. Pizka's Preponderments
Now, Prof. Pizka, has made some mostestests, interestingests of questions, (which all good professors should do from time to time) and Prof. Cabbage had made some good answers, (which is also in the professorial job descriptions) as we all know, but since this is the horn list, I am entitled to my mostest eruditedestest of opinions and answers as well, and as I am a professor's professor as they say, I am certainly as right or wrong as Dr. Kohl, and I have no disrespects for him, either way, so I am now making my own answers or as they say in the Garden State of New Jersey, Yo, I got youse answers RIGHT '! 1st: how to activate a valve on the horn ? Call the toll free number stamped on the valve and follow the recorded instructions. 2nd: how to put up the music stand? In the guest room or at a motel if you have a small apartment 3rd: which music stand is better: metal, wooden, plastic ? None of the above as this is the 21st century so titanium is best 4rth: are collapsable music stands dangerous for the player? Only if you live on the left coast and there is an earthquake 5th: Do decorated valve caps (mother-of-pearl e.g.) influence the sound quality ? Only if you have bad air support and a closed throat syllable 6th: Should I clean my horn with a brush - outside ? Yes if you are making a big mess of the house by cleaning it with a brush inside 7th: how often ? When the weather is good and it's not too cold outside 8th: where do I get water when exhausted from playing ? Same places you get water when exhilarated from playing 9th: what do do, when one must go pee-pee during a rehearsal? This is very confusing as if you must go pee-pee, then there should not be any do do (sic) but if there is, then you should do the same as pee, and always raise your hand and ask the conductor for permission to leave and then make sure once you have left to take advantage of your unscheduled break and have a beer and a sandwich or call your girlfriend or boyfriend or stockbroker or whatevers 10th: how to avoid a full stomach before playing a hard concert ? Make sure you purchase a round-trip meal ticket 11th: how to remember the most prominent composers of the Classic period, as they have German names ? The same way you remember the most obscure composers of the classic period as they have English names 12th: how to remember the note names ? Always be making an association with any name, like you do at a party, like when you meet somebody named Fred for examples, and he is wearing a red shirt, so you make the rememberings of Fred wearing red and it is easier with notes like in Kopprasch No. 1, you have C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C, D, E in the first phrase so you make rememberings of clam, dork, excrement, fart, groan, agony, barf, crap, dribble, enema, and the list goes on... 13th: how to remember a certain melody ? Like the estemablestest Prof. Cabbage made the suggestings of, use words, like for the solo in TIll Eulenspiegel's Lustige Streiche, This poor horn play-er, this poor horn play-er, this poor horn play-er will be lucky if he/she doesn't f**k this up! 14th: how to close the horn case properly ? Always follow the manufacturer's instructions correctly 15th: where do I get extra underwear if I had some problems during a difficult solo when playing 4rth horn in a Strauss Waltz program? At WalMart, look for it between the guns and the wax paper one isle over from the graphite lock lubricant and the wheel bearing grease across from the guitars, trumpets, flutes and clarinets. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Truthologicals, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Why the Mystery and is There a Divine Miracle for True Screw Bell Ring Lubrication? Founder,
[Hornlist] Re: Appalachian Americans
Now, Ray and others have been making references to their familiar cousinries, so I am now thinking a reprising of this is in the orderings: YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK HORN PLAYER IF... Your horn teacher's name is Bubba. You have a 1956 Pan American single F that has valves that work and 14 old Elkhart Conn 8D's with valves that don't. You have slide grease under your toenails. You regularly answer the question what have you been doing lately? with trying to learn how to count more than 10 bars rest. Your mother gets in fistfights at your high school band concerts. You have a Conn 8D or Holton 179 bell for a hood ornament instead of a Mack Truck bulldog or Harley Davidson eagle. You think an IHS Workshop is a good place to meet women/men. You have completely taken apart your horn and greased and oiled it on your living room floor rug and not put down a newspaper or drop cloth. Your horn case is full of empty beer cans. You think Kopprasch is German for White Trash. You don't understand why there's no Kruspes between the Cheetos and the Beer Nuts at the grocery store. You use a styrofoam cooler for a gig bag. You call your horn teacher Dude. You yell Give the drummer some! at symphony concerts. Your horn is an old, beat up Olds Ambassador, Conn 6D or Reynolds Pottag model held together with chicken wire and duct tape. You think Mason Jones played pedal steel with Reba MacIntyre. You use a beer bottle for a mute. You think Schmidt is what your dog does in the backyard. You think Dennis Brain won at Daytona in '57. You think a leadpipe is part of a male's anatomy. You think Jimmy Stagliano was a character in The Godfather. You consider the Horn Call deep reading. You ever started a petition to change the National Anthem to The Klaxon. You think Kling is what Monica did with Bill. Your kids are going hungry because you just HAD to have that Lawson. You have a laminated picture of Prof. Hans Pizka on your headboard. You think Barry Tuckwell holds the major league record for stolen bases. You have a stop mute hanging from your rear view mirror. You think they sell Holtons at WalMart. You think a Merker-Matic is a dirt bike. You think Gestopft means a medical condition that requires ExLax. Your Father goes up to the kid who beat you out at All-State band tryouts and says I'm gonna take a switch to your behind if you beat my kid again next year! You honest-to-god think women are turned on by hearing you play the long call. You are turned on by hearing guys play the long call. You think a mellophone is cellular or something like that. You've ever had sex to the sound track of Titanic. You keep looking for dentures on eBay because your high notes just ain't what they use to be. You've ever written in Dale Clevenger's name on a presidential ballot. Your mother thinks Kopprasch is your boyfriend's name. You think cadenza is a fancy name for an outhouse. You think R. Strauss manufactures blue jeans. You think Hermann Baumann played the role of Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. You've ever been fired from a gig because of your personal appearance. You consider a six pack of beer and a recording of the Nutcracker quality entertainment. You own more than 12 ties with horns on them. Your neighbors make you leave the trailer park when you want to practice. You think Gallay is that wine in those big gallon jugs at the liquor store. Someone asks you what kind of horn you own and you reply French. You paid less for your pickup truck than you did for your horn. You think Maxime-Alphonse is an exotic dancer down at The Gentlemen's Club. You have 10 dogs all named Till. You think Jimmy Chambers was the drummer in the band on HeeHaw. Your mom's been cooking with valve oil ever since she ran out of Crisco. You have ever been blacklisted from a music store. You think Siegfried is half of a Vegas act. You think heaven looks a lot like the Conn factory. You warm up using the theme from Dallas. Your mouthpiece is reduced 10 drill sizes by the built up crud in it. You have an STP sticker on your mute. You think Verne Reynolds was the star of Deliverance and Smokey and the Bandit. You can play a high C with a toothpick in your mouth. You have ever worn a tank top to a gig. You think Phil Farkas played center for the Razorbacks. The horn list limits you to one post a day. You use a color coordinated clothes line to keep your horn case shut. The other students at all-state tryouts call you Porky. You bring your dog with you to gigs. You refer to your colleagues in the horn section as my buds. You think embouchure is a sauce in a Cajun restaurant. Your horn smells like chewing tobacco. You believe everything you read on the horn list. You have a tattoo that reads Kopprasch but it's spelled wrong. Copywrong, 1999, revised 2006, Prof. I.M.G. Kindest of Greetonings and
[Hornlist] CLAMSAA continues!
Now, as part of our year-round, on-going, eternal, nonstop, ceaseless, constant, endless, enduring, everlasting, infinite, never-ending, perpetua, timeless, imperishable, undying, unending and permillenial celebrations of CLAMSAA, I proclaim, dictate, decree, ordain, order, prescribe and mandate TODAY, February 2, as CLAMHOGS DAY, so, all subjects are ordered to make the lookings at your right hand when you make the removings of it from the bell of your horn (especially after a long and difficult stopped passage) and when you see its shadow, you will have the knowings that you will be havings SIX MORE YEARS of CLAMS! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Clamalations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Look for the Kopprasch in everything and you will find it! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A Good Case
Loren Triple-Threat Mayhew writes (and I am making the replyings to): I promote and sell both Thompson Edition and Marcus Bona cases. Now, I make the promotings of and WalMart, Target, K-Mart and others make the sellings of styrofoam coolers... I personally use the Marcus Bona for two reasons, the unique design of my Finke triple horn does not fit in a TE case and the MB7 case holds everything I need for a rehearsal or practice session under one handle-and I mean everything. Triple horn, two bells, horn stand, music stand, Balu mute (and also a stop mute in a clip on bag [included with the case] if need be), tuner, metronome, two parts bags, two mouthpieces and of course, my music. And it still meets the airlines' overhead limitations for the mainline airplanes. There is a compact MB7 that is designed to fit in the overheads of regional airplanes--puddle jumpers as I call them; it doesn't hold all the above, but it still holds the horn, mouthpiece and a mute. I recently sold a wine leather MB7 case; it is the most beautiful horn case I've ever seen. and now, I personally have the havings of and the usings make with consistency, several styrofoam coolers for many, many more than two reasons, not to make the mentionings of reasonings, which you have also even though you lied and only said there were two, I actually counted 15 in the above, but then again, who cares, really, so anyway, I make the findings that the 99 cent coolers are too small for a French horn but a mellophone might fit, but sometimes you can get a bigger one on sale for that price, like right before the 4th of July, but what is best is the one for about $2.97 (usually somewhat approximately that) which will hold my beloved 6-valve-double-belled-single-B Sansone, and just about everything else I might need on the gig including breakfast, lunch, dinner, tails, shoes, t-shirt, bow tie, cummerbund, bag of cash money, Depends, rubber pants (for Wagner or R. Strauss), a quart of valve oil, a tub of slide grease (wheel-bearing grease, not wimpy nipple-lanolin), every Stone-lined mute ever made (I endorse these, also, just out of the goodness of my heart, getting no compensation at all from Fumes and Terd, Inc.), a full set of Husky chrome vanadium socket wrenches, a ball peen hammer, sabre saw, Ryobi or DeWalt electric drill, batteries, charger, Kopprasch Book 1, condoms and KY Jelly and it fits under the seat on any plane, though a bit of work on the puddle-jumpers, but remember, you've got the tools to make it fit and if you have that letter from the Musicians' Union, the AFofM, that says you can take a musical instrument on the plane, then they will let you on with all of this stuff, and the whole thing is cheaper than Bona, Thompson, off or on shore, whatevers, so there!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Case Solvings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: Did the Holy Embouchure Really Miss Notes Just Like the Rest of Us or Was It Truly Immortal? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes
[Hornlist] Check out eBay: Special French Horn Fingering Chart Conn Holton etc. (item 73
Now, here is what you all are having the needings of if you are going to be making practicings of those mostest difficultest of etudes like Maxime-Alphonse, Pottag-Hovey, or even Rubank Rare, Medium or Well or if you, by chance, get really, really, really serious, the BIG K!!! _Click here: eBay: Special French Horn Fingering Chart Conn Holton etc. (item 7384118333 end time Jan-27-06 19:12:39 PST)_ (http://cgi.ebay.com/Special-French-Horn-Fingering-Chart-Conn-Holton-etc_W0QQitemZ7384118333QQcategoryZ16215Q QrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem) And, it's a bargain with BIN and a mostestest of reasonables shipping charge!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Salutationings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The DaVinci Clam: The Who, What, When and Where of the Holy Embouchure Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Don't trust hypenated etudes. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Another clam??
Chatty Cathy Lemmon writes: Dear Professor IMG, what would be your take/input? Now, Cathy, I am always ready to give/take, intake/output, outtake/input, takeout/eatin, lightup/putout, hold'm/fold'm, whatevers. My horn professor was covering 4th horn for a concert with the university orchestra. I don't recall the piece we were performing, but he managed to briefly doze during a very soft string passage, which was followed by a very loud horn entrance. He woke up a couple measures before our entrance and thought we were a couple measures past where we actually were. He quite dutifully put his horn up and played his note, a wonderful ff right over the melodious pp strings. He quickly put his horn down and acted as if nothing had happened. Now, first off here (and there), I must make the mostest of complementings to your professor as this was the mostestest of nobles of him to be the supports of you and your student colleagues making by playing this concert with you in the first place covering 4th horn (and not even wanting to be called PRINCIPAL 4th horn) and no matter what happened you were all the mostest of fortunates to have him there anyways in the first place but as to the nature of this clam, like its antithesis in the clam world, the no speaky, it is the mostestest of debatables that it is a true clam in the first place as I am making the assumption here that this was a case of right note, wrong time, but, I think we can all agree that it does fall under the definition of a premature articulation (as already posticulated by another horn lister) and this is also known as a beforehand blow or early extripation or untimely ultrasonic or preparatory pucker or exordious entrance or a beforehand buzzalation or an inopertune tuning or a pre-seasoned palatal or an antecedented anthem and as to the lack of consciousness preceding the antecadences this could have been due to narcoleptic noddifications or simply just a cranial crepitation or cerebrial cheese-cutting and these things happen in life, as you know, and we are all guilty until proven innocent and vice versa which is why he quickly put his horn down and but if it had been I (or even me) I would have stood up for a solo bow and then asked the contractor for solo pay. It was all I could do, on first, to keep a straight face to come in when we were supposed to. Now, yes, this was good of you and even almost professional and you certainly realized that this was a tough act to follow so why even try? He told me later that, when he realized what he was doing, he tried so hard to suck the note back in, but it just didn't work. Now, I'm not sure you can suck a note back in once it has left the horn and we all know that stopping the horn still makes a sound and we all have been having too many and way too much discussions on this already and I have never had any troubles with stopping the horn, only starting it, especially on a cold winter morning, but obviously, this was not the problem that night as it started fine, from what your descriptions described, and I would say, though, that if you (everyone in general, not you, personally) suck when you play, then this technique of sucking back once you have started would be a good thing to have the knowledges of, for sure, and in this particular instance of circumstances, it would have been good if there were such a thing as an SBD Brain Fart. Herr Professor, would there be a term for such an event? Probably, maybe. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Suckifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The Da Vinci Clam: The Search for the Holy Mouthpiece. Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch
[Hornlist] HAPPY NEW CLAMS DAY!
NOW, please be looking at my updated official web page: _Click here: CLAMSAA, THE INTERNATIONAL HOLIDAY FOR HORN PLAYERS_ (http://www.horncamp.org/clamsaa.htm) Kindestest of Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Clamsaafications in the New Year! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The Da Vinci Clam: The Search for the Holy Mouthpiece. Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that Kopprasch can instill in us. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Wendell, ahead of his time
Liver Lips Larry wrote: ...Mr. Rider's training of Herr Geschtopftmitscheist. NOW, and probably maybe AGAIN sooner and AGAIN later I must make the illucidestests of clarifications of the FACTS that Mr. Rider was/is/never was/never is/wasn't/will be MY TEACHER and he has confused himself and now you on these facts so I will explan again the whos, whats, whens, wheres and whys of this so first let us look closely and scrutinize impecably the spellings and meanings of the names as my name is spelled G-E-S-T-O-P-F-T-M-I-T-S-C-H-E-I-S-T and translates as stopped with scheist and this other person's name, Wendell's student here, is spelled G-E-S-C-H-T-O-P-F-T-M-I-T-S-C-H-E-I-S-T which is untranslatable and I am now having the thinkings it is the mostest correctest of misspellings of G-E-S-C-H-O-E-P-F-M-I-T-S-C-H-E-I-S-T which translates as creature with scheist and I think that this person's name got really screwed up by the clerk at Ellis Island or the Mexican border or wherever he immigrated as everyone knows the correct spelling of this famous German name is Geschoepfvonscheisse which I'm sure you can make the translations of with the mostestest of corrections and now we are coming to the mostest importantest part of this missile as I have talked to my attorney of power, who is also my old student and Kenny B.'s best friend, VINNIE CANNOLI, and he says if this case of mistaken identities makes continuings in the future, that he will take care of it and those of you making these falsifications of mistakings have to cease and desist, and cudditout or you will swim wit da fishes to quote Vinnie and also if these fakeries makes the keepings of ups for too long, people might be starting to make the confusings of Wendell and Kendall, which would be a really, really, really big mistake! Merry Xopprasch, Happy Clamsaa and Mostestest of Heavy Duty Hangovers, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The Da Vinci Clam: The Search for the Holy Mouthpiece. Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no You see in Kopprasch who you are. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: False notes
--wabotte warbled: Query. Is a false note well played a false note. I've seen this term used for 7th and 11th interval applications. When is a note false? Who dreams up our terminology? Maybe Prof I.M.G. has a disfunctional answer. Now, firstly, the term you are searching for is disflatulational and this is all discussed at the mostest, longestest of lengths in my soon to be published book, The Undiscovered Kopprasch: True or False? which is the sequel to my recent best seller, The Da Vinci Clam as we all know that 7's and 11's are the mostest critical numbers in all things, expecially when you need a late night or early morning tank of gas, cup of coffee, Slim Jims, Ring Dings, Twinkies, Slurpees or condoms so it makes sense that if you add 7 and 11, you get 18 and if you subtract 7 from 11, you get 4 and if you add 4 to 7 you get 11 and 18 minus 7 is 11 and so on and so on, so there is the triedest and truestest of logics of hte universe here but as to intervals and notes, especially on the horn, there is little logic involved, but much in the way of theory, as even when you want the right one, you get the wrong one, and we have these false notes where logic would dictate that there should be no notes, since it is sometimes unnatural, not natural, to try to play notes without valves, so then it comes down to such things as whether you are using your true embouchure and if not, then you must be using your false one, so then it must make some sense that you must use your false embouchure to get the false notes, but if you are using the false embouchure to get the true notes, then you must change it, so the change is made, and then you will still clam, so you sue your surgeon for the faulty embouchure change, and win, and our rates go up, and luckily, we have all had these discussions at great length but the mostest, greatestest thing to keep even in the remotestest recessesses of your mind is that these terminologies are dreamed up not by practical people with hands on experience such as techies, nerds or geeks but by so-called artists and educators who's egos and stupidities only allow for the perpetrations of urban myths, suburban legends, country folklores and Pavlovian traditions who have said and heard the same things over and over and over again, so many times, they actually believe it, and let's not forget about more air and yes, I got some yesterday, it came UPS, and I will tell you later where you can get it, and how to order online, and they do take PayPal, and if you are having believings of this, you don't need to practice Kopprasch, and to answer all the questions: You can't learn to golf from a book and You can throw some hay to the cow over the fence but you can't throw the cow over the fence some hay and Two falsies only add up to the truth if you have a hand on it. Happiestest of New Year's and Please Give the Drinking to Your Assistant If You Are Driving! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? and The Da Vinci Clam: The Search for the Holy Mouthpiece Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist
[Hornlist] Re: Geschtopftmitscheist ??
Wendell Schmendell Rider wronged: Dear fellow listers one and all- Merry Xmas and a Happy Near Year! Well, now we have a real mess brewing here. Maybe an international incident. I'm very concerned about the two of you canceling each other out. People disappear all the time. Stranger things have happened! It would be a shame to lose both of you over this. Merry Xopprasch and a Happy Clamsaa to you too and sometimes it is best that horn players disappear especiallies during horn concertos or even symphonies or band concerts because they did not make the practicings of Kopprasch No. 1 I must also say that I have to disavow any responsibility for the actions of my former student, Herr Geschtopftmitscheist. He was an earnest, perhaps a bit obsessive lad with a wild imagination. His broken home and subsequent lack of monetary support caused him to rely on his street smarts to survive. As you can see, his ability to read people and his charismatic personality have taken him far from his humble beginnings. He used to tell me stories and do my gardening to pay for his lessons. Frankly, I never knew when he was telling the truth or if he knew what weeds were but it didn't seem to matter. He had that kind of effect. NOW, this is not me and you should have been knowing this since the name is spelled differently and besides that, and as my prize pupil, Kenny Betts, told you about me yesterday, my matriculations were making in Bad Lippstadt with Herr. Otto Fisch not in Sane Jose with you. I did start him out on Kopprasch, so perhaps there is some blame for me to accept there. Really though, how could I know things would go this far? Everyone needs to do Kopprasch! A lot of Kopprasch. Kids nowadays just don't do enough Kopprasch. Its pathetic. Kids today are wimps when it comes to Kopprasch. He had a similar fascination with Bruckner, transcribing entire Masses for horn ensemble. The problem with his many transcriptions is that they have no rests. NOW, yes, this is true, which shows that your credulances as a teacher are vital but again, and the facts do not make liars of us all so the mostest, thoroughestest of studies of my Kopprasch with Herr Otto Fisch for 15 years were havings in Bad Lippstadt but I did also make some advanced studies of Nos. 2-10 with Oscar Franz, Franz Strauss, Oscar Strauss and Franz Oscar due to my mother's close connections to them and I also studied all the Wagner Tube concerti with the great Italian WT virtuoso Enrico Vongole when my train was delayed for a week one night in Milan many years ago and I have not the times been having to make transcriptions of Bruckner as I spend all of my mostest precioussest of free times looking anywheres and everywheres for the long lost symphonies, concertos, operas, divertimentos, cassations, serenades, lieders, masses, marches, polkas, cake-walks and rags by our beloved Kopprasch! A great part of his life was taken up with the search for the Holy Mouthpiece. I know most of us have joined this Crusade at one time or another but again Geschtopftmitscheist carried things a bit too far, sometimes stalking people he thought might have the elusive artifact. He came to me several times, almost accusing me of hoarding a rare gold mouthpiece I had received from the master- saying that he should have it because I wasn't using it. NOW, again, this is all confusings of the realestest of issues as everyone who knows me knows that the Holy Mouthpiece, if it truly exists, is CHROME, not gold, plated and it is the original Fisch PDC used by him in the world premiere of the now long lost Symphony No. 1, der Schtooper by C. Kopprasch and the reason I say the Holy Mouthpiece's existences or nots are discussed in the greatestest of lengths in the recent best seller, The Da Vinci Clam. He is, however, always willing to care for stray horns, taking in many over the years. If you have a horn you don't want that needs a good home, give him a call. His generosity to other people has not been mentioned enough here either. Many of the problems he faced in his life were brought about because he gave to much of himself to others. I think we should all look upon his recent gifts to us of the poem and the holiday as a cry for help and redemption. What has happened here? Do we really understand the depth of this event? Is there some way we can respond appropriately? Some day day we may all look back on this with great reverence. Or not. Now, this is the onliest of resemblings of this Geschtopftmitscheist to me that you have made the mentionings of here. As far as his identity is concerned, if I told you, yes, I would have to be very concerned about your safety. I think he has revealed much about himself, perhaps too much. After all, on this Internet thing we call a forum, are any of us
[Hornlist] Re: Bivalvulation
Steve Frenchy Freides inquisites: But Professor, I do not see bivalvulation explained. Please enlighted me, or at least tell me what it means. Now, here is the definition as defined in the Kopprasch Heritage Dictionary: bi·valve n. 1. A mollusk, such as an oyster or a clam, that has a shell consisting of two hinged valves. --bi·valve adj. 1. Having a shell consisting of two hinged valves. 2. Consisting of two similar separable parts. --bi“valved” adj. --bi-valvulation v. 1. to create the constant emissions of no-speakies, phwops, phwaps, phwups, phreeps, schplats, schpleahs, schplooees, schpladats, scpladatandos, schploinks, schplinks and schplooieooieooies from the bell of a horn. 2. What will happen to a horn player in a concert if he/she has not practiced Kopprasch. No. 1. Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Clamsaalations! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no The man who can own up to his clams is greater than he who merely knows how to avoid making them. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: bivalvulation
Mostestest of apologizings for the 2 previous attemptings that got mysteriosoisly htmlled! Steve French Freides inquisites: But Professor, I do not see bivalvulation explained. Please enlighted me, or at least tell me what it means. Now, I gladly can do this so here the definition is as defined in the Kopprasch Heritage Dictionary: bi-valve n. 1. A mollusk, such as an oyster or a clam, that has a shell consisting of two hinged valves. --bi-valve adj. 1. Having a shell consisting of two hinged valves. 2. Consisting of two similar separable parts. --bi-valvulate v. 1. The act of creating the constant emissions of no-speakies, phwops, phwaps, phwups, phreeps, schplats, schpleashs, schplooees, schpladats, schpladatandos, schoploinks, schplinks and schpollieooieooies from the bell of a horn. --bi-valvulation n. 1. The sonorous extripations heard in rehearsal or concert emitted from the bell of a horn played by a performer who did not practice Kopprasch No. 1. Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Clamsaalations! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no The man sho can own up to his clams is greater than he who merely knows how to avoid making them. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Updated CLAMSAA Page
Now, I am the mostestest of thankings having to you all for joining in the CLAMSAA celebrations so please be having some looks at the updated web page devoted to our devotions: _http://www.horncamp.org/clamsaa.htm_ (http://www.horncamp.org/clamsaa.htm) Seasonings Greetonings and Mostest of Clamifications to all! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no He who fears clams is doomed to repeat them! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Bivalvulation
Steve Frenchy Freides inquisites: But Professor, I do not see bivalvulation explained. Please enlighted me, or at least tell me what it means. Now, here is the definition as defined in the Kopprasch Heritage Dictionary: bi·valve n. 1. A mollusk, such as an oyster or a clam, that has a shell consisting of two hinged valves. --bi·valve adj. 1. Having a shell consisting of two hinged valves. 2. Consisting of two similar separable parts. --bi“valved” adj. --bi-valvulation v. 1. to create the constant emissions of no-speakies, phwops, phwaps, phwups, phreeps, schplats, schpleahs, schplooees, schpladats, scpladatandos, schploinks, schplinks and schplooieooieooies from the bell of a horn. 2. What will happen to a horn player in a concert if he/she has not practiced Kopprasch. No. 1. Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest of Clamsaalations! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no The man who can own up to his clams is greater than he who merely knows how to avoid making them. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] THE LEXICON OF CLAMOLOGY
Now, here it is so you can have the correct knowings of the makings of all your clams! THE LEXICON OF CLAMOLOGY by PROFESSOR I. M. GESTOPFTMITSCHEIST NO-SPEAKY - A late entrance due to the lack of vibration of the embouchure. Considered by most horn players to not be a true clam. PHWOP - Falling of to below the pitch on the end of the last note of a passage usually in diminuendo. PHWAP - Sailing to above the pitch on the end of the last note of a passage usually in diminuendo. PHWUP - A No-Speaky at the end of a long diminuendo causing the note to end earlier that printed. Again, considered by most players not to be a true clam. PHREEP - A soft miss of a note from either above or below usually only heard and noticed by your colleagues in the horn section and not the conductor or the audience. SCHPLAT - A loud miss of a note from either above or below either upon entrance or in the course of a passage. Must have an indefinite pitch at its inception before arriving on the printed note. SCHPLEAH - A loud miss of a note from above. Must have a definite pitch at its inception. Similar to a Baroque appogiatura in sound. SCHPLOOEE - Same as a Schpleah, but from below. SCHPLADAT - A very rapid Schplat. Can be doubled into a SCHPLADATSCHPLADAT and tripled and quadrupled as well. The sky's the limit on this one. When enough SCHPLADATS are coupled together that the pitch of the printed note is never distinguished, it becomes a SCHPLADATANDO. SCHPHLOINK - A very long No-Speaky on an entrance where the listener and player are kept in suspense as to if when the note will speak. Sometimes coupled with a Schpleah, Schplooee, or Schpladat to become a SCHPHLOINKTER. SCHPHLINK - A Schphloink occuring in the middle of a passage. Sometimes coupled with a Schpleah, Schplooee or Schpladat to become a SCHPHLINKTER. SCHPLOIEEOIEEOI - Encircling the printed note from above and below, never getting on the pitch, but clearly marking the pitch of the notes above and below. Usually occurs in the middle of slow passages but occaisionally occurs upon entrance. Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Founder and Disseminator of CLAMSAA, the Universal Holiday for Horn Players Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no The greatest clam you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS, revised for 2005
A VISIT FROM SAINT DENNIS By Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist Twas the night before Kopprasch, when all through the house Not a hornist was playing, not even some Strauss; The Holtons were packed in their cases with care, In hopes that St. Dennis soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of symphony jobs danced in their heads; Completing financial aid forms was driving Mamma and me insane, As scholarships for Junior and Sis were not going to be attained. With auditions looming for college and schools, These two musicians were acting like fools. Playing only solos, excerpts, and such, Their playing was not to be considered, much. When out on the lawn there arose such a sound, I sprang from the desk like a deer on a bound! Away to the window, I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a gigantic sleigh and eight great-big reindeer! A distinguished man had his hand on the rein, I new in a moment that it surely was St. Brain. More rapid than Al Cass his coursers they came, And he free buzzed, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Alex! now Kruspe! now Conn and Holton! On, Yamaha! on Geyer! on, Schmid and Lawson! To the top of the range! to the pedal notes fall! Now play away! play away! play away all! As great horn players can do on the fly, When they meet with an excerpt, mount to the sky, So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of music, and St. Dennis too. And then, in an eighth note, I heard on the roof The puffing and blowing of each little toot. As I drew in my head, and was futzing around, Down the chimney came St. Dennis, ready to sound. He was dressed in his tails, and patent leather shoes, And he then said to me, In a minute, great news! A bundle of music he had flung on his back, And in his right hand, a Brazilian made pack. I stared at his face, and his eyes were afire, and I knew in his life, there was only one desire, to take out a horn and play it so well, that the rest of us mortals could just go to hell! He opened the gig bag and picked up his horn, like I knew he had done since the day he was born. He then played the Siegfried with nary a clam, and all I could think of was hot damn! And this great performance had awakened the kids, Who came in a'running, and put on the skids. They were all shaken, scared, and bewildered of that Since the only horn playing they ever did sounded like crap. He then played Till Eulenspiegel with nary a crack, And all with perfect rhythm, dynamics and attack. His beautiful tone was simply amazing, Not to mention his incredible phrasing. The kids starting yelling, HOW CAN WE DO THAT? WE'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF WE PLAY LIKE CRAP! And then St. Dennis said, Please, don't despair. There is a remedy for all problems, so there. My instructions, now, you should perfectly heed, If you really ever, ever want to succeed. St. Dennis then reached down into his sack, And pulled out some music and handed it back. There are five fundamentals to playing horn well, Without support for you air, your playing will smell. A strong embouchure gives you right notes and range, Good articulation keeps things from sounding strange. You need perfect rhythm, and a very good ear, As sight reading skills help to give you no fear! Put it all together and what have you got? Why, great playing, for sure, and crap it is not! So practice these studies, numbers one through sixty. Until you have assuredness and consistency. This time you invest is always well spent, Especially when you must perform at any event. Your excerpts and solos will go like the wind, Since you know all the techniques to employ within. A tricky passage is now in your grasp, Since you have practiced and practiced: KOPPRASCH!!! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, I've got others to tell, tonight, he said. And then with his horn and his music in hand, Up the chimney he went, fast as fast can. He sprang to his sleigh and buzzed to his team, Away they all flew, as if in a dream. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, HAPPY KOPPRASCH TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Copywrong, 1999-2005 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal
[Hornlist] The Twelve Days of Clamsaa
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CLAMSAA (the horn players' holiday season founded by Prof. I.M. Gestopftmitscheist because we deserve our own holiday, just like everyone else!) On the first day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, A warm-up through every key. On the second day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Two Kopprasch Books, and a warm-up through every key. On the third day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fourth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the fifth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the sixth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the seventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eighth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the ninth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the tenth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the eleventh day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. On the twelfth day of Clamsaa, my true love gave to me, a twelve-step program, eleven screw-rim mouthpieces, ten excerpt books, nine different mutes, eight quarts of valve oil, seven tubs of slide grease, six natural horns, FIVE ELKHART CONNS! Four Wagner Tuben, three section mates, two Kopprasch books, and a warm-up through every key. Copywrong, 2005 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no New horn, $5,000. New mouthpiece, $100. Kopprasch, priceless! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A Musical Celebration!
Now, here is another musical celebration of CLAMSAA!!! _http://tinyurl.com/ahqtb_ (http://tinyurl.com/ahqtb) Seasonings Greetonings and Mostestest Happiestests of CLAMSAAS! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is always in season. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Pitch change off the leg
Dan Not Paul McCartney wrote: Can anyone out there explain why the intonation is lower when playing off the leg than when resting the bell on the leg? Now, in a perfect, logical world, more of senses would be having it that since when you make the liftings of the bell, the pitch would go higher, and when you are resting the bell on your leg, the pitch would go lower but you have observed, as have many before you, that the opposites are true in our mostestest of imperfect, illogical worlds, but despite all of these connfusions and connfoundements, this is a mostestest of certains of Koepfchennichthaben as when your horn is off your leg, it is aimed at the wall, which is flat, thus making your pitch flat, so this explains it and you must have some understandings now and I am now having the mostestest of connfidences that you do too so to raise the pitch with the bell off the leg, you must point it at a sharp object, like a Ginzu knife, fire-poker, Arabian scimitar, army surplus bayonet or even a paint scraper will do, in order to for the natural, automatic psycho-acoustic result to mysteriously appear and this is good because it is better to be sharp than out of tune! Merry Xopprasch and a Happy New Year from a snowy, blowy Bad Corner, NH, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Let's put the K back in Xopprasch! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Embouchure Change
Hairy Kerry Thompson wrote: ...changing an embouchure is one of the most difficult, riskiest, and frustrating things you can attempt. ... the failure rate on embouchure changes is at least 90%. Probably less if ...a motivated music major, but even then success is far from guaranteed. Now, this is the mostestest of certainlies of trues which is why all embouchure changes should be made ONLY under the supervisions of the mostest most experienced and also competents of MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS and luckily there are dedicated doctors out there who can help you through what will be the mostest important, earth-shaking, life-altering event (other than perhaps marriage, death and taxes) of your life so if you make the successesses of your embouchure change you MUST make the engagings of the following medical professionals: 1) SURGEON, the mostestest important person (must be from France as that is the only place presently where faces are being transplanted); 2) ANETHESIOLOGIST, in order to relieve the pain of the procedure; 3) PEDIATRICIAN, so that the new embouchure grows correctly; 4) INTERNEST, in case your body rejects the transplant; 5) DERMATOLOGISTt, in case there are skin problems that need to be addressed; 6) PHARMACIST, you will need drugs (a Koepfchennichthaban if there ever was one); 7) DENTIST and/or ORTHODONTIST in case your new embouchure won't work on your old teeth; 8) PSYCHIATRIST, necessary in the planning stages before surgery to make the mostestest of assurances that the embouchure wants to change and also after surgery to help you adjust to your new life as a better horn player and it is also very important that your DONOR be a top notch horn player who is a member of the Donating Organs that Resulted in Kopprasch program in their state or country and this is marked on their driver's license by the big red letters D.O.R.K. and that also it is a good idea if they were also on this horn list that you can also get a brain transplant while you are in the hospital for the embouchure change since I'm sure that you will get a better brain than embouchure since most of the brains of people on this list have never been used! Merry Xopprasch and a Happy New Year from a snowy and blowy Bad Corner, NH, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Bad Corner Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers (summer only) Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ (Ret.) Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn, Pest Control and Home Petroleum Studies, Northern New Hampshire Technical Institute, Bad Corner, NH Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Owner-Operator, Bad Corner Petroleum Laboratory, The Worlds Largest Valve Oil Factory Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Let's put the K back in Xopprasch! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Horn Digest, Vol 35, Issue 12
Gretchen H.T.M.L. Zook wrote: VHdvIHllYXJzIGFnbyBJIG9yZGVyZWQgYSBjYXNlIGRpcmVjdGx5IGZyb20gTWFyY3VzIEJvbm5h LiBUaGUgY2FzZSBhcnJpdmVkIHdpdGggYSBtaW5pbWFsIHdhaXQgYW5kIEkgaGFuZGxlZCB0aGUg snip CnVuc3Vic2NyaWJlIG9yIHNldCBvcHRpb25zIGF0IGh0dHA6Ly9tdXNpYzIubWVtcGhpcy5lZHUv bWFpbG1hbi9vcHRpb25zL2hvcm4vZ3JldGNoZW56b29rJTQwY3MuY29tDQo Now, Gretchen, XJzQGVhcnRobGluay5uZXQNCkRhdGU6IEZyaS, but, gMTEgT and m92IDIwMD, UgMTU6ND, M6MjAg, and therefore the mostestest of MDAgKEdNVC0wNTowM and the very, very very greatestestests of theCkNClRvOmhvcm so then 5AbXVzaWMubWVtcGhpcy5lZHUNClN1YmplY3Q6IFtI b3JubGlzdF0gTWFyY3VzIEJvbm5hIENhc2VzDQoNCldoYXQgaXMgdGhlIHNpdHVhdGlvbiB3aXRo IE1hcmN1cyBCb25uYSBhbmQgdGhvc2UgdGhhd until CBsZWZ0IGhpbSB0byBzdGFydCB0aGVpciBvd24g happens but Y2FzZSBidXNpbmVzcz8gIEFyZSB0 and aGV5IG1ha2luZyBjYXNlcyB1bmRlciB0aGUgTWFyY3VzIEJv so then bm5hIG5hbWUgbWVhbmluZyB0aGF0IHRoZXkg because of YXJlIGNvdW50ZXJmZWl0cz8gIE9yIGFyZSB0aGV5 and IHVzaW5nIHRoZWlyIG93biBsYWJlbD8gIEFuZCBob3cgZG9 and lcyB0aGlzIGNvbm5lY3QgKGlmIGl0 umpteen GRvZXMpIHRvIH of this Rob3NlIHRoYXQgbWFrZSBjYXNlcyBmb3IgT3NtdW4/DQoNCkkgYW0gbG9va2lu ZyBmb3IgYSBjYXNlIGFuZC mostest of ByZWFsbHkgbGlrZSB0aGUgTWFy and slightestest ofY3VzIEJvbm5hIGNhc2VzIGJ1dCB0 so when aGVyZSBpcyBzdWNoIGEgbG9uZyB3YWl0LiAgQW5kIEkgaGF2ZSBoZWFyZCB0aGF0IHdlIHNob3Vs ZCBzdGF5IGF3YXkgZnJvbSB0aG9zZSB0aGF0IG happens, you can FyZSBjb3VudGVyZmVpdHMgZm9yIG9idmlvdXMg cmVhc29ucy4gIENsYXJpZmljYXRpb24gd291bGQgYmUgbW9zdCBhcHByZWNpYXRlZCBmcm9tIGFu KOPPRASCH NO.1! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Successesses, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch will keep you going and going and going and going and ... ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Horn Digest, Vol 35, Issue 6
Bill Gross asked us to make examinations of: _http://www.fearme.com/img/cars_misc/Chauffe2.mp3_ (http://www.fearme.com/img/cars_misc/Chauffe2.mp3) and _http://www.renaultf1.com/en/binaries/RS25_WeAreTheChampion_tcm3-41644.mp3_ (http://www.renaultf1.com/en/binaries/RS25_WeAreTheChampion_tcm3-41644.mp3) Now, I thought these musics were fantastics as well as novels (not to make the mentionings of loud) but what I really, really, really want to know is whether this mostestest stalwartestest and fastestest of automotive conveyance's exhaust system is a Geyer or a Kruspe wrap? Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Racings Onwards, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch will keep you in the fast lane! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
RE: [Hornlist] A concert I wish I knew about before I read the reviewin t
Prof. Pizka Postulated: Was the writer of the article a vegetarian, as he mentioned hunting as Love of killing animals ? Could say more about this kind of sanctimoniousness Hunting was is necessary, but admitted, if it goes into sport, the writer was right Now, Hans, you are a classical scholar and you should make the rememberings that we must always consider the source which in this case is a MUSIC CRITIC for the NEW YORK TIMES so even if he knows something about his subject, which is unlikely, he has to spin it according to editorial policies (not to mention whims) of his bosses and he probably feels that way anyhow since he has worked there a long time punctum! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Celebrations of St. Hubert's Day Recently, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is the meat. Alphonse is the fruit. Do you want to sound meaty or fruity? ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] HAPPY HORNOWEEN (sort of and belateds)
Now, please make the checkings out of this mostest hilariousest of filmings: _http://www.thepetersonproject.com/Halloween.htm_ (http://www.thepetersonproject.com/Halloween.htm) Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Hauntenings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch doesn't scare me! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Ever Heard of This Make?
Now, any further informations on this? _Click here: eBay: Rare Dork Sons French Horn, Silver, Grand Rapids (item 7356366723 end time Oct-12-05 10:47:20 PDT)_ (http://cgi.ebay.com/Rare-Dork-Sons-French-Horn-Silver-Grand-Rapids_W0QQitemZ7356366723QQcategoryZ16215QQrdZ1QQ cmdZViewItem) Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Typographicals, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is no mistake. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: French Horn Coaching
Hello Student Parent, Now, kindest of greetonings to you and I applaud your very wisest of decisions for your son to make the studyings of the horn with me as I am the greatest of horn teachers in the tri-state area and I am the mostest of happies for your son to come to my United State of New Jersey for three months study so in order for this to happen I must hear your son play the horn, specifically the Conn horn, so he must send me a recording of his mostest perfected performance of Kopprasch No. 1 on his Conn horn and I will accept him as a student if this is satisfactory and then he will have 8 hours a day private instruction from me except on Mondays and Thursdays when I am teaching pest control at Exit 2 Community College for three months in fundamentals, techniques and musicianships of all Conn horns and he will learn all etudes, concertos, excerpts and ensembles perfectly and I guarantee that when he returns to Europe he will be the greatest of Conn Artists ever so now you must send me the monies up front for his tuitions and since you are from Netherland and I am from New Jersey, I can not trust you so you must make arrangements to deliver $10,000 cash US monies in $20 bills and/or gold coins to me so I am assuming your elder brother will bring me the payments very soon so I await your further correspondences and to receiving the attached mp3 file or otherwise of your son's most perfect performance of Kopprasch No. 1 on his Conn horn and we will make the rapidest of progresses then with our future arrangements, both musical and monetarial! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostest of Sincerelies, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no You can pick your Kopprasch and you can pick your nose but you can't wipe your Kopprasch on the couch. PS: PayPal is OK as well for payment but cash or gold coins are preferred methods so add 3% handling fee if using the PayPal method. In a message dated 9/14/2005 8:26:41 AM Eastern Daylight Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes: Hello Teacher, Good day to you.My name is Raymond Shaw based in Netherland.My son(20years of age) will be coming to the united state for a 3(Three) month holiday but will stay with my elder brother.While he his there,i want him to attend your teaching class on French Horn found on the hornplayer.net .I want you to e-mail me the modalty of the programme,rate/hr,number of hours a day,your location ,duration of the lesson and other things necessary for a smooth learning.Please get back to me asap.Send your reply to my eramail box ( [EMAIL PROTECTED] (mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]) ) .Meanwhile,i would be greatful if you could increase your hours and days of teaching him.Let me know your price/hour and i would offer you additional just for you to give my son the best. Raymond Shaw ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: embouchure strengthening device
Steve Ovitsky wrote: Here's possibly the last embouchure building gadget you'll ever need. eBay item 7344912178 Now, I must be making the tellings to you all that this device is a probably maybe a knock-off and imitator of my famous and almost patented French horn Articulation and Range Titanicator (or F.A.R.T. for short) which helped many people have the mostest of successesses in their chosen professions as well as get their third degrees! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Debuffifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is worth fighting for. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music2.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Legendary hornist for an interview
Bill Gross wondered: My Dear Herr Doctor Professor I. M. Gestopftmitscheist, Might I ask a question of you? WHAT KIND OF MOUTHPIECE DO YOU USE? Now, I have made the usings of the same mouthpiece for the longestest of times, now, ever since my neighbors made the snatchings and stealings of my other one, as they were tired of listening to the ultimate sacrifice of horn playing, Kopprasch No. 1 and that mouthpiece is a Schlumpf Custom Model PIMG007.711GR81, made by Bob Schlumpf, husband of Margie Schlumpf, who ran the diesel shop at Margie's Truck Stop, Motel and Showers in Exit 2, NJ, where I use to have my teaching studio on the second floor, room 6D, and Bob was a great machinist so he copied my old Fisch PD (Pretty Deep) that had been given to me by my teacher, Herr Otto Fisch when I was a student at the Hochschule in Bad Lippstadt when he told me to take this mouthpiece and go practice Kopprasch until you get it right and I am still on No. 1 to this very day with that mouthpiece even though it was stolen but I had had the havings of the good sensilogicals to have had Bob the makings of the copy and now you know why as well! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Ausfahrtings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is what Kopprasch does. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Legendary hornist for an interview
Robert reconnoitered: If you could ask questions of any living horn legend, whom would it be? Hermann Baumann? Barry Tuckwell? What are the burning, pressing questions that you would just have to ask that person? Now, this is a mostest, biggestest-of-times no brainer: WHAT KIND OF MOUTHPIECE DO YOU USE? Followed by: WHY THAT ONE? Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Querifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no There are no questions about Kopprasch that go unanswered. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Reversals
From Roscoe Raven: Can you reverse a valvectomy? Now, yes, all possible, but do not be having the expectations that your insurance will cover it and what most of you need is a reversal of your Koppraschectomy and its always the mostestest of goodestest of ideas to know your parts before the reversal starts!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Reconstructions, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is what Kopprasch does. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Mostestest of LOLings!!!
Now, please also read completely the descriptions and make your biddings accordinglys! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItemcategory=16215item=7316516660r d=1 Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Guffawings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Horn Digest, Vol 28, Issue 17
Chris Columbus wrote: Conn had hand made horns? Now, it is depending the mostest as to what you mean by hand made as I once visited the old Conn factory in ELKHART, IND as the bells used to toll, right of the Indiana Toll Road, in fact, and I can give you the mostest of assurings that there were many hands there making instruments of all types, including the famous and then very cheap 8D, as well as the 4D, 6D, 28D, etc. and trumpets and trombones and tubas and mellophones and alto horns and mellophoniums and sousaphones and also the moutpieces to put in these things to make the playings thereoff, and so, NO, they were not HAND MADE, but, YES, they were HANDS MADE, but later I heard that they started stamping them out of sheet metal in Costa Rica or Panama or someplace like that and then they mated the Conn and the King unsuccessfully in Ohio and now they are trying to clone Holtons like sheep or something like that so I'm glad I still have my trusty old 6D and my double-belled, six valved, single B Sansone! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Informations for the Mechanically Impaired, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no To know Kopprasch is to know Kopprasch. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A GOOD START!!!
From the International Musician, the monthly newspaper of the AFofM: French Police Arrest German Conductor at Concert German conductor Volker Hartung was about to pick up his baton for an encore when French police, waiting outside Strasbourg's Palais de la Musique, arrested him. The February 22 raid, in which 15 members of the Cologne New Philharmonic were taken into custody, followed allegations that Hartung had been illegally employing musicians from eastern Europe without work permits. The operation followed a police raid last October on another of Hartung's concerts in Nice, according to The London Guardian. He was released after two nights in prison. On February 28, however, Germany's orchestra union, which represents 13,200 musicians, joined in the attack, claiming Hartung was cheating Germans out of jobs at a time when many German musicians were unemployed. What he does is shameless exploitation, Gerald Mertens, the union's director, said. The problem is that he is operating in a grey area. French police confirmed that the conductor had been arrested on suspicion of illegal activity. He has been banned from performing again in France until further notice, a police spokesman said. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Incarcerations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is the most arresting of all. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] DENNIS BRAIN'S MELLOPHONE FOR SALE IN FRANCE!!!
Now, please have the mostest of lookings at this mostest unusuals of instruments custom made in France for Dennis Brain to play in marching band with his head down and bell out front: http://cgi.ebay.fr/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItemcategory=624item=7309485737rd=1 Kindestest of Greetonings and Happiestest of Biddings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch...you know what it is, yet you don't know what it is. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Austrian Company Unveils New Horn!!!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: The SCHMUTZER HORN und SCHAUFEL FABRIK has unveiled the world's first horn with invisible valves. This revolutionary instrument enables the artist to play natural horn music in tune with no funny notes and fool the audience into thinking they are performing on the natural horn with no valves. It also keeps the other players in your section from stealing and selling your secret fingerings! Prices start at $29.99, USD, a bargain!!! Click here: eBay item 7306590097 (Ends Mar-15-05 06:57:04 PST) - Old French Horn, brass, musical display, Austria Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch will make you visible. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Natural Mellophone Discovered - First Marching Horn of Its Kind!!!
And, it's for sale!!! Click here: eBay-Artikel 7305166073 (Endet 09.03.05 18:57:09 MEZ ) - Altes Horn Kindestest of Greetonings and Happiestest of Biddonings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Good Kopprasch cannot be bargained for. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Work in Progress
Now, KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in E), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in E), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in Eb), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in Eb), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in D), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in D), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in Db), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in Db), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in C basso), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in C basso), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in H), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in H), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in Bb basso), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in Bb basso), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in C alto), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in C alto), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in Bb alto), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in Bb alto), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in A), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in A), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in Ab), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in Ab), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in G), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in G), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (slurred in F#), KOPPRASCH NO. 1 (tongued in F#) etc. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Salivations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no A Kopprasch a day keeps the conductor away. ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Work in Progress
Hans wrote: ! Had my highest Long Call Oct.1st, 1969 at the 4.100 meters pass between Chile Argentina. Now, I am thinking this is not such the biggestestest of dealerations because we all made the highestest of calls (and everything else for that matter) back in the '60s, don't you think? Coolestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Groovings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is the best high! ___ post: horn@music.memphis.edu unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A VISIT FROM ST. DENNIS
A VISIT FROM ST. DENNIS By Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Twas the night before Kopprasch, when all through the house Not a hornist was playing, not even some Strauss; The Holtons were packed in their cases with care, In hopes that St. Dennis soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of symphony jobs danced in their heads; As Mamma and I filled out financial aid forms, We wished that those kids had never been born! With auditions looming for college and schools, These two musicians were acting like fools. Playing only solos, excerpts, and such, Their playing was not to be considered, much. Add to these facts that these kids had big heads, Mamma and I were in the throes of great dread. Since money was tight and the wallet quite thin, Unless they got scholarships, the future was grim. When out on the lawn there arose such a sound, I sprang from the desk like a deer on a bound! Away to the window, I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a gigantic sleigh and eight great-big reindeer! A distinguished man had his hand on the rein, I new in a moment that it surely was St. Brain. More rapid than Al Cass his coursers they came, And he free buzzed, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Alex! now Kruspe! now Conn and Holton! On, Yamaha! on Geyer! on, Schmid and Lawson! To the top of the range! to the pedal notes fall! Now play away! play away! play away all! When great horn players perform, they take the stage tall. They play solos perfectly, with no warm up at all! So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of music, and St. Dennis too. And then, in an eighth note, I heard on the roof The puffing and blowing of each little toot. As I drew in my head, and was fumbling around, Down the chimney came St. Dennis, ready to sound. He was dressed in his tails, and patent leather shoes, And he then said to me, In a minute, great news! A bundle of music he had flung on his back, And in his right hand, a Marcus Bona pack. I stared at his face, and his eyes were afire, and I knew in his life, there was only one desire, to take out a horn and make music, not noise, and do it perfectly, with confidence and poise! He opened the gig bag and picked up his horn, like I knew he had done since the day he was born. He then played the Siegfried with nary a clam, and all I could think of was hot damn! And this great performance had awakened the kids, Who came in a'running, and put on the skids. They were all shaken, scared, and bewildered of that Since the only horn playing they had done had sounded like crap. He then played Till Eulenspiegel with nary a crack, And all with perfect rhythm, dynamics and attack. His beautiful tone was simply amazing, Not to mention his incredible phrasing. The kids starting yelling, HOW CAN WE DO THAT? WE'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF WE STILL SOUND LIKE CRAP! And then St. Dennis said, Please, don't despair. There is remedy for all problems, so there. My instructions, now, you should perfectly heed, If you really ever, ever want to succeed. St. Dennis then reached down into his sack, And pulled out some music and handed it back. There are five fundamentals to playing horn well, Without support for you air, your playing will smell. A strong embouchure gives you right notes and range, Good articulation keeps things from sounding strange. One must know their intervals and play pitches in tune, Or else you will clam and play like a bufoon! You need perfect rhythm, without any glitches, Otherwise, you'll have the audience in stitches. Put it all together and what have you got? Why, great playing, for sure, and crap it is not! If you work on the basics one hour per day, Then people will listen, they might even pay! So practice these studies, numbers one through sixty. Until you have assuredness and consistency. This time you invest is always well spent, Especially when you perform at any event. Your excerpts and solos will go like the wind, Since you know all the techniques to employ within. A tricky passage is now in your grasp, Since you have practiced and practiced: KOPPRASCH!!! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, I've got others to tell, tonight, he said. And then with his horn and his music in hand, Up the chimney he went, fast as fast can. He sprang to his sleigh and buzzed to his team, Away they all flew, as if in a dream. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Happy KOPPRASCH to all and to all a good night! Copywrong, 1999, revised versions, 2000, 2002, 2004 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist SEASONINGS GREETONINGS and MOSTESTEST OF FUNNINGS FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2
[Hornlist] Re: Horn Digest, Vol 21, Issues 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, etc.........
Now, what I am having are the mostestest of discomboobulations about whether or not the cleanlinesses and lubricationesses of the valves have anything to do with the qualitativeness or the raisings or lowerings of the stopped tones and what about the cleanlinesses of your hand in the bell so the questions are as follows: 1) If your valves are dirty and your hand is dirty, will the resultanting stopped note come out cleanly whether or not you have fingered it above or below or does the fingering depend on whether or not you have figured out the physics involved for both the F and B sides or should it just sound good no matter what and what about the other combinations of the above? 2) If your valves are cleaned with shampoo, soaked in alcohol, lubricated with triple refined mink oil mixed with 5W30 Mobil 1 with a drop of red food coloring added for visual effect in the $5.00, 2 oz. bottle and been oiled every other hour for a week, and your hand has been washed with Dial Anti-Bacterial soap, dried with a sterile, surgeons' grade paper towel, covered with vaseline to moisturize it and then inserted in the bell and because of the vaseline it goes in even further up the bell than usual, then, does the resultant node or anti-node move even further making the pitch raise or lower a full step on either or both the F and/or B sides? 3) I have heard that hand stopping in the northern hemisphere raises the pitch and in the southern hemisphere, it lowers it (or vice-versa), and that this is why the fingerings written in the rental part of the Capriccio Espagnole never work? 4) Are there any markeded differences in the above mentioned questions when performing on either a silver Kruspe wrapped horn or a brass Geyer wrapped horn and what about a Chinese nickle plated horn and if the Geyer wrapped horn had just been polished with Brasso, sterilized with alcohol and cryogenically frozen, would it still have a bad g and if the Kruspe wrapped had the same things done, would the a and g# still be flat on open and 2 on the B side? 4) How much would it cost to add a stopping valve to a Wagner Tuba and why don't the manufacturers do this and why are there no stop valves on the natural horn? 5) If John Kerry was a horn player and played a Geyer, would he have changed to a Kruspe at some point and then maybe back to the Geyer or vice versa? 6) If George W. Bush were a horn player in an amateur orchestra, would he show up at all of the rehearsals? Mostest of thankings in advance for you mostestest erudiculousses of replies over the next month or so on these subjects Mostestest of Sinceres and Kindestest of Greetonings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no An ounce of Kopprasch is worth a pound of Maxime-Alphonse. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] unsubscribe or set options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Myers-Gliere
Paul paraded: I was one of the fortunate people who heard Phil Myers play the Gliere Concerto with the Riverside Orchestra Friday night.Anyone else hear this performance? Now, yes, now, now, yes, yes, now, now, now, yes, yes, yes, I made the hearings of this concerto performed in NY by Phil on Phriday at my home in Exit 2, NJ and I did not even have my radio on!! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Airifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is always in season. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Munich audition tuning....Hans
Professor Hans howled: First: we do not invite candidates from outside Europe. They must live here before we invite them. Citizenship does not matter (they actually originated from 3 continents, but not the USA) Second: tuning has nothing to do with taste. As tuned means something absolute there is no choice left. etc... Now, I can tell you, with the absolutestests of certainments, that I, being the mostestest of familiars with many cultures and subcultures and minicultures and microcultures, know that the problem here is one of the mostestest of obviousessesses that you would now have made the fillings of this vacancy in your horn section if you would check the candidates' resumeeses and vitals and then only invite candidates who started off their experiences in the MARCHING BAND as they would have had the many experiences of bad intonations and their corrections and also, who was the conductor when you played in the Railway Band? Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Advices, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Oh when the Kopprasch, oh when the Kopprasch, oh when the Kopprasch goes marchin' in! ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Horn section for hire?
Lawrence of Liverpool lettered: The programme has been printed by someone from the venue and lists the instruments: 2 oboes; 2 clarinets; 2 bassoons and 2 hors. Should be an interesting gig! Now, Lawrence, since you are professional, it is only the mosetestest of fittings that you play these perfomances on the HOE'S PIPE!!! Mostestests of Greetonings and Greatestests of April Foolings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is never foolish! ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
Now, lets all of us worldwides join in wishing Prof. Hans Pizka a: ¡Feliz Cumpleaños! Joyeux Anniversaire ! Buon Compleanno! Feliz aniversario! Gelukkige Verjaardag! Glad Fødselsdag! Grattis på födelsedagen! and many more of the mostestest, happiestest of Birthdays Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Sincerelings, Your all-time mostest, biggestest of fans, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Happy Kopprasch to you, happy Kopprasch to you, Happy Kopprasch dear Hans, Happy Kopprasch to you! ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] New, Perfectly Executed Recording!!!
From The Voice of Reason: Orchestra releases CD with 11 silent tracks The real Sound of Silence The New Barton Silent Symphony Orchestra has released a CD containing 11 tracks of complete silence. The tracks include a silent version of the classic Beastie Boys song Fight For Your Right To Party, the delicious Meditation On An Apple Pie, and the critically ignored Porn On Fast Forward. But, most controversial of all, is the track 911 for 911. In commemoration of the 911th day after the 911 attacks, the track, in which an entire orchestra sits in complete silence for 911 seconds (15 minutes 11 seconds), had to be recorded 5 times to get the perfect silence. A shorter, one second short of 2 minutes, single, niftily entitled 119 for 911, is to be released nearer the anniversary. This is a purely for profit release. The complete tracks on the CD are: 01 The Quiet One 02 Protest Silently For Your Right To Party 03 The Look Of Love 04 911 for 911 05 119 for 911 06 Meditation On An Apple Pie 07 Hurricane Isabel As Heard By A Poor, Deaf Man 08 Silently She Weeps 09 50 Seconds of Death 10 Lull Before A Storm 11 Porn On Fast Forward More information at http://www.thevoiceofreason.com/2004/January/119for911.htm Kindestestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Enjoyments of Listenings Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? Hooked on Hornonics, and What If Saddam Had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador or Conn Pan American Single F Horns and a Kopprasch Book Instead of AK 47's, Booze and Porn? Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Who Does Not Get His Horns For Free Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Silence is the next best thing to Kopprasch. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Your Strings and Your Balls
Now, I am having the mostest of confusings as to this fight about strings vs. balls because I have played many musics in many venues and I have never heard a string section with balls, in my mostest humblestest of opinions, and this is also true about horn and valve linkagistics and the physicals of valvology, but, this is now having the makings of the mootest of points, since, whether you have strings and no balls, or balls (not just mini but sub-compact or compact, or mid-sized, or full-sized, or super-sized, or gigantissimo-SUV-sized, or Greyhound-bus-sized, or M-1-Abrams-tank-sized, or 747-sized) and no strings, or any of those antique clockwork mechanicals (like the ones on my Carl Fischer Special Right-Handed-E-Flat-Wagner-Tube), neither your strings nor your balls will help you play KOPPRASCH NO. 1 with a good sound, the right rhythm, the right notes, the correct dynamics, and with a musical outcome that is pleasing to both your teacher, your audience and your mother, so let's all get back to what's mostest of importants, anyways, OK, because it's nice to have balls and it's nice to have strings but it's nicer to have a good lip and a good ear! Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostest of Fingerations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer Special, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch markets itself. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Valve
Mike muttered: Professor Pizka, By the time i read the digest which was around 10pm on a school day, I couldnt simply go into the bathroom and start wahing it out for an hour. Thats why i did it yesterday evening. Mike Now, Mike, I am having to make all of the tellings that the good Prof. Hans was instructing you to MACERATE your horn, not what you thought and if you are doing that other thing, that is normal for a teenager and nothing to be ashamed of but there are other lists to go to to make the publications of it on since this is a HORN list, not a HORNY list! Seasonings Greetonings and Happiestest of Hornidays, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer Special, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no What a friend we have in Kopprasch. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Titanium Strings
Hans Haled: Did ever break a string just ten minutes before Bruckner no.4 ? If this happen to you once, you would never trust any string action. Now, I never made the breakings of strings just ten minutes before anything since for many, many, years now, ever since I gave up playing with balls, I have been using titanium strings which never, never, never break and you don't have to change them once or twice a year like normal, mortal strings but I always make the changings of my underwear ten minutes before Bruckner 4 (and make the mostest of certains you put on at least 4 sizes too big of underwears) and that has a lot more importance, don't you think, since, you can't trust the string action anyway and you don't want to stir up any kind of actions in Bruckner 4, even if it is called The Romantic. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostest of Flipulations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer Special, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is the fiber of horn playing. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Who made it?
Alan Cole portered: OK, who do you suppose actually manufactured this old Alexander 103 clone that's on eBay? http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItemitem=2578549659category=359 Paxperson? Boosey? Gebr. Alexander? Somebody else? Can't help wondering. Now, this cannot be a Boosey because it has never, never, never been cleaned with Scotch, and that is the mostest of obviousnessesses!!! Seasonings Greetonings and Mostest Happiestest of Hangoverings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Assistant Associate Principal Mellophone, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps, The Phantom Lane Changers Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Carl Fischer Special, Olds Ambassador, Sansone and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch never takes a holiday. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: The Features of Horns
Bob desperately asks: Can anybody suggest a good piece for 'featured horn' with horn in woodwind quintet or horn in brass quintet? I have a couple (such as the Mozart Quintet) but need more suggestions. It is for one of my students, and I have run out of ideas. (Must be the weather... ;) Now, I have the knowings of facts that every piece of music ever written (originals and arrangements) for either quintet WW or brass) will make the mostest of features of the horn if the horn player makes the mostest properest of interpretations, that is, if the horn is loud enough to drown out the other instruments and this is no problem for your student in a WW quintet but in the brass quintet maybe they will need a guitar amp. Kindestestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Voluminations, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Principal 4th Horn, Academy of St. Paul in Minneapolis Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Principal Assistant Principal Mellophone and Volume Specialist, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Sansone, Carl Fisher, Olds Ambassador and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch day in, Kopprasch day out. That's what life is all about! ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Gestopftmitscheist horn teachers and family tree
Mark Determinator L. wrote: Schmutzig, no doubt was the teacher of the famous Professor Gestopftmitscheisst. NOW, I am having the mostestest of crapulations over this one because it is just not true, NOT TRUE, NO WAY, JOSE, FALSE, FALSER, FALSESTEST, FALSESTESTEST and also a lying bloodification since I studied with the mostestest of many, many, very, very famous teachers in my home village of Schpittenotendorf am Oedland, the neighboring town to Bad Lippstadt and always these teachers came to my house to give me my lessons and my mostestest belovedestest Mama, Helga Schwartzherzschlutt Gestopftmitscheist von Kopprasch always fixed them dinner after my lessons, got them real drunk on homemade absinthe and let them spend the night and the that stupid assjack Schmutzig was never in our house, just my teachers: Otto Fisch, Oscar Franz, Franz Strauss, Otto Franz, Franz Oscar, Oscar Strauss, Franz Fisch, Otto Strauss and Oscar Fisch and I DO KNOW who my teachers were but I am not sure about my father? Kindestest Greetonings and Mostestest of Geneologicals, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Principal 4th Horn, Academy of St. Paul in Minneapolis Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Principal Assistant Principal Mellophone and Volume Specialist, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Sansone, Carl Fisher, Olds Ambassador and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no COMING SOON, MY NEWEST BOOK: What if Saddam had Given Ouday and Qusay Olds Ambassador SINGLE F French Horns and Kopprasch Books instead of Kalishnikovs, Electric Cattle Proders and Pornography? Kopprasch is always re-elected! ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A REALLY, REALLY, SCARY HALLOWEEN STORY
A REALLY, REALLY, SCARY HALLOWEEN STORY Newlywed horn playing couple Bob and Betty Hill were honeymooning in Europe as well as taking auditions and studying with Prof. Hans Pizka. They were driving a rental car along a deserted highway late at night in Transylvania in a fierce rain storm. Bob could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a huge, old castle. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?? I'm sorry, replies the hunchback, but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor. Come in and I will get him. Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor. I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory. With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion. Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ and his vast collection of musical instruments as he is a very talented amateur musician as well as a scientist. It is here with his music that he has always found solace. He picks up his single F Wiener Pumpenhorn and begins to play, and the stirring, haunting melody of Kopprasch Number One fills the castle. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master, Master, Master! . . . THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF KOPPRASCH!! and please be having of the mostest fun and safe HORNOWEEN to all of you and your families Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Principal 4th Horn, Academy of St. Paul in Minneapolis Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Principal Assistant Principal Mellophone and Volume Specialist, NJ Turnpike Authority Drum and Bugle Corps Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Exclusive Bundy, Sansone, Carl Fisher, Olds Ambassador and Conn Artist Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: LaFleur Horns
Tim tibbled: does anyone have any info on Lafleur horns? and Klaus Kommented: Especially in piston instruments the quality technically and acoustically is very bad. The real name of these instruments would reveal their maker: Amati of Czechia. Now, I need to know, I REALLY need to know, if this maker (I am having no previous knowledges of this, for sure) makes the instrument of my dreams, a right-handed-E-flat-PISSTON-valved-WAGNER-TUBE as my old Carl Fisher Special has almost masticated the powder so I am in the market and not even Yamaha or UMI or Holton or Alexander or Engelbert or Kruspe or anyone for that matter (not even Prof. Y.K.W.) has anything in their catalogues and I am on a limited, fixed income/ budget/pension/socialist security so I am having the mostest of needs for something really cheap? Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Declamifications, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch 4, Yankees 2. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] You, Your Musics, Your Audiences and Your Monies
Clayton Whetmore, there, wrote: I'm curious...can you play the piano with such ease as Dino Kartsonakis? Can you play the sax as well as Kenny G? Have you, like Michael Bolton, sold over 52 million albums and singles worldwide, and won two Grammys and six American Music Awards among many other accolades. shrugging I suppose it's easy to look down our noses, from high atop ivory towers, at these supposedly poor specimens of musicians tongue in cheek. But, if one is honest with oneself, one must admit that they've accomplished something most of us have not! Now, I am finally agreeing again at long last with someone on this mostly sophomoric of lists (of course if this list is sophomoric that Yahoo list is freshmanic or sophomoronic at best) because Clayton has with the mostest of correctiles pointed out that, yes, no one on this list can play the piano like Dino, or the Sax like Kenny G. and no one, I mean, no one on this list is ever going to sell 52 million albums and singles (but I know that Prof. H.P. has sold 52 albums and I don't know about singles, but he use to consume in his party days 52 doubles) like Michael Bolton and most of the students on this list, judging by their mostestest egotisticals of writings to us from their safe ivory towers at their universities think that if they make the practicings of concertos and the rehearsals or symphonies and wind ensembles and the sloppings through of their excerpts with their bad rhythms, wrong notes, sloppy dynamics, out of tunes and ass-tone sounds that someday they may play the horn as well as Kenny B. or even the right-handed E flat Wagner Tube as well as moi and make some kind of living at it performing in public and/or teaching others how to play when in reallity they can't even play KOPPRASCH NUMBER ONE with a good sound, correct rhythm, secure and in tune notes and proper, musical dynamics!!! Caveat Feces! Mostest of Musics and Monies for All of You, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch in, money out! ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Re: Horn Evaluations
Mark L. querifies: So I guess if it is not on your list, it's okay. I'm rushing out to buy a Hoyer !! BTW are you a pacifist too ? I'm not sure, but probably maybe, but then again, perhaps maybe not, perhaps again, I am having thoughts, but it all depends on my second thoughts, but now, on my third thought, I can't find the definition, so I am yet having more thoughts, perhaps now, or later, or never, but I am sure of one thing, I AM an obstufacationist ramarcarcian pramboligong. Kindestestestest of Greetonings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch: it's all I do and I do it well. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Protest Now!
My Dear Connards, Now I am having the mostest of difficulties with these facts as shown on the TV news today about the French not being part of our alliance against Goddam Inssein and the peoples in America protesting this by not buying French products such as cheese, wine (they were making pourings out of wines onto the streets in New York City), cookbooks, Peugeots, Citroens, Buffet clarinets, Loree oboes, VanDoren reeds, Selmer saxes, fries and ticklers for examples of the boycottings so I wanted to join up and boycott also but I get my cheeses from Wisconsin, my wines from California, my cookbooks from Britain, my cars from Germany and Detroit, I don't play (or even ever try to make listenings to the woodwind instruments), I like my potatoes only baked or mashed and I have not seen a tickler since college so I have decided, and any of you who are true patriots should also make the makings of the same decisions, that I am going to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER PLAY THE FRENCH HORN AGAIN, so there!!! Kindestest of Greetonings and mostestest of protestings, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch: it's all I do and I do it well. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] Your Big Politicals
Hans Lifer Pizka wrote: It is not my business, to change your mind on political issues, while on horn issues I might be authorized to do so. Now, Professor and all, this is mostest of absolutes not true because you mostest of certainlies have my permissions, authorizations, allowances, go-aheads, green lights, leavings, permits, sanctions, sufferances, consents, assents, dispensations, grantings and licensings to express, declare, speak, state, take a stand, speak your mind, describe, put into words, term and/or expound ANY of your thoughts on politics and I, for one, would rather read about your politics on any given day than your horn playings. Kindestest of Greetonings and Mostestest of Lovings on the Day of Valentines, Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn, Exit 2 Brass Quintet Hornist, Broken Winds WW Quintet Solo 4th Horn (Leader, call me for bookings), Smirnoff Horn Quartet Hornist as Needed, L'Ensemble du Chambre des Palourdes Principal Natural Horn, I Soloisti di Feces Principal Baroque and Hunting Horn, Camarata Vongoleforte Adjunct, Part-time, Arms-length Professor of Horn and Pest Control, Exit 2 Community College, Exit 2, NJ Author, The Kopprasch Connection, Kopprasch for Fun and Profit, Kopprasch for the New Millenium: Where Do you Fit In? and Hooked on Hornonics Founder, Director and CEO, Universal Institute for the Study, Preservation and Dissemination of Kopprasch Throughout the Solar System Founder and Guru Extraordinaire, Hornaholics Anonymous Grand Poobah of the Koppraschian Kult Director and Program Manager, The All Kopprasch Channel (AKC), Kopprasch Public Radio (KPR) Host of The Kopprasch Factor on AKC and All Kopprasch Considered on KPR Founder of Kopprasch Depot, your one stop shop for all you need! Interplanetarily Known Soloist and Artist of Record Phone: yes Fax: yes E-mail: yes Website: no Kopprasch is my Valentine. ___ post: [EMAIL PROTECTED] set your options at http://music.memphis.edu/mailman/options/horn/archive%40jab.org
[Hornlist] A VISIT FROM ST. DENNIS
-- [ Picked text/plain from multipart/alternative ] A VISIT FROM ST. DENNIS By Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Twas the night before Kopprasch, when all through the house Not a hornist was playing, not even some Strauss; The 8D's were packed in their cases with care, In hopes that St. Dennis soon would be there. The students were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of symphony jobs danced in their heads; As Mamma and I filled out financial aid forms, We wished that those kids had never been born! With auditions looming for college and schools, These two musicians were acting like fools. Playing only solos, excerpts, and such, Their playing was not to be considered, much. Add to these facts that these kids had big heads, Mamma and I were in the throes of great dread. Since money was tight and the wallet quite thin, Unless they got scholarships, the future was grim. When out on the lawn there arose such a sound, I sprang from the desk like a deer on a bound! Away to the window, I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash! The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of midday to objects below, When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a gigantic sleigh and eight great-big reindeer! A distinguished man had his hand on the rein, I new in a moment that it surely was St. Brain. More rapid than Al Cass his coursers they came, And he free buzzed, and shouted, and called them by name: Now, Alex! now Kruspe! now Conn and Holton! On, Yamaha! on Geyer! on, Schmid and Lawson! To the top of the range! to the pedal notes fall! Now play away! play away! play away all! As great horn players can do on the fly, When they meet with an excerpt, mount to the sky, So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew, With a sleigh full of music, and St. Dennis too. And then, in an eighth note, I heard on the roof The puffing and blowing of each little toot. As I drew in my head, and was fumbling around, Down the chimney came St. Dennis, ready to sound. He was dressed in his tails, and patent leather shoes, And he then said to me, In a minute, great news! A bundle of music he had flung on his back, And in his right hand, a Marcus Bona pack. I stared at his face, and his eyes were afire, and I knew in his life, there was only one desire, to take out a horn and play it so well, that the rest of us mortals could just go to hell! He opened the gig bag and picked up his horn, like I knew he had done since the day he was born. He then played the Siegfried with nary a clam, and all I could think of was hot damn! And this great performance had awakened the kids, Who came in a'running, and put on the skids. They were all shaken, scared, and bewildered of that Since the only horn playing they had done had sounded like crap. He then played Till Eulenspiegel with nary a crack, And all with perfect rhythm, dynamics and attack. His beautiful tone was simply amazing, Not to mention his incredible phrasing. The kids starting yelling, HOW CAN WE DO THAT? WE'LL NEVER SUCCEED IF WE STILL SOUND LIKE CRAP! And then St. Dennis said, Please, don't despair. There is remedy for all problems, so there. My instructions, now, you should perfectly heed, If you really ever, ever want to succeed. St. Dennis then reached down into his sack, And pulled out some music and handed it back. There are five fundamentals to playing horn well, Without support for you air, your playing will smell. A strong embouchure gives you right notes and range, Good articulation keeps things from sounding strange. One must know their intervals and play pitches in tune, Or else you will clam and play like a bufoon! You need perfect rhythm, without any glitches, Otherwise, you'll have the audience in stitches. Put it all together and what have you got? Why, great playing, for sure, and crap it is not! If you work on the basics one hour per day, Then people will listen, they might even pay! So practice these studies, numbers one through sixty. Until you have assuredness and consistency. This time you invest is always well spent, Especially when you must perform at any event. Your excerpts and solos will go like the wind, Since you know all the techniques to employ within. A tricky passage is now in your grasp, Since you have practiced and practiced: KOPPRASCH!!! With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, I've got others to tell, tonight, he said. And then with his horn and his music in hand, Up the chimney he went, fast as fast can. He sprang to his sleigh and buzzed to his team, Away they all flew, as if in a dream. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Happy KOPPRASCH to all and to all a good night! Copywrong, 1999, revised version, 2000 Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist The Merryestest and Happyestest Seasonings Greetonings to Everyone! Prof. I. M. Gestopftmitscheist Principal 8th horn and Principal 4th Wagner Tuber, Schplittenotendorf am Oedland Staatsoper und Philharmoniker, (ret.) Solo Horn,
